- Gender and Relationships
Re-covering the book of dating stereotypes
We’ve all heard the admonition, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” but how many people practice this in dating? Come on, let’s admit it: stereotypes are there for a reason. We put people into a stereotype group because they have certain characteristics (whether physical, mental, personality, etc.) that match others who share those characteristics. Women can smell a sale miles away from a store. Men know every moment in sports history by memory. Blondes and jocks lack brain cells, which is why they typically date each other. Geeks or nerds never have a girlfriend. Who hasn’t been guilty of using a stereotype?
Which dating stereotypes do you believe?
I’m not going to go into a normal “rambling” tirade on how we should never automatically dismiss anyone into a stereotype, because on some level (and maybe even on one we can’t quite see) we all know that stereotyping is wrong. But since admission is always the first step, we’re already well on our way to re-covering the books we see without stereotyping them. So let’s apply this to the dating world by discussing some of the more popular dating stereotypes and what’s wrong with them.
1. “Women only want men with money.”
Sure the world has its Anna Nicole Smiths or the many wives of Trump. That’s a given. But are the majority of women only looking to date a six-figure guy? I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but a lot of women out there actually have jobs of their own, they make their own money, and some are even focused on being successful in their careers.
All sarcasm aside, women are more independent than ever, and a lot of them like knowing that they can support themselves. Believe it or not, some women are even intimidated by a man who makes substantially more money than they do. Men with lots of money can actually be a turn-off for some women, as they want someone that is more on equal footing with them. Money does not make the relationship, but personality and charm go a long way...and they stretch much farther than money ever will. So while some women have one eye on your wallet and the other on your Porsche, rest assured that not all women are focused on your financial side.
2. “Men want nothing more than sex.”
Yes, men think about sex. A lot. Even the tamest male libido has sex on the brain at some point during the day. But to say that men want nothing more than sex from women is a huge assumption, and one that women should not make. Sex is an important part of any relationship, as you’re sharing a part of yourself with someone else, an intimate part you don’t share with just anyone. On the flip side, there are even more important parts of the relationship, things such as honesty and friendship. Compatibility is such an important part of a relationship, and it comes in many other forms outside of the bedroom. And even if sex really does cross his mind every seven seconds, he is also going to want other things in a relationship besides a bunkmate…unless he’s completely shallow, in which case, you’re better off without him.
3. “Nice guys finish last.”
Women like men who live on the edge. That’s an undeniable fact of life. Whether it’s the James Dean type or that ever-elusive musician, women have always liked the idea of being with a man that they can never truly have.
But here’s another fact of life: at the end of the day, it’s not James Dean they want to be with. A reckless, reclusive, live-for-yourself type is not going provide a woman with what she needs in a relationship. A woman needs a man who is strong, not just for himself, but also for the woman in his life. They need a man who is mature enough to know the difference between “play time” and “do the right thing time”. Of course some women won’t learn this lesson until they get all the attraction they have for men who can’t settle down drooled out of their system. Even though a nice guy might finish the race a little later in life, they do finish…and in first place.
4. “Men want supermodels.”
Everywhere women go, they see how they are “supposed” to look. Television, movies, magazines…it’s all about how beautiful you are. Attraction is necessary in a relationship, but does that mean that all guys want plastic dolls that they can dress up and show off?
It may seem like the answer is yes, yet the answer is really no. Everyone has their own idea of “attractive”, and in the end, men want the same thing women want: someone that they are attracted to, both inside and out. Once they find that person, the person stands above the rest in beauty, even if their outsides aren’t flawless. Remember that even the most beautiful women will grow old also, and either their skin will age or they will get so much plastic surgery that their beauty will forever be lost in a sea of Botox and collagen.