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Priority or Option? Which Are You?

Updated on February 4, 2013

Do You Know What You Are?


Priorities and Options

It was only after reading an article that contained the above line at the end that I begin to examine the relationship I am in. For the past almost 7 years I thought everything was peachy-keen. It was only after days of introspection and heart searching that I began to realize the difference in being an option and a priority, and coming to the painful realization that I was just OPTION.

During all these years I thought I was a good partner, cooking, cleaning, doing homework and all the other stuff women do that make them special. It had never occurred to me that eveything I did in this time was unappreciated and mostly went unnoticed. I never realized that I wasn't special, just convenient. When something needed done, there I was...little miss fix-it. Always happy to please. I never minded being second to family, friends or whatever else needed you more than I did. The article was a wake-up call...a stop and take a look at yourself moment. I'm awake now...wide awake. I wasn't a priority in your life ...just convenient.

I think of the times I put my life on hold for you. The times I left things that mattered to me undone so I could do the things that you needed done. the times I took care of you when I couldn't take care of myself. All the years that I gave so much of myself that I don't know if I will ever get it all back. But to you I still remained an option.

I trusted you to care for me the way I cared for let me down time after time. You lied to me time after time. You put everyone else before me ...time after time. Now I sit and wonder why I didn't see it before. Maybe I did and just didn't want to see it...hoping that you would change...that you would notice and eventually come to feel the way I did about you.

How many nights did I make supper and wait on you, only to have you drag in the next morning with some lame excuse about where you had been. How many times did I dress up hoping that you would notice, you never did. How many times did I need you to hold me and you weren't there? How many times did you choose to spend your free time with your brothers and friends leaving me alone with all the things I needed to say..too many.

I wonder how many women just like me give of themselves until they are totally exhausted, empty, frusturated and angry with no one to vent to. How many women cry themselves to sleep, spend the day alone wondering what went wrong?My guess is plenty. How many of us have felt the nagging feeling that we are expendable?

It took reading this and learning the difference between "Priority and Option" for me to see that it didn't have to be me could have been anyone who could attend to your needs and wants when your little heart desired. What is the difference?

A Priority is when you are the most important person in their life and they in yours. Its when you would lay down your life, and die for that person knowing they would do the same for you. You are a priority when they listen to every word you say no matter how trivial. When they hold you when you need to cry even if they don't know what to say to make it better. When you are like a precious jewel that they must hold and protect to prevent any damage to it inside or out. You know you are a priority when they put you above everyone else and you know that in their heart no one can take your place. When they understand that you need some down time and caring a wilted flower. A priority is when you are secure in the fact that theres no one like you.

An option on the other hand is when your needs and wants must take backseat to the needs and wants of whoever or whatever else happens to be in their life at the moment. Its when even though you try your hardest, its never enough. When you give and give and get nothing in return. Its when the pain is so excruciating you wish you could die...but you keep holding on for the change that never comes. Its when you get the crumbs that are left after everyone else has taken the main course. Its the dirty bathwater when all the bubbles have disappeared. Its feeling empty, angry and vindictive. Its feeling totally abandonded and alone . Its knowing that you come after all the other choices have been used up or are not available.

Now that I see this I have made the decision that "Never again will I make someone a priority in my life if I am just an option in theirs. It hurts too much!!

What Are You?

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    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Its been almost two years since I have written for hubpages and it feels good to be back. I appreciate the comments and thanks for standing behind me in these months of working things out. I'm back and I'm better. I have learned that there are really no mistakes.... just lessons learned. I will be editing some articles I have written in the throes of my wonderful friend "mania". bear with me good to see everyone again.

      Warmest regards,


    • profile image


      6 years ago

      this is so true , i revolted myself when i realized that anything was taking a spot on his list before me , actually i was not on his list . i left him in revolt after 27 years of marriage.

    • Poohgranma profile image


      7 years ago from On the edge

      Wonderful news ... that's how I broke loose from the worst of it. I'll keep you in my prayers. :)

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Harvey, always, heart, pooh, and azure:

      Thank you so much for your confidence in me. I really need it sometimes. maybe one day I will get it right. I have rededicated my life to Christa and will be re-babptized in two weeks. i am happy and have found inner peace. i am able to ignore things that before tore me apart. Thank you my friends.

      God Bless, Chris

    • azure_sky profile image


      7 years ago from Somewhere on the Beach, if I am lucky :)

      Great hub Chris. I am so glad to see that another woman has "seen the light", and is taking appropriate action! Far too many people, in general, stay in relationships that are not healthy, and are crushing to their soul. Go out there and find someone who will be your #1 Fan...everyone deserves that, and should not settle for less :) Voted Up and 2 more clicks because you are getting this important message out there! Thanks so much!

    • Poohgranma profile image


      7 years ago from On the edge

      I know from experience financial barriers can keep you in a loveless house. Just maybe, there is some decent housing based on your income which I know you've mentioned is meager. One room that you could call home and your own would be better than a house that is empty and sucks the life out of you. God Bless and my prayers are with you in finding happiness and peace.

    • heart4theword profile image


      7 years ago from hub

      My heart always grieves for you, when I hear some of your stories. I will be happy, when you are happy...overflowing with a joy that is abundant! You are a special person:), please remember that..even when you don't feel this way. Tune the world out, and take some time out for you. Sending Hugs..your way, my friend:)

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      7 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Chris, Your story is sad and i do wish you can find the courage to make that change. I was married and was not a priority. He cheated on me. I now am in a relationship where i am the priority. There are some wonderful caring men out there, you just have to make a move. In your mind you must come first, i don't mean above a child, but above him. If he loved you, you would be first in his life. You have written about your unhappiness before. Make that move. Take care and wishing you joy.

    • Harvey Stelman profile image

      Harvey Stelman 

      7 years ago from Illinois

      Chris, I feel terrible for you, there are so many us GOOD men you can find. My wife has been #1 to me long before saying, I do. That was 33 years ago. There are too many women like yourself, change is excellent.

      I'm the guy that said to you a while ago that my friend is running for the U.S. Senate in 2012. I can still send info, if you wish. Be well, H

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Dallas Texas


      Thank you for your wonderful comment. It is hard to distingush between being an option and doing what is considered a womans normal duties in a relationship. I guess the difference for me was when I saw my own dreams crash and burn and my own needs and wants being sidelined. The hardest part though is when you realize that none of it ever meant anything.

      Warmest regards,


    • fucsia profile image


      7 years ago

      Many women live as an option and do not want to see the reality. Like you, before open your eyes. I think that this is a common error between us. Our education, the insecurity, the wrong idea that love mean sacrifice... These and many others reasons bring us toward this kind of error.

      But is not wonderful look at reality for what it is? Yes, I know... It is aslo painful... But for me was the beggining of a journey toward myself, and now I thank my mistakes and my wrong relationships. You can not learn without mistakes. Our strength is to turn a mistake into an opportunity. To no longer be an option!


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