Pornography Addiction The Damage It does To Relationships
The Day I Met Him
I was fresh out of high school, I was excited to find a job at a hospital.. yay my first job working in a cafeteria. I was very shy as a young woman so it was hard for me to just go out there and make new friends. My friends seem to find me. Then one day I came across this young man who wasn't shy at all. He was the complete opposite of who I was .We both use to talk to each other on occasion, but I would talk to others besides him. But because he was more agressive and seem to display confidence that attracted me to him.
Before I knew it we were going out. Silly me I had so many other opportunities in my young age but I seem to get attached to only one. That is because I was a one man woman. I didn't like dating very many men.
One day at work I went to the place of his employment where he worked at the hospital doing some type of maintenance when I walked in I saw him with his porn magazines on top of his shelf. I didn't think to much about that after all he is a guy and that is pretty much normal so I thought.
I continue to go out with him and I knew he was kind of flaky he really wasn't all that, but I became attached to him because I use to see him every day at work, so he grew on me and his looks didn't seem to matter to me anymore. You know how looks are the first thing you look at and you have to remember I was still young and shallow so to speak. We went out for a time.
Then one day he was messing around singing " will you marry me" I laughed but I didn't really take it serious, but then before I knew it, we were planning our wedding day. Not the way I dreamed of being proposed too. Very weird to say the least.
I am not even sure why I even went through with it? I believe that was my ticket out of my parents home. Not that it was a bad situation but I wouldn't have to answer to my parents anymore, if I moved out then I can do what I want. My parents were very strict with us.
But after I married, I felt free but then new problems entered the relationship. I was much better off living with my parents. Never marry for stupid reasons it always back fires and being so young I was out to prove everyone wrong.
So I married for all the wrong reasons. But I grew to love him, although he was very flaky and really didn't have the qualifications of being a husband much less a father. He never grew up he was a very immature young man. Not that its that way today, he may be far better for it because of our mistakes and his. So I am not here to down grade him but to give you a picture of how this relationship started and how it ended. Because porn played a big role in it.
As time went on I began to find porn all over the house. I never knew it was an issue until I saw him hiding them and using them in private. It got so bad that he even used them to replace me. Perhaps he was young and he never really sowed his oats so to speak but even so it became a problem in our marriage. It was a addiction! Something he did every day!
I saw that it was a huge problem in our intimate time together. So his problem became my problem and there was a lot more to it that I care to share on here. I am sharing this much so that you can see what someone else's addiction can do to their relationship... to the other person, it can be very hurtful and damaging.
There was nothing wrong with me in fact my husband at that time married me, I believe as his trophy wife. But seeing his preference that it wasn't always me that he wanted or desired and being raised in a strict upbringing it only made me feel that there must be something wrong and it probably was me.
You have to remember I was young he was the only man that I was intimate with and this is what I came into. It only belittled me as a woman. It never got better it became his obsession. He needed this and he even knew them by name as part as his daily activity he became to needy of these women that were in these pictures. Like I said there were more to it that I care to share.
I can remember a time when he said " what is wrong with me"? How very sad for him but for me too. I was taking his problem and making it my problem and not really seeing that he had a Real problem actually he was at that time crying out for help! He had a real addiction that actually was something much deeper then the porn itself, that was only a temporary solution in filling that void that he had deep within his soul. He needed it more then he needed me. That in the end it destroyed our relationship. My family and my marriage!
We are no longer married. I had my marriage annulled through the Catholic Church stating that it was never a marriage to begin with. I have recovered from the damages that it caused me as a woman from the constant neglect that came with it .
Porn for some think that there is no harm in it, but I think if you have no control and it starts to control you then it can be very harmful not only to the user of porn but to the person that your supposed to be there for in an intimate way.
Porn can become unsatisfying... where that isn't enough anymore then you go out looking for the real stuff, which becomes a new addiction. The way the internet is ....it is causing our children to be subject to very un natural sex porn that it can damage the mind of a child or teen and they won't be able to perform in the natural sense when it comes to sex between a couple.
This then leads to child sexual abuse and rape it starts there when the seeds of porn has been planted in your mind and especially to those who are unsettled to begin with.
I am sure we all have tampered with something of that sort but it can become a problem if you don't shut that door and avoid entering into that place again. Just saying it is ugly and it can become addicting.
Porn is destroying families
a diminished trust between intimate couples
51% of pastors say Internet pornography is a possible temptation.
9 out of 10 boys are exposed to pornography before the age of 18.
the belief that promiscuity is the natural state
64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women say they watch porn at least once a month.
71% of teens hide online behavior from their parents.
cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners
75% of pastors do not make themselves accountable to anyone for their Internet use.
6 out of 10 girls are exposed to pornography before the age of 18.
the belief that marriage is sexually confining
Regular church attendees are 26% less likely to look at porn, however, self-identified "fundamentalists" are 91% more likely to look at porn.
15% of boys and 9% of girls have seen child pornography.
Creates Problems With Your Marriage
Having spent so much time in unnatural sexual experiences with paper, celluloid and cyberspace, they seem to find it difficult to have sex with a real human being. Pornography is raising their expectation and demand for types and amounts of sexual experiences; at the same time it is reducing their ability to experience sex."
- Dr. MaryAnne Layden