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Replacing A Best Friend?

Updated on October 9, 2012

Best friends shouldn't be hard to find. It just takes a different kind of advertising.

Wanted:  A Best Friend
Wanted: A Best Friend | Source

Who is your "best friend"?

My best friend is dead. At least the best friend I had all the way through high school and for years afterwards on into full adulthood and family, careers, etc.

Then a succession of jobs, businesses, and moves, and my friend’s death, left me bereft of a true best friend, except that my wife became and remains my best friend, though our cat Mau-Mau comes in a close second.

A best friend is a treasure, but I haven’t done a good job of cultivating best friends.

The fact is, I’ve been a loner.

That is not unusual for a writer, or perhaps for any person with my personality. But as I reflect on why, the real answer, if there is one, remains unclear.

I am not unlikable. I’m neat, clean, usually shaven, though I have my sloppy days when I’m writing up a storm or buried in tax preparations or some other deadlines.

And, after all, best friendships take time, calls, notes, getting together; though from past experience best friends can be a brother-sister thing where you both know you would do almost anything for each other, but it doesn’t take constant reaffirming to sustain it.

I don’t think you can just go out and get a best friend. I suspect the path to follow in getting a best friend is one of first being a best friend, and eventually the other person will acknowledge that you are.

I think I will follow that path and see where it leads.


© 2012 Demas W. Jasper All rights reserved.


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    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 5 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      I have another best friend, in fact three, who will never stop loving me or abandon me. My Mother (now 104) lives on with the loving care of my sister. (I think Mom wants to know more of the family story here in real time in mortality!) I hold no illusions that she is immortal in her present temporal state, as we see her temporal body wearing down. I have a best friend who died for me, but promised he would send a Comforter to lead me to all truth. I have a loving God to whom I hope to give my own small measure of joy by being and doing my best today. It is certainly true that I will never be without several "best friends" who love and encourage me to be a best friend for others.

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 5 years ago from the South

      Sorry to hear about the loss of your best friend...they are hard to come by. I lost my best friend also and found I haven't had the heart to try to gain another one. I've lost a lot of loved ones in the past few years and have turned into a loner somewhat also. As I get older, I just can't seem to find the same energy to "put myself out there."

      I hope you find another good friend someday and love the fact that you think of your wife that way and your cat!

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 5 years ago

      Anyone has had the pleasure of knowing a best friend is a very lucky person! You had your childhood friend - and consider your wife a best friend now (and of course - the 'close second' cat..)..

      i, too am a loner - is that because i'm a writer - and i believe it's even worse when you're a woman and you're expected to LOVE 'doing lunch' and 'going to the mall shopping', and 'gossiping and crying on each others shoulders..

      lol..that's sooo not me P!

      you're a fortunate, blessed man and if you find another 'best friend' in your life - doubly (or triply so)!

    • picklesandrufus profile image

      picklesandrufus 5 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

      I think you are right, best friends take time. So sorry to hear you have lost yours. I do believe if we are willing to do the work of being a real friend, there will be someone else out there who needs one and willing to return the favor.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 5 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Demas, best buds have things in common and go fishing or birdwatching together. You'll find a good sort that is compatible with your life style, but you need to let people know, and maybe someone knows someone just like you.

    • profile image

      Marcia Ours 5 years ago

      Good advice! It's true that to have friends, you must be one.

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 5 years ago from Massachusetts

      I hope you one day find a best friend just like the one you lost.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      It is difficult to develop true best friend relationships. I have a handful of really close friends none of which are here in Riga and several really good best friends from high school days whom I keep in constant touch with. I have absolutely no outside friends in Riga and I don't even want any because the people here are strange. I do have two great and very close friends my hubby and cat Sid. Sending you hugs and wishing you the best of luck in finding a best friend.

    • rfmoran profile image

      Russ Moran 5 years ago from Long Island, New York

      Too often we don't realize the value of a friendship until we lose the friend.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 5 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      We are similar in that sense. I am not the most "public" person. I have had friends all through my life but none that I really thought of as best. I think that here at hubpages I have the "best" friends anyone could have and I am thankful for them all.

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 5 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      Perspycacious I am glad you have a best friend, some people never have. You are one of the people who are blessed. I am sorry your best friend is gone., It hurts and I understand that.

      God bless you

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I am a loner, too, Perspycacious. This is not a statement that requires pity, because I prefer being on my own. However, I do have a BFF, in fact, I wrote a poem dedicated to her very recently. Our BFF status with each other has spanned 20-years. She lives in another state, yet we talk most days. We've supported each other through divorce, my friend losing her home to foreclosure, then her 24-year old daughter to cancer, my 2nd divorce, the loss of my job, health issues for both of us and everything in-between. There will never be another person I will open up to as fully as I have with her. Frankly, the mere thought of it is exhausting. The truth is that she is an original, as am I. There will never be another combo quite the same, nor would I want to attempt to replicate the distinctive relationship we share.

      When my other best friend, Scottish Terrier, MacGregor passed away 2 months ago, I was devastated. I have no desire to "replace" him, as that would be impossible. I will always have the memories of our too brief time together and I am grateful for having had him in my life.

      My condolences in the loss of your best friend, Perspycacious. It seems the more we love, the more difficult the loss. However, the thought of never having had that particular special person in your life is incomprehensible. You are blessed to have shared your special connection with each other. I don't want to even imagine how much less my life would be without having been connected to my BFF.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 5 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      All of these were fine comments, including:

      "Life and friendship are mysterious things."

      "I have made some good friends, one best and several acquaintances!"

      " A true best friend is always there when needed..."

      "I am sorry to read [you] lost...your best friend!"

      Hopefully we all have a chance to marry someone who remains our "best friend." The only thing that would be sadder than losing a best friend, would be never having had one. If you have one, let them know that you consider them to be one....if you haven't told them already.

    • flashmakeit profile image

      flashmakeit 5 years ago from usa

      I am sorry to read about the lost of your best friend!

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 5 years ago

      Hi Perspycacious.

      I live in what is a foreign land ie. Germany. I moved here 20 years ago after I got married to a German fraulein.

      I have many friends but no one I could call my best friend apart from my wife and she plays the part of buddy, mate, kummple, friend, house doctor,and many other things. A true best friend is always there when needed as she is.

      Having a best friend isn't something that's found, it's something that just happens and it will have happened before you know it.

      Good luck.

      LOL Ghaelach

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      I understand your sentiments exactly. I decided this past year to seek and make friends. I agree that being a good friend will help you become friends but you have to meet them first! I went out and joined activities. I made sure that they were things I would enjoy doing, either way. It worked! I play trivia, watch football, joined a book club, writers club and WordPress club. I don't have time to do all of these things and some were not for me but I have made some good friends, one best and several acquaintances! Good luck!

    • profile image

      Old Poolman 5 years ago

      I laugh when I see people bragging that they just got their 15,000th friend on face book. My guess would be they have no idea what friendship really is.

      Most of us are lucky to be able to count true friends on one hand. It hurts badly when one of these true friends, much younger than yourself, goes to meet his maker.

      Find yourself in a jam and many you considered true friends are nowhere to be found. Yet someone you had never considered a friend steps up and saves the day. The point of this is that someone you had not considered to be a friend actually considered you one of his or her true friends. Life and friendship are mysterious things.