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Respect The Heart

Updated on February 24, 2018

I have been thinking about life and the many mysteries that are intricately woven to make it what it is. After all my mulling, the first question that I really want answered is why men behave the way that they do. Now, one thing that I have learned in my young life is that men do not like being generalized. I cannot count the number of times I have tried to start saying “men are…” before some guy cut me off with a mean glare or an interjection about how he is not “all men”. I have three theories: boredom, dare or challenge and the speed at which men tend to fall in love. So, men out there, please read this article. Do not get offended and please do not take it personally. These are just musings.
I have never quite understood what goes through a man’s head when he deliberately lies to a woman about loving her forever and never hurting her and always being there for her. Do they not feel guilty? Does it not seem cruel to manipulate and play with someone’s feelings? The worst part is that more often than not women rarely go looking for such men. They just come knocking and their charm makes us let them in.

Boredom

I am not sure. Do they just get bored after a while or maybe they feel that they made a mistake and want a do over? It may be likened to how when someone feels they are about to lose at a video game, they stop and start over in a whole new game. This, however, is not fair to women because life is not a game and love and feelings are a serious matter.
I have often hear about people, both men and women, who generally flirt with someone just because they are bored. After a while this victim begins feeling special. Some have the decency to bail before things become too intense. Others see it as an opportunity to manipulate and get what they want from this person. When they have enough of what they need, they move on to the next person.
We all know lying is bad. We have been taught so in church as well as at home by our parents. Then why should a man lie? It is known that women are more emotional than men more often than not. However, someone once told me that that is an inaccurate point. According to him, men are also emotional, they just do not exhibit their emotions like women do. I couldn’t argue with that because it had some ounces of legitimacy. It is possible. However, I hope it is safe to say women are more fragile than men. So the next time a man thinks about playing with a woman’s feelings, they should remember that.

Challenge

Some instance in my life actually made me think that sometimes guys get into relationships on a dare. Sounds quite farfetched; I know. However, it seems like a plausible hypothesis. Maybe a group of his friends told him that he probably could not get Paula to fall for him within a month. This man thinks he must prove himself “worthy” of his title. He woos and charms Paula. Mission accomplished. Moving on. He goes out unscratched. Paula is bawling over a bowl of cookie dough ice cream.

Speed of Falling In Love

I once read somewhere that it takes men seconds to fall in love whereas women take days or even weeks. He meets Katie today, asks for her number and by dinner time he is professing his undying love for her. So Katie feels special. She is not quite there yet, but she wants to take a chance on love. They talk for a while. This guy falls in love with Jamie three months later. He ends up breaking up with Katie and we end up back to the bawling over the ice cream scenario.

In conclusion, both men and women have delicate feelings which should not be played with. Next time you declare your love for someone, think about the implications and the effect you will have on this person. Be good. Treat people’s hearts with respect.

© 2018 Valerie

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    • Valerie Muganda profile imageAUTHOR

      Valerie 

      4 months ago from Kenya

      Haha. Well put. Thank you. That was very helpful.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 months ago

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      If a guy isn't patient (he) is not "the one" for you.

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      No one should ever (force) them self to trust anyone.

      Not long ago I saw the following quote:

      "Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably sh*t!"

      If something doesn't feel right to you it's probably not right for you.

    • Valerie Muganda profile imageAUTHOR

      Valerie 

      4 months ago from Kenya

      Thank you dashingscorpio for your very well elaborated insight. I agree fully. However, I have a conflcting question. When is it the right time to trust? For some woth trust issues it could take months. Most guys are not that patient. Please give your insight on this matter

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 months ago

      I would add to your list immaturity and idolizing the "Playboy" lifestyle. Both of these play a large part during the youth of many men. Another factor is there is no universal definition for "love".

      When someone says; "I love you." Is he/she saying: "I'm (in love) with you"? or simply telling you they care about what happens to you? Are these words coming from a naïve immature teenager who really doesn't know what love is?

      It's a mistake to assume our definition is their definition.

      Is it really realistic to believe you have found your soulmate at age 17? Should you believe you will maintain a long distance relationship with your high school sweetheart for (4-6 years) while attending different universities?

      While many women spent their childhood years pushing around baby dolls in strollers, cooking cookies in their Easy Bake Oven, dressing up like a princess, and decorating Ken and Barbie's Playhouse - Essentially pretending to be mothers and wives since age 5.....etc

      Boys never engaged in games where they pretended to be a prince, a father, married, or taking on responsibilities!

      They had "fun toys", water pistols, race tracks, remote control planes, boats, cars, and competed with other boys.

      By the time a young woman is in her 20s she's having thoughts of marriage. Where as most guys in their 20s just escaped their parents' basement or a college dorm room.

      They want to establish a career, party with friends, watch sports, play video games, and {get laid}.

      For most men their teens and 20s are about playing the field! From time to time they might meet a woman they're "infatuated with" and they'll act according to whatever it (she) seems to want in order to "win her over".

      Note: This isn't just a man thing. Anyone who thinks someone is "hot" generally puts their "best foot forward" and attempts not to do or say anything that would blow it.

      However eventually everyone reverts back to their "authentic self" once they feel it's "safe" to do so or they no longer care what happens if they reveal their real self.

      When it comes to cheating neither gender is standing on "holy ground". In the U.S. anyone who has seen TV shows like "Cheaters", "Paternity Court", and The Maury Povich Show - AKA "You are NOT the father!" knows both men and women cheat. Even women in lesbian relationships report their girlfriends cheat!

      Most people would better off to just date for FUN until they're in their 30s and honestly feel ready to settle down.

      Naturally there will be times when people meet and believe they've found their "soulmate" only later to breakup.

      After all no one on their wedding day is planning to divorce.

      There are 3 basic reasons why couples split

      1. They chose the wrong mate. (They're too incompatible)

      2. A "deal breaker" was committed in the eyes of someone.

      3. They fell out of love/stopped wanting the same things.

      There are also 3 reasons why people don't cheat

      1. They are truly (in love) with their mate.

      2. They don't want to "blow it" by risking getting caught.

      3. They know how they would feel if their mate cheated.

      As for those people you spoke of who "flirt for fun" I believe these people do so because they need their (ego) massaged.

      Some people have to "prove to themselves" that if their relationship/marriage ended today they would have no problem attracting someone NEW.

      Flirting and having others flirt back with them proves to them "they still got it". On some level many people don't want to truly feel "lucky" to have their mate.

      Proving they can still attract others gives them a feeling of confidence and raises their self esteem.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our boundaries and "deal breakers".

      Nothing happens until (you) say "yes" to someone. The mistake a lot of people make is they trust people too quickly. Trust like respect should be (earned) over time based upon a person demonstrating honesty and integrity.

      In experienced daters allow the "infatuation phase" of new relationship to sweep them off their feet emotionally. Generally speaking people don't reveal their true selves until after the first major fight/disagreement.

      It takes time to get to know someone!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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