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Relationships: Are they Smooth sailing or sinking ships?
Forbidden Desire or Love
“Am I really in love she asked herself?” repetitively in her mind almost simultaneously to try to convince herself of something that was otherwise the truth. She had unintentionally unapologetically fallen madly in love with the forbidden fruit. She had gone in thinking she could be a support system, a friend, however, her emotions, her feelings, her heart had crept in unexpectedly and taken her to a level of intimacy she had not expected. There she was had everything going for her or so it seems, but he seemed to have peeled back a hidden void that he so effortlessly fulfilled. It wasn’t hard loving someone like him.
She just couldn’t allow herself to be captivated by this is irresistible being. He sent her heart doing 90 in a 35 mph zone of ecstasy. He said he wanted friendship as did she. But where they found themselves was now a place of constant intrusion. They were not supposed to be feeling these emotions, they were not supposed to need and want each other in this way it was wrong, but felt so natural. This was bringing out an innately badness in her inner self.
It was very recognizably a definite part of her being; she had always been a liberated individual. This thing between them was so dangerous because it far surpassed anything physical. He had not yet invaded her body; most dangerously he had invaded her heart, her spirit, her being. She knew it was wrong. She tried to end it, but it not only hurt her it hurt him. She was trying to the best thing for the both of them; he would be free to be the great man she knew he was.
She would be free to find someone who could love her and be with her the way she wanted, but to no avail. She didn’t want to hurt anyone but wasn’t it too late. Although she had not physically did anything, however he has emotionally entranced her with his wows.
What is a dream supposed to mean? Are you freaking kidding me? I have a dream where my ex (hint, hint the only man I really saw myself marrying) and I are literally in church on the second row sharing a bible, making goo-goo eyes at each other, playing around, and I am looking at myself like, what the hell, she is in love, she is happy. He really loves her and she really loves him. It was like literally being an outsider and watching yourself live your life and be happy.
It is something to be said about seeing yourself happy, content, and in love, and just loving every moment of my life. All of this is taking place in a church of all places, wow. Dreams like this leave you wondering if maybe this is what are missing from my life now, because honestly it is. I am getting my career together and feeling like I am ready to expand my family. I am at the point where I know what I need and want and I am ready to go for it full steam ahead.
Disappointed with love
Are we a society that loves to be in love?
Why are so obsessed with it seems a society? There are shows created such as, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, the most unbelievable, Flavor of Love Series, I Love New York, Parental Control, etc. There is match.com, EHarmony, true match, Facebook, MySpace, twitter, etc. Everyone seems to be looking for this ideal mate that ceases to exist? They come on the show of all places, genuinely appearing to be in search of the one. They are looking for the one person who is going to complete them. As if someone is going to complete you, it takes a whole person to be in a relationship these days, not a half floating around looking for another half to feel whole.
There is no man or woman that will make you or break your life does that. All jokes aside, it is truly not an American dilemma; there is definitely no shortage on green cards especially with Facebook. Where complete strangers are looking for someone to show love (suckers for some) and get a visa. Love is expensive these days! You have Ashley Madison who promises you a happy affair. Guess anything’s possible! Have we become that love sick (sick literally sick)?
That we are willing to take word of a strange (who could be a KILLER, etc. let your mind go where it needs) who promises undying love. Or the word of a married man who promises to love only you (sure what about your wife and kids buddy)? Or even the word of FLAVOR FREAKIN FLAV. I'm sorry people it still to this day amazes me, how women went on that show to get FLAVOR FLAV as a prize (booby prize is more like it) however I appreciate his appearance on Wife Swap (although he isn’t married) (Really ABC) it made me see his selfish/childish/friendly side.
As a posed to his, ok too much to even process. But truly are we that desperate for love. One of my favorite novelist Nora Roberts, the woman can write her butt off, literally, she has created these beautiful characters and we were all caught up in the mystic mountains and the splendor of this ideal Mr. Everything. We wanted Mr. Everything for ourselves so desperately that Mr. Reality really sucks so we are all but trying to create this male ordered man/woman to be all that we need. I am not being so sarcastic as to negate that you can find someone you truly love and respect plenty of people do. I'm not one of them; I seem to be a bum magnet.
If he lies and pretends to the point that he should be nominated for an Oscar or Daytime Emmy, he somehow manages to find me. I know I am not alone in this because each Bachelor/Bachelorette and contestant seems to have their own horror relationship story. Just when I thought I wrote the book and published it, I am out done by the next.
Sometimes I wonder with the notion of the world going to Hell in a hand basket and all, is true love besides divine even possible? I mean can it truly satisfy you. Me, I get bored after a while and I have to spice it up, I mean really having the same conversation 45,000 times is a little depressing. Maybe I should find someone willing to grow and change with me on this journey we call life? It seems that we are all looking to right this perfect love story, which is impossible because we as well as the world is anything but perfect. We are flawed individuals in a flawed society. The only thing flawless is makeup at times. Are we really that desperate at times?
Finally love vs. fleeting illusion
Are we that desperate to hold on to an illusion?
Are we that desperate to hold on to an illusion? We are wrapped so very tight and nestled in the crust of the idea of being in love? Some hold on to this concept for dear life. They live for love, they exist to love and be loved. In some retrospect this is plausible. We are creatures that need to love or in my words we need to be a part of something greater.
We need to be a part of something that seems to be obsolete. We unknowingly hold that Greek notion of "Love, Truth, and Beauty." We search for this in a tangible being, is that possible? There is nothing wrong with being in love and wanting to be loved, the problem for me comes in when it consumes you and overshadows you. Love is for me in the essence of who we are but I am not love.
God is love to some that much I can agree, but I am not God and therefore not love to them. I am imperfect in many ways, but there are some great things about me as well. I think that is for most people, too. Sometimes I feel that if we are willing to let go of the illusion of the perfect man and embrace the man as well as him imperfections. (Except in cases where he fights like Ike fought Tina. I am not for abuse of any kind.) We will be able to love being in love without letting it consume our being.