- Gender and Relationships
Reasons Why Women Should Not Make the First Move
Can a woman end up in a happy, fulfilling relationship or marriage if she makes the first move?
A woman's dilemma; To make or not to make that first move
I recently watched an episode on Judge Judy where the an ex-boyfriend claimed that his ex-girlfriend had wooed him into a relationship but he stayed on for the goodies since the woman was trying to 'buy his love'. And that's not the first time. I have watched several reality shows where a woman woos a man and makes his life easier by financing him but it turned out disastrous in the end. I keep wishing other women are watching too. How men behave and the things men say when women take the lead in a relationship which eventually ends should put women off but some women seem to like a challenge.
We have made long strides towards female empowerment. We have said time and again that what men can do women can do better.However, some social norms, expectations and roles will never change. Any man saying that he will not mind being asked out by a woman is just looking for a casual deal and not something long-term. Hunting is in a man's inherent nature. He finds content and joy in going out, searching what he wants and finding ways to get it through effort. It's not normal for a man to wait for his prey to land on his plate. His joy is in hunting his prey.
He carries on with the same concept even in the dating scene. He wants to see someone he likes, approach her and get rejected or be accepted. It excites him even more if his 'prey' is unwilling to accept his advances and therefore plays hard to get.The pursuit excites men. Forget what men say about women playing hard to get...that mature women don't play hard to get. Lies! Women should play hard to get and men were born to expect that. However, a woman shouldn't play hard to get for too long because he will get tired and give up on that seemingly elusive chase.
So here you are. Independent woman. Go-getter. You spot a man whom you like and would love to have a relationship with. But he doesn't seem to notice or want you as you would like him to. Should you ask him out?
It all depends on your reasons. If you asked a man out strictly for sex, few men would turn that offer down. That's casual. It is easy. It usually comes with no strings attached. Any gender can therefore make the first move towards a casual relationship.
And should you approach a man and ask him out with the intention of starting a serious relationship with him?
No. But you could give him hints to show him that you are interested in him and that you are available.Try teasing and flirting with him. Give him that extra ticket so that he can accompany you to a show. However, do not try too hard because it will make you seem desperate and that will put him off. If he likes you he will take the lead from you and initiate a relationship. If he is not interested in asking you out after all your efforts, please move on.
Here are the reasons why women should generally not ask men out with the intention of starting a relationship;
You probably feel really nice having that man. You love him so much that you cannot imagine being with anyone else. But he doesn't feel the same way about you. That's why he doesn't call you back. He doesn't respond to your messages. He just doesn't treat you as well as a man in love should. He's not the problem. That relationship is the problem. He feels a bit odd being in a relationship which he did not initiate. Men are programmed to perform the wooing game and the relationship you started lacks that. How will you correct it? Break up with him and let him come after you. If he doesn't, let him be. No one deserves to be in a one-sided relationship.
When a woman approaches a man, she expects a positive response. If the man turns her down she will get bitter. She will feel hurt and rejected. He sure will not be playing hard to get. When a man says no to the relationship you hoped to have with him he means just that. His response is final. She cannot keep pursuing him unless she intends to be a stalker and that's unfortunately how women who approach men end up being...stalkers. She becomes possessive and obsessed with someone she cannot have. If a woman wants to stay sane she should not approach a man if she cannot stand a negative response from him.
Get ready to pay the bills alone
By the dating rules, the one who asks the other out pays the bills. You do not want to start what you cannot keep up with. He could be disinterested but anytime you ask him out the bill will be on you. Most people don't say no to a free meal. And if you move in together in marriage or as live-ins you still will take care of the bills because he thinks since you approached him then you should take care of the bills too. In other words you have emasculated him.Well, I'm sure some women will not mind handling all his bills, but don't you whine about how the finances were all on you when it all ends. Let's not hear a woman mourn over how ungrateful a man was for not appreciating the financial efforts she made to make the relationship work.Love cannot be bribed or bought. And the irony of it all is expecting such a spoonfed man to pay child-support!
She ends up with a man who doesn't want to commit
She approached him and he couldn't say no just because he did not want to hurt her. He hoped they would break up soon afterwards but years are rolling on and they even have a child or children together but he's just playing along. He still doesn't want to hurt her but he cannot commit either. She caught him off-guard when she asked him out, he will never be ready to have anything serious with her.
Ladies, have you ever met a man who swore he wasn't ever going to get married when you were dating but as soon as you break up he marries the next lady within months? Yes. Approach a man and watch years pass with no ring.
You get married but he's still not committed to you
He feels as if there's someone out there for him. He did not choose you so he believes he could do better. Committing to you only doesn't make sense to him. You simply were not his choice. Ever heard a man say he was trapped? You would think he made a decision to be with you but he made that decision because he did not want to hurt you. So he proposed. You got married. But even marriage cannot confine a man who doesn't want to be in it. So he will keep on being uncommitted to you until you quit and he goes free to pursue someone whom he really wants. He will not mourn over that lost marriage because he never valued it...easy come, easy go.