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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Relationships & Why They Fail
I wanted to try to offer what I felt, was an average person's view of relationship and how they work, as I see it. No...this is not professional advise, if that is what you are seeking..but it may help you to view the big picture of relationships and how they work.
I am in my 40's, single, with 1 daughter, 12 years old. I have never been married and of course have at least have been on a couple dates. So you can say that I have at least 30 years of observation of men and their habits, plus I have 2 brothers. Brothers and sisters can give you alot of inside into the opposite sex's ways. Plus you get "real" conversations if you listen as to what a man or woman may be saying about you! Anyone who has a sibling, can definitely tell you of over-hearing conversations about the opposite sex!
Just as an fairly intelligent man asked a general question can at least offer a man's opinion, so can a woman give the same advice. I have always been facsinated with the dynamics of how relationships form and operate. In my own relationships, I've had my ups and downs! So at the ripe age of 46, I think I can tell you a couple things about a man that would be true! This is also my opinion, so I can only write about how I see relationship and hope that it helps someone.
Let's start with the beginning of a relationship, you meet and instant attraction! At this point, everything is fresh and new. You may be dating for a few weeks and getting wined and dined! Everyone is different in their relationship which affects the relationship's stability. You'll see what I mean, let me finish the story.
Some people dive in with both feet and don't think at all...It's all feelings with them! Others will take their time and officially date and definitely are not having sex right away. As weeks turn into months, let's say 6 months, by now you are still in the beginning stages. You by now, have established that you only want to be with each other and may be living together.
There are a few people out there that still move slow. They may not be living together or some may or may not have had sex yet. Different factors affect our relationships including, DNA, environment and family structure. A person's DNA makeup can affect who they choose to start a relationship with. If a person's family history has alot of family members with mental health issues, then this can be passed down. That is not to say that a person from this background, can't have no mental health issues. Though there is a chance especially if over a period of 100 years, 10- 20 family members have been committed, it may be passed down!
A person's environment were they were raised, can affect their thinking process and who they choose. If a man is raised with no father and his mother never having a good man in her life, it will affect her child seeing this. You don't have to be a psychologist to figure that out! So in knowing this, you can understand the factors and how they affect our relationships. A woman who is abused by her uncle, will probably keep picking the wrong man.
The last factor is Family structure, which is interwined with your environment. This is how is your family structured. Is it a 2-parent family, where one parent drinks? Single mom raising 3 kids with no education? Abusive family with grandmother raising the kids? So, you can see that your family structure will affect how a person thinks and the people they pick. And once again, you don't need to be a professional to connect this and it is true!
O.k...throw in a person's morals, taught values and their own personality all shape their relationship choices! This in turn, will affect their decision to have or not have sex right away. A person who grew up with seeing their parent(s) having sex or men spending the night, will not think sex is a big deal. Versus--someone who was raised as a strict Catholic, whose parents have been married for 20 years. These will affect your decisions involving sex and the relationships you form. You may not see it is connected, but once you see it, it makes sense--that is just me.
If I was a man or woman in my teens, I would definitely trying to save myself for my husband! Everyone is entitled to live their lives and make their own decisions. Only someone who has been on both sides and know that moment is once-in-a-lifetime! You as a person have to stand your ground on what you believe and know that you will be pressured! It is best to know that if someone really loves you deep and true, they will wait and still want to be with you all the time--Maybe this is just me..
The bottom line since you by now see the "big picture" in how relationship work and how we doom ourselves from the beginning! If you are a man from a "troubled" family structure and saw your mother beat up, you may also physically abuse women and not respect them! I'm once again, speaking my own opinion and not as a professional on relationships. Hopefully, you do see the connection and can identify with these issues.
So if you have a man that will ultimately pick woman who will let him dominate them and not speak up. The woman may have been raised with a father that beat her mom and women couldn't speak up. So you have 2 peoples with "issues" that haven't deal with and are now bringing that into the relationship! That can't make for a lasting relationship..
Taking your time to really get to know a person for a while, without the complications of sexual feelings is best. If you move too fast, you will probably see that person was not right as all and you were glad you waited..! If you understand how much we affect our relationships and could avoid dooming yourself by seeing early signs. The keys are first loving yourself truly and knowing what you want. These too will keep you focused in "weeding out" the losers who have issues. It takes some practice, but you will always see the signs..!
Search to generate and find only positive people and healthy relationships and your relationships will lead to a happier life.
I will be continuing this hub hopefully so leave me a comment and let me know if this was helpful to you.