Why Do We Hate People Who Are Single and Unmarried?
Unmarried or Single at 30
Society may be shifting their perception on the unmarried folk, but negative connotations of not getting married still exist.
These negative unmarried or single stereotypes are as follows:
- Committing sin or being seen as immoral
- Portrayed as selfish and immature
- Viewed as unsuccessful, lazy, and a failure
- Won't make a good parent if children are involved
- Everyone (including family) looks down on you in disappointment
Some of those stigmas are closer to reality than one might think.
Depending on where you came from and your religious background, being unmarried may be viewed as being a complete failure. It's hard to shake old school tradition and values because that's all previous generations know.
Older generations don't understand how newer generations like Millennials think, and they view their unmarried lifestyle as a hindrance because it goes against tradition.
These stigmas will continue to exist because people are either stubborn or refuse to deal with change.
The Focus on Religion
The religion factor is one of the strongest tie-ins when it comes to the married versus the unmarried, and where you live is significant.
Those living in first world countries are fortunate to live in such free nations because many countries do not give us a choice whether to marry or not.
Arranged marriages and giving away the daughter still exists in numerous locations.
Women have it very rough overall because expectations regarding marriage are very unfair. An unmarried woman in her 40's, 50's, and beyond is viewed with skepticism as to whether she is a decent or stable person (aka cat lady).
We're not going to tell that to her face, but it'll get talked about behind closed doors. It's our way of judging people we don't know in order to place them in our preconceived box.
The stigmas of being unsuccessful, a failure, lazy, selfish, and immature creep up when we think of the unmarried.
It's not necessarily our fault for thinking that way but rather society's implications of how we should go about a standard, traditional life. You know it's that whole concept of school, work, marriage, and kids that we're all "supposed" to follow.
God forbid someone goes against the norm.
Wedding vs. Marriage
People struggle to differentiate a wedding from a marriage.
Ever heard the cliche that every little girl dreams about her wedding day. Well what about dreaming about her marriage.
Did someone forget to include what 99.99% of married life was?
Those who want to experience the married life often forget that it's never about that one day of vows, dresses, suits, cakes, and festivities.
Real married life is about everything that comes after. I believe societal expectations are also way too caught up with the idea of a wedding over an "actual marriage".
Celebrity and reality TV weddings have become spectacles that go beyond the meaning of the event.
Instead they focus on the most expensive gown, the most elaborate location, the biggest guest list, and everything else in excess. It's never about the relationship between the bride and groom but rather the background noise surrounding them.
Why should I care so much about getting married when most of the attention is focused on "one day"?
There's such hypocrisy between what people expect and what they really focus on. So if we include those negative connotations about never marrying, then are they mostly negative because there was no wedding?
I guess everything is okay as long as the couple experiences a nice wedding reception despite being in an unhealthy and unhappy marriage.
The main focus of marriage should be what the focus of a long term relationship is on.
How exactly can one only be seen as moral and righteous if they're married. Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm certain married people commit immoral acts from time to time, and their immorality while married are more consequential than those that didn't tie the knot.
Signing a piece of paper and having a big wedding doesn't mean that your troubles are over.
Whatever values existed between the couple before the marriage should continue after and if things didn't go well before marriage, then what makes you think they'll get better after marriage.
You still have to be committed, loving, and respectful to your significant other whether or not you're married. When you look at the scope of values in relationships, then some of those negative stigmas for the unmarried do not make sense.
The Family Feud
Game of Life Rules
- The Game of Life Instructions and Rules
Includes: • About the game of life • Setting up the game • Taking your first turn • Regular game play • Retirement and winning the game • Playing by the rules
It might be easy to tell someone who doesn't want to get married that they don't have to. I mean sure no one has to go along with societal expectations, but that doesn't mean you won't have outside influences controlling your destiny.
Your family may not understand why you don't want to get married.
They may not get it because a lot of your family members grew up with traditional values, and tradition dictates that once you hit a certain age that you must find someone and get married.
Even board games made this fact of life pretty clear...
In the original Game of Life you can't proceed further without getting hitched and the same goes for having children. How crazy is it that a board game forces you to get married and have kids, and there's no way to get out of it!
In a familial setting, the same "I can't escape mentality" sets in.
You're going against decades of tradition among a religious backdrop that's set on making marriage the ultimate prize.
Your rejection of said tradition could result in dire consequences.
It's not out of the question that your family could disown you if you tell them you don't want to get married, and such a scenario can still occur even in a free country like the U.S.
A lot of those negatives stigmas mentioned earlier revolve around your family.
In fact all those negative feelings of disappointment and failure could stem from the people closest to you like your parents. It's an awful combination of familial and societal pressures that are dead set on marriage whether you like it or not.
Divorce Rates Don't Matter
The divorce rate should not be a factor when it comes to staying single/couples relationship verse marriage.
If we focus on the relationship in a divorce, then the concept is similar to a break-up.
People break up with others multiple times in their lives and a divorce, at its root, is a break up. They either don't want to stay together anymore because they've fallen out of love, are interested in other people, or want something more out of life.
The real reason why you denounce marriage should be belief not statistically driven.
We know that many people don't get married because they love one another. A lot of people get married because they want financial stability or legalization, which completely crushes decades of tradition or expectations.
For most marriage is a signed and notarized piece of paper, and your choice to get married has a lot to do with whether you agree to the legality of that paper.
Are you willing to accept the consequences when things go south?
Choosing to avoid marriage is not about selfishness but whether you are willing to give up a lot because of what you believe in.
Marriage at First Sight
Why You Should Get Married?
I'm not against those who want to marry because it can be a wonderful thing.
Here's a list on why you should get married:
- In love with the person and oblige to a signed contract emphasizing commitment
- Strong belief in the religious aspects of getting married
- You choose to follow tradition on your own regard rather than outside influence
- Your focus is on the relationship within the marriage and not just the wedding
- A desire to commit to your children through marriage with the children's mother/father
The most important factor in all of this is you. It's your choice whether you want to become married, and it should always come down to you.
You shouldn't get married if there's cultural or familial pressure, however; there's an asterisk on this statement.
Unfortunately not all of us are lucky enough to say no and expect everyone to be okay with it. The truth is that it's not always an option and you may be forced into it. There's not much I can say about this but to wish you hope that one day everything will be okay.
Things are not always fair but it'll change someday.
We've already changed so much as short as 20 years ago and we'll continue to change. We can't lose the battle to what society expects us to do otherwise we'll be a bunch of lifeless drones.
Our choice is our power and eventually it'll be strong enough to overcome any preconceived expectations.