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Poison On Your Lips

Updated on May 3, 2013

I cried today . . .

Do you think you can jerk me around like a yo-yo, or a fancy watch fob that you take out and twirl in the air? You amuse yourself with the sparkle as it catches the light on its way around, up and down. Then you put it away when you're tired of the momentary distraction. A very minor thing in your life, and one that is there purely for your own entertainment. That's what I am to you.

You want me, you don't. You want me, you don't have time. You have "things" to do. You waste your chances with me like they are endless, and I know you believe they are endless. You do this to me and I don't even recognize the reflection staring back at me from a mirror. Reflection ~ an interesting word. Reflections bounce back light, but my light is so dull now. My light is become darkness, and you led me here. You knew it, and you did it anyway. Because it's about you. I'm just the thing that brings some excitement into your life.

You cannot see what is standing in front of you. You cannot see me. You make me not care about love anymore. My heart is so numbed, no one would want that. I am tired of twisting myself into something I believe to be desireable. Screw you. I was always desireable. I have turned away love to be loyal to you. And you don't even have time for me. Make plans, break plans. So what. It's just an ordinary day to you.

How is it possible to love you and hate you at the same time? I can't even look at you right now. I don't want to hear your voice. I don't want any part of you creeping into me. You're out of bounds. Go away. At least give me a chance to try and make my own peace. This loss I feel is tragic. It has no significance to you. There is poison on your lips, and so your kisses are toxic. That should tell me all I need to know.


© 2013 Bella Nina

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    • Bella Nina profile image
      Author

      Bella Nina 4 years ago from USA

      Thank you Vacation Trip. Your kind words are comforting to me. I appreciate you reading my work.

    • Vacation Trip profile image

      Susan 4 years ago from India

      Very heart touching hub. One needs to be brave to even feel this. Prays and blessings for you. Thank you for sharing. Voted up.

    • Theater girl profile image

      Jennifer 4 years ago from New Jersey

      Well said!

    • Bella Nina profile image
      Author

      Bella Nina 4 years ago from USA

      Thank you very much Theater girl. It is indeed ~ a very thin line. We cross over it, back and forth, sometimes hardly noticing the distance we have travelled.

    • Theater girl profile image

      Jennifer 4 years ago from New Jersey

      Brave and beautiful! And there is a thin line between love and hate.

      Blessings and strength to you on your journey.

    • Bella Nina profile image
      Author

      Bella Nina 4 years ago from USA

      Thank you. You have no idea how right your assessment is. The process of loving can come at an unimaginable cost. I suppose if I was wiser, I'd know when the cost is too high. And I wish being with the one you love was a simple thing. In my case, that has not been the case. Thank you so much for taking your time to read my work.

    • mackyi profile image

      I.W. McFarlane 4 years ago from Philadelphia

      Nicely done. A very expressive hub, but somewhat like a pyrrhic battle!