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The Havoc of Facing Divorce as a Dependent: Planning Your Next Move Wisely

Updated on July 14, 2017

Divorce can wreak havoc on the emotional and psychological state of families. A sense of victimization, consisting of loss, shame and depression can affect both adults as well as the children. According to “AAMFT, (American Association for marriages and family Therapy). the current divorce rate is estimated to be between 40 and 60% of newly marriage couples and %10 of remarried individuals.”

I have known couples who appeared on the outside to be exceptionally happy but shocked families and friends when they announced their intentions to divorce. The reality is that livingly happily ever after isn’t a guarantee when couples marry, even though they may appear passionately in love with one another.

Why Divorce?

Couples divorce for several reasons, including emotional and physical abuse, betrayal, jealousy, and possessiveness as well as indifference. Sometimes people just grow out of the relationship. changes in aspirations and goals are not fully accepted by both parties. So, separation and divorce are agreed upon as the logical next step.

However, besides the emotional damages caused by divorce, the decision can result in major financial setbacks and perhaps lead to homelessness. For instance, if one spouse is dependent on the other for financial wellbeing, a personal crisis is unavoidable.

Studies show that many dependent women and children often find themselves living on the streets or signing into homeless shelters due to nasty separations or divorces. Obviously, some people don’t have family members to come to their rescue.

What to Do When Your Facing Divorce?

If you are facing a divorce and your financial well-being depends on your husbands or wife’s paycheck, you need to do preparational research to avoid possible homelessness. Even if you have family members to lean on, you still need to take the initiative to see what is available for you in your town or city. You can lessen the chance of homelessness by making significant connections.

For example, if you can call your social welfare department to see what type of assistance you may qualify for, you should feel proud that you have made a preparatory decision. Never be ashamed of asking for a handout. Setbacks happen and we all need a helping hand at one point or another in our lives.

When in a crisis, a sense of pride should go out the window. You need all the help you can get so that you can get back on your feet as soon as possible.

Be prepared to accept all the assistance you can get, especially if you have small children.

Emergency monetary assistance, including food stamps, and medical insurance is ideal if you have little ones to feed and shelter.

In addition, search the internet for possible shelters available for women with children. Or if you are a man, try to find the nearest salvation army in your city. For meals, try to find catholic charities which serve food to the homeless.

Preparing for Life after Divorce

What Would You Do if You were facing a divorce?

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The Children

Attempt to be candid about the situation as possible with your children. According to studies “most children will weather the challenges of divorce quite successful, but a few, about 25%, may experience continual emotional or behavior problems.” Therefore, therapy could be needed at some point, either during the divorce or a brief time afterward.

What Not to Do When Your Facing Divorce?

Don’t start a revenge war if the divorce has turned nasty. Life is too short. I have witnessed couple’s who burned down houses, broke automobiles windows, and fought each with tooth and nail due to a nastry divorce.

However, the situation only becomes worse, not better.

When faced with a divorce, the best thing to do is to remain calm. In this state, you will be able to soften the blow of separation by planning wisely your next move.

Divorce wreaks havoc on individuals, families, and communities. However, life isn’t fair. When the time comes we must prepare ourselves for life after divorce. Depending on our perception the situation, separating from our partner could be a never-ending pain or a time for emotional recovery and healing as well as newness, freedom and excitement in life, again.


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    • profile image

      Hello: dashingscopio 6 months ago

      Correct! This reading isn't for everyone. This article is for people who may have or could possibly fall into the category I am speaking about. Many do experience the threat of homelessness. But for those fortunate people, like ourselves, the information obviously doesn't apply. But for others, this is a world of significant information.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 months ago

      S. Glenn, Without a doubt there are instances where people fall into the category you speak of. However the (vast majority) of people who get divorced do not end up homeless.

      I would imagine you also have "seen situations" where people went on with their lives living apart.

      My parents were divorced when I was age 7 and I've known may people who have gone through divorce. No one I personally know of has become homeless due to divorce.

      Just so you know I grew up in Gary, Indiana when it was the murder capital of the world. We were lower middle class at best.

    • profile image

      S. Glenn 6 months ago

      Hello dashingscopio

      As a minister of the gospel, I have debt with all types of marital issues, and I have seen all types of situations resulting from divorce. Yes, I have seen situations where dependent families had to seek shelter due to lack of money to support themselves.

      Not all spouses have jobs or education in this country. Not every family have savings or emergency money put away for raining days.

      Yes, in this country, some families cannot afford to feed their children.

      Statistics are great. But they don't answer all the questions. There are exceptional experiences in society.

      As far as planning for divorce, sometimes drastic separations occur in which planning is nearly impossible, especially when the victim of divorce has no education or skills to get a job and no family members to depend on. The threat of homelessness looms.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 months ago

      In the U.S. it's very rare that divorce leads to homeliness.

      Most marriages consist two working people and in the event there are children one former spouse would be forced to pay child support and possibly alimony.

      Also as you noted there is government assistance and Section 8.

      If you are the one initiating or planning the divorce then naturally you would have no excuse for being unprepared. After all you should already have a plan in place for moving forward.

      Divorce oftentimes does present a financial setback and lower one's living standards if one is not rich. However it's usually a temporary setback. It's not the end of the world.

      People have been known to recover and find new spouses to rebuild their financial resources. In some instances people have flourished after divorce because their ex was holding them back!