Patty Was a Sex Addict?
Sex? Love? Confusion
Patty realized she had married the wrong man.
She came to this realization one year after she and Walter pledged their love in the church on that Pentecost Sunday. They had met in a Singles Bible Study at the church they were attending. Walter was fresh out of his Army training and was home on leave before going to Germany for his tour of duty. Patty, ever the aggressor, told Walter that God had told her that the two of them would be spending the rest of their lives together. This was what Walter was looking for. He wanted to settle down and raise a family of his own.
The couple had claimed that they were both born-again saved children of God and were willing to have a covenant marriage. A marriage that would be blessed by God. A marriage that they would seek the Lord's guidance in all of their decisions-where to work, where to live, when to have children, when to move and other things.
There were just a few nagging thoughts in the back of Walters mind about Patty's commitment of him being the head of the house. They had attended premarital counseling sessions at their church and the minister even came to Walter and informed him that he didn't think Patty would be willing to be a submissive wife. He wanted a marriage where they would both have a give and take relationship to decide the major life changes but Patty wanted to do her own thing. When they were engaged, Walter brought out the fact that he loved to travel and Patty agreed with that. But with in a year, Walter had a chance to take a military hop to Scotland and Patty elected to stay home and go visit her family in PA. At the last minute, the flight plan changed and the new destination was...Bermuda! Walter quickly called Patty to tell her of the news but she was still adamant about going to stay with her family. So Walter was able to sit in the jump seat in the front of the plane and was treated as if he was an officer and not just an enlisted man. Walter tried calling Patty and tried to get her to come but no way did she budge. When he got home from that trip, she was distant to his touches and caresses.
They had a friend move in with them to help pay for expenses and Walter noticed that every time Terry came in the room, that Patty's eyes would sparkle and follow him around the room. When ever Terry asked for something, Patty was on the spot to get it for him. Patty never really left the men alone-she was always close by. At night, when Walter and Patty would retire to their bedroom, Patty was hardly "in the mood" and always gave the excuse that the walls were "too thin" and she didn't want to be heard. One day, Walter came home and noticed the house was in disarray but couldn't determine what had happened. Has there been a burgerly? A quick check into Terry's room revealed that all of his belongings had been removed. There was a note stating that "This situation of living here is gotten out of hand and I feel more confident living somewhere else." Walter was dumbfounded and Patty would offer no explanation either.
But from that day on, Patty seemed to draw more and more into her own little world. Walter and Patty did get pregnant by accident after three years of marriage. They named him Andrew. Within 3 more years they became foster parents and took in all types of developmentally delayed children, sociopath children, abused children, unwanted, abandoned children in the little town that they moved to in South GA. Some children were there for a few days to a few months to one that lived with them for 16 years-James. Now James was born to a crack addicted mom who left her children in a motel for 6 days while the oldest daughter, who was 6 at the time, tried to take care of them. The 3 year old daughter could barley do anything for herself and of course,James had cerebral palsy and unable to communicate or move on his own at all. Walter and Patty opened up their home to these special needs children.
Things were never good in the marriage from Patty's side. She always wanted more things, more expensive trips and dinners, finer clothes and vacations. When Walter would try to surprise her with little trinkets of affection, she would literally thrown them back so hard that she would leave marks on Walther's face and arms. Walter would try and bring her flowers and balloons to cheer her but he was always met with disgust and indifference. He knew that he had taken the vows "to love, honor and cherish until death we do part." But he wasn't sure that Patty felt the same way. There would be months at a time when Patty would ask him "Is this the day that you die and make me a happy woman?" She would even have their son telling his Daddy, "Daddy, Mommy says that I am supposed to hate you but for what I don't know." Luckily, Andrew grew up enough to realize that his mother was planting the seeds of discontent into Andrew's brain.
Patty and Walter started attending some marriage counseling seminars at Walters suggestions. The sessions would go along good until the counselors would suggest that maybe all the marital problems weren't Walters and maybe Patty had just as big as a role in the dysfunction. Once that was revealed, Patty stopped attending. Walter still went because he was still faithful to her and still loved her. Maybe he was a loser after all.
Around the turn of the 21st century, the Internet moved into their home. They had several children that the state had given to them for foster care and Patty thought she could home school them. Her son, Andrew, showed her some chat rooms and she thought they looked innocuous enough. However, she started finding the more "adult" chat rooms. At first, Patty was thrilled and excited. Here were men that she didn't know and she could be anyone she wanted to be. She did start telling these men she was only there for "friendship" and nothing more because she was a married women with special needs children and that took up all of her time.
Walter got suspicious of Patty's late nights on the computer and when she would go to school in the morning, he would pull the history files. He physically became sick when he saw what sites she was visiting. So he purchased a machine that would give you a hard copy of everything that had been typed on the computer. He presented her with the evidence and, believe it or not, she got indigent! How dare he not believe her? How dare he check up on her?
So, she left with the 2 remaining children to live in a run down double wide because "my husband kicked me out of the house". She promised to get off the computer if he would allow her and the children back. He told her, "As long as you go to counseling with me so we can fix this marriage, you are welcome." Well that lasted until she got a message from an online lover to visit in CA. She packed up the children, Andrew and James, the one with cerebral palsy and flew them. She left no forwarding address of where she was staying or even a phone number where she could be reached. She then left these children-Andrew was 13 and James was10 with no money. She was gone for the better part of the day. When she came back, she was devastated because the man she went to meet was expecting a 35 year old not a 47 year old. She claims they never had sex...
Fast forward a few years. Walter has been working massive overtime to pay for the things that Patty has to have. A new lawn tiller an Oreck vacuum cleaner, new clothes and surgeries, He decided to surprise her and make dinner reservations at her favorite restaurant. He hires a limousine to take them to a romantic weekend, all expenses paid. He has the driver show up at the school where she is getting out of her last class. She runs unexpectedly to the car and when Walter steps out with a bouquet of her favorite flowers she...screams obscenities in his face, calls him a loser and the worst lover she has ever know and why don't you just die and make me happy for once!" The whole school is embarrassed for Walter. Patty screams "It was supposed to be Scott not you!'
At this point, Walter has decided that he can no longer make this woman happy so he goes into a 30 day fast and prayer. Patty comes home and removes all of her belongings from the house that they had shared for 15 years. She never even told him good-bye.
Walter finds out later that Patty has written a book about being an internet sex and love addict. He is floored!
How can she be a sex addict when she would never allow him, her husband, to touch her but she would have cyber and phone sex with strangers? Would she ever tell him what she needed from him? He did try once to please her orally once, but she slapped his head so hard he lost his hearing for a week...not going to try that again.
She has written some books that portray herself as a helpless victim from childhood. She was never abused sexually by any member of her family. Her father was indifferent to her at times but this was the 1955's and Daddy's didn't go around giving their baby daughter's full baths. Yes, her mother had some pill popping and drinking problems and her younger sister saw the dysfunction in the family and escaped to college. But here's the kicker-just because you have a crappy childhood, it's up to you to make it a good adulthood. Ask forgiveness to those that you have wronged and I bet you will get them to ask for forgiveness that they have done to you!