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Relationship Madness:To Cheat, Or Not To Cheat?

Updated on October 13, 2009

It's a sad fact that for many people, a huge part of their relationships is dealing with cheating. Cheating arises for a number of reasons, but the reason that will be focused on today is that of one partner feeling unfulfilled in the relationship.

Many people decide that they love their wife or girlfriend, husband or boyfriend, but their partner just doesn't fulfill their needs. Perhaps they have a secret little proclivity that they keep hidden away, or maybe there are certain things that he or she just won't do in bed. While this may be dubious morally, it is an apparently 'logical' option. For example, for many men,the ability to have a darling wife at home who is the mother of his children, and have a mistress or two (or more) on the side for unleashing his darkest desires just makes sense. It allows him to play the role that has somehow been pressed upon him, it allows him to continue to see his wife in a static role, and yet it also allows him to indulge his own naughty desires.

In taking this theory to extremes, some people have even been heard to compare their partners to pizzerias. They're nice and comfortable, and you know there will always be a spare seat and a hot slice waiting for you, but sometimes you just feel like something else, perhaps something a little spicier or more meaty. So why not go out and sample the other delicacies that life has to offer?

The problem with this mode of thinking is that it reduces the partner to being nothing more than a provider of pleasure at one end of the spectrum, or perhaps even an angel who must not be tarnished at the other. Sometimes the cheater even convinces himself that they are doing their partner a 'favor' by going outside the relationship but keeping her in the dark.

Is this the case? Whilst some would regard this as ludicrous, there is evidence that it isn't always as silly as it sounds.

For some people, this mode of cheating even becomes a sustainable part of their relationship. According to Dolly Parton, secretly cheating on one another is what has kept the relationship between her and her husband strong for over 40 years.

Dolly was quoted in the Daily Mail as saying: "If we cheat we don't know it, so if we do cheat, it's very good for both us.

"I don't want to know it, if he's cheating on me. If I'm cheating on him, he wouldn't want to know it. "And if we do, if that's what's making it work, then that's fine too."

The moral of the story is fairly obvious. Your partner is just that, a partner, and a relationship is about two people trying to fulfill the needs of the other to the best of their ability. However, sometimes that may not be possible. Perhaps the one you love simply isn't interested in fulfilling a need you have, and perhaps there are others who would.

Secrets and lies all too often undermine what could have been a beautiful relationship, and take away the opportunity for growth. Cheating has been going on since the dawn of human relationships, but is it really necessary? Remember, there are options to the purely monogamous relationship model. Many people opt for open relationships, where both partners are free to love not just one another, but others as well. Though this is a controversial option, it does at least bring honesty to the table.

At the end of the day, there are four options available to the man or woman who finds his or herself in a relationship that doesn't fulfill them entirely:

  • Accept that no human being will ever fulfill all your needs and desires, make a firm commitment to your partner, and work with them to maximize the amount of happiness you can have with one another, even though some areas may be lacking.
  • Accept that no human being will ever fulfill all your needs and desires, and suggest the possibility of an open relationship.
  • Accept that no human being will ever fulfill all your needs and desires and sneak around behind your partner's back.
  • Break up (though in many cases, especially ones where children are involved, this can be a difficult thing to do. How do you explain to a 5 year old that Mommy and Daddy aren't together anymore because Mommy doesn't like to spank Daddy?)


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    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 9 years ago

      LMAO at the pizzeria line. Too funny! Or should that be too sad?? Cheating is bad, which means most of the population is bad. You ought to see the natives where I live.. its a pandemic! Good hub!

    • Jerrico Usher profile image

      Jerrico Usher 9 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      see the movie "I think I love my wife" nuff said.