- Gender and Relationships
Relationships Blocked by Your Children
The Joy of Having Kids
Dating was a blast but it also had its moments of lustre lacking. The novelty wears off after six months for some people and for others a little later but only the very few lucky ones get to be with "Mr Romantic" forever.
Getting married sparks things up again as you begin a new adventure together, learning to live with each other and learning to accept all the good and bad things, likes, dislikes and it takes years to get to know each others moods and emotional status.
Once you have finally figured that out and you get to have some hot romantic days or nights at home, you settle in and the novelty wears off once again.
Kids are a fantastic addition to your adventure together but for the first couple of years, you need to learn to escape from being mommy and daddy or you will be stuck in a rut without any form of stimulation at all.
Children start with keeping you up at night once they are born and it is great when both parents can help and experience this together. Once the baby is a little bigger and you have found your rhythm, you can then begin to go on a date or look at each other in a romantic way for a bit.
School begins, taxi service starts and you find that you have to sensor what you say because kids have a super sense of hearing when it comes to things that they are not supposed to be listening to and you might find your little one uttering the "f" word when you least expect it and wonder how that happened.
Once they are a little older it is good to know that you have raised them in a way so that they know that parents are not to be interrupted when talking to other adults or each other and they know that they can speak to you at anytime.
If you have not taught your kids never to interrupt you or you have allowed them to be in on your adult conversations, then unfortunately, it is you that you have to thank for the block in your relationship today.
Children are curious and they will listen to everything that you have to say as well as mimic you, so being careful is a good plan as a parent.
If you have raised them correctly then they will have no interest in listening to your boring conversations and they will go off into their own world when you and your spouse begin a conversation.
Unfortunately not everyone has raised their kids to know that they are not to butt into adult conversation and this is where problems begin and some relationships end.
Kids Interrupting Parents
Marriage and its Problems
Any marriage can sustain a great amount of pressure and marriage has lots of ups and downs. There are problems that begin from early on in the relationship as you both try to adjust to living in one space together. After you have been married for some time there are other problems, like work buddies, girl or boys nights out and even the "seven year itch" comes into play at some stage.
Financial pressure, stress from work and kids can also be a huge problematic factor in a marriage and the way forward is to make sure that you and your spouse have a good tight bond that allows for open communication and understanding.
Everyone has issues and every marriage has arguments but it is how you handle them that makes the difference.
Kids will be there to interrupt your life as a couple and it is so important to ensure that you have a night where you can go out and share your inner most thoughts with your spouse as well as include a little bit of romance to spark things up otherwise marriage is dull, boring and leaves you feeling alone and stuck in a rut with nobody to talk to or make you feel good about yourself.
When you have kids raising them is important and you need to give them quality time but you also need to give your relationship quality time too as this is what you will still have when your children leave you one day.
Having children that block your relationship can be very frustrating for both partners and if not dealt with can lead to relationships breaking down. If things cannot get resolved then it can also lead to divorce and your own kids can be the cause of you having to split up with the very person that you brought them into the world with.
Lasting relationships can only work and be everlasting if you can communicate with your partner and if you can be best friends throughout your marriage. Everyone argues and there are days where you hate each other but to get through each and every problem, you need to be able to be open with your partner in order for it to work. You also need to be romantically involved with each other and there has to be a time where you are not talking about kids, bills, work or cleaning.
Separating your relationship with each other romantically is very important and your kids need to be taught that from the very beginning so that you do not have a situation where you have been able to sustain through financial or any other problems only to find yourselves getting divorced because of the kids that you have raised incorrectly.
They need to learn from you and you both have to actively work together to ensure that you have time for yourselves as a couple as well as time for your family. Finding a balance is often not as easy as it sounds but it has to be done so that you can live harmoniously.
Children Disrupting Relationships
Children in Adult Conversations
This is a big no, no! Although children should be able to interact with people and they should feel that they can communicate with their parents, they should also know their place and when they are not to get involved in adult conversation.
This is up to you, the parents to ensure that they do not interrupt your conversation and it is up to you to ensure that you do not speak about certain things where "big ears" can hear.
Keep your conversations with your kids light and bubbly and leave the adult conversation for later when the kids are not around.
Children interrupting a conversation about home affairs should not be allowed and there is also nothing more frustrating then having a conversation interrupted by a child. It is not fair if the parent entertains this as you will find that eventually, your kids will be blocking every conversation that you have and it will feel as though they are the decision makers in your home.
If one parent allows this then the other one needs to let them know that it is not right and that the children should be told not to interrupt adults when they are speaking as this is not only rude and considered bad manners but it is also disrupting for the relationship of the two parents.
Kids who have been brought up to know that they must not interrupt the adults will not even pay attention to what parents are talking about and they will entertain themselves whilst mom and dad are speaking but children who have not been told to mind their manners, will give mom and dad no chance to finish a conversation.
You do not have to feel as though you are ignoring your kids or excluding them but there are times when they are just not to be involved in conversation and it is odd when your child answers a question for a parent, especially when the name called out is a lovers pet name.
Let your kids know that they must not interrupt and they need to understand that when adults are speaking they are not to be in the conversation at all.
Allowing your kids to interrupt your every word can lead to a very uncomfortable and frustrating relationship which will cause a block between the parents and communication will eventually end, which then leads to loneliness and a lack of communication can also cause distress in a marriage.
The littlest thing like deciding on groceries at the store can be annoying if a child interrupts as well as talking about domestic situations or things that need to be done, whilst you are both trying to make a decision and a child stops your communication to give input or ask questions about things that they should not be included in.
It is up to you to change this and only you can make a difference in your home life. Finding time to speak to your spouse about matters that do not include your children should be done when they are not around to listen in and if they are then they should be told to mind their own business as certain conversations are for parents ears only.
Teach Your Children to be Respectful
Many of us make the mistake of trying to let our children assume that they are our friends when they should understand that you are there to listen to them and give them advise but that there are limits to the friendship and there is a line to be drawn.
Respecting parents is something that you have to teach your children and they need to learn that they have a time and place for conversation and listening and it is not when you are in a conversation among adults or your spouse.
By letting them understand that they need to leave you to communicate with adults they will soon understand that this is not something that they are allowed to be involved in and it will teach them to keep out of adult conversation and concentrate on something else.
Do Your Kids Dominate All the Adult Conversations? How Do you Deal With it?
Jealousy Ruling the Home
Children can block your relationship in many ways and in some homes they can get jealous of a relationship which in some ways can be normal and at other times, needs to be addressed but in most cases a child will do anything to gain the attention of a parent and will try anything to get the parents attention which will be to manipulate one parent into going against the other. This is easily done in divorced homes or where there is a guilty parent who feels that they have not spent enough time with their children or they have been played by a child who can cry to get away with discipline issues. This leads to spouses or partners arguing about the children and allowing the kids to control the home and the situation. Eventually it takes the toll and leads to very unhappy marriages, separation and even divorce.
Guilt should not be a reason to give into a child and you should be a parent and ensure that your kids understand that there are rules and they need to follow them. They need to respect that you have a relationship and this can only be done if they can see that you are in love and that they have been taught verbal boundaries.
Do not let your children manipulate you by crying and telling you that they are alone and you re being mean because this is a ploy that kids use to be able to get away with what they want.
Jealousy also stems from a lack of attention and you need to give your children some time in your day to be able to communicate with you or spend some time with you playing ball or reading a story. Show them some interest and let them know that there is a time for kids and family and there is also a time for moms and dads to be adults and a time for adults to spend time with each other.
If you cannot find a balance in your home life and you have lost communication with a spouse it is because you have allowed your children to rule the home, interrupt your personal space and love life and you have done this for so long that it will be difficult to strengthen your relationship without having to reset the home boundaries.
It is important to let your children know and understand that they are loved and that you are there for them no matter what but it is equally important for them to know that you need adult time too.
Marriages Blocked By Kids - What to Do
How frustrating it must be to try and tell your spouse something without having your conversation interrupted by a child who dominates and ends your process!!
When your children are making decisions and answering questions or asking questions that should be between partners and you allow this to happen, then you are in for an uncomfortable relationship because there is nothing worse than having your communication blocked by a child.
Decisions about groceries, finance, discipline or painters should be something that is discussed between partners and not made by children.
Getting to know what is going to be happening in your day by a child instead of your spouse can lead to trouble in a relationship because some things are meant to be discussed by parents and children should not be involved.
When you allow your kids to take the lead and you find your partner is communicating more with your 10 year old rather than with you, this is a problem and it will lead to the spouse shutting down and losing interest in the relationship, which can cause them to find someone else to be able to communicate with.
It is best to speak to your partner and let them know that your child is getting too involved in adult conversation and that your partner needs to let the child know that mom and dad are speaking and they are not to be there in the conversation. You also need to tell your spouse to stop speaking to your child in an adult manner as by doing this, it allows the child free reign with every single sentence, leaving a gap in your relationship with your spouse.
You need to sit your children down and teach them that when adults are in a conversation, the children are not to interrupt and not to be involved in what they are saying. If they continue to do this then you need to take stronger measures by sending them to play or making them leave the room where the conversation is being held.
You as parents also need to know that there is a time and place for adult conversation and it is not in front of your kids, you should wait until little ears cannot listen in, to have important conversations.
Children blocking relationships are children who have managed to gain control over one parent and they tend to be answering to your spouses pet name, they disrupt you in the grocery store, at dinner and wherever they can because they have not been taught otherwise.
Too much of this will lead to divorce eventually as one parent will be speaking to the child and the child will be relaying parts of the conversation to the other parent, who was not aware of something making the partner feel inadequate and unimportant as they will begin to wonder why the child is the bearer of second hand news and why the spouse cannot speak to the other parent.
It can get so bad that communication can be blocked completely and with women, no communication, no relationship physical or mental!
If you find that your children have secrets that have been blurted out and have spoiled a surprise for you because your spouse allowed this to happen, it can be hurtful and it can break down trust and faith in your relationship, leaving your spouse to wonder why they are there at all.
Partners in a marriage are supposed to be able to communicate about anything and if anything, they should be the two that have secrets among each other and decisions should be discussed between only them. Letting your kids get involved in this area of your relationship is a no, no!
The only thing to do is to keep your kids out of your conversations, decisions and situations that are only meant for the adults to be involved in and a date night should be included into your weekly routine so that if you do have prying ears, you can feel safe away from home where you are able to speak freely.
Save Your Marriage Teach Your Kids
Don't let your kids be the reason for your marriage to end and know that there are lines to be drawn as parents where there is a time and place for children to be involved in adult conversation.
Give your kids room to speak freely but let them know that they have boundaries and when adults are in deep or serious conversation, they need to know that they are not to be involved.
You also need to teach your kids to be kids and respect that adults have conversations that do not include being interrupted by children.
If you allow your children to go with you on your dates, speak when you are in need of an answer or waiting for an answer from a spouse or you involve them into your personal space, you are then setting yourself up to fail in your relationship as parents need alone time to be adults and children should not be involved in every single aspect of your life.
WHEN Your Kids Question Your Intimacy
When children are too involved in parents lives they tend to get jealous if all the attention is not on them but there is a time where they are not allowed to ask certain questions about your life. The biggest one is questioning why you and your spouse are affectionate.
It is also none of their business what you are talking about, what you are doing in your room and where you are going and why you are going on a date.
Children questioning why you are affectionate and getting angry about it, must be cautioned as this could be more of a problem than just a simple bit of jealousy.
Jealousy can be usual in girls of about 10 to 12 if their father has recently begun to date someone but in normal circumstances, they are not usually jealous and this should be looked at in a deeper conversation.