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Relationships with Other People - What They Say About You Behind Your Back

Updated on December 22, 2011

Let's hear It from the grapevine.

Think about Johari window. I first encountered the term when I have a minor subject on Psychology, part of my course on development communications.

Funny thing, our lady instructor always caught our group eating an early morning snacks because most of us skipped breakfast.

It's a first period subject and what we did inside the classroom was to study human behavior, the perceptions of other people regarding an individual's personality.

We are branded by our instructor as 'backstabbers' as we usually exchange subdued conversation or tete-a-tete while she's talking in front of the class.

I usually glance at the see-through window at the Psyche Lab because other classes were observing our behavior inside the class. And after our period, we will usually do the same with them, taking notes on how the first row class attendees differ from the last row of unruly students (hehe!).

Seriously, the psychology class taught me a thing or twoo about gender relationship and how we should deal with the term 'individual differences'.

What they say behind your back can be based on the following, according to the concept of Johari.

  • our physical appearance according to the opinion of other people, like your family, friends and even enemies;
  • what others can see during our unguarded moments;
  • our unconscious selves, as we dream, that need the assistance of professionals; and
  • our secrets, that we usually hide from our family and friends.

As a social being, we as humans mingle with other people everyday. We cannot impose a solitary punishments or self-isolation to ourselves for the rest of our lives. Unless, we're not in our normal condition, so we'll be having fear from any contact with the outside world, aside from the confines of our homes.

Mainly, the reasons can be counted on our fingers, like evading nasty comments from other people, playing it safe in the neighborhood or you're hiding something from the rest of the neighbors in your village.

Whatever the reason is, people will always have something to say behind our back. Unsolicited opinions and criticisms are always at bay whenever we show ourselves publicly.

What they say about you behind your back (Photo by Travel Man)
What they say about you behind your back (Photo by Travel Man)
The concept of Johari window made into practice by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955 in the USA. (Shared by Travel Man)
The concept of Johari window made into practice by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955 in the USA. (Shared by Travel Man) | Source

Look at me straight in the eye.

Guilty persuasions will always be revealed by the motion of our eyes.

If one of our so-called friends said something bad behind your back, it will always show in his/her movements, especially eyes.

Really, eyes are the windows of our soul. You can never hide the truth once a flicker of one's eyes reveal something about what you've said about your neighbor, your friend, your office mate and your family.

Friendship has its own cobwebs, much more in marriage.

Whereas, you can always find many friends, but only few can be called true friends. The saying that "birds with the same feathers flock together" can be put into trash bin since one of your so-called friends is not authentic with his/her relationship with the group. Maybe, he/she envies the rest of the group that's why he/she wants to be associated with the company. Then backstabbing will follow, in order to ruin the smooth relationships of the rest of the genuine friends. The "mole friend" will always be trying to look good in the eyes of the group, purposely ruining one of the more gentler member and occupying his/her space once the victim decided to leave the friendship club.

Let's talk about infidelity in marriage. Rumor will start spreading in the neighborhood through text messages in your cellular phone, on Facebook or Twitter and upfront intrigues from your fellow housewives. Recently, I've seen the cat fight online with my cousin's wife and his rumored fling. My cousin, who denied such allegation became the talk of our street, as if he's walking headless because he was already judged by our neighbors as adulterer. A very bad reality that is still harboring nasty looks and remarks these days.

The question on how will we'll present ourselves in public depends on the home-bound factors that truly affect our personalities once we get outside our homes.

  1. Family members - will always be the main sources of praises and criticisms you'll receive.
  2. Neighbors - will always channel what they've heard from family members and even add or invent events in order to make or break you from the public eye.
  3. Friends - will know part and parcel of your secrets. Squealers will always there to shout out or holler those intrigues and scandals.
  4. Enemies - I'll rest my case on this as these people are bound to destroy your public image.

Well, are there anyone out there who can still look at me straight in the eye?

Maybe, I am guilty as you, too.

I can sometimes say bad things about my family (out of grudge) and friends, but I'll just keep my mouth shut most of the times in order to evade hurting people.

That's the best way that I can do to lessen the 'noise' pollution in the neighborhood.

Rumor-mongering is still the hottest item each day. Try to evade it and just say 'No comment' or you can join the club, too if you have the guts to spread it.

How Can We Improve our Relationships with Other People c/o MeritGest

Parent-child Relationship - How to build a good public image

Good Parenting contributes mainly on the growth of their children.

Taking it in a 360-degree concept of rearing one's offspring, we can consider the following suggestions in order to build a better future regarding building a relationship with other people.

  1. Teach them through good words. Harsh words will only trigger rebellious children. Well, parents will sometime utter hurting phrases but we, as their children, will or should weigh why they blurted such bad words.
  2. Behavior problem of the children will always be tamed through a soothing words at first. Warning will always mean alert of correcting mistakes they did. If they repeat it, warn them that they'll receive some spanking. Although some laws prohibited corporal punishments among children, parents should set an example and time on how to execute a just punishment in order for them to behave.
  3. Avoid bad things about your neighbors; children will always follow the example of their parents.
  4. Avoid saying the F-word upfront or in front of your children. They'll be mimicking this once they go to school or play in the neighborhood with other children.

Proper upbringing will always bring good and responsible offspring.

The new generation will always have a standard on things to say and what not to say in public, regardless of their status in life based from what they've learned from their parents.

Coping up with a conversation (Photo by Travel Man)
Coping up with a conversation (Photo by Travel Man)


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    • travel_man1971 profile imageAUTHOR

      Ireno Alcala 

      6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      @V Qisya: Thanks for this meaningful insight. We will always know our 'family' if we suddenly fell to the verge of hopelessness in this world, as in sickness, bankruptcy, loneliness, etc.

    • profile image

      V Qisya 

      6 years ago

      My dad used to say,

      "You wanna know who's your real family? You wanna know who's your real friend?

      Well, they only exist when you're in deep trouble not during happy hours".

      And he's so so right about that.

      Anyway, thanks so much, for putting up this great hub, Travel_man.

      Up, up and away!

      Best Wishes, Verita

    • travel_man1971 profile imageAUTHOR

      Ireno Alcala 

      6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      @Arian Rey: True. It should pass to your right ear then to your out to your left ear or vice versa. You know what I mean. Ignore it. It will add wrinkles and stress to you.

    • travel_man1971 profile imageAUTHOR

      Ireno Alcala 

      6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      @Romano Arnesto: You're right. Still, you can strain who's the best among them in due time.

    • Arian Rey profile image

      Arian Rey 

      7 years ago from Pearl of the Orient Seas (PHILIPPINES)

      It's the usual business of saying something about other people's lives. We should be getting used to it, although criticisms can be destructive at times.

    • Romano Arnesto profile image

      Romano Arnesto 

      7 years ago from Philippines

      It's hard to distinguish who your true friends are. Only personal vested interests usually thrive these days. That's why I only allow few to intervene in my life, my family and handful of friends whom I trust.

    • travel_man1971 profile imageAUTHOR

      Ireno Alcala 

      7 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      @earthbound1974: Better beware of your so-called 'friends' if one of them tried putting you down.

      I'm glad this hub helps. Thanks.

    • earthbound1974 profile image


      7 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      It's nice to know you've opened this topic on your hub.

      I've been a victim of backstabbing and my friendship with that girl will no longer be healed.

      I am more cautious now in choosing my friends whom I want to be with and share my life's secrets and all.


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