18 Reasons Why Men Cheat on Their Wives
Why Men Cheat
Wikipedia says, “Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed –upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship.” Infidelity is commonly thought of as a breach of trust. What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures. It does not necessarily depend on the presence of sexual behavior. Even within a close relationship, people might have very different ideas and perceptions of infidelity.
Have you ever cheated on your spouse? Have you been cheated on? Why? The reasons for marital #infidelity are as many and as varied as the people involved. Interestingly, extra-marital affairs are not always a sign of a troubled marriage. Some spouses succumb to the lure of an extra-marital relationship as the result of experiencing abnormal stress over a normal lifestyle changes such as becoming a parent, and their wives are nursing. So adultery can occur in happy marriage as well as unhappy ones. In some cases, the married partners may appear contented to outsiders, but the husband begins an affair because of their own low self-esteem, habitual conflict avoidance or lack of intimacy.
Some faithful wives have worked hard for the marriage to work but no matter how hard they tried, their unfaithful husbands are going to have an affair because of their own deficiencies. Other reasons for marital infidelity are typically symptomatic of an unhealthy, and often, failing marriage. There are things like the lack of affection between the married partners, the sexual addiction of one or both spouses, the feeling of sexual entitlement based on gender and status, and the means of exiting from an unhappy marriage.
Surprisingly it has been observed that many women who have been betrayed choose to stay in their relationship. Many of these women have husbands who are considered prominent men and often pillars of their community, with good jobs or businesses and friends. It is often because of this that the women choose to stay with them.
These are reasons for marital infidelity and sexual #unfaithfulness by men:
- Disturbances in the marriage are the primary reason. When there are regular fights at home, which are left unresolved, a pattern sets in where the couples continue to be unhappy and disturbed. To John’s dismay the sex life with his wife degenerated swiftly through a spiral of misunderstanding to the status of a disaster. He felt distaste for Joyce’s passive body. When men look for mistresses, they are trying to flee from dealing with the issues in the marriage, and but run to the comfort provided by the other woman. A marriage without physical intimacy is not a marriage, but a living arrangement; such a relationship will end up in the wilderness of passionless love eventually leading to divorce, thereby making the divorce lawyer richer.
- Some men cannot say no, when approached by seductive, and sexy women. Susan Kelly in her book Why Men Stray, Why Men Stay wrote, “The kind of women men stray with may come as a big shock. They are not typically the tramp, hated, stereotyped ‘other woman’. It could be a very close friend or someone you least suspect –a woman he is comfortable with and who pays attention to him.”
- When men feel that they are not needed by their wives anymore, they look out for some other women, who can understand them and make them feel special. They cheat to boost their ego. Infidelity is an ego booster for men with low self-esteem especially if they’re less successful or even earn less money than their wives. Since their wives earn more money than they do, some of them immediately put themselves in the position of power over their husbands. This appears to be a power struggle with their families and such behavior will eventually destroy the relationship. It is a matter of ego. The wives who abandon their bedrooms will eventually lose their husbands to the mistress or the other woman. If the wife is in the habit of not accepting intimacy, the next time he gets sexually aroused, he calls his mistress who is always willing and waiting to please. In most cases, the man tends to fall in love with the mistress and drops his wife like he drops a hot iron. Later the abandoned wife will tell whoever wants to hear what a horrible man she married and totally leaving out how she contributed to the demise of the marriage.
- Men who spend a lot of time in the company of people who cheat, eventually become cheaters. If their co-workers, close friends are cheating on their mates, they succumb to peer pressure and cheat to be part of the crowd. After all birds of the same feather flock together. Some of the mistresses may fix up the unoccupied men with their friends.
- Some cheating men use it to end their marriages. They are willfully adulterous and use it as a means for acquiring divorce. Instead of boldly telling their wives it’s over, they take the coward’s way out, knowing that if their wives catch them cheating they’ll leave them because the law considers adultery as fair ground for wives to seek divorce.
- Some men cheated before and their wives let them get away with it. They know their wives will take them back. They didn’t hesitate to take them back without making them go through any changes or holding them accountable for their behavior. Or they cheated before and their wives did not find out, so they’re confident they can cheat again without any problem. They believe their wives are so stupid, too naive, to busy, too in love, too trusting to find out, or even suspect that they’re having an affair. Some men cheat because they know their wives will look the other way as long as they were discreet with their affairs, keeping the affair low key and avoiding publicly embarrassing them. In most cases, the men are spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate, and just want to have their own way without considering how their wives will feel. They want to eat their cake and have it back. Some are non-conformists who take joy in breaking rules. Others are men who have low moral values. Steven L. Nock wrote, “Men can judge themselves as good or bad husbands because the standards of normative marriage are also well-known. Good husbands are mature, faithful, generous fathers and providers. Good husbands are expected to achieve, to help others, and to remain true to their promises. Good husbands are good men.”
- To satisfy his sexual orientation. If he’s gay or bisexual, he may cheat on his wife by having affair with other men.
- Some men may find the routine of married life boring, tedious and dull especially where they are not sexually compatible. Some men cheat to fulfill their sexual fantasies, or because they want kinky sex, or sex as their wives won’t perform. To see what it’s like to have sex with someone else to feel the spark they head outside as a thrilling option. Where the extra-marital relationship provides them with a ready-made, exciting and fresh experience appealing enough they will be ready to take the risk. Men who married young or had limited sex experience before settling down, may cheat to see what they might have missed.
- Many men consider it as a status symbol to be able to afford a mistress. They view it as one of the trappings of success. Many men feel they’re so rich, famous, handsome, charming so they’re entitled to cheat because of who they are. The trade-off of having more money is less family time.
- Some men think that the more women they have sex with, the manlier they are. They think is a macho thing to do. While some men are quite content spending the rest of their lives having sex with the same wife for many years, others prefer to experiment with more women. They are hardcore cheaters for whom cheating is a way of life. They like having lots of women and pitting one against the other. They want to sleep with many women, many times, and therefore do not think twice before going into an extra-marital alliance.
- Some men relish the thrill of the chase. Some cheaters actually thrive on the excitement generated by the secret affairs. They view all the dodging and sneaking during infidelity as a form of recreation, or a high risk game which excite them.
- Some men cheat because they’re really in love with the other woman. It may have started out as an innocent friendship that becomes an emotional affair, which progressed to sexual infidelity. But when they are showered with attention, which they haven’t received in a very long time in their marriage, they toss their hands in the air and get deep into the new hot and platonic relationship. In most cases, cheating men are emotionally dissatisfied. When their wives are too busy with their own lives, work or bringing up children, men are left high and dry.
- Some men, in their childhood, may have witnessed cheating in their parent’s or other role model’s marriages. If their fathers, uncles, or other role models cheated, this may make them consider infidelity to be the norm even though deep inside they know this is wrong. It is said that what the mind thinks, it achieves. Cheating is possible because there are females also who are either consciously or unconsciously looking for such men.
- The influence of drugs or alcohol. A great deal of infidelity can be attributed to the influence of drugs or alcohol, which lower inhibitions and impair good judgment, resulting in behavior the cheater may later regret.
- Cultural reasons. He may come from a culture such as Caribbean, African, Asian, certain part of European cultures) where it’s common for men to have mistresses. Some African cultures don’t believe in monogamy.
- To see if he’s still got it. Men in the 50’s, and older sometimes cheat just to reaffirm their sexuality. They cheat to prove they can still attract and sexually satisfy another woman, usually one who is younger than their mate.
- Some cheating men have wives who cheat. Men also take revenge with their cheating wives, by engaging in multiple relationships themselves. Though revenge cheating is more with women than with men, sometimes men will cheat to get back on their wives who cheated on them. Even if their wives are guilty and accept their extra-marital relationship and apologize, some men continue.
- Some men are suffering from sex addiction. Probably the only reason that can be excused because true sex addiction is a medical condition in which the cheaters really can’t help themselves. If they are really sex addicts, they need to get professional help. But sex addiction is not so common.
Just as some men are confused and ignorant about the female’s romantic and sexual needs, so are many wives ignorant about their husbands’ romantic and sexual needs. Granting that both husband and wife are working and physical intimacy cannot happen every night, a couple of times a week can be set aside for romance, love making and spending quality time with each other. It can be very therapeutic if couples take their relationship seriously and care about each other. Husbands should be their Wives’ confidants and best friends.
Consider the impact that broken marriages have in our society. The role they have played in the harsh realities of families breaking up and teenagers rebelling or being lost to drugs is tremendous.