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Rejection When Dating

Updated on December 12, 2015

Communication Is Key

A Guide To Expressing Your Feelings / How to Express Yourself When Dating.

Communication skills can make or break a relationship – Let’s start the process of decoding conversation. When people date you need to be comfortable expressing uncomfortable thoughts or having uncomfortable conversations. Rather than taking the coward way out and disappearing or removing yourself from interaction by ignoring calls –let’s man up.

Let’s share uncomfortable conversations when dating. If you share ways you express your feelings in a dignified way –please add to the forum.

Uncomfortable Conversation Scenarios

Scenario: Online dating- A person looks unattractive or looks nothing like their online profile.

“Wow. Your profile pictures do not capture your features/beauty. Were those your pictures online or someone else’s? When were they taken? So what has taken place in your life from that time until now?

When I meet people one of the characteristics I try to evaluate is their honesty and ability to present their true self. Do you feel like your profile is an honest representation of who you are?

Scenario: Online dating- A person weighs 100 pounds more than their picture profile.

During your meeting/interaction take dinner off the table. Explain that you are respectful of their time and appreciate them agreeing to meet you. Make it clear that you want to have a conversation with them and ask them to join you for a cocktail at the bar of the restaurant. Explain that you want a few minutes of their time but you are unable to stay for dinner due to a pressing engagement. Don’t order a drink for yourself, ask for water, and let them order whatever cocktail that they want. Explain that true to your profile you believe in living a healthy life and appreciate someone that plans to live a healthy lifestyle with exercise and activity. Share the effects of endorphins released and the positive effects on your mind. When you have shared your philosophies for approx. 20-30 minutes, signal for the waitress/waiter. Instruct them to get another round for your friend and ring up the check. Pay a generous tip and inform the person that you feel the two of you share different philosophies in life that are deal breakers to you but wish them well in their future. Ask them for a hug and say goodnight.

Scenario: Broke / Class Difference

So you meet someone that works at the factory or is an aspiring singer/artist with no direction in life and no financial stability.

Find a way to guide the conversation into careers. You can share what you always wanted to be since you were a child and how you make adult decisions about your career. After sharing some of your goals change the conversation and ask them their thoughts and aspirations. Reveal prior that you admire people that work towards their goals and pursue financial independence which results in the ability to not only support themselves but their lifestyle and family. This will encourage the other person to acknowledge their dreams and the bridge between where they are going and their ultimate goals. Share with them that you are seeking the opportunity to build an empire with someone of similar mindset and respect those that feel and operate on the same page. Mention how compatibility is important. Apologize for cutting the interaction short but share that you wish them the best but ultimately feel you two may not be a good match.

Scenario: Too many children

So you meet someone and upon the course of conversation you discover a single mother or father with too many children, ex-spouses, baby mothers/baby fathers for your liking …….i.e. financial problems. Ask them how they are able to manage their households with such obligations and how they still manage to date. The person will reveal information about their life and you can take the high road and explain you feel both of you are operating in different spaces. You have obligations which are priorities in your life and I understand they do and should come first but I’m seeking someone that is on my same page that is able to engage in a relationship that suits my needs as well. Explain with the time constraints and their financial obligations we may not be the best match for each other at this point in life. Ask for a hug and say goodnight and thank them for meeting with you.

“You’ve Lived

Scenario: No class

When interacting with someone you observe they are loud, obnoxious, or engage in inappropriate conversation. In this scenario mention women/men that you admire and why you appreciate the way they carry themselves. Mention how you are not a person that needs /craves attention in a negative light because it doesn’t sent a positive message to others. Ask what books the person has read lately and/or their favorite book(s. If they haven’t read anything lately explain how reading increases vocabulary, stimulates the brain, and exercises the mind. My favorite line “You’ve lived your life.” This means you have fathered and participated in activities far beyond my engagement and your tribe is too much for me to consider you due to obligations and the financial impact of those decisions.

Scenario: Bad sex -Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

You don't have the right to hurt others and you should not treat anyone in a manner that you would not someone to practice on you.

Relationship & Dating Advice

Have you ever pulled a disappearing act on someone you weren't interested in?

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Comments

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    • realtalk247 profile imageAUTHOR

      realtalk247 

      2 years ago

      Michaela Osiecki

      Thank you for your comments. I do stand by my words however you can express your feelings to someone without hurting their feelings.

      Let me go on the record and say there is nothing wrong with someone that is a blue collar worker. (elitist prick-I reject).

      Whatever way you provide for yourself and your family is honorable. However due to certain lifestyles communication and lifestyle behaviors can be vastly different. Some people do not have a problem with this other people do-it's all personal preference.

      I'm not sure where you're going with this artist thing and not being supportive. Many successful people have dreams/talents .They either have the belief, talent, and guts to chase those dreams and make their life a success or not. There has to be something inside the individual that pushes past those who don't believe that make it in life. There are plenty of comedians/artists that worked 9-5 and worked shows at night to build their fame.

      You are listing a bunch of scenarios I didn't include in the original content of my post. People do experience rough patches in life -true. There are also those that never prepared for anything so their entire life is a rough patch.

      I agree dashingscorpio had great points-as usual-we can agree on that.

      No one has the right to hurt others but telling someone your feelings honestly is not hurting someone else. I've known friends that have told me so many things about the women they dated they didn't like but didn't tell the girl things she was doing that was a turn off. Not that she/he has to change to fit the other person but sometimes it can solve a riddle for others why they might not achieve success in love. Sad.

    • Michaela Osiecki profile image

      Michaela 

      2 years ago from USA

      Okay, I'm going to use your own quote against you here: "You don't have the right to hurt others and you should not treat anyone in a manner that you would not someone to practice on you."

      Online dating scenario #2, in which is person weighs more in person than their profile pic lets on:

      1. You don't know if that person has some kind of illness or health condition.

      2. It's actually pretty effing rude to just outright ask, as well.

      3. You are in NO position to lecture them about healthy lifestyles and eating habits. As if they don't already know.....

      4. It's really ableist and kind of makes you a sh*tty person.

      Scenario #3, class differences and finances:

      1. A factory or blue collar job is not something to be ashamed of. They usually pay pretty damn good money and the people who stick with them enjoy what they do. These are the members of society who make luxury living possible for everyone else, so don't be an elitist prick about it.

      2. Contrary to popular belief, most aspiring artists and musicians know EXACTLY what they want to do with their talents, but they're usually surrounded by very un-supportive people and exist in a society that devalues their skills. If you're the type of person who considers all artists a detriment to society, I feel sorry for you.

      3. Some people are down on their luck or are experiencing a rough patch and maybe that's why they're not currently employed or doing what they want with life. Again, it's very ableist to assume they're just lazy and broke, and not consider there might be a disability at play.

      As dashingscorpio has stated, there is no reason to talk down to someone you're not interested in and try to tell them how to live their life or better themselves. Not your job, nor your responsibility.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 years ago

      Very interesting topic!

      However I suspect it's (women) who are more interested in getting an explanation as to why there will be no second date.

      If someone shows up not looking like their profile photo both people know they are a liar! There's no need in bothering to discuss it.

      Having a "discussion" is only worth something if you are offering "advice" or sadly hoping you will get someone to "change" in order to make you happy.

      A first date comes with no obligations. You're not in a "relationship"!

      There's no need to throw something in a person's face whom you have no plans of ever seeing again. I suppose some people get off with launching a memorable "parting shot" at someone as they walk away.

      That's an ego thing.

      Whatever the reason is why I rule a woman out could be the same reason why another guy falls madly in love with her!

      It would make no sense for her to change or adjust anything for (me).

      In fact if she has to "change" to be with me it means she is not the "right one" for me or vice versa. The goal is to find someone who already (is) the one. Ultimately everyone wants to be loved and appreciated for who {they} are.

      When it comes to online dating I believe it helps to be as specific about whatever type of person you're looking for on your profile.

      Last but not least it's important to live up to your own claims too!

      "Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless (you) are a star!"

      One man's opinion!:)

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