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Reality on living a long distance relationship... With my wife and daughter

Updated on August 3, 2016
what a lovely family silhouette
what a lovely family silhouette

First of all, i'm sorry if my English is not perfect, due to it is not my native language.

Since 2011 i got married, i knew that me and my wife would be living a long distance relationship. Mostly because we live in different city, and both of us are working.

Sadly, our jobs location cannot be moved, so we're stuck on this. Also, my father-in-law was paralyzed due to stroke. There was a cloth of blood on his brain. So my wife has very limited chance to go outside the city, even for just picnic or holiday event.

At 2012, we got our born daughter, and now she also live with her mom.

On this hub, i will try to write about our life, mostly related with long distance relationship.

We need to communicate at least daily

cue "Long Road" song by PEARL JAM
cue "Long Road" song by PEARL JAM

I shamely admit, that i am not a "communication type" person. I'm very introvert, and until now, i still can not believe that i have been married for 5 years. I'm very grateful to my wife for accepting me just the way i am.

Communication is very important on long distance relationship. Thankfully, nowadays we can easily communicate through plenty of mediums. Such as telephone, SMS, e-mail, chat, etc. But for me, due to my work needs to be heavily concentration, i often doesnt realize that its already afternoon.

Sadly, at afternoon my power is very little, so i prefer sleep than communicate with my remote family. Of course, sometimes we talk on phone, but those talks never the same with the same actual face-to-face conversation.

Since now our daughter is able to speak and communicate, sometimes she called me by phone, and we had some nice chat. Although still there are long silents, due to we can not express our emotion through voice.

Currently, i'm able to go "home" to their city by weekly. But previously, i'm only able to do that by monthly. There, we release our emotions and embrace together in love.

Do not label this relationship

What i mean is, putting a label such as "long distance relationship" onto this kind of relationship, for me, is not doing any benefit. In fact, it is only bring sadness.

I'm very sensitive with words, so the label of "long distance relationship" will always make me remember that i have this sad life. I understand that this is very subjective of me, and not every person feels the same as i do.

Also, my wife is not very concerned about this label. I still remember that one afternoon at weekend, when my heart feels like stopped for a moment when my wife blurted out that label. For her, this relationship is casual, and meant to be living anyway.

I just prefer to call this family as normal family. Regardless of the situation we live in.

Trusting each other is not enough

"Umm, i think it's bad idea to wrote 'trust' upon a layer of sand.... uh-oh, here comes the waaaaave!"
"Umm, i think it's bad idea to wrote 'trust' upon a layer of sand.... uh-oh, here comes the waaaaave!"

I believe when people hear or read about "long distance relationship", they will related with one term : "trust".

I agree. We need to have a good, robust, powerful trust for this kind of relationship.

But for me and my wife, we bot Muslims, thus our marriage is supposedly built on top a stronger foundation called "Responsibility".

In Islam, marriage is somewhat obligatory. And when we got married, the husband is like given a whole heavy responsibility toward this new family. Also, divorce is permitted, but it is one of bad deeds that God dislike very much.

Honestly, i don't have any idea toward marriage before. I'm a simple engineer with nerd-like attitude whom life goal is to pay my bills and loans. I do have the emotion called "love" that repeatedly annoy my heart in the past. But that's it. I do not have any interest on marriage.

Until then my mother passed away. And somehow it seems God tried to "push" me into marriage through His means. At family, i got asked about marriage. At office i got asked the same thing. Even at streets, with stranger people, still asked me about marriage.

Then, i "give up", and went to look for my future wife. And one thing that i had engraved upon my heart is that, "responsibility is the Key". I will love my future wife and future family, but i WILL LOVE MY GOD and RELIGION more.

Thus, my family was formed atop this "Responsibility"

Acceptance is gold

Struggling, must come to and end. There are no endless struggling. Also, this struggling feeling toward any difficulties of long distance relationship, must be stopped.

The danger of this "broken" feeling is miscellaneous. Such as :

  • Low performance at work
  • Love affair with someone else
  • Working too hard to get extra money
  • etc

We need to calm our mind and accept this situation as it is. But not the same as not trying to get away from this situation. What i mean is for us to keep cool so that our mind not clouded by any useless and misleading thoughts.

I have experienced this and i followed my instinct alone.

Previously, i already had more stable job at Jakarta. It's enough for our financial life. But the downside was we could only met by monthly. Also, my father is living alone at Surabaya. I cannot ask him to join me at Jakarta, not with those megapolitan life!

We live in this situation for about a year and half. And when suddenly there were job opportunity at Surabaya, i without second thought grab it.

At first, it seems fun and relieved me. We could meet by weekly, and my father doesnt live alone anymore. Also the wage is bigger than before.

But now, i remember that this new job has a downside : it is based upon short-term contracts!

I already knew this before i signed up. It is risky, compared to that much-stable job at Jakarta. And now i regret it. IF only i could accept this long distance relationship and think for another solution, i believe i could still manage our family's finance properly.

Then, worst situation happened. My salary is reduced at this August 2016. It is now even smaller than my salary at Jakarta. Now my family struggling to go through this hell that i had created.

So, please keep calm and make wise decision.

Sunset

cue "turn back time" by AQUA
cue "turn back time" by AQUA

I believe we all love our family. But one thing for sure : do not let that love clouds your judgment and decision. Keep calm and pray to God for the best.

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