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can strong chemistry becoming a committed relationship?

Updated on February 26, 2012

Relationship Chemistry

The Nature of a relationship:

All relationships are about the correspondence between two variables. Most of us are probably allured by the attractive notion that effortless relationships exist. Whether it be happily-ever-after marriages, or friendships which last forever, or parent/child bonds which supercede the need to understand each other, we'd all like to believe that our most intimate relationships are unconditional, and strong enough to withstand whatever may come. However, at some point in our lives most of us need to face the fact that relationships require effort to keep them strong and positive, and that even wonderful, strong relationships can be destroyed by neglect.

Opposite Attractions is an old concept but a true concept if that when it comes down to true love or love based relationships. Through research we are generally attractive to individuals that are more opposite than ourselves, and therefor somewhat exciting. But it’s not just the exciting differences which attracts us to our opposites, it is also a natural quest for completions. We are actually drawn to individuals that have strengths in which we are missing ourselves. When two opposites function as a couple, they become more well-rounded and more bonded than ever. Also the theory of our natural attractions to our opposites are also a subconscious way of forcing us to deal with weaker aspects of our own weakness. While we are highly attracted to our opposites, two opposites involved in an intimate relationship have significant issues and communication barriers to overcome. So in a sense, our attraction to the opposite personality can be seen as our subconscious minds driving us towards becoming a more complete individual, by causing us to face the areas in life which are most difficult to us.

 Different Relationship Types of Relationship & my theories & opinions.

There are many people who like to put a label on their relationship.

An activity partner

People who live an active lifestyle will often seek an activity partner. There are many active people who will seek activity partners to motivate them to be the best they can be at whatever it is that they are doing. Whether they enjoy playing soccer, running, weightlifting or any other type of activity. Most people seek activity partners for moral support and encouragement.

A friend

People who are lonely will often seek friends. If a person is in an unhappy relationship sometimes they may need someone to talk to when they are feeling lonely.

If someone recently ended a long term relationship and they are feeling depressed they may need a friend to talk to.

If a person has recently lost their wife / husband after being married for years they will need a friend to talk to.

A friend with benefits

There are many people who enjoy the pleasure of having sex without being in a committed relationship. A person who recently ended a long term relationship or a marriage may not be interested in starting another serious relationship so soon. They may be interested in having a friend or a friend with benefits.

There are some people who do not enjoy being in a committed relationship because they enjoy having multiple sexual partners, so they will often seek a friend with benefits.

A short term relationship

Sometimes when a person is living in a certain city or town for a short period of time they may be interested in starting a relationship with someone, even though they know they will be moving away within a few months / years. This is a person who enjoys being in a committed relationship and they will not settle for anything less.

A serious long term relationship

People of various ages may seek a serious long term relationship because they enjoy the sensation of being in love. They enjoy being in a serious committed relationship which may ultimately lead to marriage.

A wife / husband

When a person feels as though they have met their soul mate and they would like to spend the rest of their life with them, they will get married.

Whether you are lonely or you need motivational support there is a particular type of relationship that will cater to your needs.

Difference between Love & Lust

Love and lust are the two most confused concepts in all cultures around the world.

To begin with, while love is  mainly a spiritual and mental feeling, lust is purely based on a physical needs.. Confusing a physical feeling of lust as an attraction based on genuine emotion emanating from the heart and soul as love leads many young people to marry in haste and regret later.

Love requires discipline and commitment while lust needs no such positive attributes to manifest. Love is focused on the growth, improvement and comfort of the person who is the object of love. On the other hand, lust is focused on the satisfaction of the self and that too, mainly of the physical kind. Though, it may not necessarily be physical alone. Since love requires a commitment, a certain amount of discipline is necessary because you cannot harm the person you love whether physically or emotionally. In lust, no discipline is maintained as the person who is the object of lust becomes a subject of utility to be discarded once the purpose of self-satisfaction is fulfilled.

True Love inspires only positive emotions of joy, peace, serenity and friendship. Love becomes the fountainhead for individual progress and supports the universal positive attributes. On the other hand, lust inspires negative emotions though, a short-term feeling of exhilaration may be confused with love.

According to Eastern traditions of philosophy, love for an individual can translate into a universal love for all mankind and a higher love for god. While, lust can only translate into further depravity. While love leads to spirituality, lust leads to materialism. While love is an evolutionary positive force, lust is a destructive negative force.

Every day everywhere, people fall in love...but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love?
I know hundreds of people who say the magical words "I love you"...but more often than not, the truth is just -- I am IN love with you.
There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. Many people are in love with the idea of being in love with someone than actually being in love with someone.  If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you because of the present you.

This kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts. When fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship...where both were only IN love with each other.

But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future. When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you're in love with the idea of being in love. It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking.

Let your heart guide you and your mind lead you.

                                 What is sexual  chemistry?

I define chemistry as mutual, magnetic attraction between people. The attraction could be artistic, intellectual, spiritual, romantic and/or sexual. Purely sexual chemistry is magnetic because you are each other's "type" - an idealized look, way of moving, voice and smell combined with complimentary sexual styles. Relationships that are based purely on sexual chemistry are usually short-lived unless there is an obstacle (such as when it's a secret affair or there's geographic distance) that keeps the desire primed.

Romantic chemistry is more than that. With this kind of chemistry, along with mutual physical attraction there is an intellectual, creative, emotional and/or spiritual connection. Along with those connections, this kind of chemistry feels intense and magical because you each possess some of the positive and negative personality traits of important figures in your partner's earlier life. The positive characteristics are consciously recognized. The negative ones lure you unconsciously - they represent unfinished emotional business from your past that you are hoping to resolve.

What's so great about sexual chemistry?

 It feels marvelous! Romantic chemistry is a special high that is accompanied by elevations in brain chemicals related to craving, desire, bonding, risk-taking, obsession and euphoria. It creates synergy and energy for creativity, productivity, generosity, longevity and growth. The best acting, dance, musical and other professional partners have high chemistry. In healthy love relationships, chemistry makes a couple feel bigger and more powerful than the sum of their parts, while each member still enjoys his or her own individuality. It makes romantic partners feel like vibrant soul mates.

When does intense sexual chemistry become a problem?

Her side of why sexual chemistry does not become a problem. It doesn’t become a problem because it is overrated. Sexual chemistry is the desire of wanting to be with somebody, and having a passion so strong for someone that you are willing to do any and everything to please them. It  doesn’t become a problem because sex is the way of life, sex is the activity that created us as human beings. Without sexual chemistry we wouldn’t  have sex. Without having sex the human race would never exist.

My thoughts of how and why it becomes a problem.

Sometimes people confound romantic love with purely sexual chemistry and end up feeling cheated or resentful when they come down to earth after they're sexually satisfied.

It also becomes a problem when partners who fall under the spell of romantic infatuation are not yet psychologically or emotionally mature. Partners are usually well-matched on levels of psychological functioning and when they are immature, more negative characteristics will lure them to each other and stay below the radar until partners get to know each other better. The negative features are usually related to the positive ones. For example, the confidence you admired seems to shift to dominance or concitement.

Power struggles are the hallmark of immature chemistry and the tug-of-wars can get vicious and cause couples to break up and get back together repeatedly. The glue in the relationship is the unfinished emotional business that each partner is hoping to resolve, left over from their earlier significant relationships. This kind of toxic chemistry is at the root of what some people call "co-dependency".

                                          Written By: Jonathan Coradini


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    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 

      7 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      Very well written and informative. You have touched base on all major attributes of what people would expect and a touch of your own thoughts as well, I find those more interesting to read then just being regurgitated. I believe you may have a possibly unexplored talent here. As you grow and write more its nice to look at the beginning; almost like a relationship based on a strong foundation that though may crack will never break. Its your backbone and will hold you up as the writer when you are in a blocked creativity mode. One that will remind you why the frustration or dissapointment is worth it.

      Just don't give up and I look forward to what you have in the future to share.

    • melbel profile image

      Melanie Palen 

      7 years ago from Midwest USA

      Very informative hub! Love it! Thank you for writing this piece. :)


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