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Other Reasons Why Men Are Unfaithful

Updated on June 5, 2017

There are Other Reasons

We are accustomed to men being unfaithful simply because they can not bond. They can not give themselves to one person.

They change their friends as you change your blouse, their is nothing really stable in their lives. Only things beyond their control will go from year to year.

They could be married to Miss World yet have affairs with Mud Turtles.

We are accustomed to these men, and their proclivities.

There are other reasons which can be laid squarely at the foot of the woman they are aligned with.

These are not excuses, misdirection, inability to accept responsibility, there are wives who virtually impel their husbands to find comfort elsewhere.

One Particular Example

Marty hates to go home. He will load his schedule with all sorts of events and activities to give him reasons not to go home.

Marty has had affairs with women over the decades. The affairs are simply that, with no connections, no futures.

Those who know him, overlook his 'private life' and deal with him as the friendly, kind man he is.

Those who know him, and know his wife, understand why.

A Brief Encounter

A particular function was being held at a particular hotel, and Marty was avid to insure as many people attended as possible.

He had arranged to pick up an older woman, Sonia, on his way to the venue.

Marty had told everyone to be on spot at Six p.m. and informed Sonia that he would collect her at Five Thirty.

Marty did not reach Sonia until just past Six because his wife, Janet, made him late.

It was not accidental, it was one of Janet's usual acts of destruction and control.

Marty was always early, when he was in charge of himself. And if Marty did not have to take his wife, he would have arrived shortly before Five Thirty.

Sonia, accustomed to his punctuality. became afraid at Five Forty when she didn't see Marty, and rang him.

Sonia had been ready from Five Twenty Five because she knew Marty was a man who was always early.

When the car arrived at past Six, and Sonia entered, Janet ignored her. Janet continued her low growl of conversation with Marty as if Sonia did not exist.

Marty said nothing to Sonia, he drove with his 'yes dear', responses to Janet's diatribe.

Sonia was no 'hot young thing' that Janet could consider a 'rival'. She was an older woman, who could not have reached the function unless she obtained a drive. The function was to honour members of the Congregation Marty but NOT Janet belonged to.

When they reached the hotel, Janet told Marty where to park, how to park, and once parked, got out of the car, totally ignored Sonia, walking off as if she and Marty were alone.

Sonia made her way into the venue, and got as far from the rude and cold Janet as possible.

Sonia, never having met Janet before was in a state of shock. She had known Marty for years as they were members of the same congregation. They had often spoken, discussed issues.

After the function, Sonia looked for Marty and found him talking to others, Janet no where around..

Apparently, Janet had made other arrangements which included Marty. To fulfill his responsibility, Marty would quickly drop Sonia home, and then return.

Sitting with Marty as he drove, having light conversation, Sonia hid the fact she was astounded by Janet's behaviour.

If you know your husband promised to give another person a lift to a function, would any decent human being treat that person as a mindless package, and then try to make it difficult for her husband to complete his responsibility of returning that person safely home?

Did Janet think Marty would leave Sonia, an elderly woman, to find her way home alone at night?

Extrapolation

A man like Marty is unfaithful to Janet because he needs to be with a human being. He needs to connect to people, people with positive traits who can give him a kind of balance.

Whether Janet was always a rude self involved creature or became worse as the years passed, a mild mannered man like Marty, who wants to live a decent life, wants to be spoken of as kind and helpful, needs a vacation from the malicious Janet.

His affairs are not just sexual or emotional, their is a spiritual sense that is fulfilled. Marty needs to be with people who think of other people.

The Neglect Factor

Amanda married Winston and they began a family shortly after. Amanda continued to work all through her pregnancies and only took a month off... the month began at the end of her pregnancy and continued for two weeks after the baby was born.

She had a high powered job and lots of activities.

Winston found himself often home with the child, then children, while Amanda was out... out at work, out at meetings.

At first it wasn't a problem but when the kids were older and had their own friends and places to go, Winston was often alone.

He'd come home from work, maybe the kids were there, maybe not, but it was likely Amanda would not breeze in until nine or so.

When she entered she was nice, but soon would be on her computer.

The first affairs that Winston had were casual, this one, that one, another one. Amanda never noticed.

Amanda was busy.

At some point, Amanda built a small house at the edge of the property for her alone, so that she could have some 'down time'.

Being married to Amanda and being a mere acquaintance of Amanda was the same thing. So Winston slowly but steadily moved his mind set into being an acquaintance of Amanda.


Blame Who?

One might wave a marriage certificate in the faces of Marty and Winston and claim they were being unfaithful.

Yes.
That is true.
They are unfaithful.

To say it is a 'choice' that they didn't have to make is being ingenuous. It is like saying getting on a bus during a snowstorm is a choice because one can walk the three miles home.

For Marty, the only things that keeps him sane is not being home. Is being away from Janet, being with human beings.

For Winston, the sheer loneliness of marrying a woman who is more concerned about her outside life than her family, forces him to find solace elsewhere.

The 'Ifs' are clear, but the fact both women are not at all concerned about other people or their husband's or how their husband's feel, suggest they couldn't care less about anything but themselves.


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    • qeyler profile image
      Author

      qeyler 3 months ago

      Further, in this article I was dealing with a man who was involved with a particularly obnoxious woman... that had he married a decent person, he would not be cheating.

    • qeyler profile image
      Author

      qeyler 3 months ago

      Firstly; I don't live in America. You would have caught that if you did a bit of a glance at my bio. And in my country, men cheat far more than women, and I believe that men cheat more than women every where.

      Secondly, most men who cheat also change their friends. You'll find a man who may have a best friend from primary school who is faithful to his wife simply because he doesn't lose or change his friends. The same man who can't keep a friend for years, can't keep a marriage. For those who don't cheat...

      Let me give you an example... A friend of mine had hired a new secretary. When I came to his office I saw her. She was wearing a purple skirt with a slit way up to the ghetto region. His wife happened to be there and I mentioned it to her and she said her husband probably didn't notice. I should ask him what colour was the skirt. So, I went into his office, where he was swamped as usual, and after a few sentences asked him what colour skirt was his secretary wearing... he looked dazed and then said...'green?' this is a man who is not looking for affairs and doesn't find them.

      There are men who are oblivious to the kind of 'temptation' because it is not temptation to them.

      The usual cheaters cheat to cheat. They could be married to a beauty queen but will jump a mud turtle. This is because they cheat to cheat.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 months ago

      "We are accustomed to men being unfaithful simply because they can not bond. They can not give themselves to one person."

      Where in the world do you live??? (Men do bond!)

      Men don't cheat anymore than women for the most part.

      Anyone in the U.S. who has seen TV episodes of "Paternity Court", "Cheaters", or "The Maury Povich Show: AKA "You are NOT the father!" is fully aware that neither gender is standing on "holy ground" when it comes to cheating.

      Even lesbians report having their female lovers cheat on them!

      Having said that I believe there are 3 basic types of cheaters.

      1. The Incessant Cheater

      This is someone who gets bored rather easily. They are always on the hunt for being with someone "new". Their motto would be: "Variety is the spice of life." They've never been faithful!

      For such a person monogamy is the equivalent of going on a very "strict diet". It's not a matter of (if) they will cheat but (when). Young/immature people also tend to have a short attention span or lack the discipline to stay the course.

      2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater

      This person is not "proactively" looking to cheat. They may have a secret crush on someone or find a certain person to be attractive and fantasizes about them. One day this person actually hits on them! Or somehow makes it apparent there is an opportunity to turn their secret fantasy into reality.

      Maybe they're away on a business trip or his/her mate is out of town. They may be in a bar with friends who notice the flirtation and encourages them to "go for it".

      This person is guilty of caving in to temptation!

      Sometimes this type of cheater will confess weeks, months, or years later to their mate to absolve themselves from the guilt they have been carrying around if they truly love their mate.

      3. The Discontented Cheater.

      They blame YOU!

      If (you) hadn't done or stopped doing "whatever" they never would have stepped out of the relationship or marriage.

      The goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Essentially whatever they are unhappy about has not risen to the point of being considered a "deal breaker".

      The vast majority of cheaters are not looking to (replace) one relationship with another. They want to "compliment" what they already have. Cheating is a selfish attempt to have it all.

      Since most cheaters don't expect to (get caught) they feel it's worth the risk to "break the rules".