ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

Overcoming Jealousy Envy Anger Hatred

Updated on September 7, 2016

What Causes You to be Jealous?

What Causes You to be Jealous?
What Causes You to be Jealous?

Depending on who you speak to about jealousy, it can either be referred to as a spark that can ignite a relationship or the intense fire that burns it down. This emotion has the ability to quickly destroy even the longest of relationships. Understanding how to first uncover the underlying causes of your own jealous feelings will definitely put you on the right path, but that isn’t enough to break the grips of that green eyed monster.

Once you understand why you have these feelings, that is not going to make the feeling evaporate. This is the time to uncover how you can release yourself from those chains that are causing you to sabotage every relationship you have. Fortunately you are listening to an expert when it comes to jealousy. I have single handily thrown away at least a dozen relationships due to this one powerful emotion.

Quotes About Jealousy and Overcoming Envy

The thing about jealousy is that it really is a double-edged sword. When you are jealous towards your partner, you bring about images and feelings that might only be all coming from you but have the potential to hurt everyone. Then you have the opposite side where people use jealousy to try and show somebody what they are missing. I can tell you from experience that no matter what way you use jealousy, it will cause more damage in the end. Thinking that jealousy could somehow spice up a relationship is an old wives tale.

There are hundreds of other things you can do to spice up a relationship that do not come with the risk of permanently destroying what you have. The reason many people lose their partners is because they think that this green-eyed monster is just a cute emotion that high school girls all feel. Most people simply underestimate all the power that jealousy actually has.

What Triggers Your Jealousy?

What Triggers Your Jealousy?
What Triggers Your Jealousy?

Consider if you will one of my experiences where I tried to use jealousy as a tool to get a guy to like me. So I decided to flirt a little hard with his best friend one night, thinking that this guy would come running to separate us and realize that I should be with him. His best friend was drunk and had trouble holding off my advances. While I tried to put on my show in front of this guy, his best friend decided he wanted more of a private show.

I had a tough time keeping his best friend off me, while at the same time watching this guy I liked simply walk the other way. In the end the guy simply assumed I was just another girl who jumps in bed with any guy. He had a huge fight with his best friend because he did actually have feelings for me even though I was trying to speed things up. So the two guys had a huge fight, and I lost the guy who now considered me a slut. That is how fast jealousy can work and backfire if you think you are strong enough to try and mess with this fire. I tried to use jealousy to get a guy to step up faster and make a move on me, and the end result was I lost him and the two friends now had a wedge between them over a girl.

Help Resolving Jealousy Issues

Help Resolving Jealousy Issues
Help Resolving Jealousy Issues

I have also lost several guys who I was in a committed relationship with by letting jealous feelings take over the relationship. I know from these experiences how to identify the triggers of this powerful emotion as well as understanding how to overcome jealousy. I will take you on a journey that covers a few examples from my personal life as well as tell you things I have learned along the way that can help you to avoid those pitfalls when they appear in your relationship. The secret to dealing with the green-eyed monster is not giving it more power than it already has. You have the ability to control your feelings long before they feed that monster, you just need to be made aware of what is causing you to go down that road.

Don’t Play the Jealousy Game

Do Not Play the Jealousy Game
Do Not Play the Jealousy Game

When it comes to being jealous in a relationship, you really have two choices that you should be making. You either decide to remain jealous and let this emotion destroy the foundation of your relationship or you gain the insight on how to eliminate this emotion once and for all so you can build that lasting relationship that you deserve.

Dealing With Jealousy

Who Has Made You Jealous?

See results

I want to leave you with some advice a friend gave me a few years back that snapped me out of this funk I was in. I was the girl who was always crying to my friends how a guy hurt me, and then rehashed the incident over and over until they knew what was coming before I said it. Looking back I must have come off like a broken record each and every time I was in a relationship that exploded.

My friend asked me one night to meet her at the beach so we could talk without interruption. When she met me she was concerned for me. She was afraid that I was going to simply head down this path for the rest of my life, basically a victim to my own fears. She told me that the way for me to get out of this rut was to stop focusing on making everyone better. She noticed that when I was in a relationship I was always looking for ways to make sure he was happy. I was always trying to get the guy to like me, and then I would go overboard if I thought for a second he was into anyone else.


Erasing the Images that Cause Jealousy

Erasing the Images that Cause Jealousy
Erasing the Images that Cause Jealousy

I was always trying to please and always trying to keep the ship on course so we didn’t hit the rough patches I inevitably always hit. She told me that I needed to stop focusing on what was wrong and what happened in the past, and focus more on self-love. She basically told me that I needed to stop doing everything I had done up to this point and simply start loving myself again. It was the turning point for me and my jealousy attacks. When I began to really love who I was, so did everyone around me. Guys wanted to be with me for who I was, and I was happy again in my own skin.


Learning to Let Go of Your Fears

Learning to Let Go of Your Fears
Learning to Let Go of Your Fears

When you are happy in your own skin, the people around you want to be a part of your life because of you, not your past experiences. I started to once again focus on all the great qualities about myself, and the feelings of jealousy slowly went away. I occasionally am reminded from time to time of something that initially triggers a jealous image in my mind, but I have developed the understanding that those times are in the past and a part of my life that got me to where I am today.

I don’t use those situations as weapons any longer, I use them as a reminder of how dangerous they are and how much potential damage they can cause if left unchecked. You have the power inside to move on and leave those feelings and images behind you for good. I can promise you one thing, if you do develop the skills to leave them behind, you current relationship will be stronger then any you have had in your life.

Talk About a Time You Were Jealous!

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • DaytonaWatterson profile image
      Author

      Daytona Watterson 21 months ago from South Florida

      I agree Scorpio!

      If I could go back and tell my younger self all I know today, I would focus on how jealousy is a silent killer that destroys friendships, relationships, and even bonds with siblings.

      It definitely has less appeal as we get older, I just do not have time to allow that poison in my life anymore!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 21 months ago

      I believe the more self-esteem, relationship experience, and overall maturity we have the less often we play games of jealousy to try to win someone's attention and the less we become jealous in our relationships.

      Ultimately when (we) are jealous it means on some level we don't believe the person we are with is 100% into us or we love them more than they love us. Sometimes we don't want to share their time with anyone including their own family and friends and that's unhealthy.

      When we're young sometimes we mistake a person's jealousy as proof "they love us". As we get older however we see it as a "red flag".

      With age comes wisdom and jealousy "drama" has less appeal to us.

      The goal is to find someone who loves you (the way) you want to be loved.

      If you don't trust your mate the relationship is essentially over.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)