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People Who Mirror Us

Updated on April 24, 2015
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United States Air Force
United States Air Force | Source

Interaction With Others

There are people we just naturally like, and others we don’t. Some we love to be around, and others irritate us to no end.

Have you ever stopped to wonder why?

If you think about it, not every person who gets on our nerves, irritates other people the way it does us. You might say this is only because of our views, and what we think of as pleasant, and unpleasant qualities in a person. This may be somewhat true, but not entirely, because it goes a little deeper than that.

There are so many parts to the human psyche it can be hard for us to understand what kind of dynamics are going on, and mirroring often occurs subconsciously

The only way we can know our true self is by looking at our relationships with other people. The reason is that people mirror back to us the qualities we like, and dislike about ourselves, and we can see these qualities in the way we interact with them.

People are inclined to trust other people who are like them and mistrust people who seem different
Think about the people you love and approve of, those you know personally, and those you meet in the general public. I think you’ll find that the qualities about them you are drawn to are those qualities that you like about yourself. Any words you use to describe the qualities in the people you like are actually words you can use to describe either the attributes you possess, or the ones you wish you did.

It's been said that "We love ourselves through other people"

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We see ourselves in other people

When we see imperfections in other people’s personalities, and criticize them for it, what is happening is that the parts of our psyches that need growth, and development are responding.. We notice, and are irritated by these personality flaws in others because they are the same flaws within ourselves. If you don’t have the same flaws as another person, you won’t notice them. So like the flaws in us, we want to push the people with the same flaws out of our lives.

If you work hard, and either do away with your flaws, or accept them, you’ll be more accepting of others

It can be very hard to see the flaws within ourselves, so each time someone affects us emotionally, or gets our attention it's a great time to reflect on our own qualities. Look to your hidden secretive shadow self. It's neither good or bad. The Shadow Self is the part of us that we deny, and try to hide, even from ourselves. We both consciously, and subconsciously deny that it is a part of us. We either like the attributes, or things, or we dislike them. When we see them in other people, we dislike them as much or more in them, as we do in ourselves

The adverse thoughts we have towards others is the reflection of the flaws we refuse to see in ourselves. When we begin to notice the truth of this, we can see, through our interaction with others, what we need to work on. Then we will begin to accept ourselves, flaws and all, therefore accepting others.
In Positive relationships, ask yourself, “what lack do I have in me that this person fills.
It’s been said that “we love ourselves through other people”

Of course not every case of disliking someone is related to flaws in our own personality. For example, we would dislike a serial killer for his actions alone, and not our own. But these are special cases

Example of reflection, and mirroring:


  • I’ve witnessed someone saying something harsh to someone, then another person comes in and scolds that person for being harsh to the first person. Obviously this type of person hates the bully in themselves.
  • A person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.

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Getting To Know Yourself

You might want to write one list each of things you like, and dislike about yourself, then try to remember certain relationships you’ve had. Write down what you did and did not like about those people, and how they affected you.

It would be productive to practice understanding, and sharing the feelings of others, and use active listening skills

What you see in others IS a reflection of who YOU are - Ramadan Reflections

How Do We Know We Are Part Of The Problem When We Dislike Someone?

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How Can We Know Our True Self?

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What Qualities Do You Like About Others?

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How Does A Person Become Mentally Healthy

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© 2015 Mara Alexander

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    • nicolas-ray profile image

      Nicolas Ray 2 years ago from Stamford, CT

      Excellent article and one that I never really thought about before. In my particular situation I actively seek everyone and try not to limit my friendships. My friends are a bunch of diverse people, every ethnic group and background, personality, and interest are represented. The one common denominator between them all is that they are all very genuine, honest, and just good people. So yes, I would agree that they are a reflection of myself.

      My belief is that all people have a sixth sense that gives them the ability to sum up someone when they first meet, an instinct, a feeling. I have actually met people that make my skin crawl, get chills, and a deep desire to get away. I tend to never go against this feeling and so far it has been spot on.

      To get back more inline with your article, I agree with you, people tend to seek people like oneself. Thanks again

    • MonkeyShine75 profile image
      Author

      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      Thank you Nicolas

      It's a great way to understand yourself, although it does take some figuring out to do.

      You're right, if you hang with that type of person, it shows you are that type (or at least want to be). I can feel you are a good person, even over the internet

      Your article (see link below) is related to this one, so I hope everyone reads it.

      http://nicolas-ray.hubpages.com/hub/Why-Do-Some-Wo...

      I will add a permanent link to it at the end of my article here

    • nicolas-ray profile image

      Nicolas Ray 2 years ago from Stamford, CT

      Perfect example two people naturally drawn to each other by words. Both attempting to make the other stronger by the exchange of common links. Have a wonderful almost weekend Mara

    • MonkeyShine75 profile image
      Author

      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      Thank you Nicolas, you have a wonderful weekend too.

      I'll be studying for a test I'm taking on Monday. Wish me luck, lots, and lots of luck :)

    • MonkeyShine75 profile image
      Author

      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      Nicolas, I like being called Mara. They have called me Debbie since I was about 8, and I am use to it, but I like Mara better. Thanks for that

    • nicolas-ray profile image

      Nicolas Ray 2 years ago from Stamford, CT

      It goes along with the article that you wrote...have always tried to make my interactions with people personal. I tend to read peoples profiles so I can better understand the person and the words they are are expressing. I do it out of respect, plus Mara is such a beautiful name. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. Thanks

    • MonkeyShine75 profile image
      Author

      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      Thank you Nicolas, I like it better than Debbie too, although Debbie isn't too bad. At least my name isn't Gertrude, or some other such name :)

      I hope your weekend was an exceptional one

    • profile image

      TaraLane89 2 years ago

      Great Hub, and god writing

      I never thought about these things before, but as I read it I actually realized some things about myself, and my relationships

      Thank you for posting this, because it's very helpful

    • MonkeyShine75 profile image
      Author

      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      Most people don't Tara, because mirroring often occurs subconsciously. I hope what you read here, will help you somehow. Thank you for reading my article

    • MonkeyShine75 profile image
      Author

      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      I have an identical twin that mirrors me in every way

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