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Reasons Why Some Women Won't Date Single Dads

Updated on August 29, 2014

Why Women Won't Date Single Dads

Dating can be complicated and it’s even worse for a man who has little kids at home. To the single dad who goes out dating can be complicated affair. Every single dad who goes out dating dreads telling a new woman that they have young children at home. “I’m a single dad of a four-year boy and I’ve been trying to date again. However, I’ve had little success since; immediately I mentioned that I am a single dad, women shy away,” Peter complained.

While it is honorable to take over the responsibility of raising your children full time, some women tend to run away when they find out that you’ve little ones at home. Why it is that women are hesitant to date a single dad? After all, doesn’t being a dad mean that we are caring and loving person for not running away from his responsibilities? Just what exactly is it that puts women off dating a single dad? Here are some of the reasons women won’t date single dads:

She doesn’t like children

The most obvious reason why a woman is unwilling to date a single dad is that she doesn’t like children. Contrary to popular belief, not all women are the motherly types and there are various reasons why women aren’t keen to get involved with kids. Many women are simply reluctant to sacrifice their own freedom or career while others are simply unable to imagine themselves as mothers or stepmothers.

She does want kids but wants them to be her own

Even if your date does possess motherly instincts, this does not mean that she is ready to take on a ready-made family. Bearing her own children may be an important part of her life plan and she doesn’t want to start out as a stepmother when she could have her own biological children. “I want to experience the excitement of having a baby together with my man. I want us to share the intimacy of the ‘first-experience’ together. I don’t want those intimacies to be something he shared with someone else several years before.” Some women want to share the new experience of having children together. As a single dad, you will have already witnessed this. However, when you have kids of your own, these especially will be new to her, not you. This can be hard for a woman to take when they date a single dad.

She wants you all to herself

Some women want to feel that they are the number one person in your life and that her needs come first. “Being around someone who is always talking about how much he loves his kid, will make me inadequate and jealous,” Tina said. However, as a single dad, you should be proud of your identity. Your commitment to your children, some women felt will seriously cut in to the free time you have for them but not all. “It will be refreshing to see a dad take interest in his children,” Maria said. However, some women crave affection and attention and may feel unable to accept only the limited time you do have for them. “I don’t go after single dads because I want to be a priority while dating and I don’t understand what it is like to have kids let alone like someone else’s kids,” Jennifer said.

She thinks the relationship would be limited

Some women may love children, but your children interfering when they are with you may not be a welcome idea. “Kids normally scare women away, not all though. My boyfriend has a son who is four years old, and yes I was honestly freaked out at the prospect of meeting him. I didn’t get close to the boy for a while or have anything to do with him, but I reassured myself that the kid was only four and needed love. Right now, he’s like my son and he tells me he loves me,” Helen said with a smile. Some of the single dads are fearful. They don’t let the kid out of their sight and are convinced the kid will get hurt, or something will happen. But when he is sure the woman loves kids, he’ll be more relaxed.

She considers you to be emotional baggage

Single dads are perceived to carry not only physical but emotional baggage because to end a relationship is always hard and the situation with the man’s ex probably had left plenty of issues behind. Because of this, a divorced person is sometimes perceived as having unresolved issues. Whatever the reasons for you becoming a single dad, the events leading up to this will prove a highly sensitive and difficult topic for a woman who is dating single dads to broach. “Single men have boatload of problems,” Joan said.

She doesn’t want you to judge her on her mothering abilities

Not many women are excited to play part-time parenting role. “During such a relationship, it is hard not feel like you are being judged,” Joyce said. This may affect the relationship right from the beginning. If you have kids, you may tend to compare your date’s mothering ability to that of your kids’ mother, which can be disastrous.

She doesn’t want to play the babysitter role

A potential new crush doesn’t necessarily want to become the babysitter. “I don’t want to be responsible for a child who will say, ‘You’re not my mom, I don’t have to obey you.’ Single dads let the kids walk all over them. The kid rules the house. Whatever the kid wants, the parent gets. The parent feels bad or guilt or such, so they make up for it by spoiling the kid,” Stella complained. She will want to spend time with you and will not welcome receiving your attention only when she has read your kids a story and put them to bed.

She’s worried about the reaction of your children’s mother

If the mother of the children is still in the picture, then dealing with a man having a constant connection with his ex for a long time will not be easy. She may become bizarrely and envious of your date. This can be a worry for a new date, especially where the ex is not able to master her jealousy and allow feelings of tensions in the air. If the ex is not a good person, the new date may have to contend with her being rude and cruel as well.

Conclusion

Don’t be discouraged. The better you understand these reasons, the easier it’ll be for you to put a woman to rest and to have a chance at a real relationship. On the other hand, you might discover that you’ll be incompatible. In that case, keep looking for the right person, who loves kids and wants to settle down. For women, dating a single dad could be a great experience. At least, he didn’t run away from his responsibilities. Maybe you just have not met the right person.

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    • Chuksm profile imageAUTHOR

      Anthony Modungwo 

      4 years ago from Benin

      dashingscorpio thanks for your comment. You have added some practical situation to the hub. The relationship between the ex and the new date is most time a difficult one.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 years ago

      Voted up, Useful, and Awesome!

      Everyone of these is a reason why a woman would not want to date a single dad. "She wants you all to herself" and "She considers you to be emotional baggage" are two of the biggest reasons along with him having a permanent connection with his ex. Some exes intentionally give the new woman a hard time and if the husband marries her they will seek additional child support based upon his new combined income with the new wife! I know one guy who delayed marrying his girlfriend of 7 years until after his youngest was over the age of 18. Not many women want to be forced to give money to the ex-wife.

      In most relationships without children one never has to be reminded of someone's past. You can't ignore the existence of your mate's children. :)

      However I would say in general the older one becomes (late 30s, 40s, and 50s) the more they tend to expect anyone they date in that age range is likely to have been married before and most likely has a child.

      For those people in their 20s it's understandable to want to avoid potentially taking on the issues and inconveniences associated with parenthood.

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