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Betrayed? Overcome It Or Make It Worse!

Updated on July 9, 2017

The Pain of Betrayal

Betrayal is a reality of life. Yet following the betrayal, we are left not knowing what to do because we do not have the right skills and information we need to deal with it. All we want is to simply get over the pain quickly. We hate treading the water because the more we tread, the more dragging it gets. Instead, we just want to swim, move on, and start anew.

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines betrayal as a form disloyalty, deception, or a breach of confidence. In a romantic or love relationship,.betrayal happens when one person makes a promise to the other to be emotionally and sexually faithful and then develops a secret relationship with another person. The reality is, the two may be engaged in sex, exploring the unknown territories of erotic fantasies, or simply sharing some intimate feelings. The individual who betrays concentrates his/her energy on the third party and on keeping everything that is happening even though they may be truthful about the pertinent details of his life.

But when does betrayal actually happen? It is not when he/she starts the outside relationship. Your partner can tell you the truth about it or hide the betrayal from you. The moment he/she starts to keep the affair or relationship a secret, betrayal starts. It is true, betrayals hurt so much. But I also realized that we do not have to feel victimized. As a matter of fact, betrayal can be a blessing in disguise. We can use what we have learned from our betrayals to form new relationships that are deeper, stronger, and richer.

Through time, we may be able to forgive our betrayer. However, it takes time. At the moment, all we may feel is anger. And, that is normal. Before inner peace sets in, we need to experience inner chaos. Before we can fully trust again, we must face our fears, one by one.

Overcome Betrayal or Make It Worse?

When you are betrayed, we feel helpless, worthless, and unwanted. Your self-esteem is affected and you feel lost in a love battle. But you do not have to deal with all these negative thoughts and emotions. You have the power to overcome betrayal or succumb to the situation and make it worse. Below are ten effective ways suggested by Dr. Robins on how to beat the negative feelings of betrayals and ten ways to worsen it.

1. Preparation vs. Denial

Watch out for warning signs so that you will be prepared to deal with the betrayal when it occurs. This way, you will have a definite advantage. On the other hand, denial is deadly. When warning signs start to show up, do not ignore them. Confront them and plan your next steps.


2. Inspiration vs. Powerlessness

Feel inspired and powerful. If you do so, you will be able to act decisively and powerfully. To make betrayal worse, then, feel powerless. Powerless is a self-fulfilling prophecy that will do you no good.

3. Communication vs. Sudden Break

If you can talk to the person who betrayed you, you will be able to gain a definite advantage. On the event that the betrayal takes long to resolve, communicating likewise helps. When you put a sudden break to the relationship, it become much more difficult to handle and resolve the issue.

4. Explanation vs. Not Knowing At All

If you will have the idea about what happened, you will be more in control. You will also have the opportunity to sort out your responsibility, and your partner's responsibility, and the circumstances that neither of you can ever control. If you never at all why certain things happened, you will remain in a place of confusion.


The keys to every successful relationship include good communication, patience, love, and understanding. No matter how painful the betrayal may seem, opening your heart and mind to your partner will always invite peace and openness in your relationship or marriage.


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    • profile image

      HARSHIT KHATRI 7 months ago

      kathryn you have displayed the reality.

      This is what actually happens.

      Not many can figure which way to go post a breakup.

      This content is to the point and very helpful.

      Regards and keep up the good work!

    • Kathryn Tionko profile image

      Kathryn 9 months ago from Philippines

      True enough @dashingscorpio. Thanks for sharing your valuable insights. :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 9 months ago

      This is why it's important not to "rush" into any decisions about anyone. Simply put you're not going to really get know anyone truthfully without the benefit of spending at least a year together. Con-artists generally reveal themselves in less time than 1 year.

    • Kathryn Tionko profile image

      Kathryn 9 months ago from Philippines

      Very well said @dashingscorpio.

      "The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do"

      This, too, can sometimes be deceiving. Con-artists do great in making people believe they're good or have the same values as others, etc. When we find ourselves trapped in this situation, all we can do is reevaluate and talk to the other person.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 9 months ago

      "The moment he/she starts to keep the affair or relationship a secret, betrayal starts." Good point!

      In all honesty most cheaters give themselves (permission) early on by doing what I call "the lie of justification".

      "Just because I have a girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse doesn't mean I can't have (friends) of the opposite sex!"

      "I don't know all of his/her (friends)." or "Flirting isn't cheating!"

      "It's not like we're cheating or hooking up. We're just hanging out." In all honesty the fact that he/she is keeping this new friendship a {secret} was the start of the betrayal.

      The two elements of betrayal are (secrecy) and (deception).

      The deception occurs the moment they lie directly or by omission about where they were or who they were with. Sometimes the use of the word "friend" is misleading.

      The betrayed person makes an (assumption) that it's a same sex friend or platonic friend and doesn't ask any follow questions. In other instances it's "co-worker" they're having lunch with on a regular basis or sharing confidential information with. The phrase "work-spouse" has been used.

      At some point an "empathetic ear" develops into something more between them. Before you know it they're lovers.

      Sometimes cheaters want the betrayed person to believe that they too are a "victim" of unforeseen circumstances.

      "We never meant for this to happen...."

      The minute they started keeping the friendship and it's depth a secret they started down the road to cheating.

      The keys to every successful relationship:

      Choosing the right mate! Choose wisely!

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things and last but not least having a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Compatibility trumps compromise!