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Relationships Ending: The Five Stages of Grief After a Break Up

Updated on April 25, 2012

Anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one and who has dealt with the pain of that experience by seeing a counselor or working through self-help workbooks will tell you that there are five stages of grief that you go through as you deal with this loss. What you may not know is that we go through some version of these five stages of grief every single time that we feel a loss even if there isn’t a death involved. One type of loss that all of us eventually experience is the loss of a romantic relationship that was very important to us. When we go through that experience, we go through those same stages of grief that we would go through if someone close to us had died.

Of course, the way that we process the breakup of a relationship isn’t quite the same as how we would process a death. With a relationship, the other person is still there for us to interact with (at least theoretically; we may not actually be speaking to them). This complicates the traditional grief process because ongoing interaction can change the dynamics of the relationship and cause new patterns in dealing with the loss. Additionally, the possibility of getting back together with our romantic interest creates difficulty with some of the stages of grief. Nevertheless, as we go through the ending of a relationship, we will eventually go through all of those same five stages of grief.

Having a good understanding of what those five stages of grief are can help you to better understand the emotions that you are experiencing when you go through the breakup of an important relationship. Knowing some of the things that commonly happen or feelings that get felt during each stage can help you to understand that what you are going through is normal and that eventually it will pass. And being able to see what stage of grief you are in can help you to better process the loss so that you can grow from the experience (painful though it is) and eventually be better in future relationships because you’ve processed it all through.

So, let’s take a look at those five stages of grief. They were originally outlined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross but I’m looking at them here through the lens of relationships and am adding information from my own experiences with this process as well as from an amalgamation of many different books on the topic that I’ve read over time. Any book on grief or the grief process of relationships will give you additional insight into these five stages:

1. Denial. It is often said that the first stage of grief is denial. Whereas you may move back and forth between the other stages (and this one as well) you basically almost always start with this one. It’s the stage of not being able to really admit to yourself what is going on. And while it’s definitely a part of the grief process people go through with death, it’s probably even more integral to the grief process of a relationship ending.

This stage is that stage in a relationship when you kind of know that things aren’t quite right anymore but you don’t want to deal with it. You hope that it’s just a rough patch. You don’t want to ask if you’re being cheated on because you’d really rather not know right now even if you think that maybe you should know. You look at the happy moments and think, ‘it’s okay, things are fine’.

We deny that the relationship is ending for a lot of reasons. Sometimes relationships really do just have rough periods and you can’t really know what’s going on until more time has passed. Sometimes we’re just too afraid to admit that things need to change so we keep ignoring the problem for as long as we can. Sometimes we have deep-rooted childhood issues related to abandonment that make it emotionally too terrifying for us to face the end of our relationships so we cling on.

Even after you and your partner have finally admitted out loud that there is a problem, there could still be an ongoing period of denial. It’s that period when you’re still talking and trying to work things out. It’s that period when you’ve stopped talking but in your mind you’re hoping that he or she will call and it will eventually get resolved. You may come back to this stage again and again as you go through the grief process depending on how much you interact with your ex. But the biggest stage of denial comes at the beginning when you’re trying to fight off the relationship ending in the first place.

Learn more about feelings of denial over a relationship ending

2. Anger. Anger is a stage that we all have to go through if we’re going to process our grief over the loss of our relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of people are really terrified of anger (both their own anger and the anger of others) so they refuse to acknowledge this part of the process. Failure to allow yourself to feel your anger feelings can result in never actually completing the grief process and therefore being unable to move on. So it’s important that we acknowledge our anger over the situation.

If you’re asking yourself who you’re going to be angry at, the answer is a lot of people. You’ll definitely be angry at your partner for not doing whatever you wanted him or her to do to make things right. You’ll probably be angry at yourself for your own mistakes in the relationship. You may be angry at God or the universe or life itself because things had seemed so good and now they’re not. You might even be angry at other people in your life and people from your past – angry at your parents for whatever they did that made you incapable of making this relationship work, angry at the friend who told you your husband was cheating or the friends who didn’t, angry at whoever happens to be around.

This anger can be scary but it’s a very real part of the grief process. The important thing is to acknowledge the anger and deal with it in ways that are safe and sane. Don’t be self-destructive. Write it out in journal entries and letters that you don’t send. Work with a counselor. Get anger management therapy if you need it. But don’t repress that anger or it’s just going to come back and bite you later on.

Learn more about feelings of anger over a relationship ending

3. Bargaining. Another stage of grief that we go through when we experience any loss is bargaining. In the case of a death, we try to bargain with God or whatever greater spirit we believe in to try to make the big problem go away. We may also do this in the case of our relationship ending but there’s also a good chance that we do bargaining with our partner and bargaining with ourselves. This is typically considered to be the third stage of grief but it may come before the anger for a lot of people as they try to move out of their denial and to work things out with their partner.

Bargaining is that stage of the break-up when you’re trying to make deals and compromises. It’s when you start talking about how an open relationship might be a possibility or a long-distance thing could work. It’s when you say to your partner, “if you just did this then I could do that and it would work”. It’s when you say to yourself that you’ll do x, y, z to be a better spouse so that the relationship doesn’t have to end. It’s when you say to your Higher Power that you’ll meditate more often if only you’ll experience enough peace to get through the tough times together.

Sometimes bargaining actually works. Sometimes you can actually find constructive ways to reach an agreement with yourself, your partner and / or your god to change the situation so that you can still be in a relationship. But most times it is just part of the process that we go through as we learn to deal with the fact that our relationship with someone is coming to an end.

4. Depression. After all of the denial and the anger and the bargaining have been done and we realize that things really are starting to end, we become depressed. We fell helpless and powerless and overwhelmed with sadness about the loss that we are experiencing. We feel like we are never going to meet another person who makes us feel as good as this person did. We feel like we’re never going to be as happy on our own as we were with that person. We feel like things will never be the same and it makes us feel sad.

This is the time that it is most important to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves. We need to get enough rest because this period of the grief process is particularly tiring. We need to eat right, exercise and try to stay healthy. We need to surround ourselves with supportive friends, people who love us and make us feel good about ourselves. And we need to force ourselves to go out and do things that interest us even though this feels like the last thing that we want to do.

Even as we do all this, we need to acknowledge our depression. We need to admit to our emotions. We need to cry. To deal with loss, we have to feel the terrible pangs of sadness that come along with that loss. We need to say to ourselves and to others that we are sad and that we don’t know how long we will be sad but that eventually we won’t be sad anymore. Depression is a powerful emotion but it is only an emotion and it will eventually pass.

5. Acceptance. Believe it or not, at the end of all of this, you will eventually reach a day when you have accepted the situation. No matter how many times you passed back and forth between the stages listed above, you will one day find that those stages are finally done. You will think of your ex or even run into him or be friends with her again and you will no longer feel angry or sad. You will no longer be trying to fix things or wishing that things were different or trying to get back what you once had or blaming the other person for things going wrong. You will have accepted that things were the way they were, the situation ended as it did, you grew as a person and it’s all okay. It feels like you will never get to this stage as you go through the trauma of a breakup but eventually, believe it or not, if you’ve dealt properly with the other four stages of grief then you really will get to this one. Hang in there!

Which is the Hardest Stage of Grief to Go Through?

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  • profile image

    Georgina 12 months ago

    my name is Miss Georgina peckett, I'm from USA.

    I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is genuine and real.I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing Gilbert, I needed help and somewhere to turn badly. I found consultant.Dr john spells and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. Several days later, my phone rang.Gilbert was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I loved and needed him. Spell Casting isn't brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share together. I recommend you if you are in my old situation to try it. It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be. you can contact the spell caster on-- he's very nice and great.

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    jennifer 21 months ago

    I am here to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 good lovely kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had a fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out…he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster Dr. Zuma zuk who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 3 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can email him at:

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    KH Rajit 23 months ago from New Delhi, India

    Nice articles , you have describe very beautifully. It happens true. Here i found some interesting videos how to get rid of broken relationship, but is in hindi.

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    Cloner Thompson 23 months ago

    I am full of happiness and delight, on the grounds that I have my significant other once more at my palm. My partner left me for just about 2 years. He doesn't pick or even return my calls and sends I tried each approaches to get him back, however no way. Until I met with this extraordinary spell caster called Olorun Agbalazzy, who did magic for me to get him back in less than 42hrs. I exhort anybody going to this site to run to him promptly for any relationship offer assistance. He is an extremely effective and experience spell caster you can get help can contact this great man Dr Olorun Agbalazzy on his email OLORUNODUDUWASPIRITUALTEMPLE@GMAIL . COM

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    tracy 23 months ago

    My Name is Ms. Tracy Newton, I was married to my husband for 13 years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until 2009 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 6 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave he the job. since that day, when i called him, he don’t longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to a very good love spell caster. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has nothing to do with pay first. but the only thing he was ask to do was just to go and buy the items to cast the spell, and that was what she did. And she gave me the spell caster e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, i was so surprise when he said that if i have the faith that i will get my husband back in the nest three [3] day, and off which it was really so. but i was so shock that i did not pay any thing to Dr.obadam, but my husband was on his knells begging me and the children for forgiveness. This testimony is just the price i have to pay. This man obadam is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address ( obadamtemple )if you are out there passing through any of the following situations :

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    dtjgy 24 months ago

    After being in relationship with him for seven years, he broke up with me, I did my best to get him back but all in vain, wanted him back so the love I feel for him, I pleaded with everything, I promise, but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that instead should contact a doctor love that could help me pray for my love to bring back to him, but I'm the guy who never believed in prayer, I had but to try, I sent the akim dr man, and he told me it was okay that everything will be fine within three days, my ex back to me within three days, he prayer and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 16:00. my ex called me, I was so surprised I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, he wanted to go back to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and I went with him, that's how we started living together happily again. Since then, I made a promise that no one I know has a relationship problem, I would help that person by him or her in reference to the only true love and powerful doctor who helped me with my own problem and that is different from all false there. anyone could need the help of the doctor love, your email address: ( you can email him if you need their help in your relationship or anything. You can never stop talking about you sir Your Email

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    monica 2 years ago

    After being in relationship with him for 7 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by reffering him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster He also help me to win lottery, his email: you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

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    Jeffrey Dowling 2 years ago

    After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is email:( ) or website: you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other problem.

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    Peter 2 years ago

    I feel a bit silly posting here, as I only knew my ex for 3 months. She came into my life, full of (what I thought was) love, affection, attention. She said I was the one and we were a team. She would never leave me. Then she was gone. Just an email. I was devastated. She did seem desperate to commit to me, she wanted me to move in with her after a few months. She was judgemental towards my son, who she never really knew. She was quite controlling. I tell myself I should be relieved that she has gone. I realise now that I don't miss her, I miss the way she made me feel. It still hurts.

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    Robert Claudio 2 2 years ago

    I really understand all these much like we almost all do by our 36th year of Earth living. I wish I could go back and fulfill the bargaining stage but I couldn't do it and lost the love of my life. Oh well. Onward.

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    Honey Bee 3 years ago

    Today I moved all my things out of our apartment. My boyfriend kicked me out this past Friday. Along with the break up also comes the loss of my job ( which means loss of my income and way of living,) and well as loss of my home. I don't think I have reached any of the stages yet, because I am just sad. I am sad, hurt, miserable, alone, scared, sick to my stomach, exhausted from no sleep. I read through all the stages and everyone's post and I can't even begin to prepare myself for any of those stages. I know eventually they will come and eventually go, but how does one mentally, physically and emotionally cope with all 3 of those things at once?! It's draining just coping with one bad incident at once, I don't know how to handle all 3 at the same time.

    I always used to say "Let go and Let God!" But I can't find the words or eats to let go or to even let God.

    I am broken and I have no clue how to try to fix me.

  • profile image

    susan 3 years ago

    I want to use this opportunity to thank Dr. Olokum for helping me get my lover back after he left me few months ago. I have sent friends and my brothers to beg him for me but he refused that it is all over between both of us but when I met this Dr. Olokum he told me to relaxed that every thing will be fine and really after just a week I got my man back. so thank you so much Olokum. here is the email and phone number of Dr. Olokum

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    joy 4 years ago

    my life is full of joy because Dr nanadu asked me to be happy What happened to me is not what i can keep only to myself but to also tell the world so that those that were once like me will get there love ones back and been happy once again. I and my lover had some issues which leads to our break up since after then my life has never been the same i tried all method to get him back but they were just waste of effort and waste of time. But one day during my search on the internet i came across someone testimony about Dr.nanadu was able to bring back my lover within 48hours. With the great thing that happened in my life i decided to tell the whole world about this great man called Dr nanadu. For those in need of anything he told me that in his temple there is know impossibility now i believe him so much friends if you need help to bring back your ex lover kindly contact him via email: And i promise you that your lover will definitely be back to you.

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    Walter 4 years ago

    I am writing this because I want to testify how great DR.CHECK Temple is. Everyone needs to know! I am a very satisfied and happy client. I can’t tell how long it’s been since I’ve bought spells online, but none of them had the same results than DR.CHECK Temple. Margaret definitely moved in with me 2 months ago. It was just a few weeks after DR.CHECKTemple cast a love spell for me. If know I should have messaged him before, but I was a bit scared that she could find out about the spell DR.CHECK Temple did so I removed all DR.CHECK Temple email. Anyway, I can tell everyone who are reading this that they are doing the right choice to go for a spell. It was always great communicate with and all the services offer are just excellent. Walter

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    gal71r 4 years ago

    In February after my boyfriend put the picture on facebook in which he cut me way,,and after I told him that its wrong. and we had more others problems.I said that I cannot see him any more.He said that he see nothing wrong in it,and keep calling and texting me.After 3 weeks he told me that why he cut me way from the picture,he not feel that he was commited to me.I said "bye" to him..but he was calling and texting to me.2 month he was texting that he loves me and that God told him that I am person for him.He said that he cares about me and wants to be with me.I forgive for everything to him,and after he told me that ;"lets work for the best and forget about everything,start from today".I forgive to him and see him on day he was cold and on Sunday in Church I was driving to be there and after the church spend time with him----he said clearly that he has things to do....I was shock..sad,upset,and cannot believe how person can do this kind of games....he said that he ll call to me -"some times to see how I doing".I said-"no".I give a chance he not took it--to bad.For me difficult understand why he did so,,but I try not think about it,,and move from stage to stage...

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    PlateauGuy 4 years ago

    My ex and I have broken up at least 20 times since early last summer. It's been a couple of months since I last saw her but there's been regular (fruitless and hurtful) communication between us. Because of this I feel like it's not really over and I feel like I'm stuck in the denial stage. I know it's over but I don't feel/think it's over. Ugh.....

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    Jafety 4 years ago

    I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls, She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man Dr.Zack Balo when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the items needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:25pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help. his email is ( i cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world.. he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap.. hope he helped u out too..good luck

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    anonymous 4 years ago

    I recently ended a relationship of significant length and this article hits the nail right on the head of how each of us is going to deal with this situation. The most important thing by far is acknowledging that all the feelings are real and shouldn't be taken lightly. I pray that, in time, we both will be alright.

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    Gustavo 4 years ago

    I just wanted to say that 21 months ago I was visiting this page. In a morning when I tought I didn't have any reason to keep going, I saw this page and the understanding of the stages and the process I was going through after a break up, kept me motivated. Now I am happy again. My life is totally diferent and I thank you, Kathryn, for helping me with your words. Today I came back here because I was recommending this link to a friend. I hope she benefits from this, just like I did.

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    sonia 4 years ago


    This powerful White magic love spell is tailored to bring your lover back in your arms permanently and with no delay. I use the best spell casting techniques to make your lover come home. This spell is customized to your situation and deals specifically with the barriers that have risen between you and your ex-partner. One by one, all obstacles will be removed until your lover realizes that leaving you was a mistake and desire nothing but coming back into your can also contact him in is email

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    Adams vivian 4 years ago


    Amazing?? i do not know how to thinks prophet walter who did a spell that make my husband to come back to me.he left me for the past five years,and for the past five years i have been in pains,sorrow,bitterness and wiping.until i read a magazine about this man called prophet walter,who help people to unite their relationship within two days.i never believe in spell or magic,so i decided to give him a try.i contacted him.he told me that he shall come back to me according to my believe.he also promise me that he shall return to me within two days,i was still doubting,if he can really do according to what he says,unfortunately on the third day he call me on phone saying that i should forget and forgive him.that he is now ready to love and cherish me,on the forth day he but a car for me to say he is very,very ,very,sorry,big thanks to prophet walter you help me to bring back my lovely husband,any body act their,having similar problem like this,thinking on what to do,Email him,he will surely but a smile on your face.not only that he can help .

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    Mrs Adams Vivian


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    4 years ago

    OMG I am soo happy somehow to read this. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year about a week ago. I still love him very much, and I loved him when I did it. I just wasn't getting what I needed... As I am echoing some of the other posters here..he just wasn't the same guy I met and loved previously. I wanted the old him back (and still do). I told him the same. He didn't fight for me. I even asked him to. The odd things is, he seemed to go through some of these stages as we talked on the phone!! (Yes, I broke -up with him over the phone...he wouldn't "couldn't" meet with me, so I had to. I hope everyday he would call me and ask to see me because I would do it. I'm very much depressed, but I'm forcing myself to do my normal things and more. Can you believe I waited faithfully for him for 6 months while he was out of the country and rcvd no type of appreciation from him for it!? The hardest part though is that he is going through a hard time right now, but is ultimately selfish and loyal to his family, who is and will always be a priority before me or our relationship. Preceding the break-up, I "warned" him so to speak by telling him things like "I don't feel like we are in a relationship", "I need you to tell me you love me and show an interest in my life"...I tried negotiating how many times we should see each other in a week. I was NEVER needy wit him, I promise you that. In fact, I had previously been with controlling/insecure men (a few), so I was refreshed to be with a normal and in fact quite UN-jealous type of a man. Sometimes I feel I was un-fair breaking it off....he told me I cannot stand by him through hard times, and it makes me feel like going back and not breaking-up. My father and best friend assure me I did the right thing. I'm embarrassed to say, but for our entire relationship, he probably made plans with me 2-3x, and I repeatedly asked him to do that. sucks because no matter what I do, I think of him...even the things that I am advised to do (or increase doing) in order to not think about it all the time. And if I am not thinking about it, it's literally for a few minutes only, yet even then it's in the back of my mind. I feel like crawling in my bed and going to sleep for the next 5 months. Winter is approaching here and certainly doesn't help anything... God help us.

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    Karen 4 years ago

    I can tell you this. I have dealt with a large number of deaths in my life of people very close to me including both my parents. Any NOTHING compares to the loss of heartbreak. WHY? as mentioned with death it is final..logically acceptance has to come quicker. Relationship breakdowns DO NOT get the support that people need. When some-one dies, people get all the support in the world, yet it is a quicker, hard pain, but relationship breakdowns without the right support can take years to heal. My point is more help and assistance should be out there in the world for relationship breakdowns and less support for death. Don't get me wrong, death is beyond tragic, but important relationship breakdowns can be down right agonising and cruel for years longer without the support in my opinion. The world should view, the loss of a loved one as more severe than a death. Eg...Demi Moore would not have looked like death for sooo long, if Ashton Kutcher had just died, she had to ensure a shocking pro-longed painful break-up. The world has a get over it attitude to relationship breakdowns, but they would never have that attitude if some-one died.

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    SUZAN 4 years ago

    When I first opted for this spell, I did not expect much from it. I had experienced failure before. But since I was been on getting him back at any cost, I decided to give it a shot. To my surprise spell from brought me much more than what i expected. Spell from is a best option for anyone who wants to get their love back and resume a healthy and loving relationship

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    james morgan 4 years ago

    I think Dr dodogods is a very special person with a lot of integrity and truth to his Spirit work. I would call on him again anytime I needed help with love affairs. His spells and plans brought me and my soon to be new wife together, and for that I will always be grateful. Thank you, pst by /james morgan

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    getna 4 years ago

    Me and my ex breakup 4 months ago and i was so depressed and devastated in getting him back.A friend of mine introduce me to a spell caster and i tell him my problem and i was guaranteed with 3 days to get my result and guest what the great miracle fell on me the third day and truly my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness even when i cost everything.God has truly blessed you with a very special gift. I just wanted to say thank you so much for the time that you took with me and helping me to get my ex back, i am so happy You are the perfect spell caster i have ever met,you can contact him with this email he can help you all

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    hopr 4 years ago

    I am not here to convince you or to make you buy anything from me. As I always say⦠if it does not feel right, donât do it! When it comes to spells, love spells and spell work it is important that you select an authentic and genuine spell caster that you feel good about. My advice to you is to really take the time to read the good new about me in any site. You will find many valuable information about me, my services and products as well as authentic spell casting, love spells, magic spells, witchcraft and spiritual help. Only you can decide if I am the right spell caster for you, let me tell you one thing you have to know is that most of the fake spell caster do have a site just convince you to see my thing about them, and they will take your money and they will never respond to your mail again don't be deceive brothers and sisters. My door is always open to you and you are very welcome to email me at any time email to contact CONTACT ME NOW VIA FOR MORE INFORMATION......

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    Canaceart 4 years ago

    I broke up with my ex last december and i was going through all these stages right before the acceptance stage we got back together to try to make it work...big mistake...but we actually came to a mutual agreement and understanding and now we arent together and I am happier than ever I think it was manly because i was at the acceptance stage before we got back together and that what we had was no longer there. We check up on each other every once in awhile just to say hey but I notice that I have I some resentment towards the city we lived on and towards things that we caused us to break up along with things he liked and things we liked together. And I would eventually like to go back to that city to finish school but right now I don't see it happening I wanted some advice.

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    Blessing Arunaw 4 years ago

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happen in a twinkle of an eye. my name are Miss Blessing Arunaw, am from Russian. my boyfriend Teddy Harrow left me for another girl five months ago' ever since then my life have been filled with pains, sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when i was 23 years old about four years ago. A friend of mine, Kate Garvin told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr Mukulupakurumo that he can bring back my lover within some few days. i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest suprise after four days my boyfriend called me for the very first time after five months that he is missing me badly and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. i still can't believe it, because it just too real to be real.

    Thank you Dr Mukulupakurumo for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address: From Blessing Arunaw Russian

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    Resy 4 years ago

    my name is wentney resy based in canada, i had a problem with my wife sometimes ago but never knew what the problem was,i tried to asked her but she refused to tell me what it was as time goes on i discovered she was having an affair with a friend of mine that happens to be my close friend back in college days,i was so sad that i never knew what to do next,during my search for a way out i met a friend of mine who had similar problem and introduced me to a man who helped him with his situation,on contacting this man through his email, i discoversd he was a spell caster i was shocked because i have not had anything to do with a spell caster in my entire life so i tried to give this man a chance cos i never believed in spell casting as i thought it will not work for me but to my surprise i got positive results and i was able to get my wife back from him even after the spell caster did all i discovered my wife fell much more in love with me on like before so i was so happy that i never know what to do for him so i am using this opportunity to tell anyone on this blog havin similar problem visit Vudoo spell and your problems shall be solved, his email is…

    from my blackerry verizone St. CANADA.

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    rymek 4 years ago

    My name is Mrs Rymek, and i live in canada.I have been through hell and pain,When my husband turned against our marriage,and sent me away,and said that he never wanted to see me again,because he was having an affair outside with another woman.I was finally confused,and so many thoughts came to my mind,when a friend finally advice me to go and visit a spell caster.And as i was searching for a spell caster to help, until i found the real and great spell caster who helped me,and solved all my problems concerning my husband who left me since six months.and after that a friend also complained of her husband too,So i linked her up with the same spell caster who helped me too,and the problem was also solved by the same spell caster . Whao!! the real and great spell caster is here,all you need to do now is to contact this same address whenever you are in any problem related to spell casting.It took me a very long period of time,before i could get this real and great spell caster.So right now Dr. Zuma is here,and the best for you to solve your problems that is bothering your mind..

    Finally,thanks to for bringing joy to my family...

    Long live Dr. Zuma


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    sharon 4 years ago

    What would i have done if not for DR OPOPO,my name is SHARON, I am 27

    years old and i have a son. Unfortunately almost a year ago his father

    broke up with me because of a mistake I made and I just really want

    him back. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want

    our family to be complete again, I want to spend the rest of my life

    with him. I read online that you helped a girl in this situation and I

    contact him for help. I grew up with my parents divorced and I don't

    want that for my son and I miss my husband so much and just want our

    family to be whole again I want the love of my life back and I can

    honestly say that because he is the only man I have ever truly loved

    with all my heart.So i seek help from and he responded to me and he cast

    a love spell for me which i use in getting back my husband and i am

    happy and grateful to him for helping me. the only through spell caster i

    have ever known.

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    Shane 4 years ago

    The only relationship I've ever had ended almost 3 and a half years ago. This was a girl I met when I was 22 after never having had a girlfriend through my teenage years and really yearned for someone to love, so you can understand that throughout the whole relationship she was very precious to me and every day I wanted to be the best man for her I could be. To this day I have no idea why I let it end. It ended as a mutual breakup although she opened the conversation (she had actually suggested breaking up once or twice previously which I talked her out of - in hindsight maybe a selfish thing to do because I was so smitten)

    Earlier this year I ran into her again and I asked her out again after not having really seen or talked to her for about three years. She declined, and later txted me to let me know she had a boyfriend ("I thought you should know"). I live alone, and spent the evening crying over the broken relationship for the first time ever.

    Last week I randomly came across a facebook photo of her and her boyfriend looking very happy together. My head has been spinning for the whole week since, three days after seeing this I broke down and sobbed for about half and hour. She keeps entering my mind and every time I shed a few tears. I get the feeling that before I heard she was with someone else and had been "dealing with it fine" I was actually in denial for three and a half years, and have only just now progressed in the grieving process. Indeed, despite knowing how much I cherished and still love her, I've had experienced a lot of pain other than a bit of disappointment at being lonely again - this always confused me until now.

    Now I'm a little scared, as I don't know what lies in store for me as far as the grieving process is. I don't know if this is something that is upsetting me for a short while, or if I'm going to be in this much pain for several years to come. I'm a conservative Christian in a town where there aren't a lot of female conservative Christians, and there aren't any single women in my church that are anywhere near my age. My ex-girlfriend goes to the only other church in my town that I consider compatible with the beliefs of my church, so going there would only expose me to more pain, and turning up there is something I don't want to do to her either. I still love her and at least just want her to be happy.

    I don't know how long this is going to hurt for, nor how bad the pain is going to get. I don't hold a lot of hope for meeting anyone else either. I have no idea what I can do to help myself through this. I imagine if I tried to tell anyone that wouldn't understand and tell me "it's been a long time, get over it already".

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    Lilly 4 years ago

    Lilly, I wanted to take a minute to thank you for all of your work and effort. I requested a binding love spell and received the strengthen our relationship love spell as my free spell and within 3 days Sam was back and home with me and we are finally talking about marriage and kids! I cannot thank you enough for your spell casting services! I have already recommended two friends to you for help with their love lives!!! Those of you who need help should contact Dr. Monday via his email address:

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    lucy 4 years ago

    In 2 words: THANK You Vudoo spell Master! It was a real pleasure to have this spell caster on vudoo spell master cast a spell for me. I liked his communication with me. Unlike most spellcasters, vudoo spell Master answered every single email I sent vudoo spell master. Unlike most spellcasters I contacted before vudoo master, I am 100% certain that vudoo spell master actually did the work I paid for. And unlike them, brought back in my life the man I love. I am forever thankful! Lucy

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    Mr Luis Bright 4 years ago

    My name is Mr Luis Bright,i live in Mexico,and I’m happily married with a lovely wife and three children.I had a very big problem with my wife few months ago,to the extent that she even packed her things away from me and my kids for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring her back,but all to no avail.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster,and i quote.“There’s someone who can handle your situation,he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting,i will like you to contact him with his email,which is as follows.”AYELALA SHRINE”. I never believed in spell casting,but he convinced me and i had no choice than to follow his advice,because i never dreamt of loosing my lovely wife.And that’s how i contacted him with his email address,and i discussed with him and so surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my wife back a day i never believed,until when i got home,the next day,my wife called me to inform me that she was coming back…..So amazing!! That’s how i got my wife back through spell casting and our relationship was now stronger than how it was before.One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by “AYELALA SHRINE”. So! my advice for you out there is to visit this same website,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back,to have a happy family.THANKS……

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    louise 4 years ago

    However my belief for spells was not that strong. worked like magic and made my faith so strong in that I got my love back so soon, it was hard for me to believe. I just so feel that those going through hard times in their relationship should give it a try and get the solution to your problem. - Louise

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    Carl 4 years ago

    I was heartbroken that my husband moved in with another woman so I had a spell to bring him back home and stop the affair he had with her. In just 2days he left her and went to live at the motel. He called to say so and get news of the kids. The discussion was pleasant, as if he was changing to become the man I knew when we got married. It was exactly as you said…. Now he’s back home and is absolutely crazy about me. I am so thrilled by this spell that I cant find the right words to say how I feel right now. All I can decently say is that you changed my life and saved the most important thing in my life: my family, way to contact my savior is

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    Mike 4 years ago

    My girlfriend has abandon me for the past year now, and refuse to come back because she was hold on by another guy whom she just met, for that, my self has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but i decide to do all means to make sure that my relationship come together as it use to be before, then i went online there i saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email address is, so i had to contact him and in just 5 days as he has promised me, my girlfriend came back to me and her behavior was back to the girl i knew before.I cant thank the spell caster enough, i am so grateful.I even spoke to the spell caster over the phone, to confirm his existence.His email again is

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    cheney 4 years ago

    My name is cheney from uk. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in February this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is DR.EGOGO he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is

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    SweetiePie 4 years ago from Southern California, USA

    There are some people leaving spam messages on this hub pretending like they are people you should email for psychic services. I know because these same comments with the same IP keeps showing up on a particular hub I wrote. You might want to delete their comments.

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    Mr Luis Bright 4 years ago

    My name is Mr Luis Bright,i live in Mexico,and I’m happily married with a lovely wife and three children.I had a very big problem with my wife few months ago,to the extent that she even packed her things away from me and my kids for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring her back,but all to no avail.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster,and i quote.“There’s someone who can handle your situation,he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting,i will like you to contact him with his email,which is as follows.”AYELALA SHRINE”. I never believed in spell casting,but he convinced me and i had no choice than to follow his advice,because i never dream of loosing my lovely wife.And that’s how i contacted him with his email address,and i discussed with him and so surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my wife back a day i never believed,until when i got home,the next day,my wife called me to inform me that she was coming back…..So amazing!! That’s how i got my wife back through spell casting and our relationship was now stronger than how it was before.One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by “AYELALA SHRINE”. So! my advice for you out there is to visit this same website,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back,to have a happy family.THANKS……

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    docas 4 years ago

    I appreciate all you have done for myself and my family. My name is Sam and after contacting so many fake spell casters that only played with my heart you´d got what I wanted: my family back.

    Your sincere kindness and thoughtfulness inspires me. You have touched my heart deeply and I will forever be grateful that you got rid of all the negative influences that surrounded my wife and I.

    Now we are back and my son is very happy again, with his parents together...

    Thanks Dr gbojoro! Post under a website at

    All my gratefulness

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    Joan 4 years ago

    Thank you for taking the time of bringing my man back to me. I went to 3 different spell casters, but only you got the job done. Like I said before I appreciate all your time, effort, and energy you put into the Back To Me Spell and Trust My Love Spell he is more open and he admitted he loves me and really want to be in a relationship with me. After 2 years of separation we are a couple ......Joan

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    Mr Luis Bright 4 years ago

    My name is Mr Luis Bright,i live in Mexico,and I’m happily married with a lovely wife and three children.I had a very big problem with my wife few months ago,to the extent that she even packed her things away from me and my kids for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring her back,but all to no avail.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster,and i quote.“There’s someone who can handle your situation,he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting,i will like you to contact him with his email,which is as follows.”AYELALA SHRINE”. I never believed in spell casting,but he convinced me and i had no choice than to follow his advice,because i never dreamt of loosing my lovely wife.And that’s how i contacted him with his email address,and i discussed with him and so surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my wife back a day i never believed,until when i got home,the next day,my wife called me to inform me that she was coming back…..So amazing!! That’s how i got my wife back through spell casting and our relationship was now stronger than how it was before.One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by “AYELALA SHRINE”. So! my advice for you out there is to visit this same website,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back,to have a happy family.THANKS……,

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    catherine 4 years ago

    whatever magic or spell used by has helped to settle my marriage problem, all i can say is that my husband is no longer talking of divorcing me, he now says we have to move together to our new home next early month, Catherine Rosebank is


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    JULIETTE 4 years ago

    "I don't know how to thank you DR ANTOGAI, you truly came through for me when you with your love spell. I finally hit the lottery last month Friday thanks to your lottery spell and my man came back on Mother's Day. When I opened that door, I felt like I could have fainted when I saw him holding a bouquet of roses and wishing me Happy Mother's Day. I haven't seen him in 5 months and you did that love spell 5days ago. That is fast!..We talked a while and he came clean and told me about the other woman and he broke up with her. He really wants us to be together and he told me how much he misses me and wants to be with me.. thank you for your help you are really the best.

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    sullivan 4 years ago

    I contacted prophetharry in regards of my lover. my lover stoped associating with me. He was interested in working out his marriage, after begging and pleading with him I realized it was out of my hands, he really was leaving me. I cant say how much I'm grateful across this spell caster, After discussing the resolution with prophet, he said he will cast get your lover back spell and after the spell i saw what I never expected. My lover not only came back to me, but left his wife and now we are engaged, we are getting married next week, I don't know what I would have done without prophetharry.


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    Jay J 4 years ago

    Hello all, my world is pain for now. I choose to write this poem it has given me the courage to keep moving forward. There is no point in looking back or forward as we only live in the moment that we are in. When you release the thoughts of the past and future and live in the present you will find no pain. Silence the thoughts by living here and now. I hope you all find peace swiftly x

    The Child in Darkness

    Stop, this moment has been chosen

    Forgive yourself

    Love yourself

    As part of the universe you have that right

    Indeed the world is full of trickery

    Do not allow this to be contained within you

    Open your soul to the beauty that is forever intertwined within our world

    Peace is asking for you

    Life is asking for you

    Energy wants you back

    Difficulty and Sorrow want to keep you, to them say farewell. Thank you for the lessons

    Strength has found its home safe within you

    With this worlds wrongs and broken dreams

    It is still a beautiful world

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    anonymous 4 years ago

    prof is professional spell caster who does his job so well

    organized and highly functional overall sense of artistry and expertise. when I first found out about this spiritualist and testimonies about him, i found that his spell works was rare to see and that he is an expert in not only making magic spells, but making them available to others. if you are in a heartbreak and you need your lover back meet and see how things will turn around

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    Violet 4 years ago

    Desperation must be a stage too since that is what all these frenzied SpellCasters are feeding off of! Stay away and hold onto your hard-earned cash!! The only way thru to true happiness is through taking personal responsibility and doing the intense emotional work to build self-esteem. Partner love will follow. That is what I tell myself anyway....still mixing in all the stages except acceptance of which I just get glimpses of now and then. Now it is 1 year after a 10 year relationship where I was left to wonder why. I am still reading sites such as this to help soothe the pain. Certainly, this is the most difficult ordeal I have ever endured. This article is helping me today. Thank you.

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    imi 4 years ago

    Great article.

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    emily 4 years ago

    I have been in bondage ever since my ex leave for another woman, It was really hell for me and everybody told me to forget about him but i could not because i love him so much, Things get worse until my friend Gina introduced me to this great spell caster Dr. kamar and i contacted him through his email ( i explain everything to him and he cast a spell for me immediately after three days, everything turn around and Paul come to me on his knee begging for forgiveness that i am the one and only woman in his life now. i was surprise i have never seen such a miracle in my life. I am so thankful to this man and i will forever publish his name

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    jeremy 4 years ago

    My Name is JEREMY.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for can mail him to GREATORACLETEMPLESOLUTION@LIVE.COM i cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck

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    haas 4 years ago

    My husband and i have been married for 2 years with 2 children. i got pregnant when i was 19

    and we decided to get married because we wanted our son to grow up in a home with a family.

    and i wasnt mad because i loved him and i thought he loved me too. we have always had

    problem since the beginning, always fighting for everything and he claims that i was the

    problem. i admit i can be controlling and want everything my way or the high way. i am

    embarrased to admit that this isnt the first time i try the love dare. all the other times i just give

    up because it seems too hard! but most importantly i think its because i havent asked God for

    direction and wisdom. unfortunately my husband said he is leaving. he says he has fallen out of

    love with me and doesnt wanna do this anymore. because we got married so young he missed

    out on alot and had most of the responsibility financially. and i wasnt exactly the supportive wife

    i should have been. he considers himself that i am not the right person for him and he stoped

    talking to me, he was my best and only love. ive tried convincing him that we should keep on

    trying but his faith in anything and everything is long gone. well i thought and think on anything i

    should do to make him realise the love i have for him and also for the childreen so i try seaching

    for help on line then i found this powerful SPELL CASTER the

    how he has save and solve many marriage life,how he make them happy again,how he restored

    back their lovely homes,then i contact him for help,i explained everything to him and he helped

    me out with his spell casting kite and now with this help my husband is happilly with us again,i

    am so suprise he has changed completely,he now plane with me now ohhhhhhh i am so happy

    for this,the realy save me from my pains and i am happy with his

    spell casting.because the results are glorious! keep victory in your work.

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    hopelovea 4 years ago

    Hi My name is “Thomson” just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 5years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn’t want to loose her but everything just didn’t work out… she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.

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    lovesick 4 years ago

    My boyfriend broke up with me just yesterday, and I have been a mess! I couldn't stop crying today and now I feel all funny, I don't know what stage I'm on. I'm pretty sure its the depression stage except I feel numb. I have clinical depression but do you know how that affects the stages of grief? If anyone knows I would like to hear from them cause I'm kinda lost right now. :(

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    EN 5 years ago

    Everyone's story is the same as mine, everyones is different. We all share a common thread here and reading all the posts you realise that it happens differently for all of us.

    I denied there was a problem and bargained and pleaded for it to be fixed. I blamed me, I could have been thinner, nicer, more compliant but this wouldn't have been me. He fell in love with me, he fell out of love with me.

    My depression was all consuming and I reached the stage where perhaps suicide was the answer. I researched it, how to do it, what these feelings were, describe the feelings. Reaching my lowest point ever made me realise that the only way is up.

    Forgive yourself and forgive the other person and acceptance will come hand in hand.

    Reading these posts has helped me come to this conclusion. Read them all, the good and the bad. Come to your own conclusion, find your own help. In the end it is up to you.

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    rosseline 5 years ago

    I was in the depression stage for over a decade and I am now accepting. So. Good luck out there :)

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    Betrayed sheep 5 years ago

    I loved this man for a yr and a half and he met someone else and forgot about me. He just went on with his life as if I never existed. I have tried telling myself there is no way he could't love me to. I tried bargaining with him that maybe we should see other people but continue to see each other because I just wanted him in my life somehow. I tried just being his friend to the point where he almost lost the new girl and I told him how and what to do to get her back. How pathetic am I? I just want the pain to stop, I just want to stop thinking about him every minute of everyday. Now, he won't answer my calls or textes, so I am forced to find a way to let go and move on. HELP!!!

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    5 years ago

    This article helped alot... This is soo hard... I hate it soo much,,Im the one that broke up with him but I feel as though Im the only one going through all these stages .. :(

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    Lauran 5 years ago

    I am currently going thru a mess like you others. My husband of 28 yrs has asked for a seperation. Through my investigations I have discovered his indiscretions of protitutes and now a 24 yr. old girlfriend.maybe pregnant. He is 52.I have gone through denial and now am at anger. He is getting counselling because he feels like he is the "victim"...because I was gang raped at 13 and never dealt with it. We had a great sex life in the beginning but he now says after all these years that it is my fault our sex life has deteriorated over the yrs. Do I give up now?

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    terry 5 years ago

    Get your problem solve in A oracle Zabaza temple / shrine ...You can get the

    bellow problems solve here.

    1. Get your scam money back

    2. Bring back lost lover, even if lost for a long time

    3. Remove bad spells from homes, business & customer attraction etc.

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    5. Read all your problems before you even mention them to him

    6. Remove the black spot that keeps on taking your money away

    7. Find out why you are not progressing in life and the solution

    8. Eliminate in family fights

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    10. Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart

    11. I destroy and can send back the Nikolos if requested

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    14. Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage

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    20. Extreme protection for those doing dangerous jobs like security guards, Bank

    manager, cash transporters, etc.


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    Daina 5 years ago

    I understand the article and everything it said. I am not able to cope at all and get through the anger stage and don't feel I will. My ex bf left me because his mommy said if he didn't dump me they would disown him. He will make 30 soon. I'm 51. We were both happy for the first time in our live. He left for work and dumped me over the phone, and never came back. Won't bring my stuff to me, (he had all of it at mommy's) won't answer phone or texts. No communication whatsoever. He knew my biggest fear was abandonment and that this would torture me. He had said recently "This is all my fault (the situation we were in, we were living at his parents' House, he had just gotten a job, and we didn't have money saved up to move out), and if it takes the rest of my life I will make this up to you." While crying, he said this, and dumped me soon afterwards. I hate this man (?) more than anyone ever. We were together almost 3 years. I stuck by him when he was between jobs. I cannot work due to back problems. His ex before me dumped HIM because he didn't have a job and had gained some weight. He is very bitter about HER, then did worse to me, because at least she told him to his face. It has been 1 month, and I'm not feeling one bit better about this at all. He's over at mommy's living it up, and I was dumped at my niece's house like a stray dog he couldn't take care of anymore, starving and doing without. Depression is not even close, more like suicidal. I'm not going to do anything stupid, I know he isn't worth it. My two kids and my niece hate him too. He won't talk to any of us. I don't ever see reaching acceptance, not ever. :(

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    salmon 5 years ago

    good article

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    salmon 5 years ago

    Good article

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    Ming 5 years ago

    This is so true. Thank you so much for posting this. :)

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    SarahLund 5 years ago

    I've come to realise that while we're being told the five stages of grief, some of us are suicidal or unrepairable. Try being suicidal like i am when you've broken up with someone, and I can gaurantee nothing makes us snap out of the hurt. I can't sit here pretending that I'll be okay if I really don't feel it. We're not all the same. What about us suicidal people who find it way too cathartic? People never think about that though.

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    Andrew N 5 years ago

    hello friends I am a 39 yr old male that is lost and can use much friendly advice.I have been wih my wife for 3 years and dated for 4 yrs. for the first 4 yrs all was beautifull untill we got married all has changed . Ever scence we been married she puts me last . For instensce any time I try to get close, or talk with her , any kinde of contact with her , she tells me she is tired or right now she dont feel like talking about matters . Deep in my heart I really feel something is not right. It is just so hard to talk to this person , I was a player once before that had no problem geting the women that I wanted , But in GOD"S honest truth I was not married then and now have taken marrige to the heart I just cant help feeling how I feel. I just feel like I am geting played , Also keep in minde I make an ok income and my wife dose too but the only diffrence is my wife works as well she is an electreition and works with males 8 to 12 hrs a day , as well I am a diabetic who has gotten worse over time , the more I stress the worse Iget . People get a real inner feel and get back at me with some real info on the vibe you get on this,Thank you and God bless wish you all the best

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    kiar 5 years ago

    i can't believed i am going to be a mother, for the pass ten years of my marriage i couldn't give my lovely husband a child. i became so worry and felt i was being cursed, not untill i met a friend online by name Maureen Castwell, who adviced and introduced me to this great BISHOP JAKES by giving me his email address' ever since then my story changed, presently i am three months pregnant healthy and sound. i can't really thank you for making me going to be a mother very soon and wiping away my tears. you can get in touch with this great priest with this email address: for more help, in life it pays to let known your problem because the solution might not just be too far away from you BISHOP JAKES , from GHANA

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    Clark Tamara 5 years ago

    I have been with my boyfriend for 1/2 yrs now. But he never said he loves me. One day I can't stand this anymore, then I asked him why he doesn't say "I love you" to me ever? His answer is he doesn't feel he loves me. He tried and thought he can develop love for me, but it doesn't seem working. Later, he even told me he doesn't know what he wants from me and from our relationship. Altho I am a greatest person, he can't love me, and I can't force him to love me. But the more I am with him, the more I fall in love with him. Just he doesn't feel the same way-still stays in the same stage as the beginning-likes me. How can I make him love me? I need "love" from my boyfriend. If there's no "love" in a relationship, it's a dead relationship. I went online for online spell casters and i saw this temple who helped me to make him love me and come back to me if not for the help of Dr Ijebu i would have single till to day all thanks to I am Clark Tamara

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    dors 5 years ago

    I lost my 10 years relationship during April. My ex left me with so much pains and since then i have been heart broken and shattered. I have contact 15 spell casters and 10 of them has rip me off my money without any result. I have Emailed so many sites online looking for a good spell caster till i was directed by a 16 years old girl to with At first i never believed him because he was requesting for some amount of money to buy items, it took him three weeks to convince me and something occur to mind and i said let me give him a trial.

    I was very shocked when Robben called four days after i sent Dr,Vovola the items money. He apologies for all he has done wrong and i am very happy that we are together today because he proposed to me last night. I will advise you contact because he has done wonders in my life and i believe he can help you out in any problem


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    Krystal 5 years ago

    I want to say thank you for this post, and I've seen and been where every one as well as the 5 stages have been. I am still struggling with truth and truth is with the toxic situation I was in we now have a child together. So I'm trying to get past the 5 stages again, because it's a whole new ball game anger, resentm,ent, now shame and frustration. When a child is involved it's a lifetime committment but it doesn't have to be a lifetime of frustration and pain cause you now have this constant reminder of what never was but a toxic relationship. i love my son to death he's 6mths and he is the best thing that ever came out of this messed up situation. So I continue to pray for you all and ask the same...this too shall pass!

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    kimora 5 years ago

    Hi My name is “kimora” just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him on get the spell caster’s contact… Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it. again his email contact is

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    CC 5 years ago

    I was friends with hi for a year and a half before we got together. Even as friends, I knew he likes to manipulate people's feelings so that they do what he wants. He manipulated me into feeling guilty many times before and I knew he wasn't the man I was looking for. But my best friend got together with a guy I had a crush on and I was never going to get. He was recovering from his recent breakup with someone he had a long history with. So I started to go out with him.

    It was my first real relationship. When I told my friends and family about him after a month, most of them told me they didn't like him. Some of my friends knew him from school, and warned me about being with him. I did break up with him because of that, but I also felt bad and ran back to beg for forgiveness the next day. It should've ended right there. But I was lonely and I don't like feeling Ive been unfair to him.

    Then for the next year and a half, we broke up numerous times and got back together the same number of times. There was never a time we were officially broken up for more than 10 days. A year ago, I told my friends and family after a break up that we were done and I never updated them that we got back together again. It was just too much drama and stupidity on my part.

    I was going inbetween denial, anger, bargaining and depression during all the breakups. It was a cycle. And when the depression got too much, I go back to him. It happened so many times. This time I had finally convinced my irrational self what my rational self always knew: we were not going anywhere together. It's been 6 days since I broke up with him. I'm deep in the depression stage again. I just walked by his house to see if his car was there so I knew what he was doing. I know I'm starting to get crazy and obsessive over this. I've been crying on and off since yesterday. But I will get through and I will reach The fifth stage. I copied and pasted the paragraph to remind myself how good it will be when I finally get there.

    Please give me the stength to get through this. I dont have my friends and family to support me like some of you do, since they don't know that I was still involved with him.

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    MJ 5 years ago

    My story is unlike any that I have read here. In Feb. 2010 My dad was diagnosed with a fatal type of lung cancer. The average life expectancy was 4-6 months. I was going through a long drawn out divorce with an abusive drug addict. I had to take care of my dad on my own. I asked my estranged husband to take care of our family dog because I was gone about 10-12 hours a day. After 4 days of taking care of my dog he had her put to sleep. I was dating a man who I believed really loved me. When my dad was diagnosed I told him to go on with his life because my life was going to be all about taking care of my dad. He insisted on staying with me. He was there for me even up until my dad's wake. While my dad was ill I saw my boyfriend's attitude towards me change. He kept saying it was me who was imagining it. He would be there for me for the rest of our lives. When my dad passed away the boyfriend really got mean towards me. He started to call less, blame me for not calling him. He was at work and was not allowed personnel calls. He worked all hours of the day and night. Two years of this nonsense he called to say he wanted to go back to his life the way it was... working.......He never finished the sentence. I was dealing with the stages of grief from April of 2010 through today. When he left me I got no closure from him. I never got to say goodbye to my dog, my dad or the man I was in love with. I got to stage 1 with my dog. Then my dad I made it to stage 4. All at once. Then he broke up with me I'm still in stage 4 with my dog. I'm only in stage 1 with the man I love. The sadness I feel dealing with not being able to say goodbye to 3 things that were the most important things in my life. I took a lot of anger out on the boyfriend through text messages. I had to have a brain procedure done. I had an brain anurysm burst in 8/08. There were complications as of 6 weeks ago. The doctors said fluid started collecting in my brain. It caused me to fall a lot. I had 3 black eyes, was bruised all over my body from falls. The my cognitive thinking was impaired. That is when I sent the evil texts to the boyfriend. My ability to put a sentence together then got impaired, and finally my speech. I did get the excess fluid drained. I did leave a message on his voice mail while I was in the hospital after I read the cruel texts I sent him. I admitted I was wrong and said I was sorry. I got very angry with myself because I did not remember the texts until I read them in the hospital. I threw my phone across the room. I was angry with myself. I did get hysterical and started crying and carrying on so bad the doctor had me sedated and tied to the bed. I still have different stages of loss for each of the 3 losses I had in less than 1 1/2 years. It's very difficult dealing with the different stages all at once. It will be a long time for me to recover. I've been lost and alone since. My friends, siblings and boyfriend deserted me when I needed someone the most. I am disabled so there is no one who will even hire me so I can go to a job to help forget some of this constant pain and confusion I've been dealing with. Even if it's for a couple of hours a day. If I had money I would volunteer somewhere. I'm kind of in limbo. Have been since Sept. 2011. I do not know how to deal with this. I am afraid.

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    peter 5 years ago

    unbelievable...I am peter from the U.S,I met a girl that

    meant a lot to me ..we shared a lot before finally

    getting to settle down after we discovered we cant do

    without ourselves..we have been married for a couple

    of years now and blessed with a kid..i love this girl so

    much and I will never deny that...she suddenly

    developed a new feelings and she told me she want

    out..i tried all my best to convince her to stay but she

    said can't..A friend introduced me to a spell caster

    that helped him recently..i don't believe in this but he

    convinced me to give it a trial..the spell caster make

    me realized that my wife has decided to leave cos a

    spell has been used on her by the other man..he cast

    a love spell for me and I could not believe my wife

    came back begging after a very few can

    contact the spell caster on I am so sure he

    is gonna help you with spell powers...

  • RealConception7 profile image

    RealConception7 5 years ago

    amazing hub. really helped me out. thank you.

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    15 Years Ago 5 years ago

    I'm 43, my marriage ended when I was 28. He left me for someone else and married her. The last time I seen him I was 29, to settle divorce, so he/they are not in my face and live many states away, but the memories are still there. I have never reached the last stage of acceptance(15years). I have tried dating but I'm too afraid of being hurt again. I was only married 7 years and we never had children, but I loved him more than anything "I loved him too much." I don't want to love someone that much again. I've had to learn to love myself, which was hard to do, and have become numb to any thought of a relationship again. This seems to work for me. Not ideal, but at least I get through months and weeks without feeling empty and sad. I've accepted that life is not a Hollywood Story ending "Happily ever after". I've learned to accept being single and quit hoping and looking, but I can't say I have learned to accept the past or what happened or what is happening(my husband living with another woman who he now calls his wife). So am numb to love. It took years for each of the 4 stages for me, not a weeks or months as some of you have said. About 3 year on denial and Anger and depression back and forth for about 10 years so maybe at 20 years I'll reach (5)acceptance? I doubt it.

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    Evelyn 5 years ago

    ive been through stages 1 to 4 for like over a year nd, 9 months it seems like im never gonna get over my ex, and whats not helping is that me and him still see eachother we r kinda like friends with benefits. I have feeelings for him still tho so that has made it even harder nd painful but I just cant admit the fact that this guy doesnt love me anymore nd I keep calling him nd texting him all the time:/ I honestly dont wanna be like this anymore. I feel like im trapped in a huge dark room wherr I cant find a light:(

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    Walker29 5 years ago

    Help. I have been I love with a man for 5 years. He has been married for 7. Please don't judge. My father, his friend (30 yrs difference, but friends none the less) died in December. His wife threw him out of their house and filed for divorce on new years eve. He lived with me for a month, went home for a month, and she finally left for good. The divorce is on, and she has seemed to have moved on. We have been having an on again off again since december. Today he unleashed on me.telling me it's all my fault. The marriage was great before me, all that. I do not believe any of it. How long willhe anger stage last? Will he realize I am not to blame? We have been planning for this for easily 3 yrs, and now he says it's all my fault. I won't contact him, but I am scared. I really do love him. I cannot believe I lost my father and my love at one time. Will he get over this?

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    rita 5 years ago

    Thank you dr ogbe for your blog and interest in other peoples cases, believe me it helps a lot reading Your story and others too! I hope too he recognizes he needs professional help! Reading other stories depression appears to be something pretty common in English men as my husband therefore don’t take so seriously to get professional help you can contact him if you need a help he is a great spellcaster on

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    Karla 5 years ago

    I'm in between depression and denial it's been two weeks sence I've seen my ex I can't seem to get out of bed all do is cry.

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    valentino 5 years ago

    my name is valentino from united kingdom i had a problem with my wife sometimes ago but never knew what the problem was,i tried to asked her but she refused to tell,me what it was as time goes on i discovered she was having an affair with a friend of mine that happens to be my best friend,i was so sad that i never knew what to do next,during my search for a way out i met a friend of mine who had similar problem and introduced me to a man who helped him with his situation,on getting to the man i discovered he was a spell caster i was shocked because i have not had anything to do with a spell caster in my entire life so i tried to give this man a chance cos i

    never believed in spell casting as i thought it will not work for me but to my surprise i got positive results and i was able to get my wife back from him even after the spell caster did all i discovered my wife fell much more in love with me on like before so i was so happy that i never know what to do for him so i am using this opportunity to tell anyone on this blog having similar problem visit,and your problems shall be solved……Good luck.

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    elizabeth 5 years ago

    I can totally relate to fhe denial stage right now. I broke up with my fiance yesterday and am in alot of pain. I knew somefhong was wrong i jjst didnf know what. It also didnt help that on certain weekends (we lived 2 hours away from each other) he would barely talk to me and just answer the phone wheneveer it was convenieng for him. Seriously. I vuess my thougbt was, if yojre crazy abouf the person and love fhem, you would wanf to talk to them every day. I just felt taken for granted. When he said id been gaining weigjt since he propsoed (i hadnt), that shook my confidence further. Sodry for fbe typos i have long nas and usinv a little keyboard. I wanted go commit to him, i wanted to be with him, but i coudlnt shake the feeling aomerhing was wrong. I didnt ljaten to my git onve and it ended in disaster. As much as my heart hurts it mever gets any better unless they change...whatever they do now oftwn gets worse lated

    I have my own pecadillos and so ive gotta deal with myself and my issues and how i congributed to the problems. Im really grying but its hard not to feel defeated and like a complete loser necause things didnt work out. Sorry im droning on feel free to know that God does caer about you and your situation. I call on him evedy night and i think i might staft addind days too because i cant get on without him.

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    ll 5 years ago


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    johnson 5 years ago is the real deal. he is there for guidance and advice. I felt the tingle of all the spells cast and know that I will be back in my love's arms. I became a believer with the first response I received from Dr.Zack Balo. People need to become proactive in their situation by asking for him help.

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    hurly 5 years ago

    the freemercytemple id which i found really did the best for me,this temple cast a love spell for me after having a threatening divorce from my wife,i contacted this temple all he the did was a reading and after that my wife stop the divorce and now happily together

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    Diana M. Palau 5 years ago

    Thank you for enlightening me, it does help to understand the stages. I know that i have felt for a while that there was something wrong and that this was not going to last. However, i thought that we loved each other and would never think that a relationship would break up over an argument over the expense of toilet paper.

    This is when I realized that something did not make sense. This was a way to make an excuse for an argument to start the break up process going. It is hard to deal with this my situation because he told me that he loves and would never leave me, not too long ago before the break up. I was imagining the changes in our relationship. I was not happy, with our sex life why because i knew that the emotions were not in it as it should be, like it was years ago when we first were together. I remember how things were before he was taken away by the police, we loved each other, but they came and took him away for something stupid that he did i was angered by it all and promised that i would never go back unfortunately he came out. The problem that kept hammering at me was that he was out an entire year, and never contacted me. i was involved with someone else, and loved him but we had financial issues that needed to be ironed out, of course when I saw him after 10 years, I had those feelings again. i broke up with my boyfriend prior and went back with him.

    The problem we had was that we were having problems with sex. He claimed that he did not have it for so long that it was hard but time will cure all this. We finaly did have normal sex, but there was always something lacking he was satisfied and I wasnt. In spite of all that I loved him so much and enjoyed his company, but interacting was fine in the beginning, all of a sudden he wanted to be with his nephew alot, or his mother, i was studying for my Masters so I told instead of staying here and being bored just go visit your family while i work on my school work. I will make it upt to you once i complete my degree. I finally did, not as much as a wonderful, great fantastic intelligent women let me take you out to celebrate. Nope he made fun of me when i stated that we should go out and celebrate. the big thing was when i was with him visiting his parents one day on the elevator one of the nieghbors came in and said dont tell me you too got married? he said hell no!!! augh!!!! that was what ruined our relationship no man should ever deny his love to any women. It was like putting a knife in my chest. I was embarrassed because I was surrounded by people that i knew for years i lived in that complex for 10 years so i new most of the people that were on the elevator. i did bring it up and he said he loves me and was joking. There were things that kept happening. I was also sick, I was in the hospital a few days that summer, and was going to appointments after that, my cell phone was stolen while i was hospitalized the one thing that i really love was that he went with me to the emergency room when i was sick and stuck by me but after a while he changes. He complained about dinner, and home, and never did what i had asked him to do to paint our apartment i would help he just wanted to go to the same place back home to visit it was more and more. I finished school and yet i had to go there all the time. sex stopped for several months i had a wonderful birthday in October we went out and had a nice meal my son was with us like a family i loved it we walked around the city and even had a picture with all of us cartoon drawing. I had roses i love roses, he gave me money to get my nails done and my hair.... it was wonderful, but when I got home i was waiting for him to have sex with me the icing on the cake the one thing that would make my day special...the man to show me our love....that didnt happen that night infact i brought it up to our attention and all that happened was we did 2 weeks later...only because i mentioned it to him.... but it was once again so fast that i did not feel any satisfaction so knew once again something was not right. things went down hill by December a week before Christmas our relationship was over he started a lousy argument about toilet paper and the expense and it eskillated till the point where he walked out took a couple of bags and left. I did not expect it at all because he had gone shopping just the day before to buy me Christmas presents and he had bought two and was going to buy one more, and told me what he was going to buy my son. We were devistated me and my son... it is now 4 months I feeling better i cry because there are memories of some of the good times we shared, but i know that time heals all wounds its just taking so long.... thank you for the information

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    Romeo 5 years ago

    where is the love? why did she do that? why is she asking me to be her friend? why does she say that she cares about me, but she does not feel the same for me that she used to feel before?

    I can't help to think about those questions when I think of her. I am in a mixed stage right now... I feel upset at her for changing her mind about what she wants, I feel sad for the frustration of a distance relationship, and for the dreams that I had with her...

    Reading this article has made me feel better and helped me understand a little better myself.

    Thank you Kathryn!

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    heartbroken 5 years ago

    I agree with all that is said about stages of mourning, but looking out into a happier future depends a lot on age, health and financial situation, employment etc. At the age of 53, with physical disability and lots of health problems including cancer; getting old, etc. it doesnt seem that looking at my future can bring me joy. My future tells me of loneliness, torturous old age and death. I am not in a physical /health situation that allows me to be as independent as I used to be or would like. I have to think how to be able to cope alone in a, tell me, how happy can I see my future to be?

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    jimmy 5 years ago

    Finding this spiritual healer id was a godsend. Even better, freemercytemple, you’re the most considerate and compassionate man I know. I was so down after being loveless for almost five years. I requested a love spell and, amazingly, it worked! Next week I will marry the greatest woman alive and I think it’s the real thing. To thank this spiritual healer, , would not be enough, considering what you’ve done.

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    Leti 5 years ago

    Wow so its been about 5 days since my ex broke up and there were many people say that he was going to break up with me to go out with my one of my best friends and I kinda stopped liking him so as soon as my best friend finds out that we broke up they start going out.... I was really mad and sad at the same time. My ex and I would text each other and we would all ways get into fights and I ending up crying so we agreed that we would be just friends but I tell myself that I don't like him anymore but I have very small feelings for him. When I red this I was happy that I could understand this blog. I can finally get over him. Thanks so much :D

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    kali 5 years ago

    Greetings to every one that is reading this my testimony.

    My boyfriend and i were seriousely in love for three years and we were planning to get marry but one day he came to my house and told

    me he was no longer interested in our relationship simply because he

    was dating another rich lady who promise to buy him a car and to sponsor their wedding. And i suffer heartbreak for five months and i was not tired of loving him.

    One faithful day as i was browsing through the internet, i saw a testimony on how a spell caster helped some one name BROWN to get

    back his wife after two years of lossing his wife because he was no longer having a job. through this

    So i sent an email to for help and suprisingly my boy friend came back with the help of the spell caster and was begging to come back. and now we are happily married.

    His Email

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    julie 5 years ago

    I am so sorry for doubting you. I should have know, you possess true powers when you accepted my case. I am now a believer of what you do and that there are powers we normal humans can not understand. All thanks to for bringing my husband back to me!


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    jarrel 5 years ago

    I was a victim of this very problem that you have mentioned. But when my lover I dated for 2years left me for another lady, I met with a spell caster which I got his email on a blog and I contacted him. Today now my lover is back to me with work of the spell. He can still help you. His email is.

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    Miss Nelly UK 5 years ago

    If you're having a tough time, have had your heart broken and/ or are feeling lost then please talk to friends, family, a counsellor, a priest, rant on a blog in order to deal with it, get it off your chest and get through it. Do NOT hand over your hard earned money to a spellcaster or anyone else who claims they can fix your life with a wave of a wand or placing crystals etc. Life can be hard sometimes but you need to find a way to get control back and feel whole again. Handing over control and your cash to another person might briefly make you feel better but ultimately you heal by taking responsibility for your own healing process. Health and happiness to one and all x

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    Alex 5 years ago

    Hi everybody.

    I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having problems with my husband and we had been married for 10yrs and had three kids.Our mariage wasn't getting better and everything got extremely worse,he started hitting on me and the kids and was and was always drunk.We went for therapy but it would only get better for a few days and back again to the same routine,it got to a point that i had to move out and was about settling for a divorce and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted them..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing....I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back*their address is; or vist

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    Valerie 5 years ago

    “Dear Dr Gboco.(, I hope you’ll publish my message! I want to testify the world how authentic you are. I can say from you 1st message that I felt much more confident with you than with any other caster. It’s obvious that you are not here only for money but truly to help people. I thank God I chose you to cast a spell for me. When I read all the bad reports about so many casters I was freaking out to send you so much money but now I don’t regret it a second! Henry gave me a phone call only 3 days after I finished the ceremony. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking it would have been so fast. I didn’t even recognize his voice, it was such a long time I talked to him for the last time! Only 1 week after the end of the spell we met up and we made love all night at his place. It was fantastic and emotionally it was even better than our very first date! Everything happened as you promised and I thank you for your sincerity. Much love.

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    Robert 5 years ago

    I'm Robert..I never thought i will ever again believed in Love Spells or voodoo because have been cheated by many spell casters out there who claimed they are powerful but they are just asshole who knows nothing but to cast fake spells. But not until when I read a post of a man on the internet some years ago, this post talk about a powerful spell caster, who can help with any kind of relationship problem. I contacted this man, and he proved how powerful he was to me through the result of the spell he cast for me. My wife broke up with me for no reason for almost 3 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 2 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she's going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for months ...So when i told thespell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that.. At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so manyspell casters and there is no when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she's with a man and that man is the reason why she left me...Thespell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this...he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying manyspell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..Thisspell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many of my friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the mostpowerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way can reach him to his personal email good luck

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    twoparrotmom 5 years ago

    I recently went through a devastating breakup. I am attaching a note I sent to this man, along with this article. I am sharing this with hope that someone will understand and relate:

    When one door closes, another opens...that is what I have always been told.

    I recently met a lady who has become a friend. She is a total outside party and has been able to listen, objectively, to "our" story. Because I am not a religious person, she took me to visit a true Spiritualist....not a "religious" leader that preaches from a book, but a person who is able to teach me to connect my own spirit to whatever "spirits or higher power" that is out there.

    I am starting new new journey in life, a blank slate. Right now, I am working on forgiving myself for the things I have done in my life that have put me in the place that I am now and making my list of things that are toxic to me...things that I need to remove from my life in order to become "me" again. As I'm sure you are aware, I have let go of the secrets that I have been holding for everyone, things that I have been holding inside of me to protect other people from hurting or being hurt. Things that were hurting me inside, to keep peace for everyone around me...but, took away the peace within myself. The things that I have been holding inside me were not "my things", they were belonged to other people that, for some reason, decided I needed to hold onto and hide their sins. These were all toxic to me, because they weren't is the time for the people who own these secrets, sins, and lies to become responsible for their own guilt, deceit, anger, and frustration. These were not just your secrets, your mothers secrets, but also my families secrets and my friends secrets. The only things that I am responsible for, are what is mine!

    I am taking back the "me" power, my energy, my self esteem, my happiness and in doing that, I am leaving a lot of things behind and making the owners responsible for their actions. My next step, will be the hardest...I need to work on trying to forgive those who I have allowed to put me in the place I am in now. Not forgive the actions, not forgive and forget what has been done to me, but to just leave it in the past. The acts, I cannot forgive...hopefully, someday, that will come, but it is doubtful...eventually, I may be able to forgive the person. That will be a long and very hard journey.

    I guess, I am between Stages 4 & 5...occasionally, I bounce back to Stage 2 and think about Stage 3 (but stage 3 will not be revisited, I feel like I did my part, but you were not willing to do yours...that, I give to you to deal with on your own). During the past few weeks, I have talked to a lot of people who knew "us"...what we were together. I also learned of deceit, lies, twisted stories, and twisted "relationships"...I learned the truth and it was the most painful part of this know that the person I loved, the person I trusted, the person I believed in was never really the person I thought he was. What I saw as gentleness, kindness of heart, and a broken soul, was really just a mask worn by someone with much more pain and sickness than mine. I am a nurturing person and by trying to nurture and tune into that gentleness, kindness, and help heal that broken soul...I lost me. That pain and sickness was transferred to me and it almost killed me, several times.

    I cannot change my past, but I can change my future...I can decide how to walk the path to my destiny, I can decide what I will accept and what I refuse to accept, I am learning to see the red flags that flash in my mind...the ones I ignored and thought love could repair. I do know, I am a good, decent, loving person, and I deserve much more than what I have been given. It is time to learn to love and repair me...

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    jay 5 years ago

    after 2days of looking for threads like this, this is by far the best and most accurate ive read. im not going through a breakup but my partner is having going through quite alot at the minute which is kinda having a strain on us. for the past week she has needed space and time therefore we aint talked much on the fone or by text like we usually do. ive been getting alot of the things mentioned, especially the denial and depression/anxiety. once again great page.

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    Miss Nell UK 5 years ago

    I came across this thread because I've recently realised I've been going through something similar to grief over the loss of my relationship with my best friend. We've been best friends for nearly 25 years. I set up my own business over 2 years ago and from the moment I told her she has consistently insulted me, patronised me, disrespected me, publicly humiliated me, and gone all-out harrassing me trying to push me into courses of action which would ruin my life. This has been heartbreaking and in all honesty, if a boyfriend had tried any of this crap I'd have given him the boot a long time ago. This has all come from someone who loved me and who I loved to bits too, plus I haven't done anything wrong to warrant this treatment - it's not like we had an argument causing her to be a bitch to me. It's been heartbreaking and I've only recently realised that I've been going through the 5 stages of grief. I'm edging towards acceptance but am not quite there 100% yet. Going through this process has opened my eyes though. I've realised that she's been putting me down for years. She's been saying things which are too near to the knuckle of bitchiness but anytime I've highlighted that something she's said is offensive or hurtful, she not only continues to say these things but makes a point of ramming them down my throat. she couldn't even be respectful to me at my mothers funeral. I've been making excuses for her i.e. she's lost her confidence, put on weight, she has low self esteem etc, all of which is true. But since the moment I said I was setting up my own business she spent 2 1/2 years literally harrassing me, desperate to get me to bankrupt myself (I have some debt) despite my repeatedly saying no, it would be completely wrong for me and I'm just not doing it. But she wouldn't get out of my face. Well the last time she did it was the straw that broke the camels back. I last saw her a few months ago and haven't called her since. She calls me every couple of weeks but I haben't been able to tell her anything of any significance for ages because and I've now got to the stage where I feel she's my worst, not my best friend. I haven't cut her out of my life because I don't know what I want to do about it. I still help her with her problems which mainly involves listening - something she appears to be incapable of doing for me. I wanted to post this as I think it was an excellent article and most respondents talk about splitting up from a partner. My situation is a little different as it shows that you can grieve over different kinds of relationships. maybe my posting will help another person who feels like they've lost a friend through no fault of their own. As Scarlett O'Hara said... tomorrow is another day!

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    Kara Miele 5 years ago

    After 7 months he said "I think it is time for us to take a break". So, hard not communicating. Is it a Break or done? i don't know. He is more of the straight to the point type. So, I don't know. I am really hoping that is just that but, I am not blind to the likelihood. :( He is a cop with bizarre hours,and a family, as am I.

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    Zt 5 years ago

    It still hurt in after two months I broke up with my boyfriend.

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    Norgal 5 years ago

    my name is mrs norgal, I'm from United Kingdom UK. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is genuine and real. I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing Jackson, I needed help and somewhere to turn. Then I found and i ordered a love spell. Several days later, my phone rang. Jackson was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I loved and needed him. Spell Casting isn't brain washing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try it. It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be." you can contact the spell caster on-- he's very nice and great.

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    selina 5 years ago

    My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your website and a request for a specific love spell, and agbo spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, agbo spell. Words are not enough. contact him he can be a great help

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    jones 5 years ago

    I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another man. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help. I threw away so much money - all for nothing - until I hit on the real thing. And that is you, ultimate spell. You were different from all the rest - you are the diamond in the rough. Thank you from the depths of my soul! I am extremely happy now. I hope God blesses you as much as He has blessed me. Love, visit him on ( he can be a great help to you all.

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    Mark1970 5 years ago

    Dear all,

    I don't know whether I have a question, or just need advice or support! to be honest, I am completely lost which I know is normal in these situations, anyway, here is my story.

    I met my ex fiancee when she was 18 and I was 34 age gap I know, but we hit it off immediately and truly became soul mates, at the time I was moving to Spain for work and she decided to come with me to start a new life, I couldn't have been happier. After 7 years together and getting engaged to be married (1 1/2 years prior to our seperation) she left me a week before christmas for a woman and said that she thinks she is gay! to say this was a shock ( and crap timing) would be an understatement, everyone, family, friends are in complete shock and bewilderment and nobody ever saw something like this coming; my problem is that I have been living on hope for a reconcilliation and keep wondering about whether with her having to grow up quickly ( Spain was a tough ride initially) she is now going through the "experimenting" stage that we all do as teens, the person she has ended up with, was her boss at work and for the final month prior to the break-up my ex was acting erratically, talking about needing to find a new job whilst having more nights out than was usual, I know you can't manipulate people into a same sex relationship, but I can't help thinking that some level of manipulation either conscious or sub conscious was used' by her new partner, as the animosity towards me from her new partner was blatantly apparent from the outset of her working there. Prior to the break up; we had a wonderful life, rarely argued, supported each other and grew together as a couple and as individuals, to say I am shocked by all of this, would be a complete understatement as I am devastated by the whole thing, I know that couples rarely get back together, and I know that I am on a wishful thinking frolic in my head, but I genuinely don't know whether she is testing her sexuality or that it's genuine, historically, there has been absolutely no indication of these sexual feelings towards the same sex ( I teach body language and saw nothing) also, she had recently flushed red when she saw an attractive man! I'm confused, I'm lost. I'm trying to lose hope of a reconcilliation because I know you can't move forward until hope has gone, but I can honestly say, that this has been the most traumatic time of my life (To make matters worse, two days prior to her leaving, I was made redundant and 4 weeks earlier, one of our friends committed suicide by train, so, a tough time) I've read everything on the net to try and understand ( I've even been supportive of her and a true gentleman during the break up) but as i've said, I am truly lost in hope, despair, and have a really profound sense of emptiness; my family was / is her family, so support from them is difficult, I have very very few friends who I can truly rely on for support, and to make things slightly worse, I have a masked ball coming up that I know my ex and her new partner will be attending. As I've said, I don't know whether I want, help, advice or just clarity; but I do need something, I just can't see it.

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    Missing 5 years ago

    How do you cope & get over someone who you loved with everything that you had & when they broke up with you, becuase they dont want a committed relationship, in an extreamly short space of time they are in another relationship, all be it friends with benefits with someone from another state.

    They never told you when you did things that they didnt like whilst you were together, & never told you about the new 'relationship' & when you go back to work (yeah work together too) your the one that makes the first move so things arent awkward even though everyone is asking you if your still together. To top it all you have a birthday for which you receive a msg that says I matter to him but not actually happy birthday & he choses that weekend to get together with his 'friend'.

    I know I'm better when there is no contact from him, but he's tearing me apart. Its been just over 2 months since the break up. I am looking for another job, but that's not as easy as it sounds. I dont want him back of that I'm certain........but he is picking away & trying to be friends & I'm not sure its what I want, maybe somewhere down the track but how do I stop the way he's making me feel, it's making me ill.

    Any thoughts or advice :)

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    AA 5 years ago

    Please read about positive affirmations. They really do help you in acceptance, and other phases. Sorry for posting a link to another blog, but it really may help people, it's just a new angle.

    All the best guys !

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    AA 5 years ago

    Interesting analysis. I personally see-saw between Depression and acceptance. Acceptance is a beautiful thing! Accept what you don't have control over, accept what the universe has to offer you. The day you can accept that you cannot make everything right, that day you will be a satisfied man/woman. Always learn your lessons from a past relationship.

    Good luck to all !

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    Claire 5 years ago

    Its been about 6 months since we broke up. I think about him everyday and miss him terribly. I thought we were so happy and good for each other. Unfortunately we were in a long distance relationship for the last couple months of our relationship. It ended badly in that he cheated on me by hooking up with some girl while he was drunk. I was very saddened, angered, betrayed. But i was so much in love with him I forgave him for everything even lost my pride and told him i still loved him. He ended things with me because of the "guilt". Unfortunately it was all a lie because a couple months later I see a photo of him and the girl he cheated on me with on a friend's wall. All considering I had blocked him all social networking sites. Its been 6 months and I am still as heart broken as ever. I cannot even stand to see the sight of him through another mutual friends wall. I cannot even look at our past photos together. It just hurts so much knowing he is so much happier with someone else.

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    maybenexttime 5 years ago

    Jay & Remorseful.It sounds like you have found 2 halfsof the same coin. I hope that you are helping each other :-)

    My 4 weeks didnt last, 2 weeks go after only having been broken up for 6 weeks, my ex announced on fb that he was in a relationship! We werent talking & he used that as a reason not to give me the heads up & left me to find out the way I did. I called him & told him I thought he was a coward. During the conversation that follwed he told me it was a friends with benefits although she is in another state & that they would see each other every couple of months. It also came out the she wants to go on met & greets, but the relationship (!)which is lots of contact each day (which is what we used to have) & has turned into that whilst we werent talking.

    He treated me like I was the only person in the world who mattered & complimented me all the time. It was a not a good time for me & I was vulnerable, which I think is the same with the new one.He spent a day & night with her when we were together & I'm convienced thats when the passion started to wain & the trip to see her the week after we broke up indicates to me that they had been planning it for a while & I tried to be supportive cos part of the trip was for him to do the things he did with his mum when he was small.

    I have come to the conclusion that he choses women who are vulnreable at that point in their lives & he is a very good listener which is his way in, combine that with flattery & compliments & being out on a pedalstall & before you know it your hooked. He has already said that he would move in about 18mths, another expectaion he made with me but in a different guise.

    In our telephone call we both admitted that we missed the intimacy & arranged to meet for a drink last friday, which I went to after hyperventalating outside! It was tough as I didnt feel as if I knew him. It took as about an hour to ask & respond to things that werent tabboo. The rest of the night (approx 5 hrs) consisted of us making bets on anything that moved, him wrighting himself off, calling me darling at one point (which made me laugh) & looking at me the way he used to when we were together. I chose the wrong time to say wht I wanted to, midnight & a lot of beer arent a good combination!

    I told him that to be doing what he was, I thought was a mistake, that I was telling him as his friend cos no one else would. His brother even said he was confused about what was going on! I told him that he was creating false expectations, that she wanted to meet someone closer to her & that wasnt him. I told him I wasnt jealous, cosI was 150% certain that there is someone out there for me & that I dont want him romantically, which I know I dont. I also told him that I wouldnt fill the void for him not being close geographically to the new one. He told me I was talking rubbish, but having had the previous fiance & this new lady in the background at either end of our relationship, I wasnt happy to be that person even though I miss the fun that we had. He is the only person that I can do stuff with that lets me be me.

    The night ended with a small hug, text msg saying I was walking away & both of us blocking eah other on fb.

    Since then I have found out that I have my old job back, starting Mon, which is where we met. I know its not going to be easy, but having been out of work for 3 months I need the money. Its so messed up & not the way it was supposed to be. I'm hoping that I'm coming out of the depression stage & going to the acceptance stage.

    I have some amazing friends who have made me stronger & told me that I'm not cracking up. Walking away is the hardest thing I've had to do, especially as I know we'll be able to chat at work through the chat system, which is another thing that meant heaps to me. I dont know how long I can be strong & hold out, but I know I have too, even if it is a front. I miss him & will always have a place in my heart for him, because I realised that he was always a few chapters of the book ahead of me & that when I realised I was totally in love withhim he was working out an exit strategy!

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    Remorseful 5 years ago

    Thank you! I've just sent an e-mail. Hopefully it'll go to your inbox and not your spam folder.

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    Jay 5 years ago

    Not inappropriate at all. These blogs and stories have been more therapeutic for me than anything else. Email me at It's my junk email so have at it, spammers. I'll send you over a better one if I hear from you.

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    Remorseful 5 years ago

    Jay, you are so correct it's scary. In answer to your questions, we officially split a month ago and the decision was NOT mine.

    I'm not sure if this is inappropriate to ask, but is it possible to continue this conversation through another medium with you? There are other details that may make my situation unique, though everything you're saying is spot on. If not, I entirely understand and appreciate the insight you've given.

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    Jay 5 years ago

    Remorseful- Yeah. I'm the other half of your relationship. I'm about 5 posts up. I blamed money as the reason for my breakup, but really that was just the tip of the berg. She left for the exact reasons you mentioned. The money issue is just what hurt the worst.

    Anyway, I can only tell you what I've learned from my ex. Like I said, he presented no challenge. It's well known that women want challenge and mystery when it comes to men, so I think on a subconscience level you were always pushing away regardless of your feelings. The lack of challenge on his part is probably a sign of low self esteem or confidence. We KNOW women dislike this- yet another reason you may have pushed away. You wanted a man to make the decisions, not ask questions. All of that is natural and common. But I also think you may have wondered if the grass was greener on the other side, meaning relationships with others. To me, that is what makes or breaks relationships- either you're happy with your partner or you're dreaming of something better. That aspect of your breakup may be the only thing you can change.

    Moving on. Yes, of course you loved him. Maybe not as much, but I'm sure it was there. So why do you want him back so badly now? Because guys are as*holes, and now you have to sort through them. Also I think you miss the devotion. That means ego-stroking. We know he wasn't confident...were you? Do you still feel special post-breakup? If so, I think you miss his compliments and you're scared to fall off the pedestal he has put you on. That one, of course, is an illusion and will disperse over time. I also think you already knew all of this.

    So, it seems like you're looking for the perfect guy, but you're in danger of ending up with a douche bag. You've made your decision and it's probably the correct one, but you obviously need time to decide on what you really want. As a side note (and maybe a bit more insight), I hate my ex for putting me through this.

    2 questions: how long ago did you split and who initiated it?

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    Remorseful 5 years ago

    Also, i forgot to add in my last post. Why do I feel like I want him back so badly now? Why do I feel like I've let the "one" go? I'm heartbroken and feel as devestated as everyone else here. That means I loved him, right? The whole time we were together I never thought I'd feel this way if he were gone.

    I just want this all to be over and to feel good again :(

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    Remorseful 5 years ago

    Jay - You've hit the nail on the head. He was ALWAYS needy, always trying to please me, treating me like a piece of glass, and scared of me and my reactions. YES, I couldn't deal with the "I love you's" and constant mention of my appearance. But he was SO nice.

    Please, give me your insight, I would really appreciate it! Does this mean I can never be successful in relationships? Because this was the longest I've had. It was kind of the most "intense" for both of us in our lives.

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    Jay 5 years ago

    @remorseful- Did he come off as too needy to you? Did you always feel like he was uncomfortable around you? He never presented a challenge for you, did he? Did you get tired of the "I love you's" and him telling you how good you looked all the time? It's not my business, but I'm willing to bet that most of the time the sex was great as well. How close am I? I apologize if I'm way off, but I'll give you insight if I'm not.

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    Remorseful 5 years ago

    I was with him for two years, and the whole time the love was so one-sided. He got me amazing gifts and changed his entire life for me very early on. I got swept up in it and let it all happen... we both did. Yet, it was so intense and I found myself keeping him at arms length all the time. I would even tell him it's not a done deal without certain big conditions being filled. I wanted to be honest about the fact that his intense love was not being reciprocated at that time. Yet, he assured me he was okay with this, that the prospect of us being together in the end if he could do it all would be enough to keep him through. This was always looming over us. The intensity was too much and I became a cruel person when I was with him. I would get annoyed at every act of kindness, and treated the relationship like something that had an inevitable end, but I was there for the ride. I also felt guilt all the time for all the changes he tried but failed to make for it to work.

    He finally broke the cycle (something I was led to believe he was not strong enough to do) and now we've stopped talking cold turkey. I know I did a lot of wrong, but I just wonder... why was I such a bad person to him, when I feel like I'm so good to others in my life. I don't think I'm a mean person by nature, but I was SO mean to him. That's how I reacted to his love and grand gestures/elaborate gifts. Why? Why does it hurt to feel like I lost an angle who showed me nothing but absolute kindness, that I couldn't help but treat so badly and not return the love. Did he bring out the worst in me? Am I a bad person? I am feeling the pain of a breakup, and everything you all are feeling, but also so mixed up. I WISH I could have returned his amazing love. He's an amazing person. Why couldn't I? How come I know I can't even if he comes back (which he won't, because no one comes back from that kind of emotional abuse). I want to be able to so badly. Will I think about how I wrecked such seemingly unbreakable love and devotion from someone if I end up with a jerk in the future?

    Someone, please give me some insight...

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    Diana Vanlone 5 years ago

    I am going through the depression stage. I am a wreck and find myself digging for reasons why he cheated on me. I feel that by forgiving him I am doing an injustice to myself. Like I deserve nothing more from someone I love. He expects me to be over it already and never bring it up. I don't know that I can understand his reasons for doing it because I don't think he is willing to admit the truth for fear of hurting me more. When I don't think it could hurt any more than it does. Its been 4 months and since the incident occurred our sex life is nearly nonexistent. I have tried to communicate to him that the lack of Physical attraction/Interaction is causing me to feel that he has regrets over not being back with his ex. I have one to the point in the last 3 days where I don't want to see him or even talk to him on the phone. At the same time I feel like if I don't he is going to Pursue another attempt with his ex. I can't let that be my reason to not move on I just want it to quietly be over and the pain to go away.

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    angie 5 years ago

    i have just broken up with someone after being in a contected relationship for 19 months. i know it had finished some time before that but kept going back. now it is final.feels a little crap but hey i have got over worse. smile and live in the moment !

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    Jay 5 years ago

    Met, dated, and fell in love with the girl of my dreams. That's not a post-breakup illusion. She knew it, and it was because I had told her so. 5 monthes of heaven followed. Talk of marriage, family and love...then a breakup. A couple of breakups followed- not due to arguing or infidelity, but because she said she needed space. I get it- the dream girl stuff isn't for everyone, so I would back off. She repeatedly told me I was the sweetest guy she'd ever met and she knew no one else like me. I gave her gifts that no other guy I'd known had ever given to a girl. Personal gifts that only we would understand. Gifts that took thought. I left a 10 year relationship for her. I'm not a cheater and could not go behind my ex's back. In all of those 10 years, I never once said the things that I would say to dream girl. So why did she leave? Because I didn't make enough money. Thats what hurt- the love of my life chose money over me. Couldnt understand why someone would say all of the things I ever wanted to hear from a girl, and then not ever have meant them.

    I am now in the acceptance faze. With self-destructive bouts of anger. Anger at my stupidity and weakness as a man. What they don't tell you about acceptance faze is that it also comes with emptiness. I suppose this helps one cope. Went through suicidal depression for 2 monthes. Never really bargained. Here is what I have learned. Perhaps it will help others.

    She left because she wasn't attracted to me anymore. While I was making grand plans, she was making break up plans. Her decision was not sudden and she probably thought hard about it. This is why I will never get her back.

    Everybody meets somebody, sometime. I need to care about myself again because people know when you dont. Ill never get over her until I do.

    MUST have no contact. We saw eachother for physical reasons long afterwards. All it did was prolong the heartbreak and embarass me further.

    Pick a mantra and repeat it when you start thinking of her. Mine was "it would have never worked"

    Make a list of her negatives. Youll be amazed at its length. Re-read it often. It will not work if you dont.

    Friends. Talk to them, but not much about your ex, as you will alienate them. Friends are very much the reason I'm here to type this.

    Music, movies, books: Yes! Can they be about anything romantic? No!

    Dedicate yourself to your job.

    Get a cat.

    Thank you for this web page. Break up stories have truley helped me and I think this is the best site yet.

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    maybenexttime 5 years ago

    To Ivedoneitagain.

    The reason we remember the good is so that we dont have to remember the not so good, cos when we do we more often than not want the good part back & we know its not available, it hurts even more.

    I always knew we were really good fun together & I miss that more than anything, we got/get on like a house on fire & I have lost my outlet to the real me. Which in itself can create a fear of its own. I know he went to the city on Sunday & my instinct is that he went somewhere that we had planned to go together, which is likey I wont get to before the exhibition ends, cos I'm not sure I can face going to on my own.

    Whilst I dont want him to be unhappy, well not to much :-) I dont want my nose rubbed in it either that he's getting on with things. I also know that its selfish for me to feel that way, so tomorrow after the school run I'm going to go to the cinema, on my own. Getting out there is one of the things that help make you stronger. I'm not suggesting a full on assault on your local meat market, but small steps and none where I know I will bump into him for a while.

    I havent heard a thing from him since Sat and am missing him, but trying to put in goals, like not checking my phone every 5 mins, when its on silent, to an hour and then longer; blocking parts of facebook, so he cant see what I'm up to & his activities dont automatically appear on my notifications making it so if I want to know I have to search for myself; puting zzz infront of his name in my mobile phone directory so its not there glaring at me and drops to the bottom of the list.......all of these things, including deleting the number are things you can do to take control of what you want to be a part off & can make you feel better in the long term :-) I am giving myself until the 14th March, which will be exctly 4 weeks since the email was sent & also be just before my birthday, to see how I feel & if I feel strong enough to try building the bridges to being the friends/mates we want to be & were before all this started, however at this stage I honesty dont know what to think or do.

    I once dated a guy & when we broke up I wore his necklace for 12 months afterwards, until one day I decided that I needed to put him away, so the necklace came off. I know where it is, but it came of when the time was right for me & thats the thing. Everyone of the stages lasts as long a it lasts and every emotion under the sun & moon is allowed, it doesnt matter.

    For me I have tried putting some structure into things. I have job hunting to do everyday, which is a must, but I have also decided to put aside an hour a day for reading a good book, listening to music, making sure I keep my mind active by doing mind puzzels of some description. The one I dont recommend is staying up so late everynight so that when you go to bed all you can do is stops you thinking about things when you get there, but makes you cranky during the day cos your to :-) I guess what i'm saying is find what works for you that you enjoy and keeps you going. I'm going to have a crack at taking photo's, in the hope that seeing the beauty in other things, I might see the beauty in myself.

    Everyone needs to learn to walk again & just as when we were babies, we're going to have days when we think we can run & others when we keep falling over, brusing our bums & scrapping our knees. Letting go is the harest thing in the world, I hope that somewhere out there is another good guy, who love me for me, is kind effectionate & wants to be with me and not just when I'm fun.

    At this point I would like to thank those of you who have been reading. I didnt know about this site, or that this is a really good way of helping get things out there & off my chest rather than bending my friends ears, It good in its annonimity and that you know that no matter where in the world you are there are others out there that know exactly how you feel.

    Here's hoping that acceptance is just around the corner & that the other stages dont beat us up to much :-)

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    Loney one 5 years ago

    I miss his kisses and his touch his smile his voice . I miss my best friend and my lover the time we had was so great it's been three weeks . No call or contact like I never existed . He said he would marry me and he would never hurt me and could never put peanut inside anyone eals . He found someone easls that looks half my age and real skinny . I can't stop picturing him kissing her and making love to her . My heart is broken and it will never be fixed . Why was I not good enofe for him ? He was my soulmate . I wished on a shooting star and he was my wish and now he burnt out .

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    Ivedoneitagain 5 years ago

    @maybenexttime, thank you for your words of wisdom, altho they werent directed at me I still take them on board. Ive been here done that already and I really dont want to go through it all again, fact of the matter is - I have no choice. Second long term relationship which was doomed. Isint it funny how you remember all the good times, and forget the bad. I need to stop doing that. And to make matters worse it was a mutual decision, then why am I feeling so gloomy :( this sucks.

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    Dawn 5 years ago

    Thank you so much for this. I thought I was going mad feeling this bad over someone who has made my life a nightmare for the past 4 years. But I now realise I was in denial for all that time. Now he has finally gone and has no contact with me it feels like he has died. I just hope he gets the help he so obviously needs or makes his other woman as miserable as he made me.

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    Sasi 5 years ago

    Thank you, my relationship of eight years and two kids ended four months ago, im still going through the stages, but my ex doesn't seem to be going through any, he doesn't provide for his kids and I'm stuck between stages 1-4, reading this gives me hope I can move on, thank you. I just hope I can get to acceptance soon, I miss being just happy.

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    Maybenexttime 5 years ago

    Since my last rant, I didnt go to lunch & we are not spending the day together.

    I sent an email explaining how I felt about his lack of doing what he said & how I was feeling about the whole thing, whilst I wasnt as angry as I had been, I felt a lot better once sent & responded too. The response was quite curt in places, poilte in others.

    3 days later & I now feel totally awful, knowing that he is one of the good guys & that I have lost someone kind & supportive, amongst so many other things. There is no denying that there were things in our relationship that needed to be put right & that I was to blame for some of it & we both know that no relationship is perfect.

    We agreed that time & space was the best thing, but I find that I actually love him more than I thought, cos I never thought he was right for me. I was so wrong & now I doubt he'll ever know! I dont know what hurts more the odd text message & facebook comments showing that he has got things going on in his life or the emotional stuff thats eating me up. He had no idea that I hadnt been feeling right about it all & was grateful for the insight, but everything else seems out of kilta.

    Why is it so much easier for some to move on than others or is it all an act & they really are hurting underneath it all & to afraid to say anything?

    I hoping that I dont get to the depression stage, actually I'm hoping I go past that & get to the acceptance stage, as depression has been a factor in my life before & compounded with being unemployed at the moemnt I'm not certain it would be good for anyone around me.

    I just want to feel better & be able to look at the good times, of which there were many, to be able to be in the same room & be comfortable with it all.

    As the one above said, hugs to all who are going through a break up. It isnt easy, it does hurt & it does get better.

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    Sunnyglitter 5 years ago from Cyberspace

    I hit enter too soon on my last comment...

    This is an excellent article. I'm dealing with a breakup now, and I'm currently stuck between the bargaining and the depression stage. I remember the denial - I didn't tell hardly anybody that we broke up for several weeks after it happened. I skipped the anger, but I've been told it might come at a later point in time. I'm nowhere near acceptance and probably won't be anytime soon. After talking to some people, I know this is all normal and okay.

    Oh, and I know what everybody means when they say they wish they'd get to the anger stage already. Me too. It sucks to feel sad all the time. A lot of really bad things happened in my relationship, so people are shocked that I'm not angry...but I'm not angry at all. Just shocked and sad.

    We have children together, so I find myself wishing there was some magical way to fix all of this. Personally, I think almost any relationship is fixable if BOTH parties want to save it, but it takes a lot of counseling and a lot of time. I don't know that my ex is interested in fixing things with a counselor, but who knows. I don't want to speak for him because I'm not him.

    But yeah, the stages of grief all suck. Hugs to all of you who are going through a breakup. Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, it's never easy.

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    Sunnyglitter 5 years ago from Cyberspace

    This is an excellent article. I'm dealing with a breakup now, and I'm currently stuck between the bargaining and the depression stage. I remember the denial - I didn't tell hardly anybody that we broke up for several weeks after it happened. I skipped the anger, but I've been told it might come at a later point in time. I'm nowhere near acceptance and probably won't be anytime soon. After talking to some people, I know this is all normal and okay.

    Oh, and I know what everybody means when they say they wish they'd get to the anger stage already. Me too. It sucks to feel sad all the time.

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    Mist 5 years ago

    Julenka, I like what you said about fate: If it's meant to be, we'll find each other again. I have moved on in some ways but still, I sincerely hope that happens. Even though there is a mutual understanding that what we shared was extremely intense, I feel as though I never fully conveyed what he meant to me. Would it even be possible? I just have to trust that he knows. That makes a lot more sense than contacting him to let him know. I don't want to throw a wrench in his process. Withholding my feelings now is the greatest act of love towards him that I could ever do.

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    babysitter 5 years ago

    If I only knew then what I know now!!!

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    Julenka 5 years ago


    You managed to describe very well how you feel like. It is bitter, because I feel the same way. Constantly going back and forth between despair and acceptance. It is getting a tiny bit better day by day, at least this is what I am trying to tell myself. If it is fate, then we will find back together to each other.

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    Mist 5 years ago

    We broke contact because it was the right thing to do. It's something I never thought I could do, but here I am, doing it. Living each day without the sound of his voice, without his soulful brown eyes and sweet expressions. His looks, his smile, his laugh. Without the dance of our minds, knowing each other's thoughts, in and out. I watch the clock ticking, watch time go by, and wonder - these minutes marching away from the past, are they maybe heading towards another moment in time when we will once again be together? I accept that we must be apart. I've lived through these stages, hovering now sometimes in depression, sometimes in acceptance. I believe I've finally come to a point where I can accept that contact with him is impossible. But it doesn't matter - my feelings continue to grow each day as they have for years. Still, it can surprise me to how much I love him, how much he means to me, how sharing things only with him makes them truly come alive. I am learning to accept that the best thing is not seeing him again. But we are like separated twins - he carries a piece of my soul. How do you move forward knowing that the other half of you exists somewhere else? That the best of you is out there, somewhere, in every cliche, every expression of friendship and love. But do you know the hardest thing? It's accepting that unless we are together somewhere in the future, I will never again know what it's like to be truly whole. I do not mourn him - he is alive within me, his heart fluttering with mine. My depression is learning to live without a limb. I can do this, it's been done before. And it's the right thing to do. For now, it's what we're meant to do.

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    Maybenexttime 5 years ago

    I am just coming out of the Angry stage of the break up. I had just come out of a long term relationship about 15 mths ago, when someone I man I worked with started getting close. I was very flattered with the compliments, which I have not received to many off & during discussions early on his declarations of if I moved he'd follow me anywhere! I tried not to get involved as he was a really good friend & what I needed moree than a relationship, he too had not long been out of a 2yr relationship. It had rebound written all over it, but I was flattered & thought I'd found someone who I contected with on lots of levels.

    Majority of the time together was great, although he didnt do what he said he would. the first time I went into his flat it was like a bomb had hit it & he said if he wanted me to go round he'd have to keep it clear. I gave him 2 weeks that he asked for & when I next went round it looked a lot better, but that really was the last time it happened. On another occassion he went to the city & spent the whole day in a pub with a female friend, so much so that he ended up spending the night there & ruined the plans we had made for the next day, one I had taken off work & didnt et paid for, he said he'd make itup to me but never has.

    Just before xmas he said he wanted to spend more time in the gym, meaning less time for us, I raised it with him & when he asked if I was breaking up with him I said no, cos I wanted to give him the benfit of the doubt & see if he would make the effort to see me. He didnt & subsequently when I got cross about it a lot of things we had wanted to say to each other came out, which ended in him ending it.

    That was just over 4 weeks ago, I struggle with break ups, we both want to stay friends & we have had some great days together since. However I have also had times where I have broken down, which hasnt help & he has done the usual reduction on communication. It hasnt yet come to a head, but 7 dyas ago we went to a spiritual retreat to both get some direction. He came away buzzing, but as it was my first time came away thinking what a waste. The next day I was the angriest I have ever been for years & the realisation of all the things here came to me. Like some of the others hereI have had no way of expressing this to him with no communication available at the time it counted. We have been in touch since & are planning a day out in a couple of weeks, but I'm not sure that Ieven want to go.

    Whilst we were together for just over a year, to me he has done the usual moving on, switched the emotional switch like a light bulb & left me in no mands land feling confused. Reading the article has made me realise that I was in the denial stage before the actual break up, that I am glad the the angry stage has almost passed, that experience of previous breakups means I may not even do the depression stage as I know there will be someone in the future.

    I am concerned though that he isnt aware of the way he has made me feel & shoudl I tell him, cos bottling things up & trying to forget them only means they come out somewhere else? Along with that the next guy will have to work even harder to get me to trust him & i may give up on someone perfect because of this experience. As for remaining friends & going out for the day, my instinct is not now & I should have trusted my instinct from the start.

    Whoever reads this, dont give up. they say that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them, some are shorter some are longer, it takes as long as it takes, the heart is a strange thing, but once head & heart are in the smae place it does help. The stages are true & to go through them means you recognise things sooner in the future.

    As for me well I have no idea on whats going to happen, but I know I'll survive & that there are some nice guys out there, I just need to find one that gets me. Dont give up :-)

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    Julenka 5 years ago

    * Also I am still feeling suicidal sometimes, but I have a few appointments with therapists now. So to everyone who suffers, get help! A therapy is the best you can do, drugs alcohol and antidepressants won't cure the problem.

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    Julenka 5 years ago

    I was like OMG this is so true. I went trough all the 4 stages and constantly back and forth. We didn't break up contact which a friend suggested from the beginning, so all the stages were really extreme. I was for 7 whole months after the break-up in denial (still am a bit, which keeps me sane), and in my head the relationship continued, I couldn't accept him dating someone else by now. The anger phase was overwhelming, I was screaming, crying, insulting my ex, accusing him of everything I could think of, harassing him with text and phonecalls of rage and feeling guilty afterwards for hurting the person I love and ashamed for losing the control over myself so much. I tried to free myself from it by having sex with another guy, but this only made everything worse. The bargaining was very humiliating, I was begging and saying that he could keep me as a whore and date other, saying that I will kill myself if he doesn't come back, promising to do everything better, and this all only throw me back to being angry when I was refused. The depression period was always there, even though it seemed to go away during the relationship, it was still there. After the break-up it just got worse, much worse. I ended up being in the mental clinic for two, because it felt like the world was against me. I couldn't eat, sleep or smile and was planing my suicide. It was for me the only way to escape this pain. I also went there for his sake, so that I will manage to stop harassing him and being able to let him go and live his life. When I was released, I felt better, not good but not suicidal anymore. He suggested for me to visit him (long distance relationship) and I got my hopes up, until he explained that he didn't want us to get back together. This was the final blow, I tried to be reasonable and said I would only visit if we tried again. He didn't want to and this made me angry, very angry. I basically went nuts because of anger and pain. I didn't realize what happened around me or my actions. He always managed to stay calm and understanding, until this very point. He got also angry and wrote me a letter full of insults back and said he would call the police if I continued. I felt scared and like a monster. He called me an emotional abuser. This was when I realized that my words did hurt him and that he wasn't indifferent. This article made me understand that I am still in those four stages. I send him a link of this article because I wanted to help. Hopefully I won't end up in jail for this...(sorry my morbid humor shows up again). Thank you very much for sharing!

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    suzybaby 5 years ago

    I have just split with my bf of 2 years. i had to end the relationship. i know i can never get back with him, but i love him so much and don't know how i will cope without him. I keep hoping i can see him 1 more time, have a hidden relationship, anything really but i know this is not possible. it took 5 years to finally go out with him after my divorce and i feel he has let me down so badly. my feelings are so confused.

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    Josephine 5 years ago

    After he told me about her then he said I will always love you I still want to be friends . Your beautiful .i never meant to hurt you it just happened .can someone please explain this to me I don't understand this ? This is the first time I've ever had my heart broken .please help me

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    Josephine 5 years ago

    Its all my fault my dad died six years ago and I had no one to talk to . I'm married and have three kids . My husband would yell at me when I cried he said your dad didn't love you didn't leave you anything . I met some owe who his dad died too we had a lot in comin we helped each other threw it . He lives at home with his mom he stopped doing drugs and is going back to school and he has a good job . I was going to get a devors and marry him . He lives in florida I'm in I'll .i tried to keep it together for my kids I didn't want to ruin there life's . So we came up with a plan he would go to school and care for his mom and I would take care of my kids . I didn't want to let anyone down so this I did . We talked every day and things were good but last weekend he wasn't the same .i asked him what was going on he said he met someone in school ayear ago . And he has feelings for her .he won't talk to me or fb me it's been a whole day I can't stop crying can't eat sleep I'm a mess I told my husband and kids I'm sick . I thought he was the one that are dads had meat in heaven and put us together . He was my best friend I could tell him every thing he said I had six years to leave and I didn't but he told me before he would wait forever if that's what it took I really believed him I should of leaf but I was scared my husband threaten me he would not let me have the kids and he would not help me pay for them and that they would hate me .my mom had me when she was sixteen I was a mistake my bother is in jail for drugs .i have know body to talk to or really cares . I don't understand why he didn't tell me about the girl when it first stared he desires to be happy I love him if she makes him happy then I can't be with him , there's no way out for me . I sould be with my dad .im a good person I don't want to hurt any one .my husband and I were only with each other we never were with any one else .i tired to be the best I could for everyone but I failed .

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    Fashion Maven 5 years ago

    Josephine -

    Please call the national suicide hotline (1-800-273-TALK) if you're really feeling as if you want to kill yourself. There are counselors there who can help you.

    You can also go to

    As for the pain and sorrow, it really truly does pass. This is the second major heartbreak I've had to suffer, but I do know that eventually I will emerge from this deep depression and anger, rage and pain all the better for it. The next man (hopefully the last) will benefit from all I have learned from this failed relationship. And I will benefit too!

    One thing that helps me when I'm really feeling down is to thank God for the little things - honest. Even if it's pouring rain outside and a dismal day, I thank God for the rain now because that means in the Spring, there will be flowers.

    I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. It will pass. Try to do some things you enjoy - nurture yourself. Be selfish. Lavish attention on yourself the same way you did with your ex.

    Good luck.

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    Tb 5 years ago

    Josephine, it hurts so bad ur mind is wacked. You feel lost hopeless, but I promise things will turn around and make sense. Maybe not now but u need to contact a friend and even though u may not want to tell them exactly how u feel. Only call someone u trust. Get ur feelings out. Better probably a family member. They will talk to u even though ur mind is distracted from the hurt listen try to listen to what they have to say. I promise u don't know ur own strength and why but if u want to, u WILL get through this! Not less than u were before but even more confident and happier in u! Women get lost in pleasing men and we trust them we think when things turn upside down were screwed! But ur not!

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    Josephine 5 years ago

    I need help I can't do this I want to kill myself

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    Tb 5 years ago

    Love the TD jakes quote! It is divinely true! U think God gave u someone so u try with everything in ur being to make it work! There comes a time when u accept that u can take what they offered when they offered but there may come a time that something's are not meant forever. Ur are fighting against fate to try to resurrect something from the dead that ran it's course! When uve done all u can do in the garden to nourish a plant and it dies. Ur sorry but u accept it, maybe u even replant it but u do not live with agony over it. I know sexual relationships are harder to let die because uve weakened ur emotions and conscience because u are joined emotionally. Very important not to start a relationship on physical attraction and sex. U have no idea what ur setting ur emotions up for. Learning from experience. I saved myself for my husband. Had sex before marriage never been with anyone else thought he was Gods will in my life only to find out after my daughter was born that he cheated on me while we were dating. To me it ruined everything. I was distraught, I couldn't believe my life was this way. I couldn't divorce him because to me he didn't commit adultry and therefore I would be in sin. I tried to forgive him thinking would heal all. I had a son 2 years later. To make a long story short it just got worse. He made me feel worthless and I felt like I made the ultimate mistake by ever dating him. After 11 years of extreme unhappiness, tired of trying for my kids I filed for divorce. I met a very attractive and fun man 2 months later on the beach. I was still hurting, resentful and had no trust in men. We had a blast and I gave in to just being with him. I eventually moved in with him after overly explaining this is something I would not do before marriage. When he found out I wanted my kids with me he kicked me out. He tried the well always be best friends etc. But be thankful even when ur hurting don't beat urself up wondering why convince urself that everything happens for a reason and let it go to make room for good things. Learn from ur mistakes and know that God will direct ur paths if u will let him.

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    therewillblifeafteru 5 years ago

    I am going through all of the stages above, it seems everyday. The most prominent is the depression. There are days all I can do is cry and cry. I see him everyday as we work together and live next to one another. We were together my entire adult life. Another problem, he has decided to form a "relationship" with my "best friend" that had a motive that somehow he doesnt see or want to see. Ive lost 2 people that I thought loved me as much as I loved them, to feel now like I didnt really mean that much to either of them. One thing that has helped me is a sermon by Bishop TD Jakes about letting go. I will post for you to read and hopefully it will bring some hope or understanding to your situation as it has mine. I printed it off so that I can read it over and over.

    There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: Let them walk. I dont want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, Loving you, caring about you, coming to see you, Staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.(1 John 2:19) People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you cant make them stay. Let them go. And it doesnt mean they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you have got to know when peoples part in your story is over so that you dont keep trying to raise the dead. Youve got to know when its dead. Youve got to know when its over. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

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    kim 5 years ago

    I'm going through this now It's not a good feeling at all having your broken is the worst feeling I'm doing a little better with the help of god some days are good some are challenging but I'm getting through it

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    Donna 5 years ago

    I was in a relationship for 10 years and he broke up with me. I have been bouncing back and forth between all phases of grief. I go back and forth mostly between denial, anger and depression. I have good days and sad days. But I do believe that each day I am accepting it more and more.

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    Hollie 5 years ago

    I was with my boyfriend for 10 years and had a child with him just to have him cheat on me. Its been a week and i can definately say im going through The stages of depression and anger. I went throught the denial stage for like a year knowing the relatonship was bad and just afraid to end it. I do believe though eventually I will get through this and be okay some day.

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    Heartbroken 5 years ago

    My relationship of 5 years ended two days ago. This is my second big break-up, so I’m familiar with the stages of grief and prepared this time, although it is still heartbreaking and unique to this situation. My partner and I were in denial for two years (!). In our third year we began to drift apart. We were both at uni and although we lived together, would spend too much time in separate rooms. He was never very good with communication and from the very beginning I doubted his love and attraction to me. When I was at uni I found myself becoming attracted to others at uni. Nothing ever happened but I let my feelings go too far.

    After uni (two years ago), I questioned him about what he wanted and how he felt. He froze up on me and wouldn’t respond. I’d send him long, worried emails from work and I’d get a few words back, usually along the lines of “I don’t know how I feel”. About six months later I asked him to move out and we ended things. I started seeing someone from work but I couldn’t move forward with him because I thought I might get back with my partner. I’m not entirely sure what happened but we got back together, although not officially and still lived apart. For the next year we were constantly asking each other “what’s going on?”, “are we together or not?” and it became a bit of a joke. I was miserable and felt like I was about to have a breakdown. Yet we let it drift on like this for another year.

    Last summer I moved away for 3 months to work. I was feeling lonely and quite low and then I found out he’d lied to me about something that was really important to me. I went crazy over the telephone and ended things. I didn’t hear from him for a week and, stupidly, got involved with someone else. I knew it wouldn’t work out but I needed someone as I was so lonely and depressed. I told my boyfriend when I got back home and he was horrified. He thought we were still together (?). I kept telling him it was over, but he convinced me to try again with him. We decided we would be together and make it official this time. Then he went out with his colleagues at Christmas, got really drunk and flirted with one girl all night. He ignored all my worried calls and texts and missed the last train home. He ended up staying at her house, although he said nothing happened (I do believe him about that). Since then we have been up and down and he has finally told me that he can’t move on from me sleeping with someone else 5 months ago.

    We decided to end things two days ago and I’m quite annoyed as he is blaming the whole thing on that one incident. Things have been awful for the last two years. He wouldn’t communicate with me, we didn’t know if we were together or not. Yet it’s now all my fault and I’m a horrible person. He doesn’t understand how messed up I was and when I try to explain he tells me to stop blaming my emotional issues for what I did.

    So after two horrible years, we are over, and I am to blame, in his eyes. Well, not in mine! I loved him so much during the first two years and thought we’d end up getting married and be together forever.

    Since we split two days ago I have been in denial, felt depressed and felt angry. I have also felt like bargaining with him to make things work (maybe we could move away together and start again, etc.). It took me nearly two years to get over my last break up. I really hope this one doesn’t take as long. I’m confident it won’t thanks to pages such as this and my previous experiences. I'd never wish these feelings on anyone, but it is nice to know I'm not alone. Good luck to everyone going through this... we will make it through to the other side!

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    Betrayed 5 years ago

    My girlfriend of over a year cheated on me. When I confronted her she was more concerned on how I found out than what she had done. She said I would not understand so she blocked my number and blocked me from facebook so I could not even vent my anger. I do not understand why people use other people. If they do not want to be in a relationship then why do they say they do before getting caught? I feel so used and betrayed and the worst part is I really love her. She says I will never trust her or understand so there is nothing to discuss and told me to move on. I think the worst part is she is not even sorry. I treated her so good and now I feel so used.

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    bins 5 years ago

    Thank you all for sharing your stories. It really does help to know that there are others going through this and that we can get through this, even if it takes awhile.

    I was blindsided so I feel upset that I didn't get a chance to fix what was wrong. If he had talked to me, told me what was going on, maybe we could have worked things out. Instead he mulled things over by himself, all the while I am oblivious and happy, and then one day says it's over.

    I can only be thankful I have a strong system of support from family and friends (and random posts from fellow grievers like this).

    I wish everyone the best, whether that means getting back together or not.

    My dad told me: Think of it this way; if he come back to you, good. If he doesn't, even better.

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    kate 5 years ago

    we broke up today, its killing me. we were happy, both of us a week ago until an argument so we didnt talk for a week and he said he didnt miss me and he should so its not going to work, he wouldnt even tell me to my face.

    ive been through it with him before and we broke up for 6 months and i didnt move on at all. this time im going to. i cant change the fact that he doesnt want to to be me or that he doesnt love me. and it hurts so much, i actually cant believe i have to go through it again with him, i just hope this time it's a little easier. this aritcle has helped along with reading all the other postz people have wrote. im not alone. im just trying to stay postitive in between all the crying, i dont know what to do but im sure i'll be ok ok in the end.

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    Polly 5 years ago

    The five stages are obvious but we all deal with them differently. we really accept or is it that we have no choice?? We don't necessarily grieve only for the loss of the relationship past, we grieve for the loss of our dreams and our future. For me, acceptance is not a choice because it's forced...we have no choice at all. Life will never truly have the same meaning.

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    malmn 5 years ago

    @James P

    Our situations are very similar. You know what? Forget her! Why would you want to be with someone after they ditched you at a time when you needed love, support, patience, and help the most? ... You might think your are to blame because of the weed habit but that BS. She probably made your situation worse with the nagging, bitching, complaining and condescending words, hence driving you to smoke more. ... Forget her! There are better women out there.

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    kl 5 years ago

    I'm experiencing this now I never thought it would be this tough but I'm getting through day by day with the help of Jesus

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    KJ 5 years ago

    I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years.. then i moved in with him and it all went pear shaped.. I was a student and he viewed this as non work. He abused me verbally in front of his friends saying i was usless, lazy messey.. Nothing i did was right.. then hed apologise and everything would be ok for a bit. We broke up he ended it because he thought i was seeing on of his mates.... i did leave took all my stuff . he still txted me at first pologising for his behavior thm finding out where i am daily.. Hes no harrassing my friend who is his mate and my friend. Its like being on a rollacoster ride..

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    James P 5 years ago

    My girlfriend and I broke-up about 3 weeks ago, about 2 weeks after our 5 year anniversary. I loved, and still love her dearly, though the majority of the blame I humbly accept. During the last 2 years, I have found employment very difficult. Without work, I would sit at home playing computer games and smoking cannabis. The least productive attitude possible, basically. Our relationship was still strong, though slowly diminishing, as the more I smoked the less I wanted to interact with her (or our friends). I started getting angry at the smallest of things that she did, and I couldn't explain to her why. This turned out to be the exact reason of our break-up. We were loosing our individuality. I was unable to see this through the fog of smoke. She said she needed space, but that she still loved me. Needless to say, this hurt a lot. To augment the situation, not only was I jobless 3 weeks ago, but she also owned the flat. I was left with 1 week to find a new place to live, acquire a job, along with an overwhelming sense of denial. She let me stay in her flat whilst she stayed at her mum's. I have many friends who have been brilliant these last 2 weeks, giving me lots of advice and a place to stay. I started to ask myself what I had done wrong, what I could do to get her back, even though I knew, still know, that it will take a long time for this to be resolved. So I went to my GP for counselling. I've seen him 3 times now and he has really helped. I also have stopped smoking cannabis and playing computer games. I have managed to get a job, and move into a new flat in a couple of weeks time, but I still think of her constantly. I tried to text her today, as I haven't seen her in 3 weeks, but I feel as though this was a huge mistake as we had arranged to meet up in the new year. She replied saying that she still needed time, and to let her have her space. This was very disrespectful of me, and now I feel depressed at even the slightest thought of what I have done, as it may have damaged the potential of us being friends. I have been crying almost constantly today, and although I feel hopeless now, I'm certain that I will pull through this eventually. Thank you all for your very insightful comments, they have been a fantastic aid.

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    Sandee 5 years ago

    Six weeks since we broke up after a five year tumultuous relationship. The amazing sex is what kept us together. Once we left the bedroom we barely had a thing in common but we just could not give up the sex. It was not only the quality but also the quantity. He used to say that he would need ten women to replace me. But ultimately I wanted more and he was a womanizer...never actually cheated (at least not that I'm aware of) but did a lot of untrustworthy things..flirted with womem, looked at every woman constantly in my presence, constantly looked at porn (although I actually accepted this), would never let me use his computer...I don't know why; when the phone rang, he would never say the person's name if it was a woman...only if it was a man; met women and did not tell them he had a girlfriend..and on and on. We were always fighting about all these we finally decided that enough was enough..and we could not live on sex alone. I was doing fine (denial?) until I found out that he is already interested in another woman. Its not that I want him back..its just so painful to be replaced that quickly. He says he is just dating..and not interested in another relationship. I decided not to speak with him anymore as that is the only way I will move on. So reading the article is so helpful because I just don't get my anger and depression. I don't want thim back at all...but it still really hurts. I think I am finding it difficult to fill in all the time now that I used to spend with him. I cannot wait for the acceptance stage to get here. But I have been crying a lot and I think that will thanks for this!

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    Healing 5 years ago

    I has been four weeks since my last comment, which was also my first on this forum. Those days now seem so far away. The days when I would wake up feeling so hopeless. I wanted to know where he was and what he was doing. So I would call him and fing that he was with someone and I would hurt all over again. He would then tell me that he has moved and so should I. Needless to say, that was difficult to hear.

    At that time my uncle had died in a very tragic hit and run and three days later, my closest cousin was brutally murdered. I had no reason to live and I could not find comfort in my boyfriend.

    But then one day, my friend took me out to coffee and said to me "From today aonwards, stop calling him, emaling him, smsing him" From that day on I stopped all contact with him,to an extent that he called and asked if I was okay. It hasn't been too long since that day. It's only been eight days. Mind you that is the first time in nine months that I hadn't communicated with him. I am getting stronger by the day and I am starting to realise that I am better off. Yes, I miss him but I realise that I was never treated the way I deserved. I am also starting to feel this sense of freedom and peace. I am moving on. I might not be able to start dating but I am moving on.

    NB:It normally takes me at least three months to get over a break up but this time I decided to be hard on myself. And it has helped.God was there every step of the way and He has been holding my hand.

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    more pain than is bearable 5 years ago

    After finally freeing myself from a long abusive marriage I dove into a relationship which lasted seven years, though I realise now that I never gave myself fully, never living with him as I needed to provide a safe stable home for my three children and myself. the seven year relationship ended long before the seven years and seemed excruiating to extract myself from but I finally found the strength and began my journey through grief. I didn't think I could ever feel love again or indeed allow anyone close enough to hurt me and then this beautiful man walked through all my well crafted barriers and straight into my heart. Scared the living daylights out of me, and i later learned him as well. He had gone through so much loss himself having lost him mother and then his wife within the space of a year fourteen years ago and has been on his own bringing up his son. Dating began very slowly, but my heart fell quickly, too quickly it seems I cant seem to catch it now and it is breaking all over the place, he is genuinely busy at work, but I recognise he is not making any effort or attempt to allow me in. I finally meet someone I really like and respect only to find he has been hurt so much in the past he seems incapable to letting me or anyone else in. I know I need to walk away and I am flitting between all the stages, it's just awful. I hurt so much. I am so scared that if I can get over this that I will never trust myself to love again. I hate being on my own so I have created an enormasly busy life around myself, unfortunately for me I can see that this is exactly what this man has done, and I'm doing the same thing. People are always amazed by how much I have on my plate, and how much I do, but I can't bear to be still it drives me crazy. I guess the hardest part is that I need to let go of this relationship or whisper of one that could have been, while the guy I broke up with two years ago won't stop sending me love messages and gifts, emails, texts I feel like I am being stalked and am terrified of ding the same this to the guy I like, so I really think I just need to walk away from my feelings for him. Easier said than done.

    recently though I realise that I have in the process absolutely got to the acceptance stage of the previous two men in my life. I had long been friends with my ex husband, but I now feel a sort of nothingness its very weird like Im pulling away and even the stalker - When I saw him when we first split up I was always so confussed wondering if I had made the right decision and second guessing myself - not now though If I see him - I don;t feel anything - kind of good, kind of scary all at the same time. When I se the one I want to be with though, Im still a mess - I guess I'm just not there yet, and the way I feel I don't think this is something I can keep doing, so its almost like I'd rather hold on to my grief becasue I figure I'll be a long time on own with no feeling of hope.

    what a sook,

    wish I didn't hurt so bad.

    I really loved him - and those are words I do not use.

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    Chris35 5 years ago

    hey, CSETO, i am going through the exact same thing as you from the guy side. i would really like to talk to you if you would like. i think we could both take some insight from the opposite sexes thought process in this situation and hopefully put some of this in perspective. if you would like to talk, find me on facebook, my name is chris burke, from fort riley kansas. i hope you find me

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    CSETO 5 years ago

    It has been about a month since my boyfriend and I broke up. I decided to end the relationship after 6 months and I miss him terribly. What we shared during those months seems like a dream now. I often wonder if he ever truly loved me. He clung to me so quickly then proposed many times. It really scared me. He would not allow me the time or space I needed to me to get comfortable and secure. I really loved him and still do. He has so many great qualities but so many insecurities. The relationship drained me emotionally for I was always having to comfort him. He needed so much and was always accusing me of cheating or being inconsiderate. His ex wife cheated on him and he cheated on her too. They share a child together and do not have a healthy relationship. It is a toxic one at that. I have a child too and his father and I still disagree but not at our son's expense. We do not use our son as a weapon to get back at one another... Because my ex boyfriend and his ex wife have no boundaries in place this is the main reason why I broke up with him. I felt like he is still married to his ex wife. I never wanted him to go, I just wanted him to validate my feelings and make changes. I miss him and I am so confused. There is no hope for a reconciliation. He is so angry that I walked out on him. Why do I feel so regretful? Why do I feel so much pain? I have already been thru the rebound stage and all I did was hurt people. Now I care nothing for being with anyone. I am soooo lonely and want this emotional weight lifted off of me so I can resume my life. It is as though I am the one who is being punished for making strides to be better. Why cant a man wait for me? What's wrong with me that I feel so drawn to emotionally unavailable men or controlling men for that matter? I feel so broken...

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    kari 5 years ago

    I am strong because I have known weakness

    I am compassionate because I have experienced suffereing

    I am alive because I am a fighter

    I am wise because I have been foolish

    I can laugh because I have known sadness

    I can love because I have weathered the storm

    I am a survivor !

    You will never feel the same way forever remember all the other things we have made it through for the better. Have faith in you strength. If you are putting up bad behaviour from someone and they are not treating you well, its because you are accepting it, we all deserve peace happiness, Never accept anything less.

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    Kari 5 years ago

    Thank you so much to everyone who has shared their stories here. It has been a God send for me. My boyfriend of 4 years got a new job offer a couple of months ago, that would relocate him to his home town in another province of Canada. Soon after we met, we were both in the same situation of having to find a new place. So we moved in together. Well for 2 months, we made plans to move together to his hometown. I gave my notice at work, I searched for new jobs, I contacted many companies to get estimates on moving our stuff long distance. the plan was for him to go out first and find a place. He would live with his mother for about month in order to get settled. Well the day he left was a sad one, he dropped me off for work and I was so sad all day realzing I would be alone for a month.

    I got home that evening to a letter .. yes it was like getting hit with a baseball bat. He said he "hated doing things this way but had to because of the way "I" would react, and the letter was continual barrage of attacks on me, everything he didnt like about me. He ended it by teling me not to contact him or his family becuase THEY all knew we were through. (Everybody else knew but me) I was so hurt, my head was spinning,I literally collapsed on the floor.

    I made it to the phone and call my sister, while i was talking to her, a call came through from my ex. He said tear up the letter, tear up the letter, he had been driving for the past 5 hours and cried the whole way. He called me the next day but couldnt talk long. I tried to discuss the situation and he would just say "we already talked about that last night. He wouldnt let me give my side. He continued to call me for the next 3 days straight only to berate me and tell me all the things I have done wrong, The last call he was screaming at me so loud I told him to stop and I hung up. I called right back and told him what I felt about him and what he had done, he said he didnt have anything to apoligize for,

    It has been a month now and I seem to go back and forth between feeling really strong to having A "MINI" meltdown ,crying and missing him. He never let me express my feelings throughout the relationship without getting upset, he always used such little things that did to attack me in a big way, turned them into horrible things,

    He ended up calling me a couple times in the past month, only because he wanted me to do something for him.

    This has been a horrible thing to go through, I guess the point I want to get through to everyone is NEVER IGNORE YOUR GUT FEELINGS, OR WHAT YOU TRULY WANT. I did for a long time I ignored the red flags. he was 48 years old never had any chilren had two relationships with children but never bonded with any of them. I would show him pics of my grandson and he wouldnt even respond. He could even form a relationship with my grown children.Thank you all for reading, this is best therapy knowing you are not along and capable of great life. I beleive in the power of prayer and when like minds get together for good, great things happen, I am sending a blessing out to you all.. best wishes

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    not coping well 5 years ago

    I thought I should follow up with my last post. I'm not exactly sure what happened but only a dya or two after I wrote my last post everything turned around for me. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I found out things my ex was up to - which hurt and crushed me to the core - but I realized that I didn't deserve to be treated the way he was treating me and made the decision to not be hurt by him anymore. I decided I would NEVER be able to take him back, if the opportunity presented itself, so why bother being hurt or sad at the things he says or does? He isn't the same person I fell in love with all those years ago. That person is gone and isn't coming back. I feel so much freer and happier (yes! happier!) since I came to the realization that his choices and screw ups aren't my problem or concern anymore. I have wonderful friends and family who want to spend time with me and who care about me. My ex went off and started to live his life after the break-up while I sat back and cried and cried, got all worked up about not having a future with him, and somehow managed to convince myself that I'd never be happy without him. Once I started to let go of him, the hurt, the fear I have started to live my life too and it feels great! I was a teenager the last time i was able to be this "selfish". I no longer attend parties I don't want to. I don't have to see movies I don't want to see. I don't have to eat in the restaurants I don't care for. I am finally able to do the things that I want to do and that bring me joy. I'm fianlly able to get to know myself, and so far I quite like myself!

    I went through a REALLY hard time initially, and I realize this could all be a temporary state of happiness and acceptance, and that not everyone can get to this point as fast as I have, but there is hope for everyone here. Things really do get better. It does take time and it is a process, but the hurt, sad, lonely feelings do not last forever. As hard as it is, you do need to go through all the emotions that go along with a breakup and paying attention to where you are in the grieving process helps. I found that it was helpful to cut my ex out of my life "cold turkey". Everytime I heared from him or saw him I felt just as bad as I did the day he broke up with me. I always felt worse after talking to him, so I decided not to hear from him at all... what he's doing and who he's doing it with have nothing to do with me, its not my concern any longer. I also started keeping a journal. I found it helpful to really get all my feelings out. It was also a private place for me to start to examine what I would miss about him and the relationship, what things I'd like to accomplish in my life now that I didn't have someone holding me back, what my contribution to the breakup/mistakes in the relationship were, what I didn't like about my ex and the relationship. I found it vital to start to examine the whole relationship and to realize that it wasn't all good times or all bad times. I don't want my ex in my life anymore but nor do I want to carry around hatred and hurt. I'm trying to look at him, the whole him, and realize we are not meant for eachother and to try to have respect for him and wish him well for the future.

    I hope this helps bring some hope to others out there suffering from a broken heart. It IS hard and painful, but keep your head up, look at this as an opportunity, do the things that make you happy and avoid the things that don't. Its okay to be a little selfish during this time! Best of luck to all of you!

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    MissColtrane 5 years ago

    I have just read all of your comments and I realise that I am not the only one. I am going through the first stage (denial). I cannot imagine my life without him. He's become such a good friend to me. At the same time I know that being with him will kill me. My heart cannot handle the pressure of being with him. He is unavailable emotionally and he is selfish. He is quick to protect himself by sacrificing me. I hurts like nothing in this world.

    I cannot wait for the at acceptance stage. I feel like dying and just not feeling the pain I am feeling right now.

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    Older but seemingly not wiser 5 years ago

    It's been since July 1. We were together on and off for 51/2 yrs. We are both post-grad educated, law enforcement, both taurus's in our mid to late 40's. He is twice divorced with a college aged child. I have never been married, no children. You'd think from past relationships, I'd recognize a dishonest, abusive man. On our very first meet, I flat out asked if he was married, engaged, or otherwise involved. Of course, the answer was no. Reality came out he was separated from wife 2, whom he married 8 months after his first divorce from a 12-14 yr marriage. We were back and forth for a yr; when, we split for six months. Of course, there was another woman he dated during that time, and, as we were "getting back together". Finally met family, child, friends, etc. Were together 4 yrs this last time. Roller coaster all the way. You'd think I would have been wise enough to leave a dishonest, abusive relationship. I told him to let me go; cuz, I did not feel the strength to do it. Finally, straw came that broke camels back, I packed up Weekend Belongings and left. No real contact since. He didn't want anyone, yet he's already moved on. Par for the course. Red flags flying all over; yet, still took sooo long to make a decision; and, has taken a long time to let go and accept decision. Age, finances, length of relationship, education, profession, etc. really has no barring on grief. I just try to pray for wisdom and strength, accept that letting go of someone you love is a very painful and difficult process, and, all I can recommend is to allow yourself to be honest about what occurred, how we tend to make excuses for those that harm us, that sometimes, even if there is no abuse, relationships do not always progress the way we hope, and to believe in yourself to know you are healing and that when you are ready, another journey will begin. I hope that each journey brings greater wisdom and strength to recognize when someone or something is not healthy in our lives, that we cannot change anyone except ourselves, find strength to let go when we are harming ourselves or someone else, and that each journey is preparing us to be the man/woman God commands of us in a relationship that is meant to bring joy and passion, honor and integrity, and laughter and sharing in our lives

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    LJU 5 years ago

    Thanks for the many great posts. What I find comforting is that there is just as many men as women having the same difficulties dealing with the end of a relationship. As a man, I have felt very isolated with my emotions and it is comforting to hear that I am not alone. I loved her with all my heart, I saw the potential for a beautiful future together, she told me numerous times that I was, "The Best Boyfriend Every!", and I WAS! She was the first woman in at least eight years to whom I said,"I love you". I try to be very careful with such words. In my head I was willing to give her all (mind, body and soul) of me. It was a long distance relationship and I drove to see her at every opportunity. I called in numerous favors for her from my friends, colleagues and put my professional reputation somewhat in jeopardy for her benefit. In the end it was all for not, I could not satisfy her needs. She broke up with me at least three times - yet I went back for more. She was jealous of my friends and family, she could not trust and was even somewhat paranoid (and I NEVER cheated on her!), and she was selfish. Yet on the other hand she was completely engrossing and all consuming! I could not get enough of her, nor she of me. That's why she broke it off - I could not be there for her 24/7... In then end I know it is better this way - in retrospect it really wasn't a healthy relationship, but it still hurts and pains me deeply. Thank you for all who have had the courage to submit their posts - just maybe there is a greater purpose for all this mutual suffering that we don't yet understand. Maybe it's so that we have this opportunity to share our experiences right here to help the next person who is feeling isolated, alone, and hurt...

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    Going Through it now 5 years ago

    This article really hits on everything exactly from my experience. I am still hurting, but it is good to verify that what I am feeling is normal, and since I seem to be following this path, there might be more hope than I feel to be as happy as I was again.

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    Not coping well 5 years ago

    What a great site to stumble upon! Thank you everyone for sharing your personal stories. Its nice to know I'm not alone. I keep telling myself that feeling this way is temporary and I will get through it a better person, but I don't know if whole heartedly believe it. My boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me out of the blue a month ago. I can't get myself out of the depression and bargaining stages. I have brief periods of anger, but then crumble and can't stop the tears. I keep trying to force myself into anger, but it is only short lived. He admitted to meeting someone who was "nice to talk to" but denies touching her while we were together. I tried to tell him that he did cheat. He started an emotional affair and actively sought her attention by going for drinks with her after work to get to know her and to talk to her about his problems instead of talking to me and telling me how he was feeling. Exactly 2 weeks after breaking up, he told me he took her out on a date and kissed her. I feel so sick and hurt that he can move on so soon. I don't recognize him. He is not the person I fell in love with. I can't get through a single day without breaking down and he's already in a relationship. How do I push him out of my mind and heart? I want him out of my life. I want to stop thinking about what he's saying to her, what they're doing together,... It doesn't help that I lost most of my friends while dating him as he insisted we spend time with his friends. I feel so lonely and blindsided by this and feel he's getting off so easily. He has his friends and his new girlfriend to get him through this. I am so tired of all this. It doesn't help that since breaking up he's told me how much he loves me still and that he "may never love anyone like he loves me" and how he is trying to be strong and stick to his decision and convince himself he's made the right choice. Just a few months ago we were looking at engagement rings. Ever since the first few weeks of dating he's told me I'm "the one", that he's never met anyone like me. How can things change so drastically in a few short months. How and when can I get to the acceptance stage? What is the likelihood that he will have a miserable life? Please tell me it is very likely. I want him to suffer and be miserable for the rest of his life (ooh! A bit of anger! That's good, right?)

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    Agnes 5 years ago

    .... so it was short but very intense relationship, complicated situation with no acceptance from many people.... But I was happy, extremely happy, so was he... at least that's what he was saying and how he acted, we were so comfortable with each other from the get go... Maybe the warning signs were there for past two weeks... even though still sweet and loving messages, he started working soo much..... I started to question this behavior and him being distant, yet I was assured, that's just the work schedules and all is good between us.... So last weekend, no sweet message, short answer to my text, then silence... and then, he tells me he's trying to put his family back together ..... I'm shocked, devastated, try to make sense out of things, try to understand.... but I can't. I pray, I cry, I read and try to get busy... but the emptiness and sadness are so overwhelming that I can't even hold my head straight on my shoulders. I overanalyze our relationship and blame myself for hopping into things too quickly and too rapidly... the "would haves", "should haves", "could haves" are hovering in my head.... can't find peace within myself.... and the pain is more than I can take... I let him be..... no phone calls, no texts, no contact with mutual friends... I just pray to God that I will go through that and will smile again.... although today, I don't see light in the tunnel.... The worst of all is the despair and feeling of blame for rushing things and not giving it time to develop in its own and balanced course..... I know it's the matter of time, but will I have enough strength to get through it?

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    ShivaKrishna 5 years ago

    im still heart broken and don't know what stage really im in i guess im so depressed i just cant forgive my self and i would want to fix things with her but i feel so rejected by her. maybe im on the last stages cause i feel so down like i should of done more but thank u for this im actually feeling better. i cant wait to get off this roller coaster ride cause thats what it feels like right now!

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    Lynette 5 years ago

    Anyone needing further advice, check out the link above. Very helpful with identifying what stage you are in, and what activities help you move out of it and on to acceptance!

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    Lynette 5 years ago

    Wow. I just had an epiphany after reading this article and every single last one of the comments. My relationship with the man that I love recently ended almost 2 months ago - a "mutual" decision that I really did not want to make, but I could see had to be made. My heart is broken, and I find myself wondering what my purpose is. I am 36 years old and a successful professional. I have been told countless times by both males and females that I am "the perfect woman" and that any man would be lucky to have me. I have no children, own my own home, and I'm not bad to look at lol. Yet somehow again I find myself in the depression stage pining for a man that told me he is basically incapable of love with anyone, and thinks I deserve better than him relationship-wise. He has all the ticks in the correct boxes, and I really thought that we were going somewhere. Since we separated, I have bargained with him and myself, and I have fluctuated between denial, anger and depression. I have tried to distract myself with attention from other men, and drowned myself in work and home renovation projects. I also can't sleep unless i smoke weed. Now the epiphany part thanks to this article!

    * I cannot heal unless I allow myself to feel the pain and work through it - so I will cut back on the weed (quitting would be unrealistic lol).

    * I am no good to any other man while I am in this depression stage, nor am I really open to a starting another real relationship as I am still hung up on my ex - so I will not entertain a man for a good long time even thought the loneliness at times is unbearable

    * I know that I am not alone! Reading everyone's stories allows me to take comfort in that.

    I wish all of us acceptance and soon! Time really does heal all wounds - it's up to us to help ourselves along the way and not continue with behaviours that draw out any of the other stages.

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    CFG 5 years ago

    Hi All,

    I am a gay man and I have been through a separation recently. I dated my partner for 10 years and a bit, he is 8 years older than me and I always thought he was the greatest man on earth, I know now that I learned to see the world through his eyes.

    A couple of months ago he went to a business trip and when he came back to the UK he was acting a bit strange and very distant, I somehow knew that something was going on, I checked his mobile phone and email and found some messages he sent to a guy, the messages were very compromising, by that I mean that they made me believe that their relationship was not about sex but more into the feeling levels, which was a shock to me because they had known each other for about 10 days. I confronted him and he admitted that he met someone else and I said to him that because of that our relationship was over. I left our house and then the following day he sent me some emails explaining that he had some doubts about our relationship and that he was going through a crisis. So I said to him that he needed to work his stuff out and that he needed to assess if his path in life would lead towards mine that I would give him as much time and space as he needed. Then after that we talked on the phone twice and he said that he was confused and that he once again needed time. One day he sent me a text message saying that he could not cope and that he wanted to cut any contact to which I replied that it was fine that he knew where I was whenever he wanted to contact me. After that he sends me what I call his monthly newsletter, telling me about his crisis and how things are with him, he never asks how I am but I guess that is just normal.

    After that day we broke I could not sleep for about two weeks, it was as if I could not do anything else but think about him, about us. I immediately went into denial mode, I thought this is a rough patch that we are going through and he will realise that this is a mistake and that I was the one, so I used to say to myself be patient. Those days were terrible, there was this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, the streets felt so big and I felt so small, it was this summer, and I hated how the sun coloured all the streets, I used to hate seeing all that happy people, I used think that no one understood my pain. I used to go to work and I would not get anything done, then after that I would go for aimlessly walks, I do not know why but the only thing that would calm me down was walking and while walking I used to have all these conversations with him, on those conversations I would tell him how much it hurt while I was away from him. Patient was my motto, so I would wait because I was certain it was a mistake he had made, days passed by and apart from his monthly newsletter I did not know anything about him.

    One day I went to see his parents to the place I used to live, I felt really awkward it was my house before but that night it felt as someone else’s house, I cannot described how I felt but it felt as if I did not belong there. When I returned to my new place he sent me a message saying that he knew he had promised to get in touch with me but that he did not know when. That message was like a slap on the face, it was as if he telling me to get lost. The following morning I woke up and somehow I had the realisation that the so called crisis he was going through was not a crisis at all, that crisis had a name and a body. I do not why just then I was able to process that, because from the beginning I knew he left me for someone else and on his and the other guy’s FB accounts I had evidence that they were seeing each other, and I know that you might find a bit crazy that I went to their FB accounts but when you are heartbroken you tend to become a stalker, because you need as much information as possible, not to get the facts straight but to hurt yourself, it is like a drug. So it was not until that morning after the text message that I came out from denial, and I understood finally that there was someone else.

    I after that I started thinking that I would change anything about myself to make this relationship work, I would change the way I look, my moods, I would be a better person, I would be nicer, as long as he would come back. This process took a while, it was also accompanied with guilt of all the things I said, did, did not do to him, in my head it was my fault that he left me and that he was with someone else. However, a couple of weeks ago, I said to myself even if I am a perfect person I do not have the power of undoing what happen on that trip, because I am not god, I cannot turn back time and change things, I am powerless, I cannot do anything about that, it was his decision.

    The thought about him being with someone else used to appear and disappear, but once I accepted it, and I forced myself to do it, I used to imagine him being with the guy, I know this was torturing myself but I had to do it, because sometimes you have to face your fears and it was my worst, so I tried to make myself think about that and then that reality little by little start hurting less, it still hurts but not as much. After that I do not know why but I started crying, just like a child, I would cry for no reason, I cried for the people that left my life, I cried for the good and bad moments, I cried for his absence, I cried for how unfair it all was, I just cried, it was one of those moments in life when all you can do is to cry.

    I read somewhere that if you do not take any action change does not come, which is very logic, but since I was with my be patient motto I did not make any major decision, well I made some decisions but those decisions would be ‘I will do this but in case he comes back I will do that’, so in my head I still had the hope that he would come back. However, last week I decided to make big decisions about my life and not taking him into account, and it felt good, it felt as if I as free as if there was hope to live life again. My decisions are life changing but I am going to go for it and until today in my imaginary conversations with him and on the film of our next encounter I had only played it up to the point where he comes back to me and he says that he loves me, before I did not dare to think what would entitle to give our relationship another go, and just today I though what would happen after that conversation in the case he wanted to come back with me and I have to be honest I panicked because I could not come back to him, I would always feel as second best, as if I had let him walk over me, I would live a life full of fear because I would be just waiting for this to happen again, or I would be scared that he would be thinking about someone else. I know that one has to forgive and I have forgiven him, I actually did the next day it happened, but I cannot put myself through this anymore, as much as I love him I have to put myself first and I am in control of my life and if I do not chose to do what is best for me no one is going to do it. So after that thought, I checked once again their respective FB pages, and I saw the pictures of their trip together and I felt so angry at first and I started writing him an email to say that I was aware of everything and that at least he should be man enough to tell me the truth, but I stopped myself half way through, because what would be the use of that, does really matter? How can you have reality staring at you and you still do not believe it, I said to myself it is real and just accept it. So I have decided to accept my reality and he is not with me, I love all the happy times we lived together but everything in life changes and our happy times ended, we both made mistakes but life goes on, life is to be lived and I am not going to make a monument to his absence, I need to look after myself and learn from this whole experience, I know it will take time to heal completely but I know that this will pass too.

    I have decided to share my experience because I know that most of the people that are reading this now are going to a though moment in their lives, I was there 5 months ago, I know that you are trying to find

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    Rachel 5 years ago

    Thanks for posting this. It's very helpful. I'm also in the midst of a break-up and probably am in the 'depression' phase right now. Only challenge is that my dog died a week before the break-up - so I can't tell who or what I'm grieving anymore. Any suggestions on how to deal with multiple losses that happen at the same time. I'm just bouncing all over the place and don't know when life is ever gonna feel good again...

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    Kim 5 years ago

    The grieving process is so painful, but we will all be ok. The posts have been so helpful and the artcle has brought me clarity. My boyfriend of 2 years ended our relationship quite suddenly 3 months ago. I gave myself completleky to this man, helped him renovate his home, took care of his child full time, stood by his side through so much drama. Gave up my own home to move into his. And he then decided he did not want to be with a woman as " strong" as me. We continued to interact (denial) and spend time together even after I moved out. That was a huge mistake, but I simply could not let go and was willing to just be friends ( bargaining) convincing myself he would see the light, miss me and want me back. That turned very ugly very quickly as he continued to move on and aggressive date other women, all while we were still spending time together and being intimate. I realize now that I was only slowing down the healing process, but it was probably necessary for me to effectively go through all the stages.

    I am now going back and forth between all....except acceptance. I am fustrated with myself as I want to be over him and become emotionally available for other men....especially since he has moved on and appears to be in another relationship. But I realize that this is not a race to happiness nor is it a competition. I will allow myself the time to properly heal so my next relationship will be healthy. He can rebound and wake up 6 months from now worse off because he jumped into something before resolving his own issues with me.

    Although I am not in the acceptance phase...I will pray to get there. My happiness is definitely in God's plan.....we will all get there. And my fear to love and trust again???? That will eventually dissipate, because I will not let him block my blessings or steal my joy. Good luck all and god bless.

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    Yoyo 5 years ago

    I've been through these stages numerous times..the last 3 events within the last year

    1. During the ending of marriage

    2. When a subsequent partner cheated on me

    3. Death of my father

    4. Diagnosis of Parkinson's disease

    It doesn't get easier..and each stage must be felt and lived through inorder to get through it.

    If it helps, each and everyone of us are strong enough, eventhough it doesn't feel like it at the time. Don't fight the stages and by analyzing it actually distances it a tad from your emotions.

    Good luck..there is light at the end of the tunnel

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    Mitch 5 years ago

    The article and posts are unbelievably helpful. Thanks for everyone who shared their thoughts and feelings (from 24 months ago till a few days ago =)

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    Claire71 5 years ago

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 yrs 2.5 weeks ago, it was a mutual decision. But he is dealing with it by not having any contact with him. My text, email and even a letter receive no acknowledgements. Its heartbreaking - like he doesn't care about me, like the past 5 yrs count for nothing. I'd like to talk to him, share how we're coping with not seeing each other. I can't stop crying and feel weak that i can't simply 'get over it'. And most of all i want to tell him i've changed my mind.

    I feel like noone understands how sad i am, feel like everyone else is happy, in a couple.

    Wish he'd contact me even if its just to check i am ok.

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    skittles3 5 years ago

    Wow...I cannot begin to express how thankful I am that I found this site. I too found it by Google search and I have spent the better part of the last 3 hours reading every single post. One of my relationships ended 2 and a half years ago by someone who "couldn't figure out how he felt". 1 month he loved me and couldn't live without me and the next month he felt nothing, or to quote him “something is missing”. This continued for approx 18 months of our 2 yrs relationship. lol I can't even believe I stayed that long. Anyway, as time passed my insecurities increased, my self worth was pretty much non existent by the end and when you’re already lacking a solid self esteem, he had hit the jackpot when it came to mental and emotional game playing. I lent money whenever I could, I took care of his kids, I did chores and whatnot at the house, paid for dinners out almost every time ect…and yet I did all this in the hopes that maybe he’d really figure it out. As the relationship came to its end, I was still chasing him and he was still running, our fighting became more and more apparent, and I would say horrible things to him and in return he would as well. I spent most of that relationship in the denial stage…he had actually convinced me that by allowing him to go out and meet new people and exploring other relationships would only help him understand how to be with me forever, because it was me he loved. LOL Can you believe it? Ugh! Anyway once we split and it was final I bargained for months, tried everything to even get him to be my friend but I could never separate the two. So I stayed single and tried to focus on myself for 18 months. I bargained, denied and was angry thru that entire “healing time”. I still find myself angry that he cannot be even civil to me but then I think why the hell would I want to even associate myself with someone like that?! But when I see him I want to hide, if I see his family or his new girlfriend same thing. I find myself wanting to just walk up to him and yell at him for all the horrible things he did and the way he made me feel. But then I get angry with myself for having allowed it and letting it still effect me. And then I get angry at my friends for not having stopped me from this earlier, or for letting me sink so deep into it or just for being happy when I’m not (I’m really working on that one lol).

    Thank you everyone for having the courage to tell your stories, I connected to something in more then just a couple posts. I’ve been feeling like a bit of a failure when I look at several relationships/dates that didn’t work out. But after reading all these stories, I know I’m not a failure and I’m certainly not alone. :)

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    Valentine 5 years ago

    I am in a committed relationship and recently had a relationship with a man also in a committed relationship. My worst thinking said it was okay because his mate was a practicing alcoholic who blacked out because of her drinking. That she was very cold to him and there was no intimacy in his life. I was just looking for someone to do some cultural things with and he the same.

    We maintained an online disucssion for about four months but he pressed to meet. Although he swore that he was okay with my boundries to "just be friends", it was at the same time enjoyable to me that he pressed to meet. It is with some confusion on my part, that I allow myself to believe he may have been something different from how he presented himself. I do not want to believe that.

    We did meet for dinner and that of course made the relationship "real". Although we continued to correspond, he almost instantly wanted to know when we could meet again. Still holding onto the "only friends" mindset, I agreed to meet at an equally open populated restaurant. Good meeting, a successful, handsome, educated, well traveled man.

    After the second meeting, his emails started to become more personal and more loving and more intimate. I thought we were bulding a relationship like no other. We both were still in our committed relationships but thought we could go on like this forever.

    We corresponded daily, shared the most intimate of details, shared our writings, our experiences, our pictures, our dreams, and our desires.

    I was so happy. Did not know a person could be this happy. We met again a couple of times and always the

    daily emails and intimate conversations.

    Suddenly last week, he told me he was afraid because he had such deep feelings for me he was afraid he was going to be hurt. That it was beginning to get painful in that he wanted to spend more and more time with me and worried where these feelings were going to take him. He was not going to leave his mate, but then neither was I going to leave mine. My own relationship was doing well and this new found connectedness only made me more attentitive and at peace with my mate.

    It had bothered me that the outside relationship would just keep going around in circles because by its very nature it could never go forward. But it did add a new dimension to my life and fulfilled much of my former emptniness.

    I am not justifying it, I am in grief. When my outside friend told me of his fears, I decided to end the insanity of the whole thing. Admonished myself for even letting it get this far. Told him I would not be changing my mind. And now I am shocked that I am so miserable. So very very miserable. I did not relaize how much his company filled me up. I do not want to go back into that vicious circle and am having a very

    hard time not calling him. This site is helping me to see all the different scenarios that we can all get ourselves into. I am sorry and embarassed about my story but am painfully honest in case it helps someone else in a similar situation. Get out if you think it is not right, because It Is Not Right.

    Now I have the grief to contend with. And a lot of anger

    that he was worried about getting hurt when he pressed at me so hard for so long. I don't believe him.

    I don't believe anything at this point.

    I only believe I love him, I was wrong to love him,

    I was groomed to love him, and I am paying the price for loving him.

    I intend to get through this but the pain right now is overwhelming.

    I hope you learn from this and don't resent me.

    Thank you all for your honesty and sharing.

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    broken-in-silence 5 years ago

    I recently ended a 15 month relationship with my fiancé after we had broken up twice before, first by me, second by her. We both genuinely loved each other but seemed to hit horrible snags that would cause depression, fighting and indifference. We continued to work on things; counseling was started but she believed she was fixed and didn't go after a while or try to go.

    She has a beautiful spirit but was constantly disregarding my feelings/needs. I would try and explain the importance but to no avail. It was devastating and every bone in my body said "this isn't healthy, get out" so I did. She, after two weeks has already started a new relationship. My heart was broken when I ran into them together.

    This is a third long term relationship after my divorce and the feelings of failure are overwhelming. I am experiencing all stages right now but am at peace about the process. I believe this may be the first time I have realized the need for time to work through the feelings, hurts, my failures, forgiveness, etc. I read your posts with hope that the pain does subside. I don't regret my time with her; I grew in many positive ways. Bargaining is over, denial is done for the most part. Pain remains; loneliness and uncertainty about the possibility of love; I hope my muse returns so I may write a song or two about the process - the so important process of grief I ignored. Please folks, if you are going through something similar, don't short-change the time of process. I'm afraid it all comes into the next relationship. My hurt is real, vivid and sometimes debilitating. Thank God for this forum and people who share their hard earned wisdom. Peace...

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    Innewzealand 5 years ago

    To Craig, Rosie and Stage4

    My husband of 18 years left 2 months ago. We were in denial for years. Only a week later he was with a woman he had an affair with 12 years ago. She has a child that age which he thinks is his. We have 2 children of our own. The anger is overwhelming. The hurt and depression is a close second. I have been with this man since I was 15 years old, so have never had to deal with this before. I feel I have wasted my life with him.

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    Rosie 5 years ago

    The article is great, but the comments even more so. It has really helped to read them and know i am not alone.

    My partner of 10 years just left my son and i. I love him with all my heart. It was a long bargaining/denial process of 2 months for me, before he decided it was really over. I clung to him but when i found out he had cheated and wants to be with her i kicked him out. Now, it it finally real. I think this must be the depression stage.. I have never known pain like this, not even when my brother died when i was a kid. I seem to be going through all the stages at once, hour by hour. Crying in the supermarket.. crying on the bus, crying whilst cooking dinner. I feel terrfied, lonely and empty. I see no point in anything right now. But i guess i must be patient, trust that this will pass, even though i can never imagine feeling anything other than my life is destroyed

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    Duncan 5 years ago

    Thank you! This is helping me no end. Putting names to the cascade of emotions I'm experiencing after 2 mnths is priceless. by reading this hub, suddenly it makes sense. I have such empathy for all the people who've posted on here. Best regards to you all, I hope you work it out and find peace.

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    lost one 5 years ago

    Its been 11 days since I came home to find a letter. This is the forth time he has left me in our whirl wind of a relationship in a year. Only this time is different. He left a letter. And took all his belongings. He moved 9 hours away, and told me he will never contact me again. I emotionally invested all I had into this man. I have never done this. I gave up my friends, and almost my family for him. I realize he had issues. But I loved enough to stand beside him and walk with him through them. I feel so sidelined. I am so in denial. I am in depression, I cant sleep, I try to eat, I don't have the will anymore. Acceptance? That he used me and lied to me for all these months? That every word he said didn't mean anything to him? The problem is, his words meant something to me. Everyone here has a story, and they are all very sad. I do wish you all acceptance and soon. I just wonder if for some of us if it will be possible.

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    stage4 5 years ago

    My husband and I have recently split after being together for almost 19 years. He has been cheating on me. To compound the issue we were living abroad as we had moved out there so went I found out I was thousands of miles from all my family and friends. He is having a classic mid life crisis and I am devastated. I am living back in the UK in our home which has nothing in it as all our stuff is abroad, but my things will be here soon, thankfully. I am in the depression stage and its driving me mad. I am fine one day and then the next day I am a wreck...and its so draining. I am quite isolated at the moment as I don't really have any friends here anymore and haven't had a car for 2 months but I am getting one tomorrow and will be getting out doing more exercise trying to meet new people. I have just been speaking to a friend who went through this a few years ago and she tells me that my behaviour is totally normal which is such a relief as I did think I was losing my mind. I can't wait to feel normal and happy again as the thought of being like for much longer is unbearable.

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    hurtinflorida 5 years ago

    After being single for 5 years I started dating someone in June 2010 and it was a long-distance relationship. We both started the relationship knowing about the distance and knowing that we both wanted a relationship, not just a fling. Things were great for a few months and suddenly he became distant and blamed it on starting a new job. Around my birthday and the holidays (Nov)he became very distant and withdrawn and went from calling me everyday almost 20 times a day to maybe only once a day and at one point went three straight days without calling. Eventually, he started calling me again and after 2 months of not seeing him in person, we started seeing each other again (every other weekend). In March of 2011 he went on a 5 day cruise with me and my 5 year old son and everything was perfect. When we returned, I was at his house while he was at work and found an application for citizenship on his dining table. I immediately called him and he admitted that he had married someone so she could stay in the country and that absolutely nothing was going on that he loved me, wanted me and would do anything for me and didn't want to lose me over it. That he was doing what he thought was right because he was helping a friend. After a very heated argument and him saying that I was making a huge mistake if I left him, I decided to stay in the relationship.

    We continued to see each other every other weekend, and always had a good time with each other. The "wife" started dating someone. We even discussed that I would relocate to his area sometime in the near future, but not move in together. Memorial day weekend we spent the whole week together and it was perfect, except that he thought that I was sleeping with his roommate. I told him that no way would I drive 4 hours to cheat on him with his roommate of all people when I could do that in my own town. I reaffirmed to him that I was 100% committed to him. When I left that weekend he again became very distant and withdrawn. 3 days before our anniversary (which is also father's day so we decided to celebrate our relationship on the 4th of July) he told me that he didn't know what he wanted anymore and he wasn't ready to be a father. I told him my son already had a father and that my son needed to see his mom in a healthy happy relationship. A few days later, he called and things were like they were again and we made plans to see each other on the 4th of July weekend. Then the Wednesday before I was to go see him things fell apart and I didn't go. I can't even remember what happened. Now it has been 2 months to the day and he has called almost everyday telling me how confused he is and how much he cares for me, etc. He has also said that something needed to happen since we had been dating for a year and that he wasn't ready to move in together. I told him that I wasn't planning on doing that anyway, just that I was planning on moving closer. He says that he isn't seeing anyone and that he doesn't know how he can stop talking to me and this was last Wednesday. I asked him to really think about what he was throwing away and to make sure that it was what he wanted because just because our friends may tell us that something needs to happen it was ultimately his and my decision as to what was right for our relationship. I haven't heard anything from him since then. I logged onto FaceBook yesterday and saw that he was in North Carolina and has been there since Saturday and he is staying with someone. He won't answer my calls or return text messages.

    I'm exhausted and extremely hurt. I stayed single for 5 years because I wanted to be sure that I dated someone that wasn't like everyone else that I dated and I didn't want my son to experience my grief over an ended relationship. I have cried pretty much everyday since June (even if it is just a tear up for a few minutes). I'm constantly on edge and my anxiety has flaired up tremendously, so much so that I can only sleep 2 hours a night.

    I know that we shouldn't be together, how do I move on and get past what I'm feeling so I can be the happy carefree person that I am? Is it really going to be 3 years of hell before I move past this relationship, like it was after my last relationship ended? I have no desire to experience that again.


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    Warren 5 years ago

    To Shirley 5 weeks ago

    Hello Shirley. I'm not sure if you'll read this, but on the off chance that you will I just wanted to say that you're not alone in having these awful feelings. I am going through the same with my girlfriend, a 7 year partnership . I told her last night that I could not continue in the relationship and it broke her heart. Most of the night she has just wanted to be near me, and stroking my hand. Crying. God, I could cry for a week if I think of the pain that is inside of us both right now.

    If there was any way that I felt that this relationship could work I would do it. I really would, and I have told her that. The thing is I split from her 4 years ago. I told her then that I could not be with her, but within 1/2 an hour I had crumbled, and agreed to try again. 4 years later we really live like a cohabiting couple with very little communication other than at evening meal (and then we have the TV on). We literally spend EVERY evening in separate rooms of the house. We're both to blame for not trying harder. But, like a few of my friends say, if it was meant to be we would have tried, wouldn't we. And we would have tried hard. Relationships take effort don't they.

    It's the memories I find hard to cope with. We did have a lot of good times, especially in the early days. I try not to think of things too much, and keep a stable head. But it's difficult. I am surrounded by memories here.

    She has said that she will change and be less selfish with her time. She is bargaining with me. I want to give into her, and tell her that we will give it another go, I want to do that so much. But I know, deep down, that I would not be happy. I'd just be kicking the can down the road for another 6-12 months and would end up feeling the same. And deeply regretting not making the move right NOW.

    Anyway, I just wanted to reply to you, because your post really affected me.

    All the best


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    warren 5 years ago

    ''Sometimes we have deep-rooted childhood issues related to abandonment that make it emotionally too terrifying for us to face the end of our relationships so we cling on.''


    I was abandoned by my parents as a baby, and yes, it has been SO HARD to arrive at the point of having to split up with my gf.

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    MI.A. 5 years ago

    this article is so true but iv been going back and for the between all stages accept acceptance.. we were together for 4 yrs and engaged and broke while i was pregnt.he said i was too much...we hav tried to work it out but i always get angry at him all over again for leaving me...his bf tells me he's in love w/me n needs us but i keep getting mad at him all over before we even declare we back together..he tried to put my ring back on my finger but i didn't take it. im so in love with him. he's perfect to me with his flaws but what to do with the anger? are we too messed up??!!?!!

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    Jana 5 years ago

    The pain is sometimes unbearable. My first three stages are mixed. I am very very very afraid and scared how long it will take me to get to the acceptance one. In one past case it took me over two years, in another one one year. After one and half year I was still depressed and able to cry. Why does always take me the whole process of grief so long?

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    break up books 5 years ago

    I went through all of these phases when I had my heart broken. It is not easy to live through but when you know what is coming I think it really makes it easier to cope with. Break up is definitely a form of grief and you have to give yourself time to heal. It can take some people longer than others, but do not surprised if it takes you months or even years. Everyone is different. Great hub!

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    Sam 5 years ago

    My ex left me about four months ago. She broke my heart even tho I knew that it was the right thing for us. I lost my best friend and my partner. She moved out stright away and we haven't seen eachother or spoke since although she tryed to get in contact. In all the time we were together she never apologised for anything she did wrong. Yesterday I found myself calling her. My heart was racing and my head was screaming at me to not do it. Hearing her voice made me realise that I am not in love with her anymore although I do miss her friendship. I thought I would never be able or strong enough to move on and accept it. I found that allowing myself to accept the situation was the hardest part. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to forgive the pain.

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    debbie 5 years ago

    MY husband cheated about 3 months ago. I love him with all my heart but I can not forgive him. I think he has done this before but just got caught this time. This is what I don't get he thinks he has done nothing wrong and thinks I should beg him to come home. He even gave me every detail about what they did. I filed for divorce. I would have thought he would have tried everything he could think of to make it up to me. He has done nothing only said he wants to come home but i have to beg him. I don't get it

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    Eve 5 years ago

    These stages do appear to apply to all grief, even to the grief felt when your daughter doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. For two years, I went through denial, then three years of guilt, then deep depression as she pushed me further and further away. I finally have entered anger, which feels much better than all of the other stages, more empowering. She isn't giving me a chance, isn't allowing me to tell her I'm sorry for whatever I did to screw up her life, isn't willing to forgive me, though she tells her dad she knows I did the best I could considering my own childhood. She tells her dad that she is not ready to talk to me--and it's been over 10 years. I tried to not give up hope, but feel it would be easier if I could. I try to be patient and unconditionally loving and supportive and understanding that she just needs her space. She told her father a few days ago that I will never be a mother figure to her. Whatever that means. Does that mean that she doesn't want to be a daughter to me? This makes me angry. I'm tired of feeling like a victim, tired of hoping. I wish I could erase her memory from my mind so the pain like a knife would no longer plunge its blade deeply into my heart, drawing a never-ending flow of blood. If it were a divorce, I could get over it and move on. If it were death, I could be thankful for the years we shared laughing, playing, talking, being the one she ran to when she was hurt. I tried to protect her. She won't forgive me for whatever I did. Dam--I'm entering grief again. I liked it better when I was angry; I don't want to lose anger's power. How can I get over her? She has no children and never will so she will never understand what it is like to be a mother and be willing to die for the child you love more than yourself. Anger, where are you? Come back that I may find my way through you into the valley of resolution and peace.

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    cj 5 years ago

    My 4 year relationship just ended a month ago. Even though I feel it was for the best, I'm just stuck in the depression stage. I just sit and stare sometimes for hours. I sleep a Lot. I try and remind myself I've been through this before and it does come to an end. I try not to miss him as much by remembering his awful silent treatments. That doesn't work though unfortunately. This was helpful reading everyones comments. Being alone makes me realize I have other 'old grief' too from childhood. I'm seeing a counselor and am hoping that will help.

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    Shirley 5 years ago

    I just happened on this site through Google. THANKS for all the encouraging reading. I just broke up with a man I've been with for 6 years and feel SO empty, hurt, scared, lonely...all the things you feel after a breakup....and I haven't even been able to pray about it much. What to pray? Thanks that it's over? Help us get back together? Help me understand? ....or just "HELP!?" I'm not sure which stage of grief I'm in right now. It seems I go from one to another at any given time. Today I just feel totally empty...from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

    Thing is...I knew for a long time this relationship could NOT work long term...I knew it, but kept hoping things would change. I did EVERYTHING with this man for SIX years...I know that's not 50 years, but it's still a long time for me. I go from remembering all the really fun times to remembering all the things I didn't like about him.

    It's SO hard, but nothing new....just another broken heart feeling like you've had an arm or leg cut off and you're still trying to function. Just staring into space sometimes wondering "what do I do now?" The emptiness and pain seems to be from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes and goes so deep. And, I should have known better. I'm not a teenager....I'm 67 years old and don't have my "whole life ahead of me" as if I were younger. There may never be anyone in my life to love again. And, maybe there will....only God knows.

    I know I'll get past this in time, but I wish time would hurry up and GET here so I can feel whole again. Hmmmm...did I EVER feel whole before him? I don't know right now. I was married for 26 years, raised two children, and have been divorced since 1983, but nothing thrilled me or filled me up like this relationship. The fear is I'll never have another one or ever love again or have anything like that again in my life. That's scary right now. Thanks for letting me have a place to vent here.

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    Craig 5 years ago

    I am currently going through a marriage break-up. We are both 41 years old and met when we were 19. I have been with her for 22 years and married 18. We have 4 children (ages 7 - 15 years). I discovered she was having an emotional affair (online) approx 10 days ago. When I confronted her, she said it's over and that she didn't want to be with me anymore (this had been on her mind for quite a while apparently). I have been through all 5 stages of grief as listed........and each day I continue to ask myself why/ how? (denial); I love her with all my heart but I hate her for what she is doing to me and the kids. Sometimes I just want to make her feel my pain, but that won't happen because she has her 29 year old internet boyfriend to keep her happy (anger); Nearly every day I have confronted her with options to make this work or try to put it back together, yes even an open relationship [who am I kidding (bargaining)]; Is the feeling of having your heart ripped out through your stomach the depression phase? I am going to be a single father with 4 children at the age of 41! How the hell am I meant to meet someone that will even look at me, let alone fall in love and want a relationship? (depression?); I know she will not change her mind and every day I plan for a future alone and feel calm and resigned to the fact (at the time) but then "BANG" steps 1, 2, 3, 4 all over again, followed by.......(acceptance) again. WTF?

    Keep smilin' people, this is life !

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    mrenglish 6 years ago

    im in a relationship, 2 years and engaged. i just feel the relationship its not what it is.

    My partner, i coud not ask for a nicer person, she is amazing, very loving, caring, just perfect, kind, she really would die for me and ide die for her. one exaple of her true kindness, she put her coat around me to keep me warm when i fell alseep on a 5 hour,very cold train journey. ... its those small little gestures that count for me. her little ways of thinking in a kind way like that that makes me love her so much.

    i love her so much... though the hardest part for me is i have felt for a good few months now that calling off teh relastionship would be best. though i don't know why. she has not done anything wrong, i have not cheated on her, never have, never would. (i have the greatest respect for her in the world) we dnt just have love, but we have friendship also. though i do genuinlly worry for her, her previous relationships she was took advantage of and abused. then she met me,, i treated her with upmost respect and we took our time until we were both ready to have sex. (we waited around 4-5 months) i think really - that proved to each other that was serious enough about each other to respect each others wishes and wait until teh time was right, on both sides. i think it also helped in building trust on both sides. admiditdly, i had trust issues in past relationships - though in this one i trust her 100%.... i fink she trusts me about 90%. i tell her every day i love her aand that id never cheat. but for some reason, i just cannot get her trust 100% perhaps deap routed issues with her background/growing up. (her parents are some what very evil at times)

    her mum tells her she is 'fat & stupid & thick' cruel sick words, this has such a negative effcet on my partners confidence. yeah sure, she does have 'a little weight' though that has never been an issue as far as im conerened. i love her for who she is, as i have from day one.

    my partner, she is not very confident in her self, she is insecure at times, she has had bad relationships in the past and i feel asif iv been her "night in shining armour" and saved her. i really do worry for her if/wen we finish.

    it is not so much on my side being single (don't get me wrong it will be hard yes...infact it will be VERY painfull!), not worried about me, im worried about her, difficult for me, a whole lot worse for her. i just feel like ive promised her the world and then took it back.

    we have had many, many happy times, though we have also been though very tough, painful times together, we lost our baby only a few months ago. that was one of the most heart breaking moments in my life, ... and for my partner, i could not truly imagine what was going on inside her head at the time. still hurts now on both sides.

    i dunno, its a difficukt position for me to leave the relationship, though i cannot stay in a relationship that i am not happy with.

    see my problem.... im a lad yes, though im a lad who genuinly does care. ending, it will break her heart and knowing just that alone, breaks my heart. i cant bear the guilt in seeing her upset, espically if ive caused that upset for her by ending things.

    i really dunno wot to do. even tho i wanna move on, i still love her deeply and letting go and breaking that news to her will be sooo hearbreaking on both sides.

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    Anabele 6 years ago

    I was in relashionships with the guy for 7 years, went through ups and downs, eventually he loved me out and broke up with me right after we decided to move in together. I went through all hell stages described, was really sad, angry, depressed and so on. In about four months I met really great guy, we start dating. I probably had the best time in my life with him and he was so caring, thoughtful and nice to me that I eventually get over of my ex. I fall in love so madly, that was ready to do anything for him. We had so much in common, that I was really seen myself being with him till the end of my life, to love his kids, to love him and never be apart. Well...happened to be that he figured out after a year of dating(we lived 100 miles apart) that its not working for him, he doesn't want to progress our relationships, because his life is complicated and he is pessimistic about our future, and his love to me faded out, so he broke with me. So I'm now on the same loop as a year ago - go through all stages again, don't trust anyone and really don't have hopes and wishes to live. My first ex moved in with other woman very soon after our breakup and never gone through hell I was going. My second ex in active search for better one and I guess also don't sweat about our break up. Life is so unfair.

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    Amelia 6 years ago

    Sometimes i get so angry that he was such a jerk to me but other times i forget about everything and wish we could get back together. And sometimes i just cry. It hurts and i wish the acceptance stage would hit me already.

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    Nicholas 6 years ago

    Well, I'm in the earlier stages. I would love to get to anger actually. I'm tired of crying and felling empty.

    I dated someone for 5 years. We were engaged close to 3. We were supposed to be married this month or next when she just broke it off. Her reason is she lost patience in the relationship. We lived 50 miles apart and both had kids so selling the houses would be tough.

    She always had one crisis or another going on. She ran in the past. I just can't chase anymore.

    So I'm heartbroken and trying to move on. Still struggling with all those feelings. Hopefully, I can get to the acceptance stage someday (Even though it's only been a few weeks)

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    KKALP4 6 years ago

    I really liked this article. 3 Months ago I broke up with a guy that I had dated for almost a year. I dated him for all the wrong reasons: I was new to a town and had no friends and he provided company, I hadn't dated in 2 1/2 years and he showed interest, I was 29 and feeling like a loser because i was behind all my friends (marriage/babies)... After 2 months I knew things weren't right but I was in complete denial (there were a TON of Red flags!) I tried my hardest to make it work. We broke up several times (all initiated by me) and he took me back each time. Finally, in February, after nearly a year together, I just knew it had to end. The feelings weren't mutual even though he thought they were. I didn't intentionally lead him on.. I just didn't know how to end it. I was worried of hurting him because he had invested a lot in me. I finally found the courage to end things and after wards I felt free.. relieved.. We never discussed being "friends" after wards. It's not something that ever came up so things were cut off cold turkey.

    For 2 Months I didn't miss him, I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel the urge to text or call... I thought something was really wrong with me. I thought, "why am I not grieving more?"... Well a few weeks ago I think I starting the grieving process. i started to miss him more, think about him all the time.. Then I found out last week that he has a new GF... I don't know if it's a rebound thing or what (for a guy who said he loved me so much, it's odd he can move on so quickly)... however I know that when i found that out, I definitely felt the grief that I didn't feel in the beginning. The crying, a little depressed and denial that he has moved on.

    I think these stages are so important to go through AND truly deal with so that I am healthy and ready for the next relationship that comes along.

    Now I am happy I found out that my ex moved on because it was what I needed to finally feel those emotions that were sitting there for so long and i couldn't reach. So I thank him for moving on!

    I think I'm slowly getting to the acceptance stage... and can't wait till I can just look back and say, "yeah, that relationship was dysfunctional, it didn't have a great ending, but boy did I grow as a person and I'm less likely to make the same mistakes in the next relationship".

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    ross 6 years ago

    By saying goodbye to the wrong person, you are one step closer to the right one,

    I think thats the single comment that made me think that there is still hope for me to share my love with someone else after three months without a girl who was not just my partner but really my best friend too. I hope everyone that is going through the same thing that I am can make it through these tough times and I hope to be standing with you at the end of this too.

    This page and these comments have helped me tonight and I think they will in the time to come also.

    Have faith xxx

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    Gustavo 6 years ago

    Dear KG,

    This is my answer to you. I hope I can help you...

    "I want to be best friends with him forever. Is this possible? What if we fade from each others' lives?"

    It is possible. But I don't know if it will happen. Nobody knows.

    "Do all relationship end?"

    Of course not. But a LOT of them ends. Actually, the majority of them. Just a few last the whole life, until one of the person dies.

    Will it happen to you? I don't know. Nobody knows.

    If you believe, God knows. You may ask him.

    But there is a book, a very good book, that helped me a lot in the last months.

    It is called "Letters to a young poet" by Rainer Maria Rilke. Take a look in some advices he gives us:

    Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

    Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over and uniting with another (for what would a union be of something unclarified and unfinished, still subordinate?), it is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become world, to become world for himself for another's sake. It is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things.

    Young people -it is obvious -cannot achieve such a relationship, but they can, if they understand their life properly, grow up slowly to such happiness and prepare themselves for it. They must not forget, when they love, that they are beginners, bunglers of life, apprentices in love- must learn love, and that like all learning wants peace, patience, and composure.

    Best whishes to you, KG. I hope you get well soon!

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    KG 6 years ago

    Hi, I would really like some help answering these questions...

    I am 25. My boyfriend of 6 years and I broke up yesterday. There is no animosity, we have this huge love, respect and fondness for each other, but just not in love anymore and both of us are finally listening to our instincts which say to end it. He means a lot to me.

    I want to be best friends with him forever. Is this possible? What if we fade from each others' lives? I hate the thought that we wouldn't be a big part of each others' lives. I always imagined sharing my life with him and growing older uglier and saggy together!

    I am afraid perhaps I was never in love with him and was just with him because he was safe and I knew he was in love with me. I am afraid of never finding anyone else, but at the same time I am f***ing terrified I will meet someone else and fall uncontrollably in love with them and not be able to bear it when it ends.

    Do all relationships end?

    What is the point of them? How can you ever enjoy the good times and starting a new relationship knowing it will be over and you will feel terrible?

    I would really appreciate anyone's ideas or thoughts. Please help.

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    Hopelessromantic 6 years ago

    Having been here before I know I got through it, so why can't I realise I will get through this too?I just worry for the future. It took me 15 months to find "him" so I feel fear it will take that long again. I thought I'd found my lobster, happy for two years. I'm a hopeless romantic and know my soul mate is out there. I now accept he was not it. Sending love and thoughts to all you broken hearted people. Although I'm going through it again, I know from experience it gets better with time. Bad thing about time? If takes time :( x

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    Ange 6 years ago

    Wow! I feel like this hub was written just for me! Was really helpful. Im feeling waves of all the stages. Just need to remind myself that it will pass!

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    Melly 6 years ago

    Reading about break ups is how I make it through the day. It's only been 4 days since my boyfriend told me I wasn't his type. I think I'm going through denial and bargain stage mixed with depression. Which is horrable. I also have the "whys??" How does someone that persued me tell me I'm not his type??

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    Marl 6 years ago

    I'm so glad I found this site. My story involves an affair that started last summer with a woman who I met in grade school and hadn't seen in 30 years. We reconnected through the Internet and one thing led to another. We discovered during our online chatting that we were both in bad marriages, had kids (her 3, me 2), and had overcome financially challenged youths to become successful professionals. We also admitted to one another that we had crushes on each other when we were kids. We arranged to get together and go on a spectacular 5 day vacation. Then, I visited her for 4 days in her town. We began texting, phoning and emailing each other every day. We did another 5 day vacation and I visited her a couple more times. During our last visit at Christmas time, she seemed cold. Since then the contact between us has become less frequent.

    I love her so much. I think she loves me to. But she doesn't seem to be into me as much as she used to be. Additionally, this is a long distance affair, involving kids etc.

    If we were single and in the same city maybe it could work. But under these circumstances our relationship is doomed. I think I realized that some time ago.

    I know it's over but don't want to tell her and break it off. I want to just let it continue to die on it's own. I know it has to end. But I feel so depressed. I hurt so much. Under different circumstances I know we could be together. But reality is so hard to accept.

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    Suzanne 6 years ago

    Thank you. Absolutely what I needed to read tonight. So grateful to know that I am not alone in these feelings and there is hope that I too, may move to acceptance.

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    Keren 6 years ago

    Thank you. This has been really helpful, I feel much better now after reading this. I definitely know there is hope, that things will be better one day. I no longer feel like I am alone with this strange feeling because everyone goes through it. Thank you very much, my views have change for the better and my life enriched. Thank you, it is very much appreciated.

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    Sugar 6 years ago

    Hi all, really glad I came across this site today. Like you all I am in hell too and still find myself flitting into all of the above stages. I am in couselling and thought I might share some things from that that has really helped me...if it helps just one other person then brilliant!

    Create some personal mantra's for when you start getting those over whelming feelings...mine are 'Only I can make me feel' and also 'this too will pass'. It helps give me a sense of perspective and that my feelings do not own me. Write 10 things down that is positive about not being in a relationship with your ex and post them around the house, anything at all like I can see my friends whenever I want to etc. I used CBT to try and understand my strong awful feelings. It has helped me hugely. It is often the meaning we attach to the feelings that make them over powering. For example when I start longing for my ex my beliefs during that feeling are something like - I still love him, I will never be that in love again, he was my soul mate, I am so lonely and sad, I can't cope, I need him....The feelings that produces are fear, saddness, anxiety, depression, lonliness etc. So from missing my ex I have attached all of the above to that feeling. Then to think about what you would say to a friend who was telling you this - eg he treated you very badly, you will recover from this, you are strong, you are lovable, you will find someone else, you deserve to be respected, you deserve better etc etc...and keep doing the exercise and doing it again until you start to get an understanding of the feelings but most importantly the meanings you give to them. That is quite hard to explain in a text format so hope it makes sense.

    I am hopeful I am moving to acceptance but even today have been into anger and bargaining! It takes time I guess. We will all be stronger more developed people when we recover from this.

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    Gustavo 6 years ago


    I woke up today without forces to do anything. I have finally reached the depression stage, after a long period bargaining.

    And I am so afraid of beeing sad, that I was searching for a way to run away from this feeling.

    Now, that I have read this, I understand how important it is for me.

    And better, I no longer feel alone. The coments (from years ago, until this same week) have made me understand that this is how life works. It happens to everybody, no matter the place they are, their colour or religion, or even age!

    I will go through all this, and I WILL get better!

    Thank you!

    (from Brazil)

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    Grit 6 years ago

    I needed to read this and all your comments - thank you. You are never too old to go through this. My live-in "boy friend" (63) of almost 3 years and I split up. He was getting very distant and witholding affection. Instead of working back to the intimacy he changed his FB status to single. When I asked him about it he said he thought we needed to go back to being friends again. We never started out that way. I was very confused until I discovered he was having an online affair with his long lost cousin on facebook. They texted all the time. Often when I was in the same room. I lost my mind and told him not to come home. I am now in the depression stage but the anger stage really helped me to get out of an unhealthy relationship. Just like you, I deserve someone who loves me and appreciates me. Best to you all

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    michelle 6 years ago

    I feel a lot better after reading the comments, and realizing I am not the only one feeling so down. It really helped a lot. i just broke up with my boyfriend who told me that he is in love with another girl. it's heartbreaking, but I am positively sure I can get through this. I am in the 4th stage now, and the depression is indeed overwhelming.

    For those who just got their hearts broken as well, please don't lose hope as there are millions of soul mates for each and everyone of us(read it in a book). Know that by saying goodbye to the wrong person, you are one step closer to the right one. :)

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    Sabrina 6 years ago

    I finally ended my relationship of 5 years six days ago. I'm all jumbled up with emotions, but the most powerful one is reliefe that it is finally over. Today is the first time I have found myself wanting him back, but when I called and he ignored my call it made me feel that I made the right decision all over again although it did hurt and make me angry a little.

    He was very emotionally abusive so this is why I feel such releife. I do however feel very damaged ,and I'm not sure if I will ever be able to fully trust another man with my love again. Believe me I don't love easy. I have only ever loved three people out of masny relationships. All this relationship I just ended did was make me even more stone hearted. Not that I wont care deeply, but I certainly wont trust my heart to another man.

    Ending this relationship has made me think of past experiences, and I see that I keep choosing men that are emotionally abusive. Some are more severe than others, but at least now my eyes are open. In the future I will watch more closely for the red flags.

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    grateful 6 years ago

    Thank you for writing this, and thank you to all of you who wrote your personal accounts too. It's very helpful to know I am not alone, and to understand all the different shapes and forms this grieving process takes. I am realizing that I already started the grieving process quite some time ago but was in denial and kept holding out hoping for some miracle, literally. I am grateful that I had just enough courage to finally say my truth to my ex today. Feeling pretty anxious, oddly inadequate, mixed up and alien at the moment, and encouraged by all I have read here. Sometimes the hardest part is just sitting still with all these feelings. It feels scary, like I'm loosing my mind in moments. Wishing I could cry now.

    Thankful that God's grace is sufficient.

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    arielle 6 years ago

    I think I already lost my bf. For two weeks now I haven't heard anything from him. I cannot contact him anymore. If he really loves me, he will not put me in this uncertain position. The last time we talked on the phone I was even upset and crying, he said he'll call back but he never did. I don't know if it's his pride. But still, if he truly loves me, he will not hurt me like this. I often wonder, how can he sleeps when someone is waiting for him.

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    everything will be ok Bru 6 years ago

    i broke up with my ex gf in march. she said she was losing feelings for me. she wanted to know wut else was out there. we kept contact and intimacy unitl october. we barely stopped talking in december. its hard not talking to someone u shared everything with. but its been almost a month and i think shes moving on and interested in other guys and wut not. but its cool. everything will be ok

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    lhepburn 6 years ago

    I just got out of a brief relationship. We were together for about 2 months but it all fell apart in a couple of hours... :(

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    Rebecca 6 years ago

    Such an accurately written article. Thank you. I have been apart from my ex for two months, though I still vascillate between stages 1-4. I ended the relationship because we were simply treading water, and like anything, a relationship has to go somewhere, whether that's flourish, or fail. But simply being stagnate made me very depressed. However, I wanted to marry this man and love him incredibly. His inertia still goes on now into our breakup. He asks 'how could I do this, and throw away what we had' he tells me how he'll never love anyone like me again... So this gives me hope, it suggests a possibility to bargain and compromise and find a new beginning. But no, he just wants things to remain how they were. Living from day to day with no plans for the future. I want to feel the anger now, as I think that would help me to heal, but I feel no anger, only deep sadness.

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    Toni 6 years ago

    The worst part is thinking it was me, something I did wrong, the way I look, the things I said, whether or not I moved to fast, either way I blame myself to a certain degree, which ultimately makes me more depressed. If only I could have said the right things or made the right moves, none of this would have happened. Maybe if I didn't pursue a married women this wouldn't have happened. I am definitely in the depression stage and seem to have moved past the first three stages fairly quickly. The key is getting out as much as you can to find closure. Try your best not to blame yourself. I have been in this situation one other time in my life - highschool and I know I never really think of that relationship and the depression I felt then. This too will pass, I know it.

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    Natty 6 years ago

    This helps a lot. I broke it off with my ex of nearly 5 years, 3 months ago. He was definitely using me and would rely on me financially. He took me for granted, was never grateful - as if the world owed him a big favour. We were at different stages of our lives, very incompatible.

    I got really sick, had an episode of MS and he couldn't handle it, he denied the situation and was almost angry with me for getting ill. I needed him and he wasn't there.

    I broke it off and I really think he was surprised by the situation. I know I did the right thing, but I haven't really got very angry about it. I almost feel guilty because I know he is having a hard time. We met up and he also tried to get back together for me.

    I was strong enough to say no as only a 2 months after splitting I started dating a friend of mine. Be careful out there if you are embarking on a rebound relationship. I basically transferred feelings for my ex to him. It turned out he was no good as after a month (only a week ago) he realised he wasn't over his ex and wanted to give it another go. I was gutted. I really felt happy with him, the first time in ages. I really thought we had something. I am now going through the depression bit - although I am depressed about my ex and the other guy it seems. My confidence is at its lowest ebb because I was made to feel second best to this new guy. I really wish I could get angry! I keep saying it is Karma. I broke up with my ex and the same treatment is happening to me. I guess it has been a trialling 3 months. I wish I could get into the Christmas spirit, but I just can't. I don't know about anyone else, but I find it hard to generate my own happiness, like I need someone there to make me happy. My friends and family have been amazing, but there is nothing like the love of a man - although I seem to be attracted to the wrong types.

    Good luck all of you, I hope you find happiness and solace soon.

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    Donna Hood 6 years ago

    I agree with your last post. It may take a while but the day will come when you’ll see this experience as just a regular part of your life and nothing to be depressed about. It’s just a stage and you will see how your eyes will be sensitive about the things happening in your life.

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    Help 6 years ago

    I want some input into my situation, I would really appreciate the help.

    I began dating a woman I work with about 2 1/2 years ago. She was married but in a very unhappy marriage and basically on her way out. I am not into affairs but this seemed too good to be true and we grew to love each other after becoming friends first at work. We fought it but eventually gave in. We still tried to fight it because we worked together and it was taboo, but we loved each other at this point and it was too late. By the way she is now 46 and I am 33 years old.

    Age is not an issue for me and she assured me it wasn't for her either until about a year ago when she started saying things about me needing to have kids. I don't need to have kids nor do I want them. I just don't need it in my life but she doesn't understand this. She worries because I look younger than my age too. I get carded when we are out sometimes and most people think I am like 25 or 27 or something. She is beautiful and looks much younger than her age too.

    The biggest hurdle was her daughter. She is an excellent mother and would never do anything to put her daughter in danger. This is her worst fear, that her daughter would somehow lose respect for her. She worries that her 16 year old is not ready for her to date. I know what you are thinking but she just won't risk it with her daughter. I thought that this year would be the year that we would tell people.

    Coupled with all this she moved out of her marital home about 5 months ago. This has caused her great stress. She is now the sole provider for her kids. She now never wants to leave them home alone and this has cut into her time with me. Also in about July she started working about 70 hours a week up from about 35. This has caused her a level of stress that has not been fun to watch. There is not much I could do about it from where I am, remember no one knows about us.

    I got a new job in August that was supposed to lead to the next stage of our relationship. The job started bad and I was under lots of stress. I now didn't get a chance to see her every day like I used to. I wanted the relationship to start to really move forward and to take the next step. It didn't happen.

    A few weeks ago it all became too much and she asked for "time" which is always the cowards way of breaking up. She just didn't have time for me and more importantly she didn't have time for herself. Her kids came first then work and there was just no time for herself or for me. She always felt guilty for giving me so little. I only got to see her about two nights a weeks for a few hours.........but I loved her.

    I really think that the stress is what has done this. She has given me so much love but she has been under so much stress for the past 4 months that I don't think she is thinking clearly. Something had to give and it could not be work or kids. She has some issues with her daughter but I think she can work through that.

    I want her back. I think that I will give her some time to rest and relax and clear her head. Work is easing up for her and I think she will feel a little better. I was thinking give her a month away from me then ask her out on one singular date. I am heartbroken at this point and I want her back.

    What do you think.

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    Jaxx 6 years ago

    I can definitely relate to this. My ex broke up with me two weeks ago and I was devastated of course, but he was a horrible boyfriend. This related to me so much, I kept trying to fix things and I was the only one putting effort in our whole relationship. He was as emotional as a rock, MAYBE. I was in love with him, but this has really helped me realize that it's not just me that feels this way. I have clinical depression so it feels good to know that I'm not alone on this emotional roller coaster. He's also the first guy to end it with me and it hurts. It's weird feeling. Thank you whoever posted this, you've really helped me (:

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    AL Manchester 6 years ago

    Yeah, I can understand this and agree. I think some of us tend to hang on really tight hoping things are ok, in some cases we even like to imagine that bad things arent going on when you know there are, so you end up continuing loving that person so much yet they are still betraying you. My stage...i have no idea, all I can say is that I followed my heart even after being decieved over and over, but once you know that person doesn't actually love you even if they say it...thats when it hits you the most. Not many nice faithful people out there, be careful and have respect for yourself. Is it to ask for? faithful love?..I guess it is.

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    Jesse 6 years ago

    Jennifer, I know it is tough, but it can be even tougher with ambigious comments. At least he was honest in the end. And would you really want to spend forever with someone like that? No. So you win, in spite of the way it feels right now.

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    kmd 6 years ago

    Jennifer I had friends tell me he was using me for money. He didnt' admit it but did admit using an ex for money and a place to live.

    doug leave her be if she wants you she'll come looking for you.

    In my dating years I have learned that it can be just as harmful to be too nice as well as not nice enough.

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    Doug 6 years ago

    I ended a 2-year long-distance relationship about 3 months ago. The pain and the denial and the depression is still pretty bad at times. I thought I'd write something because it might be good therapy for me and I suspect my case is unusual and others may get some value from reading about it. My ex had a tendency to be verbally and emotionally abusive - something I normally read about in men. I suffered her outbursts of anger at nothing much, tantrums, sulkiness, ignoring my presence, eye rolling, dismissing any worries or concerns I tried to share with her and so on. And yet she was such a lovely person to be with a lot of the time, we were in love, we had heaps of fun doing things together whenever we met up, and she made it clear that I was the one for her. I felt the same way about her too, except that my feelings for her kept getting bashed about by her sullen moods and hurtful ways. So she got frustrated that I wouldn't commit but didn't say so - she just got more sullen and wouldn't say why. So I was even less happy with the situation and even less likely to commit. Eventually I got worn down enough to suggest a break and that's the last I heard from her (no attempts to patch things up or promises to change - just an abrupt cut off). Now I find I am experiencing strong desires to make it work somehow, blaming myself for causing her a lot of pain (I am assuming she is going through all this as well) and feeling strong caring emotions and guilt towards her (she's got a bigger problem than me because I'll get over this whereas she's lumbered with her personality problems and she knows it). But I can also feel the emotional weariness of the relationship. The turmoil is very hard to handle at the moment!

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    Jennifer 6 years ago

    i was in a relationship with a guy i loved very much. he was my first intimately and we'd been together for about two years and a half.

    I never felt the relationship was right because i had a feeling that he still had feelings for his ex.

    we would often get into arguments breakup and then get back together. this continued for so long id ask him if he really loved me and he would say yes and that wed be together forever and that he had no feelings for his ex at all.

    eventually i did start to believe that he loved me...he was always very sweet but the only bad thing was that he never had money. so i always offered to help because i thought why not maybe sometime in the future we'll be sharing everything anyways

    i truly loved him very much and even thought that hed gotten over his ex then out of the blue about a month and a half ago he came out and told me that he loved her. and that he loved her A LOT that she meant everything to him whereas i meant nothing

    finally he recently admitted to me that he was just with me for the last two years for sex and money and that he did love his ex and that hed been with her on more than one occasion while he was with me. not cheating but just hanging out with her because this girl has no feelings for him anymore.

    i guess because she keeps pushing him away he keeps wanting her more and i was always in the background giving him the support of a very dedicated girlfriend.

    giving him what he couldn't get from her.

    i am so broken hearted i feel like im going crazy. its the fact that i was used and led to believe that he loved me and then just thrown away like garbage that hurts the most.

    he just used me and now hes trying to get back with his ex.

    i was in denial for the last three weeks.

    i kept thinking he was just being mean and going through a phase and that wed get back together and everything would be fine. but yesterday he really made me understand that it was over by telling me everything he didnt feel for me that he felt for his ex. he told me that he just used me for money that he would have never treat his ex the way he treated me.

    i guess it just hurts a lot because he doesn't even care about how much pain im in.

    this whole time i was thinking he loved me and that he was a faithful guy and that wed be together forever while the whole time he was just using me and trying to get with his ex.....

    i know im going to get through this but right now the sadness is unbearable to the point where i cant stop calling or texting him and even went to his house today.

    i didn't want to cause a scene i just wanted to talk but he kept insisting i leave and that just made everything hurt more i just needed him to hear me out and understand that he hurt me a lot. i guess i wanted him to hurt with me a little so that i wouldn't feel so alone in this.

    ive talked to his ex and shes told me repeatedly that she wants nothing to do with him. i believe her because shes not attracted to him in anyway and she understands what im going through because she went through the same with her ex boyfriend and so she has been very understanding.

    i just don't know how im going to get through this. i truly thought he loved me and it was all lies.

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    kmd 6 years ago

    My ex and I will be broke up 7 months tomorrow and we were together for 2 yrs. I don't know I had relationships before but this one is different.

    I seen Christmas things today and had a cry, missed him still. He has moved on with another woman. I have dated but so hard to move on as my mind is still on him.

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    Kash 6 years ago

    My ex and I broke up about two months ago. We were together on and off for around 6 years. Even though I truly love him, I know that we just don't work as a couple. Two years ago June 0f 2008 we broke up. I was devastated and it took over a year to put myself back together. Even after trying yet again after over a year apart I found myself to be unhappy and him as well.

    Now I'm dating a great guy whose very sweet to me. I do like him but I'm afraid if I can ever fall in love again. Can you love someone after you gave your heart to another and they mistreated it?

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    KS 6 years ago

    Breaking up is so hard. I am still dealing with my break that happened 2 years ago. We dated for a bit longer then two years. I feel like I am constantly dealing with something. He constantly ignores me. He broke up with me, so I understand why. I'm in a relationship now that's long distance and he's an amazing guy, but I still think about my ex. Its horrible. I've gone through all these stages. I thought I have accepted things too, but I guess that's the one stage I have not really gone through. I did not think it would be such a long process, I guess I really liked the guy and there's nothing I can do about it.

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    dissapointed 6 years ago

    woa.. all this time and i thought i was different from the rest but now i found out i´m just like everybody else out there.... i´ts my first break up and it really SUCKS! and i´m in the middle of the whole process and it feels like it´s never gonna get better. i sacrificed a lot for him, and neglected my friends so i´m going through this alone... but he has all these friends and ppl and seems to be dealing with it so easy... and that makes so angry.. and i want him to feel as miserable as i am for breaking my heart... you put so much effort and time. and love into something only to get crushed and alone... i'm a very peacefull person but there´s an ugly feeling in my heart very much like hate right now... i hope acceptance hurries because right now i feel horrible.

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    BIG TIME LOST. 6 years ago


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    lillyarabella 6 years ago

    I dated a guy for 2 years. He was emotionally unavailable from the start yet I thought I could "fix" him or "change" him because I loved him. So he took all the love I gave and told me he couldn't express what was inside of him. He gave me a promise ring to symbolize what he had such a hard time expressing. he would break up with me...then text me a few days later...and I would think "he's realized he loves me." We'd get back together and the pattern would repeat. He was very sexual and never was very concerned about me and he could never have relations facing me or looking me in the eye, he had to take me from behind. It became like I was a hole in the mattress and I felt like I had failed in being "lovable" or "worthy of love". Finally, after crying myself to sleep one night, with him beside me, I decided I had to ask him point blank if he loved me back. He said he didn't know what love was and that he lusted for me and had feelings for me and didn't know if they were love. And so, i left his place at 2.30 am and cried all the way home while I was driving. I never heard from him again. he never called to make sure I made it home. he never contacted me to get back together. the pattern stopped. i have been in denial and keep thinking when my blackberry goes off, it will be him. it never is. last week i thought it was his bday but had the wrong day; i left a vmail and apologized later for the date screw up. i told him i missed him and he wrote back he missed me making him c_m. I was sick to my stomach. I have been a mess. Crying and replaying the words in my head over and over, it's like i keep hurting myself and cannot stop thinking of how awful he was to me. i have tried a rebound but i couldn't stop thinking how different it was to "him." Even as i write this i see how wrong/bad it was but i do not understand why i keep hanging on to the pain. maybe to let go of it means i will truly be alone? i have had painful breakups before and know they heal eventually. i wish i understood why i am so hard on myself. i can see he has issues, that he had a bad childhood, but if i was a wonderful person, wouldn't i heal him and he would treasure me? i gave him love he's never had before. i feel rejected and like a failure. maybe i deserve to be treated poorly? i seem to go after the ones who are a challenge and feel repelled by the ones who are "nice" to me. i wish i could reach the acceptance stage and accept myself as a worthy person. i wish i could replace the tape playing in my brain. i am trying to yet it's really hard. i blame me for not being good enough rather than him. my stomach feels very anxious and i long for that peaceful calm. if i breathe long and slowly i can get myself to ease on the inside a little bit. it is a constant awareness to breathe deeply and slowly to relax on the inside. i hope i'm not losing my mind.

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    SK 6 years ago

    This article is so simple yet helpful. I have gone through these cycles several times in past relationship situations and had never realised it was the stages of grief. I always thought it was something 'different' with me and that I would grow out of it. Really puts things in perspective to be able to see the whole process... amazing what I have now realised. It's never easy, but at least can be worthwhile.

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    Leah 6 years ago

    My relationship of 13 years is dying and it has been dragging on for months. When he first informed me of his feelings, he indicated he wanted to work it out, to try and solve the problem. So we talked, we made agreements, we made each other promises. I worked my tail off and he drifted further away. Now, we are just two people occupying the same living space. Yesterday, I reached acceptance for the first time, after revisiting the other stages again and again. I realize this is just the first time, because I'm fairly certain I will go through all of this again when the actual separation takes place (when he finally moves out). I'm just hoping that it will be easier the second time around.

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    Michelle 6 years ago

    Hang in there, Suzy. You are not alone. I was feeling like I was the only person in the world going through this. This depression stage is horrible. Good for you for going to the gym. It is so hard just getting out of bed in the morning but it keeps us going. I am starting up with working out again because I always feel better when I get a good work out. I hope to hear your progress. :)

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    Suzy 6 years ago

    Thank you for this. I am going through the depression stage at the moment and have an overwhelming feeling of sadness :( ... I feel like i will be stuck like this forever. I know i wont but you cant help how you feel. So from tomorrow i am going to reclaim my life back, joined the gym and its onwards on upwards. I don't feel like do anything tbh but if i don't, no one is gonna do it for me. Thank you for this :)

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    Michelle 6 years ago

    I am starting to go through the depression stage. I do go back to the anger stage quite a bit from the 3 weeks ago when I wrote in. I read Sandy's story and am so happy for you. It gives me hope. I am scared to death that I will never want anyone like I wanted this guy. I compare him to everyone I meet. Sandy, stay angry for as long as you need to. The only thing that keeps my anger from getting out of control is writing him a letter and just say everything you want to and don't send it. It let's you get it out. I have so much anger. I also have to keep this guy 100% out of my life. I know if I see him or talk to him it will set me right back to square one and I don't ever want to feel like that again. Good luck. :)

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    Sandy 6 years ago

    I'm in the anger stage and it has come after both the bargaining and depression stages. Denial was the hardest, but right now....I am so swept up in a sea of emotional rage and hatred, and at times I'm so angry I begin to shake. I'm finally seeing our relationship for what it was.

    For four and a half years we spent 70 - 80 percent of the time talking about his ex and how crazy she was. All the while I involved my self emotionally in his problem. In the back of my mind I thought something wasn't right, but I didn't want to see it.

    I am co-dependent and have a tendency to let people walk all over me yet I remain loyal. I'll take it over and over and over and over for years even.......until a tiny straw comes along a breaks the camels back and all hell breaks lose.

    He accused me of lying about something another woman said....I may be a lot of things but I don't lie like that. I think she is trying to worm her way into his life and told him that we were friends and she talked to me all the time. BIG FAT LIE! This bitch goes to my church too! That sent me into a rage and hence that is why I am so angry. He chose her lie over my truth. Not to mention his arrogance and lording it over me.

    Oh well, its good that I have this rage, anger and hatred for him right now. Someday I will be ready to meet someone. Too bad that rat bastard goes to my church.

    You may ask why I say bad things about him since I claim to be a Christian? I'm human therefore I sin. Only Jesus Christ was perfect and I'm glad I don't have to be! Its all about the grace He offers to each of us.

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    ME 6 years ago

    I have gone through a loss, my exhusband had a massive stroke 7 years ago last that time we had been together for 12 years...i took total care of him, the farm, all of it...but he changed, he "died" on that day as I knew him...things only got worse with the financial, emotional, physical relationship, then a divorce so that he could draw SS disability off of his deceased spouse. I had no desire to be with another man, at age 58, I am comfortable being alone...but, with the urging of my Mother, I joined an online dating service...some of the men, just confirmed my decision to be single, until this handsome widower caught my eye and my attention...I am his first and he is my first since our, fireworks, the passion is so unbelievable...I cannot get him off of my mind, I am like a high school girl with a crush...I have NEVER felt this way about anyone. He and I are very protective and guarding of our hearts, what do we do to get over that? To be able to love again, unconditionally. I suffered a double loss, the death of my husband as I knew him from the stroke, then the divorce. He by the loss by death of his spouse, nearly two years ago. I now know I can love again, I can feel emotion...I don't want this feeling to end or this feels so good...I hope we can move on together, this man is what I have always dreamed of, he wants to please me, something no man has ever done..I can tell this man loved his deceased spouse, and he is now pouring that same love, passion and emotion on me. Knowing he loved his spouse is so special, and I know he can love. I look forward to each time we are together, and hate the saying "goodbye" for now.......

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    feeling crazy 6 years ago

    Its been going on 7 months, and I can't move forward. I am still dwelling on what happened and blaming myself, and waiting for him to come back. I can't sleep at night thinking and regreting and asking what if, or I should of done this or that. Wishing he'd come back to me. Friends think I am crazy and now I feel like there si something definatlely wrong.

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    Ryanconnie 6 years ago

    Couldn't have wrote it any better myself... I experienced all the mentioned and thought that was it, i've had my chance and now it's gone. This was difficult not to fell as she was my first love... That was two years ago and am now currently in a relationship of 17 months... Things happen for a reason and i'm glad they did because i wouldn't be with the most caring, conciderate and beautiful girl in the world. If things where to end in the future i will refer back to this page to remind me... Thanks, Excellent Hub :)

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    Michelle 6 years ago

    I needed to know the stages of grief so I am grateful for the article. I am still going back and forth between anger and depression. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. "Love will find you" has some great advice and made me feel better. Thank you! Richard asked for some advice. Please, please...let this girl go. Believe me, she knows that you are not into her and I guarantee you that she is so sad inside. I was once that girl and the "not knowing" was worse than the actual breakup. The sooner you let her go, the sooner she can heal. She doesn't deserve that and neither do you! Good luck to you. :)

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    love will find you 6 years ago

    This article really helped me feel better. I'm not sure what stage I'm even in, I haven't cried one time (yet), but I still miss him a lot. We were together for 3.5 years and I'm still in love with him. I had to end our relationship though... it just seemed like he purposely did little insignificant things to make me mad, he didn't cheat or anything. He'd do something, I'd get angry and stop talking to him, he'd call all day everyday and send me messages apologizing and begging me to get back with him. Like an idiot I'd think that we can work things out and get back with him, yet he would do something else to hurt my feelings and make me mad. A week ago he invited everybody to his bday party except for me.. and that was it. I blocked him from sending me messages, he calls every day but I ignore it. I know that no matter how bad I want us to work out that we never will. It takes two people to be in a relationship and I'm tired of playing his childish games. We're in our twenties, what the hell, this is stuff that middle school and high school kids do. There are days when I can't stop thinking about him and I want to call him but I refuse. I'm tired of repeating the same mistake. I feel sorry for people commenting on here claiming "I'll never love again"... yes you will. That type of thinking will prevent you from loving again. You deserve to be respected and treated right. It will take patience to find the right guy, that doesn't mean you should go back to the wrong one.

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    Richard 6 years ago

    I think I'm still in denial. I have a wonderful girlfriend, and after 4 years, I just don't "feel it"; I'm not attracted to her, we have very separate lives, never go out with friends together, etc. and I just would like to move one and have her do the same. I'm very worried about her if I leave, and I'm also worried about myself. I worry that she will not move on, she can make someone very happy and deserves better than someone who isn't "into her" like me; and for me, I'm scared to be alone, I'm very much an introvert and don't have any real friends where we live; I'm very social, but only when I have to be. I'm sorry to be so general/vague, but I'm hoping someone can offer some advice/ideas on what to do now that I've decided I want to leave. Thank you all for reading.

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    Rikki Lynn  6 years ago

    My friend sent me this link because she knew it would help. And although it does, it doesn't stop the pain. We've broken up and gotten back together so many times because I keep letting him back in. I kno I shouldn't and I kno that I will get hurt in the end but my heart aches for him still... part of it is denial and part of it is anger and I know that but if I don't stop letting him back whenever he chooses I will never get past those first stages....

    thank you for writing this...

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    Bianca 7 years ago

    This has given me soo much hope which has beeen hard to find i think im crossing between compromise and exceptance. I miss him but he doeant miss me so i need to move on.

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    Catrice 7 years ago

    Wow, this article is so accurate and true. When my ex-fiance and I broke up last year, I never really gave myself a chance to heal and tried to force things with an ex. However, that didn't work out at all. Then I met this great guy, but I was still reeling from the hurt of the ex fiancé and now that's an interesting story. I just found out from one of my best friends that my ex-fiance is now married and now I'm finally grieving the way I should have. Now, I'm definitely going to take some time out for myself. Today I'm in the anger phase and I'm not afraid of dealing with it. Actually, it's good to feel this anger to accept it, because I robbed myself of that chance last year. But I know that life has to go on and if I didn't find out that my ex was now married, I wouldn't have had this breakthrough. It's just what I needed to see in order to move on and it's painful. But I'd rather deal it and know that through all of this, God will see me through.

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    dntjudgeme 7 years ago

    4 years ago i got involved with a man that is married. However, his wife was messing around with a guy that i was with in the pasted, he and i knew. but get this, his wife was pregnant at the time. i really don't think he thought this baby was his. well she had the baby he was with he n the bed. she call and told him how the baby lookd so much like him. my heart sank. aft tht it all went bad, he is back with his wife and jus recently he has hd another baby with sumbdy else that isn't even his wife. now i don't have kids and i really loved, him i have askd him serveral to have a baby with me, and this is what hd. not only did i have to find out not by him but by sumbdy else. i feel so stupid for even putting up with all this BS. and really really sad and depressed. i have no one to talk to abt it bcuz iam to embarassed. and once i say he is married people automatically turn there noises up at me nt knowing hw it all statred, and i feel i shouldn't have to, explain nothing to nobdy. now tht i kno abt the new baby hes treating me as if i had a baby on him and didn't tell me...deep down i love this man with all my heart, he was all i hd/ or have, not to sure where this going, he told he me it was over, but i just don't believe that, he does this back and forth, al the time. i am so sad and hurt and n denial...Please if anyone reads this..DON'T DO IT ITS NOT WORTH THE PAIN and sleepless nites....p.s. this is just the tip of the ice berg on this story- please dnt judge me

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    RecoverToday 7 years ago from United States

    I'm so glad you covered this subject. I've been throught the stages many times. This is a wonderful insight into our human nature. Thank you for writing about it.

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    KVL505 7 years ago

    I'm so heartbroken over my relationship of six years. Only to find out he was cheating the duration of the relationship. In fact, I'm confused of why, he continued the relationship for six years with false promises and dreams. He stated next year we would be married, In spite the fact I obtained the information on his cheating with escorts, dating sites and trips to 3rd world countries for sex. I still do not have a clear understanding why, in fact he needed me or deserve my love. Although, I wished he would have been honest, instead of me being the back of dream girl. I guess, after six years he never found her on the Internet even though he spent thousands of dollars on escorts and traveling to meet the girl of his dreams on dating sites, not to mention he has a sexual addiction of having sex with strangers. I do not understand why, I'm so depressed when my relationship was consisted of lies and untruths. In fact, he lead me to believe we're best friends. In addition, the hardest part is that the man I loved conveyed him self as being an honest and true man, in which is far from true. I feel like dying inside, and he had easily moved on to his next victim on the online dating sphere that includes dating sites, escorts, solo travels, sex in a 3rd world country & the granny sex video's he viewed. I'm left with a hole in my heart and he has seemed to have little remorse or care if I'm dead or alive. In hopes, this surpasses and I find someone to deserve my love. In addition, it's time to focus on myself and realize not having a STD and my heart broken over a guy, whom is lost and does not appreciate or know what true love is about. His in search of a fantasy. I was hoping he was the sure thing!

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    Paula 7 years ago

    Victoria I think you were right leaving him. Many of us women get stuck in those 'so called relationships'. We're the ones keeping the relationship going and are satisfied aS you said by 'other qualities' of the man we're with. Of course it is important to accept certain flaws, noone is perfect but this is not a real relationship. You deserve much better. With all the love you have to give don't fall for his 'potential', secretly wishing that if you love him enough he will love you back and 'warm up'. Cos he wont. So after a while of this kinda of relationship, when you don't get the affection you need, he sees you as 'the needy and clingy'one. You need to feel loved and respected and you're definitely not getting it from him. Move of girl, I know its not easy, Ive been in almost exact situation for 3 years, and now its nearly 4 month and I feel soo happy and free and Im seeing someone:) It will hurt, you will want to go back to him in the times of weakness, but please don't. BE STRONG and know your worth.

    Wishing yo all the best x

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    Victoria 7 years ago

    Sorry, I meant to say; I CANT tell where he's at. I just want this to be over.

    Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

    I'd appreciate the objectivity.

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    Victoria 7 years ago

    I was in a relationship with someone for 3 years and he was emotionally quite complicated and unaffectionate for the most part. But I appreciated his other qualities and was very in love with him. It just didn't feel like he was as invested in the relationship as I was - specifically because he'd get upset with me for asking for small favors or when he got upset with me for not doing things his way. I didn't feel respected. When I'd react to his treatment of me he'd get angry with me for being upset - so he's criticize my approach. Told me I was a nag and too needy - and then break up with me. He'do do this frequently and then come back to me a week or so later. Very tender and sweet. Which is basically all I needed him to demonstrate while IN the relationship so I didn't feel like I was in love with a rock. Admittedly, 3 years is a long time to allow such a dysfunctional relationship to continue, I know. But I did have high hopes that he'd warm up. I thought I was being patient. I wrote him a break-up letter yesterday and he hasn't taken it well. He's sent me very sinister text messages and threatened to embarrass me professionally if I don't admit that Ive made a mistake. Its been a terrible 24 hours - Ive questioned my decision to call things off - wondered if Ive made a terrible mistake but after all the pain Ive been through, I just think its time I move on. I seem to be alternating between depression and denial. Its hard to say. But Im beside myself. I can tell where he is. I jut want this to be over.

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    Paula 7 years ago

    Yesterday I went through our old pictures, letters and gifts from him..All those memories came back..and I cant cope again..I love him so much and I will never be able to love again. I know he was the one. And I just don't know how is it possible that he stopped loving me. Its been nearly 3 months now since we broke up. I feel like I might die of a broken heart:( the worst thing is he texts me all the time and I see him almost everyday at school.I still have hope that soon he'll understand what he's lost..he just likes his single life too much..all the girls..why would he text me and want to see me constantly?He's not the same guy anymore and I really miss the one one:(

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    Nameisnotimportandt 7 years ago

    Yes, this is so true. i have been through it. she wuz the closest person 2 me in the word, i think im in the acceptance stage, but every now and again i go back and forth from different stages. but im not depressed anymore. I still feel as though i wont meet another like her, but thats ok because i only knew her for a year, but the things we went through lasted a life time. its been about 6months and yea i feel as though im in stage 5. I can see the light now when there wuz a point i couldn't see the light, but who knows cuz tommorow i could very well be in the stage where i miss her again like i wuz earlier today. So who knows.

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    Boo 7 years ago

    I haven't officially broke up with my bf yet but I think I'm going through the processes all at the same time. I just want all of it to end so that I can move on. It hurts to lose someone when what's causing it is not in our hands. I'm trying to take it slow, sort things out. I hope I'll be able to figure out which stage I'm in so I can handle my emotions better.

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    Paula 7 years ago

    In December I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He was my first and what I thought 'real' love. we used to be so in love..I cant wait to reach the 'acceptance stage'.Right now it feels like Im in the all the stages listed above.Im so angry at him as he broke up with me becuase of his friends and some sluty girls. And he changed so much. Im still hoping he will walk through my door and realise what he's lost. But he's not the man I fell in love with anymore-he's just a guy that looks like him.And it hurts so much I cant function. Im so depressed.It feels like he's dead, only I see him everyday..and it kills me inside. I want to move on(I know it's over), but right now it seems impossible..

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    cabrerjc 7 years ago

    Very good hub. I'm definitely going through the anger portion right now, but have fluctuated through the others periodically. I do look back at other relationships I've had in the past and did eventually get to the acceptance stage, so I know it will happen.

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    Mauricio Rodriguez 7 years ago from Bogota DC, Colombia

    Your hub is great, no words to express how it made me feel while I was captive by all that reallity, and facing that finally I moved on. Thnx =)

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    donotfear 7 years ago from The Boondocks

    I'm so glad you wrote on this subject. It's very close to my own heart, having dealt with it on many levels. Thank you for sharing this.

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    PurpleOne 7 years ago from Canada

    this is really good.. I'm glad I found it.. thank you so much - there was comfort and even hope in your article.

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    Spotter 7 years ago

    wow. Interesting article. I broke up with my girlfriend of two years. I actually didn't want a relationship and enjoyed the attention for a year or so. I was angry with her alot as she wanted me all the time. I was so selfish.

    Well, she broke up with me and I felt the love I was suppose to have. I see her every minute, I get mad she's not around, etc. I even made a deal with God that she would be back in 4 days. Just screwy feelings.

    I understand now what it means about 'the heart wants what it can't have'. I've been working out alot and that seems to help but I miss our cuddle times and the sex. I just want her to smile for me one more time. Geez. How mucked up. Wish me luck.

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    jeanne 7 years ago

    My husband of 17 years came back from an out of town job with a women and her four kids. He expected me to tell the girlfriend it was fine with me and really wasn't a problem that we hadn't been together for years. LIE. He also hasn't provided for our two boys but seems to take care of her four kids just fine. Am I crazy for being upset.

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    Erin Bower 7 years ago from Georgia

    This is amazingly true how it applies to the stages of grief! Great hub!

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    wally 7 years ago

    I read TC's comment and I remember trying to get hooked up after a breakup, rebound. And looking at it through these 'stages' I can see that i was in denial, that rebounds are denial. ...You know? it's really sad, but that's one way of dealing with the pain.

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    Rebecca Sue Mallory 7 years ago from Central Texas

    great hub. Thank you. Read my personal experiences with grief on my associated content page at

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    Erica 7 years ago

    Thanks.I recently broke up with my man and am so depressed but this has made me feel better,as i was reading this article its like you were reading my mind.

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    TC 8 years ago

    Thank you - this is the best summary of all my feelings that I have seen so far. I will keep coming back to this. My frustration is that my relationship was a long distance one and I have no contact with the person as much as I would like to vent some or all of my feelings against him. What makes it worse is that he has had to go through none of this because he had replaced me prior to our "break-up" so I have had to go cold turkey while he is all comfy cosy in an another relationship. I hate the fact that he is getting off so lightly. I want him to share my misery.

    Making this post is one way of coping with my grief - it is my "letter that never gets sent"

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    RedElf 8 years ago from Canada

    Thanks - it's so easy to lose sight of hope when you are in the middle of it all, and to remember that acknowledging the feelings does not mean to give up and stay stuck there.

    Thank you for saying what I needed to hear.

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    rose 8 years ago

    mine is worst..somedays i am in denial stage n some days i am in anger stage....and now i am depressed..its been more than 2 months that we broke up but still cant get over wanna be in the acceptance stage.,..!!!help

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    acs1122 8 years ago from Maryland

    Thank you for this great hub. It is helpful to know that I'm not alone in having the feelings of loss for a long time.

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    Callie 8 years ago

    I just broke up with someone that I have been with for 8 years and I have been in stages 1- 4 in the past 3 days over and over. It is very difficult, but with the support of family and friends and a good counselor, I think I'll be ok. Best wishes.

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    ProfoundPuns 8 years ago from Maryland, USA

    Wow... this is amazingly accurate. In December I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years. Additionally, he was my first boyfriend and first breakup, so I had no idea what kind of feelings or process to expect. I think I may have finally reached the acceptance stage, but I went through each of these stages in the order you've written. I suppose it's good to know that I'm "normal" in a sense for the process I've gone through.

    I was in the Denial stage for a looooooong time. My relationship with him was over for months before we "officially" broke up, but I couldn't accept it. Thanks for publishing this hub and showing that grief is not only experienced when a death has occurred.

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