- Gender and Relationships
Out of Nowhere
Andrew and I.
Out of Nowhere poem
Out of Nowhere
Out of nowhere it hit,
Out of nowhere light was shed,
Out of nowhere the dark disappeared,
Out of nowhere the abyss of despair became the plains of hope.
Out of friendship, the reasons why not became go for it,
Out of friendship overwhelming joy sprang forth,
Out of friendship demons were banished,
Out of friendship an enduring love arose to erase loneliness.
Out of love one day became today
Out of love demons were banished,
Out of love angels were allowed to flourish
Out of love the foundation formed in friendship becomes the foundation of a life together.
True Companion by Marc Cohn - video is set to scenes from the notebook
Realizing that friendship can be something more.
As the poem above illustrates, finding the one meant for you may be right under your very nose without you even realizing it. I didn't fully realize or acknowledge what was in front of me My core belief is that everything happens for a reason, both the good and the bad. Recently, the reasons of why various things happened or didn't work out over the last three or four years were revealed to me by one man’s courage to admit his feelings of more than friendship for me and his subsequent actions since that revelation.
Unbeknownst to me, this man had been interested from the first time we talked almost seven years ago. Circumstances and life intervened though, we went our various paths, always remaining friends, contact may have been sparse at times, but the feeling of true friendship was always there. This past year there was even less contact due to his being in a serious car crash that by the grace of the Creator, he survived.
He and I started talking as just friends while I was still married, which made me off limits obviously for something more, so he was content with just being friends. Then as I was getting out of my marriage, he started dating someone, and I had a lot going on for a little while, but during this last year he and his girl broke up and things in my life settled down as much as they could, then in December he and I got in contact again, and haven’t stopped talking since.
Definition of a true friend
The foundation of any relationship must be solid and built on trust.
Out of that solid foundation of friendship and the feeling being able to comfortably talk to each other about anything and everything, a love grew exponentially. There isn’t a feeling of having to walk on eggshells, there isn’t a feeling of having to censor oneself because something might be taken the wrong way. And if there is a disagreement, we give the other space to gather ourselves, and then we talk about it fairly, without any name calling or blaming the other person. There isn’t a tearing down of the other person. There isn’t a provoking of an argument just to make one feel superior or more intelligent. There is much, much more laughter than tears or hurt feelings. There is a playfulness that comes from understanding the other one’s boundaries and being able to discern the other’s mood. There is pure joy just from spending time with the other, no matter what is being done.
There are those that think we have moved too quickly from friendship to dating to being engaged to getting married in May. But those that think that, haven’t seen us together, or haven’t spent much time around us as individuals to know the changes that have taken place in each of us. A very dear friend told me that even with all the good changes I was making in my life, they still saw that my inner demons would take over more often. My friend felt they needed to constantly check on me because they were afraid the darkness was going to overtake me at any time, but since December they have seen me come back into the light and that to see me smile and laugh so easily is wonderful to see. That friend tells any of the naysayers to back off, because they don’t know where I’ve been. My friend can’t wait to meet my fiancé. They can’t wait because they know that the joy, strength and beauty that was within and has been brought out is because of my true companion.
This song expresses not only the physical, but the emotional and spiritual need when you are truly connected to the other person.
Acceptance is a key component of a solid foundation.
To accept him is not a difficult thing to do for me. He tells me he has never felt so comfortable with someone and that nothing has felt as right as our relationship has, even when it was in its infancy. My true companion has shown me how a true man is supposed to act. This man although younger than myself, has shown me more of what it truly is to be a man than any that I have known before. His actions are in sync with his words. He lifts me up instead of tearing me down. This man celebrates my accomplishments. He understands that my children will always be my children and if they truly need help, then I will provide it. My wonderful life companion understands the limitations set on me due to my divorce decree and the agreement reached in the recent custody arrangements, so he is moving to be with me, willingly and knowingly sacrificing everything he knows to be with me. He accepts me; my past, my present, my future of having to stay put for a little while, and the good and bad of me. I couldn’t help but give him a chance when he asked if I was willing to take our friendship to a different level. He had shown me all that I stated above just as friends, so I had to say yes. When we were together in person, it felt as if we had known each other for years, it was so right, that is was meant to be.
The circle of an engagement or wedding ring symbolizes unending love because the very nature of a circle has no beginning and no end.
Trusting oneself and having confidence in you decisions makes a difference and can affect the relationship, whether platonic or romantic.
As much as it hurts my feelings to have friends and family to tell me that they think I’m moving too fast, or that I should be careful, or to wait, I understand their concerns about wanting to try to protect me from being hurt. What I tell them is to take a good look at me and think about who they know me to be, and then ask themselves if they truly think I’m making the wrong decision. What they usually come back with is they are still cautious but know that with the true happiness that is showing, it is something they have NEVER seen from me before, and that is all they have ever wanted. I reassure my wonderful friends with a confidence that I know hasn’t been there before, that I’ve thought about this, that I’m not going into this blindly.
I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz...title says it all
Preparing for a lifetime commitment takes commitment to succeed.
Part of the preparations for marriage that I’m taking is looking within to make sure there are not any doubts and that the fears are in check. I’m praying A LOT. I’m going into this marriage with the confidence that I’m marrying someone who truly cares about me, someone who is putting the Creator first, everyone, and everything else in their proper place after. For the first time ever, I know without the clouds of doubt that I am his first choice. I don’t have the feeling of being the “for the meantime”. It is a feeling that could only come from above. My love and I communicate to each other our feelings of fear, nervousness, expectations, anxieties, and of course the feelings of love, in an open and honest way that neither blames or shames, but lifts the other up. We both are going into the marriage with eyes open, knowing that there will be difficult times, and that there will be days when we won’t like the other, but as long as we are both committed and work to make the relationship last, then we will beat the odds. Because of what we’ve both been through, we know that anything worth anything takes hard work and dedication.
There is always a reason for everything, remember to thank the Creator for everything, including the bad times.
Remembering to be grateful for the blessing of a true companion brings greater joy and blessings to the relationship.
Patience, being true to myself, and most importantly putting faith in the Creator’s plan for me even when it wasn't easy to do so, has brought me to this point. Every day, all day, I thank the Creator with tearful gratitude for the grace that I've been given.