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Practical Therapy: Knowing and Understanding Relationships Vol. 6

Updated on June 27, 2010

The War Within. The... Booty??? Without

We are all creatures of wanting.

We want to be nurtured and cared for. It feeds us.

Makes us grow.

A lack of nurturing drives us mad, in many ways, that most times we don't realize, to ourselves. It becomes not only an internal, but an external manifestation as well.

This takes us on the next stretch of our journey.

Part 2: A Matter of Sex: Being intuitive

Awash with an obstinate belief that this series is unique, amongst others of its' genre-all authors believe the same, I'm sure-it is my sincere hope that no one, searching for love or ways to keep that fire from dying, will feel excluded or as well off or more confused, than before they stumbled into this hub series, when finally this series have been concluded.

Being a person, of this excitingly "modern" world, on my part, I have made and will continue to make every effort to be "politically" correct and not offend anyone.

It is my belief, through experience, that love is non-discriminating in it's choosing. It has many levels, and takes on many different forms.

But discriminating?

Not in the least.

In this second and last portion of this chapter, like in the first part, we are dealing with the personal aspect of an intimate relationship.

However, unlike the first part, instead of focusing on your own personal relationship with self, you'll be placing most of the focus on the self-intimacy of your partner, potential partner, or pretend partner.


I said pretend.

Understand that the intimacy of self is exactly that. A personal understanding and knowledge of yourself that no one except you can fully understand and appreciate.

That's what makes it so important. From that personal relationship is derived your feelings of loves, hatreds and opinions for and about things and experiences that you encounter throughout your life.

When we talk about focusing on the self intimacy of another, we're not talking about actually finding out the specific details of their interpersonal relationship. That would be impossible, without some extensive, exhaustive and, probably, embarrassing probing, particularly if you're dealing with a pretend partner or potential partner.

The focus that we are referring to is on the observing of the individuals subconscious external presentations of the internal relationship with self.

As mates-partners, if it makes you more comfortable-we have the responsibility to be so many things: a counselor, a teacher, a student, a psychologist. Sometimes, one at a time. Sometimes, all at once, depending on what situations, troubles and obstacles life may install.

Certain people have a natural affinity for certain things, while certain, other people have a natural affinity for certain, other things. Some people are natural listeners, with an almost endless reserve of patience. Some people are born with an uncanny charisma, that many others would find irresistible.

The things that don't come natural to us, we must learn, to some workable level of proficiency, for the benefit of our significant other.

This is where that natural human intuition comes in. But, before we really get into it, it is important to not lose focus, on what this chapter is really about. The title, "The War Within. The...Booty? Without.", is directly referring to your individual part, in an intimate relationship. It is not only referring to discovering and understanding yourself, but also internally developing your intuitiveness toward other people.

Being able to instinctively know what your partners needs are and knowing your partners emotional states is important to an intimate relationship.

Sometimes we, as human beings, have a difficult time expressing how we feel and end up keeping a lot of emotions bottled up. Sometimes we want someone to just know when we need affection and attention. Sometimes that responsibility will fall on you.

When you can intuitively identify the needs of someone else, coupled with a secure intimate relationship with self, you can enjoy the booty without-the treasure of a stable and healthy relationship.

Okay. With that having been said, we can go on with focusing on your partner.

In our next segment, A Matter of Sex, continued: Gender, we'll take a more relative look at the male vs. female aspect of a relationship.

Until next time, well met and be well.


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    • Youngcurves19 profile image

      Youngcurves19 7 years ago from Hawaii

      OMG haha i think i the comments here were tooo funny :P

      I voted up and useful

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      OHMYGOSH. A mind aflame. You'll be OK. And Donna has nothing to worry about - I could be your granny! LOL. It's flattering, though. . . ;->

    • Juelstephen profile image

      Juelstephen 7 years ago from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA


      I'm almost certain...


      pretty sure my wife wouldn't object...


      I have to say...





      dot, dot...



      I'm so hot for you, right now.

      and, I love you.

      Girl, if I wasn't married.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      Dear Friend. I think we, as human beings, all have a personal odyssey we travel to become comfortable in our own skin, self-actualized, whole, fully human - however we express that state of finally coming to terms between the purity of our spirits and whatever container it came in! LOL. Everything from the order of our birth in our families to the IQ and the educational opportunities we've had has created either some friction or some smooth sailing for that person we are inside our containers. Then when one stops to think of how many containers of human spirits are jostling about the globe, brushing up against one another and at different states of development from each other - - it's amazing we can actually communicate the deeper responses of soul to soul and spirit to spirit at all! And add to THAT the fact that each of us truly has only his/her subjective perspective of all that lies beyond his/her container, mixed as that incoming perspective is with all the past experience and impressions before it - and then it really becomes miraculous.

      But somehow - it happens - and is miraculous! But even then, it requires tending to keep it in good adjustment as each participant is constantly changing his/her experiences and therefore, his/her impressions and perspectives. Each of us is a subjective universe, I think.

      It really seems silly to me that, with all the really important adjustments one person needs to make to relate to another, that so often such superficial and trivial factors become dominating hangups to getting on with it!

      But then, again - those are creations of many other subjective impressions & experiences among more than one individual, perhaps.

      All any one can hope to do probably is to earnestly "light one small candle" to light the immediate darkness, either inside one's own head or in the immediate space around his/her container! Or - both! Any further than that, the light becomes either dimmer & more diluted or becomes replaced with more commercial lighting. LOL

      I admire great efforts to make great changes, but I personally feel it is important for one to work in depth where one is and in what situations one has opportunity to be a good bright candle.

    • Juelstephen profile image

      Juelstephen 7 years ago from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA

      Nellieanna, I must say, that in thinking about it, when you put it that way, I'm apt to agree with you. The stigma created by the societies of the day have placed a burden upon us all to, I suppose try to find acceptance upon our separate, but equal peers. Isn't that statement an oxymoron, by itself? I sometimes find myself trying to be accepted, knowing that I don't really care what others think of me, feeling very comfortable in my own skin, and I don't really understand the reasons. I am certain that it is subconscious in nature, but never realize it, until I am in the midst of it all.

      Brilliant observation, Nellieanna, and much food for thought.

      Thank you.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      It's possibly necessary to take a close look at the word discriminate. It's taken on its opposite meaning and what it often has come to represent is actually to "discriminate against". Actually to discriminate is a positive, meaning simply to prefer, as when we prefer apple pie to peach pie or veggies to desserts. It doesn't mean the chosen is universally preferable, but simply that it's our individual choice. Certainly when one chooses a mate it's because one prefers that person to any others and doesn't mean that others aren't OK, but just that the chosen one fits best, relates to oneself most exactly.

      This has bothered me for some time. It's an offshoot of thinking about "thou shall not judge. . ." which made me start thinking how can one decide on anything without some sort of judging which best suits one's needs. The word discriminate came to mind as how we decide from the many choices which suit best. What do you think?

      I suppose it would be difficult to erase the stigma associated with "to discriminate against" when thinking of the word. But maybe it's part of the over-hanging problems. Who knows?

      Anyway - I didn't mean to get off on a tangent. I really appreciate your new segment of "Practical Therapy". Very well thought-out and well written! I'm not surprised! I look forward to the next segment!