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Rebuild Self Esteem after an Affair

Updated on July 24, 2019
Analiza1980 profile image

Ana is a mother of two wonderful kids and enjoys writing about relationships for single moms.

Keys to Rebuilding Self Esteem after an Affair

Ever felt so crippled, helpless, even physically and emotionally incapacitated? It happens a lot, especially in the aftermath of betrayal in a love relationship. Being cheated on by that person you truly love can completely shatter your self-esteem.

Broken trust is usually devastating in a way that slowly eats at your soul, chipping off your power. It’s a fragile moment with limitless questions and you can never stop searching for the ever-elusive answers. Ironically enough is that since you can’t find the answers as to why someone has cheated, you then start blaming yourself. Convincing yourself that you may be the problem. Was it my fault?

The best news, however, is that it's absolutely possible to put this unpleasant aspect of life behind you. Start rebuilding self esteem after you been cheated on by an affair. Here’s how.

1. Acknowledge and Accept

The key to true healing and reclaiming who you are, is an acknowledgment and acceptance of the fact that you have been betrayed. As crushing as the whole thing is, you have to eliminate any doubts or denial, and face reality. Being in denial can inhibit your personal growth.

2. Exercise Your Inner Critic

Most people cannot stop the negative thoughts, including blaming themselves in the face of broken trust. But if you want to grow, now is the time to categorically put a stop to any types of negative background noises. You need to take the reins and turn around with deliberate steps into positivity.

Once you begin neutralizing any negative thought surrounding the affair, your mind also, gradually, undergoes a paradigm shift into more constructive ideas. It allows you to start looking at things in a more realistic way.

By gaining a true perspective of why situations happen, you automatically switch into a more self-esteem mode, which then allows you to set better personal and relationship goals.

3. Be the Bigger Person

One of the very fundamental steps to regaining your self-image is recognizing that no one is perfect; we are all poised to fail at one point or another in life. So, do not waste so much brooding, playing the blame game and seeking for revenge.

Instead, allow sanity and forgiveness to take their rightful place in the relationship. This is even more crucial if you both have decided to work on it, rather than walk away. It is never a sign of weakness when you choose to stay with your partner after betrayal.

Usually, it takes extreme strength and will-power. Thus, you should never be afraid to give the relationship a second chance. Of course this depends on the situation. Is there a chance? Was it partially your fault? Try and evaluate exactly what went wrong and consider forgiveness. It's possible that a relationship can gain strength and trust from such an unfortunate event. But carefully decide if the situation deserves another try or not.

4. Challenge Yourself by Taking Risks

Now you may be separated permanently or tentatively. Courage and the ability to take challenges work side by side. So start by creating a full list of things you love doing and then actualize it by doing them. In fact, you can think of any activities you were ever interested in but never got the chance to do.Things you feel good at, be it cooking delicious meals or going for an excellent workout can be top on your agenda. Spending time with past friends.

You can even change your entire wardrobe and your hairstyle. You can decide to go shopping or dinner all by yourself. At this point, its all about who you want to be and anything goes. So focus and prioritize on anything that makes you feel whole and positive. Take the opportunity to reflect and decide what you desire in life.

5. Sweat out the Stress

Physical exercises can help you to eliminate much of the stress and still generate the feel-good energies. According to scientific studies, breaking sweat comes with all-time benefits of the release of beta-endorphins into your bloodstream, which makes you feel good.

Physical exertion can also eliminate anxieties and insecurities. What’s even encouraging is that you don’t have to push yourself to achieve this. Low-to-moderate workouts can still do the trick. Such workouts can elevate you into enviable physical shape, which helps to boost your self-esteem further.


It's entirely possible to rebuild self esteem after an affair. All that matters is how you get out of the denial box and accept what happened. Acceptance helps you see things more clearly.

Then, take control of your life. This means that you have to embrace the power of positivity as your operating mantra. Negative thoughts can eat right into your soul and mind and affect the way you carry on with daily life. So you need to make a concerted effort to eliminate those.

Finally, the only other ways to boost your self-image is to love life and take part in simple pleasures. Enroll in a dance class, write a blog, and enjoy simple physical exercises to reclaim your spark.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2019 Analiza


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      8 months ago from Chicago

      I meant to say: "A relationship should (not) be about "you and me" but rather about "us and we". The couple is a team and not competitors.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      8 months ago from Chicago

      There are far too many reasons why people cheat and non of them should have anything to do with your self-esteem.

      Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, and Beyoncé are all considered beautiful women and they have all been cheated on!

      Truth be told sometimes it is the (cheater) who has the low self-esteem. It was speculated the reason why Eric Benet cheated on Halle Berry and Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock was because they got tired of being "invisible" on the red carpet, always walking in the shadows of the more famous and more successful wives.

      They got tired of feeling "lucky". Their (ego) needed to be fed. Sometimes people cheat because they are bored and want the thrill that can only come with being with someone "new".

      Nothing you do or say will ever make you "new".

      Were these women supposed to be less beautiful, less successful, and less famous in order to keep their men loyal? No!

      They were just with the wrong men.

      A relationship should be about "you and me" but rather "us and we". Anyone who views their relationship as a competition between themselves and their mate is immature and not "in love".

      Out of all the women I mentioned earlier only Beyoncé chose to stay with the man who cheated on her. Jennifer Lopez left P.Diddy mainly because he cheated on her.

      No one I know of is claiming Beyoncé has low self-esteem.


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