ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Predicting the Life of Your Marriage

Updated on June 20, 2024


Over half of all marriages in the United States end in Divorce.

Some relationships collapse early, others limp along for decades. Some have the traumatic denouement when suddenly one person decides s/he wants out. Others maintain indifference.

Some people stick in a loveless marriage for money, position, power, even the name. They go day to day on the edge of explosion.

Some people are married in name only.

Out of that fifty percent of 'successful' marriages, at least half are not truly marriages or even near pleasant..

To pretend your relationship is 'different' is to set yourself up for the major heart break.

To enter marriage, hoping for the best, but knowing that it might not last will, at least, give you a bit of option.

The Old Days

In ancient days, most marriages were arranged. Families got together and matched up their children, looking at every feature but love.

In the old days, love was an oak tree, which takes decades to grow.

These arranged marriages lasted because the families had vested interests in making them last. They lasted because the couple didn't expect soul mates or passion or endless love they expected companionship.

Seventy years ago, if the family learned the husband might be seeing someone else, they'd march to his work place or wherever he happened to be, and make a situation.

The wife might not even know this happened and be protected from the revelation, for the affair ended before it began.

Today, no one seems to know anything about the private life of others.

People get caught at the worst possible times in the most ridiculous places, and it leads to one of those semi-comedic (if you're a passer-by) performances.

This is because today, a married couple in the West, is on their own. They rarely can get relatives to 'interfere' as it is known.

Further, often the other males in the family are having their own affairs, so there are few who can muster 'righteous indignation'.

Sometimes the affair is simply a symptom of a relationship which isn't working.

Common Mistakes - 1

The most common mistake which leads to broken or unhappy relationships is the
"Us Against The World."

The emotional tearing when parents disown children may at first, push the two closer together. Over time, the stress of having to be everything to the other person, is really too much burden.

Where the husband beats the wife or is unfaithful, she has no family to run back to. She is imprisoned in the relationship, and to admit the marriage was a mistake is seen as defeat.

Very few of these 'rebel' marriages last, even less last with love.

Common Mistakes 2

The second major mistake is to give up your life to take on the other person's.

This is almost as bad as the first mistake. One should never become dependent on the other person who has a life.

If you never had a career or the thoughts of one, if you never really had a life, fine. But if you had friends, activities, a career, a world before you got married, to lose it with marriage, creates regret.

It is very likely that feeling unfulfilled, feeling helpless, you will take it out on the marriage. For marriage can not fill every aspect of your life.

Common Mistakes -3

The third major mistake is in not understanding how much time one or both of the
parties need to spend outside of the marriage.

Two busy career people have to fit the marriage into their schedules.

Hence, that romantic dinner may be cancelled at the last minute, that planned trip
may have to be postponed. Then, of course, comes the situation where one is
being transferred far away and the other will have to give up his or her life to follow.

To make it either/or is not going to lead to success.

The woman who gives up her career to stay home and take care of children, will, unless she can work online or is writing a book or indulging her artistic talent, soon become frustrated.

The man who turns down that promotion because his wife can't leave the city will begin to see her as destroying his life.

Common Mistake 4

The fourth problem is the lack of communication.

This is what causes most marriages to collapse.

The parties may be talking, but they are not communicating.

The wife doesn't realise how important the car is to the husband, he doesn't realise how much a particular action offends her.

Instead of making it clear before the marriage what is and is not important so that the other knows before 'I do', the parties pretend it is meaningless. Instead of communicating honestly, the parties suppress their real feelings and prefer to stew.

They prefer to answer; "It's Okay" or "Nothing" when they should be giving the long detailed version of their grievance.

In many cases when the marriage collapses, the other party is totally unaware of how much something meant to the spouse.

S/he stands there, hearing for the first time that the other felt 'stifled' 'imprisoned' 'neglected'. For none of these things ever arose in conversation, even when opportunities were presented, time and again.

Common Mistake - 5

The Fifth is the ranking of 'friends'.

There are some people who will literally die for their friends. These people are physically incapable of saying; "This is a bad time," or "I can't do that" , or in any way 'let down' the friend.

When the person is 'our' friend, and both are concerned, that is not a problem.The problem is when Jacky is your friend and you have to go to your friend and leave your spouse, to go to your friend.

You can't leave your spouse for a friend. You might as well tattoo a big '2' on his/her forehead.

You don't give up your friends when you marry, but you have to prioritise. If this
can not be done than the marriage will be.

Common Mistakes -6

Sixth, is the money matter. Some people save every cent, others spend as if there's a money tree in the backyard.

For some money is their definition, for others, it's a rate of exchange.

Before you get engaged, before you have sex, find out what money means to the other.

Sure, there are lots of Gold diggers out there; pretty women who run down ugly men who have money, ugly women who buy attractive men to be their hubbies.

Is that you?

Are you marrying Little Lord Smaddy because he is Lord Smaddy? If so then read the pre-nup carefully and give yourself a lot of space because it is hard to live with someone you don't love.

Are you virtually buying him? Then plan how you intend to keep him. For Kept men tend to steal love on the side.

Check List

When you get married with the blessings of your family, and maintain the
relationships and expand them so that it is not 'Us Against The World' you are
taking the first step to insuring a working relationship.

Your families become your support networks. Don't feel you are betraying trust
when you ask for help. Young couples need as much help as they can get, and
getting it from the family is the right place.

Maintaining your identity is another. Some women don't take their husband's name
or quit their job, or make their change of status a change in their world. This
means that the situation before the marriage continues, to some extent, after the

The marriage fits into your life, your life doesn't fit into the marriage.

You can't marry an up and coming and expect him or her to become a has been.
You must enter the relationship knowing how much time you or your spouse has
to devote to their job and be easy with it.

You can't see the job as a rival or feel hurt that your wife couldn't go with you to
that dinner because she was the guest speaker somewhere else. You have to
take pride in each other's accomplishments.

If something bothers you, this is not the UN, say it. Blunt, straight with feeling.
Make it clear. Don't opt for, 'It's okay", with tears in your eyes, or "Doesn't Matter",
when you're ready to scream.

These mixed signals don't help. If it is Not Okay say it loud and clear.
If it matters, say that with all the force you can muster.

You can't attack someone for doing something that you said was 'Okay.'

When it comes to friends, make the boundaries as clear as if you've put up a
fence. If you've a few that need to ring you up every other minute with their
problems, shut off the cell, or put it on voice mail.

Sure, you'll 'let them down' if they are that selfish and needy, but they'll learn to
turn to someone else.

When it comes to money, psycho-analyse yourself. How do you feel about it?
Do you need to have $X at all times to feel 'safe'? Or are you unaware how
much money is in your wallet now?

Be alert to signs of 'cheapness' or the inability to save in the other. Bring it up as
a pre-marriage discussion. If you match on finances it is likely you'll match in other
areas as well.

Good Luck


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)