Priority or Option? Which Are You?
Do You Know What You Are?
Priorities and Options
It was only after reading an article that contained the above line at the end that I begin to examine the relationship I am in. For the past almost 7 years I thought everything was peachy-keen. It was only after days of introspection and heart searching that I began to realize the difference in being an option and a priority, and coming to the painful realization that I was just that....an OPTION.
During all these years I thought I was a good partner, cooking, cleaning, doing homework and all the other stuff women do that make them special. It had never occurred to me that eveything I did in this time was unappreciated and mostly went unnoticed. I never realized that I wasn't special, just convenient. When something needed done, there I was...little miss fix-it. Always happy to please. I never minded being second to family, friends or whatever else needed you more than I did. The article was a wake-up call...a stop and take a look at yourself moment. I'm awake now...wide awake. I wasn't a priority in your life ...just convenient.
I think of the times I put my life on hold for you. The times I left things that mattered to me undone so I could do the things that you needed done. the times I took care of you when I couldn't take care of myself. All the years that I gave so much of myself that I don't know if I will ever get it all back. But to you I still remained an option.
I trusted you to care for me the way I cared for you...you let me down time after time. You lied to me time after time. You put everyone else before me ...time after time. Now I sit and wonder why I didn't see it before. Maybe I did and just didn't want to see it...hoping that you would change...that you would notice and eventually come to feel the way I did about you.
How many nights did I make supper and wait on you, only to have you drag in the next morning with some lame excuse about where you had been. How many times did I dress up hoping that you would notice, you never did. How many times did I need you to hold me and you weren't there? How many times did you choose to spend your free time with your brothers and friends leaving me alone with all the things I needed to say..too many.
I wonder how many women just like me give of themselves until they are totally exhausted, empty, frusturated and angry with no one to vent to. How many women cry themselves to sleep, spend the day alone wondering what went wrong?My guess is plenty. How many of us have felt the nagging feeling that we are expendable?
It took reading this and learning the difference between "Priority and Option" for me to see that it didn't have to be me there...it could have been anyone who could attend to your needs and wants when your little heart desired. What is the difference?
A Priority is when you are the most important person in their life and they in yours. Its when you would lay down your life, and die for that person knowing they would do the same for you. You are a priority when they listen to every word you say no matter how trivial. When they hold you when you need to cry even if they don't know what to say to make it better. When you are like a precious jewel that they must hold and protect to prevent any damage to it inside or out. You know you are a priority when they put you above everyone else and you know that in their heart no one can take your place. When they understand that you need some down time and caring for...like a wilted flower. A priority is when you are secure in the fact that theres no one like you.
An option on the other hand is when your needs and wants must take backseat to the needs and wants of whoever or whatever else happens to be in their life at the moment. Its when even though you try your hardest, its never enough. When you give and give and get nothing in return. Its when the pain is so excruciating you wish you could die...but you keep holding on for the change that never comes. Its when you get the crumbs that are left after everyone else has taken the main course. Its the dirty bathwater when all the bubbles have disappeared. Its feeling empty, angry and vindictive. Its feeling totally abandonded and alone . Its knowing that you come after all the other choices have been used up or are not available.
Now that I see this I have made the decision that "Never again will I make someone a priority in my life if I am just an option in theirs. It hurts too much!!