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What are the Pros and Cons of Sex Before Marriage

Updated on September 07, 2012

The pros and cons of sex before marriage can be highly subjective depending upon the person answering this request. Obviously, those who've lost their virginity before marriage would say that it really doesn't matter (being a virgin or not). On the other hand, those who've been virgins until they got married would say that it really matters and it was the right thing to do. Personally, I've come across both sets of people. To come back to the topic, what are the pros and cons?

PROS:

1. Experience: This is the most obvious pro that I can think of. You'd most definitely have a headstart over the uninitiated as regards to matters of sex and the art of satisfying your partner. There is no debating the fact that the more you do it, the better you get at it. You'd learn a trick or two or more when it comes to satisfying the opposite sex. Obviously, this would come in handy in making your first night a memorable one (especially for your partner).

2. Gratification: Obviously, choosing to remain celibate can be frustrating and unfulfilling. Therefore, the other apparent pro would be that you would be content and have a sense of fulfillment. Good sex obviously destresses you and perhaps makes you perform better (this is questionable).

The Not So Good....

CONS:

1. The most obvious con, on the other hand, is that you risk contracting any of the varied venereal diseases. Of course, there is the risk of catching HIV/AIDS too. Now, some might think that a condom might nullify the risks of catching those. However, it would be pertinent to note that not all sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can be prevented by using condoms. So, there is a risk of contracting STDs even with the regular usage of condoms.

2. Another con could be that you would perhaps compare your partner's sexual performance with that of an ex. Now, you may have had mindblowing sex with an ex, but if your spouse isn't anywhere close to matching that performance, can you bring yourself to live with that reality. Would you perhaps feel like wanting to go back to that ex (just once perhaps)? I would think the temptation would hang over your head constantly, wouldn't it? Now, that surely wouldn't be healthy for your marriage.

In closing, I would say - to each his/her own. I certainly wouldn't call a person choosing to remain a virgin "foolish." I would respect that decision totally. In fact I would admire a person making such a decision. It takes a lot of discipline to remain a virgin and if that is what the person has chosen to, well good for them I say. I wouldn't want to pressurize them, make fun of them, belittle them or goad them into losing their virginity. I don't think there is anything abnormal in wanting to remain a virgin until marriage.

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    • Arlie MacGregor profile image

      Arlie MacGregor 8 years ago

      Another con could be waiting until marriage and never knowing what "mind-blowing" sex is. How many women out there are married to guys who never learned to satisfy them? I believe in test-driving the car before you buy, so you at least know that you're sexually compatible before committing for life. While sex isn't all there is to a relationship, it's definitely the foundation and if one partner is left unfulfilled, it's a sure bet that they'll look elsewhere eventually.

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 8 years ago from South Africa

      Excellent Hub - "to each his/her own" - it really is a matter of personal choice. The obvious is taht sex and respect should go hand-in-hand, so if one partner wants it and the other doesn't it needs to be negotiated in a relationship of mutual trust and respect.

    • profile image

      joan18 8 years ago

      For me,it doesn't matter if your a virgin or not because you will not give your virginity if you don't love the person,and loving to someone is not a bad thing. It is not wrong that you show and express your love in that way.....

    • profile image

      responsible dog owner 7 years ago

      well, i believe it would be best to wait until you are married to engage in sexual activity, once you have sex it changes everything, they way you look, feel, act,towards the person you've had sex with. the decisions you make now , are no longer based on what you know, but what you feel, and we all know too well the kind of trouble our feelings can get us in. Be smart , Wait, you can't miss what you've never had.

    • IntimatEvolution profile image

      Julie Grimes 7 years ago from Columbia, MO USA

      You know, STD's do play a big factor. Great hub.

    • profile image

      Interesting??? 7 years ago

      What about the lead up. Isn't it possible that some couples will want to have sex so much that they rush into marriage? when they realise this, won't they/their partner start regretting the decision? comment back, im open to suggestions

    • Shil1978 profile image
      Author

      Shil1978 7 years ago

      I don't think people will rush into a marriage just for having sex. If its a choice that you make, you would have the self-control to wait. I faced a similar situation and never felt the need to rush into marriage. I know not everyone will feel the same way, but its a choice you make and if you have conviction and discipline, you'd be able to follow through on that decision !!!

    • fiksy02 profile image

      Fikayo Balogun 7 years ago from London

      another pro is that if u don't, u may want to experiment after marriage. so they say

    • Shil1978 profile image
      Author

      Shil1978 7 years ago

      Thanks for your comments fiksy. Well, so they say indeed!!

    • Locke Reborn profile image

      Locke Reborn 6 years ago from Arlington, Texas

      Much of the real personality is exhibited through sex, so I would say that sex before marriage is a pro. Part of finding the perfectly compatible person is knowing what you like and sexual satisfaction is the key factor there. Sometimes the only thing that saves a marriage is the make up sex which is pretty incredible to think about. You're most vulnerable when you're naked so if you can be open enough to be naked comfortably with your partner than that's a good person to have a relationship with.

    • Shil1978 profile image
      Author

      Shil1978 6 years ago

      Thank you LR for dropping by and commenting. Interesting way to look at this subject!!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 years ago

      Taking a marriage vow is a serious thing.

      I personally feel it's better to know if you're sexually compatiable prior to marriage.

      Having different sex drives can cause major problems.

      I wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on or purchase a chair I never sat in. A marriage is a lot more important than buying a pair of shoes or a chair.

      Most relationship thearpy is focussed on how to "fit a square peg into a round hole". In other words how to "fix it" or make things work AFTER you have selected what could very possibly be the WRONG person for you.

      Trying to deal with a mistake you've made is more difficult than trying to avoid making a mistake.

      The "Real Work" is in knowing yourself and selecting the right person accordingly.

      Maybe the world would be better off if everyone waited until they completed their education, began to establish a career,and set aside money to buy a home and prepare for the possibility of having a family. (Around age 30).

      Date each other for 2 years, get engaged, and then live together for 1 year while planning the wedding.

      Even then there aren't any guarantees it will last.

      Another Con to having premarital sex besides STDs/Aids is the possibility of having a baby with someone (you would never want to spend your life with). There may be "accidental pregnancies" but there is no such thing as "accidental births".

      Only a woman can "choose" if a man becomes a father.

      This is something every guy should consider before having sex.

    • Shil1978 profile image
      Author

      Shil1978 6 years ago

      Thank you dashingscorpio for stopping by and commenting. Appreciate your insightful comment!!

    • Yaduvanshi profile image

      Yaduvanshi 5 years ago from Bharat Vrse

      It is a matter of choice with pros and cons

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