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Qualities that a true friend should avoid

Updated on April 10, 2013


It is good to have friends. It is even better to have good friends. And it is best to have true friends. Time, circumstances and difficult situations test us and show what kind of people we really are and what kind of folks surround us. When everything is fine anybody is a nice fellow pretending to be your comrade. It changes a little when things get tough and a sacrifice in relationship becomes necessary. That’s when we can look at ourselves and see something that we do not like. These are qualities that we have to get rid of for they will make long term friendship impossible. Let me look at some qualities that a true friend should avoid.

Distrust - number one enemy in any friendship

I believe this is enemy number one in any relationship. It takes away security and increases tension. You cannot be yourself if the person who is close to you does not trust you. This works in any area of life: family, work, business and fellowships. To some extent, your talents and gifts cannot really be revealed if nobody around trusts you. I remember when one of the leading basketball teams in my country bought a legionary. This guy changed another one that had been able to lead the team to victory in Euro league. You can imagine how difficult it is to come to this kind of place. And it was for him. Fans expected him to play as well as the previous guy and he could not. This had a very negative effect on his playing. He was losing ball, making bad passes, his dribbling became worse. And all of it happened, because nobody really believed in him. After a few months he was fired. I hope you see how important trust is among friends. If that is absent your relationships will break sooner rather than later.

Jealousy - one of the biggest stumbling blocks in friendship

I am convinced that everybody has to learn to rejoice when our friends succeed. Yes, we have to learn that, because it is very natural for us to envy anybody, even our buddies when they are lucky. In the same manner, we should be emphatic and sorrowful when our best friends fail. This bitter root of jealousy has to be torn off if we want to have healthy relationships.

Unreliable buddy is no better than an enemy

Would you be a friend with a person who never keeps his promises? If he always fails you, forgets his responsibilities, agreements and etc. how long will you bear that? Negative unpredictability is not something that you seek in fellowship. You want some stability and somebody whom you trust.

Negative attitude is a vampire of positive energy

I have written a lot on the subject. But it cannot be underestimated. You will probably not meet many people that have a negative attitude towards everything, but there are lots of folks that see the world in pretty dark colors and this is expressed in their thoughts, words and actions. It is difficult for me to stay around with such kind of people for more than half an hour. So, either one changes and adopts a more positive approach to life, or one stays without friends. Or, the person surrounds himself with people that have the same kind of attitude.

Being condescending makes relationships unhealthy

Few people like being patronized. Well, maybe children like that, but when we grow up we want to be treated as equals even if we are not. It does not matter whether this patronizing is expressed in words or in action it repels us from a person displaying the thing. It is quite difficult to notice the feature and we can erroneously accept it as something good that another person tries to do to us. Giving money in this kind of patronizing way will never do good for any relationship, but will only strengthen influence of a manipulating person that displays artificial generosity.

Gossiping friends do not value their buddies

I have no doubts that this thing kills trust like nothing else. It shows that your buddy does not respect you and his values are very low. It also clearly shows that he is not open with you. True friend would open his mind and heart and share everything with you, even if that hurts. Truth may hurt, but knowing the fact that your best friends is talking behind your back will hurt even more. Unless you want to keep your relationship on a shallow level you should say good bye to that type of fellow.

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Disloyalty kills trust in fellowship

I wrote on the thing in my previous hub, but still want to add a few ideas in this hub too. If a friend is disloyal it shows his value system is not stable yet, or he simply does not have one. Maybe he betrays his friends, because he is opportunistic, or he does not value the fellowship that he has. Most often a person would not value the relationship itself, but something that it may offer to him. That’s how disloyalty is born. And we all know where it leads to!

Dependent friend will exhaust you

Responsibility, maturity and ability to make choices is natural for adult friends. We cannot do everything for our friends. We may not do everything for our children. We expect some choices, actions and initiative in healthy relationships. If one side always does the difficult part and the other only reaps the benefits will both parties be happy? I seriously doubt that.

Taking things for granted destroys willingness to help your friend

We should value efforts that a friend shows to help us, to make us feel better or even to please us by giving us a gift. We want other people to appreciate what we do for them. We do not have to do anything for anybody anything (except our families). Other good things that we do for others, even our friends are purely our choice that we make inspired by our free will.


I do not think I managed to disclose all negative character features that should be avoided in friendship. I guess that would take about ten lengthy articles to do. However, I hope I singled out the most important ones. Let us keep to what is positive and get rid of what is negative. Then our relationships will prosper. Good luck in doing that.


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    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      Had to give this one a vote up! Great view on friendship and how to handle those tough situations that come up between people. I am one who must know that a friend is someone I can trust. Also, gossip is a pet peeve of mine. Thanks for the hub suggestions.

    • fibo777 profile image

      fibo777 5 years ago

      Thanks for your generous comments. I am happy you found something useful in the hub.

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