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Relationships...how do we go about it?

Updated on May 21, 2015

Friendship before relationship

Before going into a relationship, it is important to consider a lot of things. It improper to go into a relationship without going through friendship. Going through friendship before entering a relationship is like laying a strong foundation for a house. It doesn't matter how long the friendship lasts. All that matters is that you know the person you are about to start a relationship with.

Love at first sight is not an excuse for jumping into relationship. Reason being that, you have no idea who the other person is, or what they have been involved in. During the friendship period, trust is meant to be built, truths are meant to be told, awkwardness begins to fade away.

It is very wrong for you to be in a relationship with someone and you can't share details about your life with them. If you are saying, "it is not safe to share my personal matters with anyone", you have no business being in any relationship. Enter into a relationship when you know that you trust the other person totally and you are not scared that your secrets are unsafe.

That does not mean that you should believe that your secrets are 100% safe, but at least, trust that they are about 98% safe.

The person you are in a relationship with should be your confidant. Someone that knows you inside out. Someone that wouldn't judge you when the rest of the world is judging. Someone that will never abandon you. Someone that will see your good and bad side and still appreciate the good side of you. This can only be achieved when you are friends before lovers.

Friends before lovers. Key to a lasting relationship.
Friends before lovers. Key to a lasting relationship.

Where does it go wrong?

Over time, the lovey dovey aspect of the relationship starts to fade and troubles kick in. It doesn't mean that you don't love the person any more or the love dies. It only means that the relationship is growing and the parties involved are beginning to reveal who they truly are. The maturity used in handling this stage is what makes the relationship grow or die.

With time, jealousy creeps in. You notice that you are offended when the other party hangs out with people of the opposite sex or even hangs out with people of the same sex for too long. Don't stress about it. It is very natural to feel that way. What helps is, telling your partner how you feel about it or relying on the trust that has been built over time.

Sometimes, one party in the relationship starts having low self esteem or self confidence. This is very common among the guys. In most relationships these days, the females are usually more like the men in the relationship. This starts causing troubles when the guy's friends start nagging about it to him. He may be fine with it at first, but it becomes an issue when his friends come in. In a situation like this, you shouldn't be upset with his friends, instead, listen to him and hear what he has to say. Try as much as possible to take advice from each other, it helps that way.

When promises are made and broken, it causes hitches in relationships. The trust that is built loses weight and gradually, doubt creeps in. You become optimistic and think of the worst possible thing that can happen.


Broken hearts are common when your relationship is not based on friendship
Broken hearts are common when your relationship is not based on friendship
Pains of a broken heart are like a sword in the heart
Pains of a broken heart are like a sword in the heart

How do you fix it?

There are ways to remedy the situation.

Make out time for each other and keep to time.

  1. Make out time time for each other and keep to time: between your busy schedule, make out time for reach other. It could be a romantic evening or a visit to the cinemas. Just do something that will involve just the both of you. Where you will appreciate each other's company and rejuvenate the love that started the relationship. It is one thing to fix a date and another thing to keep to time. Coming late for a date with your partner is a major mood killer. Try every means to be early. If you are going to be late, make sure you call first and explain your reasons. Never cancel a night out. It does more harm than good. Even if your partner says that they understand, it is never a good omen. It is better later than never.
  2. Set out rules: make sure that there are set rules of do's and don't s in your relationship. That way, when either of you is out of line, it is possible to apologize for your actions. Where there is no law, there is no sin. If there are set rules, it will keep both parties in check and correct misbehaviour in the relationship.
  3. Communicate with each other: this is a major challenge in most relationships. People no longer talk about how they feel. They think they are being tolerant. Meanwhile, they are gradually killing their relationships because you will have no idea what hurts each other. But, if you speak up when you are hurt, it will make sure that the other party doesn't deliberately make the same mistake. Reduce the amount of communication done over the phone. Get physical, see each other face to face. Make contact.
  4. Do things that you enjoy doing together: there will be some things that you doing together, make out time to do them. Maybe he plays the guitar and you sing, make out time to do playful duets, tease each other playfully as you do it. The couple that plays together, stays together.
  5. Go back to the first routines: the initial things you did together that made you go into the relationship, should be done often. Make those silly faces and create time to play. Get interested in his favourite sport. Be friends with his friends. Just keep it going! And you will not get tired of the ride any time soon.

Remember to do things you enjoy doing together
Remember to do things you enjoy doing together
Bring back the old routines. Do the things that make you laugh
Bring back the old routines. Do the things that make you laugh

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Voted up!

      However I believe the first thing one needs to do before pursing a relationship is (figure out who they are) and what they want or need in mate. To do otherwise is the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      As for becoming friends first I imagine that applies according to one's age group. A 30, 40, or 50 year old is not likely to put their potential mate through a friendship test. In fact if one believes someone is "hot" or a "good catch" they're not going to want this person to be on the "open market" for too long!

      After all there is no such thing as having a "monogamous friendship". Friends have the right to date whomever they want. One can only claim "exclusivity" once they become a couple.

      Naturally the goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Bear in mind if you are in your teens or early 20s it's most likely unrealistic to believe you have found your "soul-mate". Truth be told most people (fail their way) to success when it comes to love and relationships. If this were not the case we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      Dating and relationships during our youth is an exploratory process to help us realize and refine what we truly want in a mate for life.

      The qualities that made him or her "Mr./Ms. Right" at age 17 may not be what you want at age 27 or 37. We're constantly evolving and learning from each relationship we have. Very few of us hit the love lottery the first time around.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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