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Practical Therapy: Knowing and Understanding Relationships Vol.1

Updated on May 8, 2010

Endearing Love

Endearing Love by J.L. Stephens
Endearing Love by J.L. Stephens

The War Within. The... Booty??? Without.

I will break these sections into focus parts. It is important to grasp fully the content of the individual aspects of owning a truly coaxial relationship. Relationships with people take tremendous amounts of dedication and hard work. It is equally important to understand that this circumstance is not a one way street, and being understanding of this is essential to making our relationships, not only work, but be fruitful endeavors, indeed.

Part I: Mental Preparation

This particular section is what I would consider to be the most useless and, at the same time, indispensable material, of everything that we would discuss.


I write useless, not because the information is useless, exactly, but because, generally, in matters of the heart, strong feelings usually catch you off guard. True love is seldom, if ever, a planned occurrence. It's the old " Cupid's Arrow" euphemism.

Love struck.

So, in essence, the information, at that point, is useless. There was not time for mental preparation of any kind, or even the awareness of a need for such preparation.

So, if it is useless to attempt to anticipate the occurrence of falling in love, or even developing strong feelings for someone, making it relatively impossible to be mentally prepared for such an occurrence, what makes this section indispensable?

Well, that is an answer easy to give, but for many, difficult to employ. While true, it is impossible to anticipate love, there are certain elements, vital to a healthy and lasting relationship, that must be in place. The elements that I am referring to, ironically, have little to do with an intimate relationship with another person, but rather pertain to a more personal and intimate nature.

The intimacy of self.

Every human being has dreams and goals. Some of them easily feasible and relatively obtainable, while some dreams and goals are unfathomable, by any other, save the one who dreamt or aspire to them.

I don't want to stray to far away from the subject at hand, which would be easy to do, given that the subject of personal dreams and goals, being personal in nature, due to their direct influence and possible imposed strains on a relationship, present or future.

Instead, at this point, I want to use personal dreams and goals as an excellent example of the need for establishing the intimacy of self, before you can truly have a meaningful and beneficial external intimate relationship.

And, yes, this applies to you, even if you are presently involved in a relationship that you are trying to keep from becoming stale, searching for ways to make your relationship work, or waiting for that special someone.

This is an excellent point, at which to pause, to engage in a small personal exercise.

We're going to make a list, so if you don't already have them handy, get a notepad and something to write with. I enjoy making lists, because placing things into a tangible perspective makes it that much easier to look at and identify that those jotted thoughts are very real, in some respect. More importantly, this list comes from you!!!

You should begin, by first labeling this list as "My Personal Dreams and Ambitions".

Next, you should begin making your list. Don't worry yourself as to rather or not a particular dream or ambition seem unable to be accomplished.

List it anyway. Believe it or not, those specific dreams and ambitions are exactly the purpose that this listing serves. Your list may include things that could be accomplished over a short or long period of time.

For now just make the list. When you are finished making your list, go back and review the items on your list thinking about each in turn, and what they really mean to you, and for what reasons. These same reasons are, more than likely, the reasons that they appear on the list, in the first place.

In the next section of this part, entitled "Mental Preparation, continued: The loitering of individualism", we will be discussing, in depth, the importance of the acknowledgement of personal dreams and goals.

Pausing here give the listing of personal dreams and goals, as well as their review, time to settle firmly in the forefront of our mind, and gain a new solidified presence.

Given the importance of our subject matter, for all individuals, this is an excellent place to begin.

Revisit my hub postings often, to continue with our discussions, and peruse through other materials that may interest you. In the coming weeks, I will be introducing some exciting content for your viewing pleasure. This content will include inspirational material, as well as material for entertaining the imagination, both fictional and non-fictional.

I welcome any and all comments.


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    • Youngcurves19 profile image


      8 years ago from Hawaii

      great hub keep up the work


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