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Quotes about Break Ups: 5 Stages to Acceptance
How to Let It Go!
- How to Let It Go and Move On: Healing From a Break U...
Have you experienced a break up recently? Do you find yourself angry, shocked or even depressed? DO NOT PANIC!
Breaking up is a lot like experiencing a death. You have lost someone. Even if you were the “dumper” versus the “dumpee” breaking up is not an easy process. Yet, it is a road that most people have already or will someday travel. I recently experienced a heart breaking separation. I thought this person would be “the one” and it didn’t happen that way. As I heal, I have found comfort in knowing I am not alone or unique in my feelings. It is very human to hurt. Here are some quotes to help you as you move through each stage of healing.
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Stage 1: "I just can't believe it!"
Denial is a form of self-deception. When I broke up with my last boyfriend, I kept thinking of him randomly. I would be out and about and see something we enjoyed together. I would nearly dial his number before I remembered: that part of our relationship is over. It takes time to grasp major changes. When someone has been a consistent part of your life, know that only time will help you see and eventually accept the truth.
Denial may also show up in the form of conveniently forgetting why the relationship did not work. Sometimes I hear other people talk of their long term relationships, for example, and I start to question whether I made the right decision to end the relationship. Sometimes I actually need someone close to me to remind me, “He was a liar.” Knowing the truth and accepting it are two different things. It is our minds job to protect us from hurt; denial is one way it does that.
“Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.”~Mark Twain
“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.”~Richard Bach
"Denial-a refusal to believe or accept (a doctrine, etc.)"~www.yourdictionary.com
“Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?”~Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy character)
"Trust in yourself. Your perceptions are often far more accurate than you are willing to believe."~Claudia Black
Stage 2: "That bastard!"
Anger is natural. It is hard to accept that a relationship that you spent so much time developing is dead. I often find myself getting angry at my ex and even at myself! In hindsight, I can see so much that I should have confronted or that I should have been willing to change myself. Regret, an emotion often partnered with anger after a break up, is common.
The best I have learned to do is to allow myself to be angry. It is important to acknowledge and valid your own feelings. Find people to talk to and some healthy outlets. Physical exercise, writing or starting a new hobby, are all ways that you can use your excess energy in a positive way. I have found hubpages an adequate and fulfilling resource.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”~Buddha
“My anger has meant pain to me but it has also meant survival, and before I give it up I'm going to be sure that there is something at least as powerful to replace it on the road to clarity.”~Audre Lorde
“Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.”~MALCOLM X
“The only justice is to follow the sincere intuition of the soul, angry or gentle. Anger is just, and pity is just, but judgement is never just.”~D. H. Lawrence
“Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way... that is not easy.”~Aristotle
Stage 3: "Some days I struggle to get out of the bed."
The feeling of loss is usually associated with depression. How many movies have you seen with a lonely lover curled in the sheets, tearful? Being sad and even depressed is part of the healing process. Imagine the tears are cleansing you.
I noticed depression came when I got through the anger (I was angry for a good month and still have spikes of prickly feelings). I found myself crying, for example, when a saw a happy couple that reminded me of better times. I found the more I let the tears flow, the better.
“Remember sadness is always temporary. This, too, shall pass.” ~Chuck T. Falcon
“I cry a lot. My emotions are very close to my surface. I don’t want to hold anything in so it festers and turns into pus – a pustule of emotion that explodes into a festering cesspool of depression.”~Nicolas Cage
“A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying it needs work.”~Geoffrey Norman
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face … The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it … You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
“All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally."~Don Miguel Ruiz
Stage 4: "But what if...?"
Bargaining during a break up involves no one but you. In my mind, I have pondered, "What if he stops being a liar?" or "What if I am more assertive with him?" Questions like these pop up for one reason and one reason only, I had not accepted the break up.
Trying to find a solution and a "way to make it work" is another part of the healing process. Once you see that there really is no hope for the relationship, you are well on your way to the next and final stage!
“You might wind up with a real bargain or you might wind up with nothing.”~Joe Ridout
"Whenever I have to choose between two evils, I always like to try the one I haven't tried before."~Mae West
"If you sense you have bargaining power, you can write your own ticket."~Paul Tobias
“Don't bargain for fish which are still in the water.”~ Indian Proverb
“Existence is a strange bargain. Life owes us little; we owe it everything. The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.”~John Mason Brown
Stage 5: "It is what it."
Finally, after a rollercoaster of emotion, a day comes where you can see that the break up was necessary. You may even reach a stage of maturity where you can see that the relationship itself was necessary for your growth. There is much peace in acceptance.
It would be nice to say, that's it. You're done. But the human mind and emotion is not that simple. I found after seeing that the break up was just as it needed to be, I still had flashes of anger and even depression. Healing is a unique journey for us all and coming and going between these stages is normal. Trust that as you move forward, you will move towards, not only feeling better, but learning something about yourself.
"Since you walked out on me/I'm getting lovelier by the hour."~Nina Cassian
“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”~C. G. Jung
“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.”~Brendan Francis
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”~ Lao Tzu
“strength is overcome by weakness/Joy is overcome by Pain/The night is overcome by Brightness/and Love-it remains the same.”~Tupac Shakur
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