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Rickey Smiley's Son Not Attracted To Black Girls

Updated on May 2, 2017

Conditioning

While conditioning has been engrained since slavery that everything dark is undesirable the sad truth is this conditioning is still present today. From the brown paper bag test to “you're pretty for a dark skinned girl” African American people are still struggling with finding beauty in those that reflect the person in the mirror. No other culture has such a profound issue with their women like that of the African American man. The disrespect, lack of protection, refusal to build families through marriage, and being present both financially/mentally in the lives of their children often appears to be a challenge. No other culture parades women of different nationalities in such large numbers on their videos resemble their version of beauty which does not represent that which looks like them in the mirror. Do you watch country music videos and see all African American and or Latino girls? Do you watch Latin based artists with African American women dancing in the background? Unfortunately sometimes within the African American culture women aren't allowed to be individuals.

The truth of the matter is many men need therapy. There are men with that have a love hate relationship with their mothers. To say you like black women enough to give them dap or be “cool with them” but they aren't in essence worthy of your love when it comes to matters of the heart is sad. Being raised around people primarily of other cultures can influence the type of women you are attracted to-true. The irony is African American men are constantly bombarded with negative stereotypes. Now some African American men have placed the same “unearned” stereotypes on those of an entire race of women which poses a problem when it comes to love. Subconsciously being kind, caring, and nurturing to women that do not resemble your identity is a problem. It's a sad situation when men naturally make their best efforts to treat women of other cultures with class and respect while basically spitting on women that resemble their same culture or ethnicity. Some men have negative stereotypes about African American women listing the following reasons for avoiding relationships with them (while often still in the bed creating children with these women....but I digress):

  1. They have bad attitudes
  2. They are gold-diggers and always want money
  3. They always have a bunch of kids
  4. They are loud a.k.a. “ghetto”
  5. They aren't education or lack class
  6. They are cold, without affection
  7. They are bossy and controlling
  8. They never seem to be willing to give to their partners or be a man's peace
  9. They are prone to violence and are disrespectful of men
  10. They are not financially stable despite their “appearance” of success

Choices Men Make

The Choices Men Make

The problem that men are mentioning have so much to do with the social-economic level of the women they chose to love. African American women are typically highly educated versus their counterparts so something tells me rolling your eyes and cursing people out is not the behavior of women writing thesis papers. African American women raised in stable households, witnessing remotely decent marriage between their parents, living in decent neighborhoods without struggle tend to laugh more and are overall happier people. People raised in impoverished communities with various challenges tend to result in issues of feeling they must fight for everything thus they are prone to be highly confrontational and lacking in social graces. Some people practice behavior that mimics the dysfunctional relationships they have witnessed through arguments as well as extreme manipulation. My point, social-economic levels have a lot to do with how people conduct themselves. The problem men don't want to admit is often women that are happier, nicer, easy on the eye and are capable of communicating utilizing brain capacity they consider these women anomalies and attempt to avoid them because they are interested in engaging in negative stereotypes to validate their biased ideologies. If you are struggling with self-hatred then you won't see your natural counterpart as valued because you don't feel valuable. To make it easier to understand -this man will go out of his way to talk to a loud mouthed, loose, trashy woman with half of her behind hanging out and expect Michelle Obama type interaction. When this doesn't occur then this man wants to stereotype all black women as undesirable. Trying to deal with African American women doesn't mean you identify the most overly sexual superficial, dang near illiterate, ignorant woman, attempting to use her looks to get by and make that behavior from those type of women as your frame of reference for dealing with African American women. When you have negative perceptions of people the universe will also bring you confirmation of that negative perception because that is your focus.

Beauty

Everyone Has The Right To Desire What They Appreciate When It Comes To Beauty

Every person should have the opportunity to be judged for who they are not for the color of their skin. Beauty is present in a variety of colors and package presentations. Adopting standards of beauty that defy what and who you are can be based on something that is more than just preference makes me believe message and colorism has taken effect in shaping one's preference when it comes to beauty. African American men should be highly sensitive to this belief given how negative stereotypes affect them on a daily basis. People who chose to date outside their race because they happen to find someone that shares similar values, similar interests, and similar goals in life is one thing. To purposely say that you are excluding people that resembles your same skin tone and features reveals that dating outside your race isn't just your “preference” it indicates there is something else in your mind that you need to address with a therapist. Perhaps media and society conditioning has prevented you from seeing the beauty within yourself which manifests in the lack of ability to individually evaluate women that resemble your African American culture. Just as you desire to be treated as an individual and not according to negative stereotypes bathed in ignorance such is the desire of African American women. You can’t say I love and think the best of myself but fail to see attraction or beauty in someone that reflects my same person. People should understand they psychosis behind being conditioned to devalue others that resemble you, where it comes from, and how to overcome this situation. Although unspoken not every culture values you just because they go out “experiment” with dating certain cultures. Many cultures feel it's okay to experiment with a certain group of people but do not marry or have children with “those people.” Unfortunately while certain men are doing their best to avoid dating women that resemble their same color/nationality other people are teaching their children to avoid you because you aren't seen as valuable or worth unless you have the financial means or probability to generate money that benefits their daughter. IJS.

The question: How can you say you desire great things of yourself when you avoid people in relationships that resemble the person you see in the mirror? How do you tell your child they are precious and you care about them when they resemble your color and features which you hate and devalue?

Know thyself

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