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Pray Your Daughter Never Dates A guy Like You

Updated on August 5, 2015
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Ever wondered if you are a good man ? Would you be a good husband figure for your daughter? Can you accept your son-in-law to be your mirror image?

My hub is not to ridicule or judge any man .. but just a question that has been in my mind all the time for a long time. Doing some research on it made me wanting to share my opinion

My Father

The first man in my life, he was a good man when it came to the children (son and daughter alike) . But was he a good husband? Probably not because my mother was and is not happy, she was abused verbally and physically.

Why? well they had difference of opinion in almost everything. They have been together for more then 50 years now, just for the family and not for themselves.

My father was never .. I will stress NEVER and abusive father, he never raised his hands on us for anything. He spent a lot of money for our education, to give us a good future in life.

His abusive act towards my mother reduced once the girls in the family were matured enough to understand life, so we never really witnessed much. My only memory of his violence was when I was 9. Probably my elder siblings would have witnessed more.


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Anything you hate in your Son In Law

Just wondering what reaction i could get from most man, lets just see ..

  1. A violent man ~ who hits your daughter
  2. An abusive man ~ who is verbally and physically abusive
  3. An alcoholic man ~ who can turn violent and abusive
  4. A drug addict ~ who can turn violent and abusive, some can not hold a job too.
  5. A selfish man ~ who denies everything your daughter wants
  6. A stingy man ~ who does not buy gifts or valuable things (goes for TOO cheap food, TO cheap cloths)
  7. Mental abusers ~ how about those who mentally abuse your daughter

Source

A Fathers view of a Perfect Son In Law

So what type of husband does a father dream for his daughter, other then being not like the above stated few

A person who :

  1. does not neglect his duties and responsibilities
  2. respects his wife (your daughter) and her family
  3. can accept your daughter as she is, her desires and her dreams
  4. believes in gender equality, shares home making decisions and duties
  5. is affectionate, just like the days of courting
  6. does not mess up, and cares for her and only her and family
  7. does not lie, cheat or betray and break her tiny heart
  8. care for her well-being
  9. meet her needs and thoughtful of her emotions

this is actually a long list and does not end here as fathers want everything of the best for their daughters ..


Be Mindful

Just a reminder, in some cases we do have woman who are abusive towards their partner and children. Many times when an issue of domestic violence is raised people always assume it as one way .. Man towards woman .

Some rebellious woman mistakenly takes the path of being the abuser themselves. As this hub is more on man and son-in-law, we will just look into this in another discussion I will start soon.

There are very few people who are going to look into the mirror and say, 'That person I see is a savage monster;' instead, they make up some construction that justifies what they do.

(http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes)

— Noam Chomsky
Source

Mirror ... Mirror .. On the wall

Are fathers ready to accept the reflection they see in the mirror or still be in denial.

Have they been a good husband to the wife ? Have they been the same person they expect their son in law to be .. ?

Do fathers realize that their son in law could be the reflection of themselves, and be the husband like they have been to their wife.

Everything starts from home ..

It is time for parents especially father to actually start thinking of raising a son who would be a good husband. 'Lead by example' would be the best approach. Show our sons how to act towards the family.

  1. Show and care for the family
  2. Take responsibilities and Be truthful
  3. Show love and affectionate to everyone in the family
  4. Encourage healthy dialogues with all
  5. Be an inspiration to your children

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    • Hazel Abee profile imageAUTHOR

      Hazel Abee 

      3 years ago from Malaysia

      Luckily for us .. all of us grew up to be good people .. my brothers were never abusive and the ladies were never submissive ...

      Actually my mom was never submissive .. too argumentative probably .. which made the MAN mad ... so we learned to be adoptive of situation .. Now I am wondering am I submissive ?? for i want to avoid confrontation ....

      Ummm ... dashing made me think ....

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      Very true!

      You can have siblings who grew up under the same conditions, ate the same food, lived under the same roof, and yet turn out differently.

      One brother used the circumstances as "motivation" and the other used it as an convenient crutch. It's someone else's fault why they are the way they are.

      Life is a (personal) journey.

      Our lives are for the most part the end result of the choices and decisions that (we) have made along the way.

    • Hazel Abee profile imageAUTHOR

      Hazel Abee 

      3 years ago from Malaysia

      great insight ... for the younger generation they leave and start over ... but not the older generation (especially Asians).

      There was a story i heard long ago .. an alcoholic father had 2 boys, 1 became successful and the other became alcoholic. The successful one said, he did not want to be like his father, while the other said, he can't do much because the father was an alcoholic ...

      It is an individual choice, for them to look at the glass as half full or half empty ..

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      People tend to find reasons to stay in toxic relationships because it's easier to stay than to leave and start over again.

      Whether it's a true "martyr complex" or they simply lack the self-esteem to have boundaries and "deal breakers" no one outside will ever know.

      One could also argue that a victimized parent is teaching their daughter or son what marriage should look like by their continuing to put up with it.

      No one is "stuck" with anyone.

      We're always where we (choose) to be.

      If one truly (believes) they could do better they would do better.

    • Hazel Abee profile imageAUTHOR

      Hazel Abee 

      3 years ago from Malaysia

      Totally agree with the evolve over time .. my dad did, my husband did and I personally did ... except for my mom, as a victim she was not able to let go ..

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago

      I believe both men and women evolve over time for the most part.

      During my college and young adult years when I was hitting the nightclubs and trying to be a "player" I naturally would advise women against dating a guy going through that phase. Some women go through a "bad boy" phase as well.

      However it is possible the same guy several years later might make an ideal husband (if) he is "in love" with the woman he's involved with.

      Ultimately it's not about the man or the woman someone dates or marries. It's about the individual who (chose) that man or woman to date or marry.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse!

      The only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is you.

      One has to know them self well enough to choose someone who has the traits (they want and need) in a mate. Don't shop without your list!

      Self-empowerment comes when a person realizes they get to say yes or no to people who want to enter into their life. It pays to get to know them well.

    • Hazel Abee profile imageAUTHOR

      Hazel Abee 

      3 years ago from Malaysia

      noted dear ..

    • melbel profile image

      Melanie Palen 

      3 years ago from Midwest USA

      Do not create Empire Avenue missions to have people visit your hubs. This violates AdSense TOS. You are not allowed to give incentives for traffic.

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