- Gender and Relationships»
Right and Wrong Ways For Husbands to Tell Wives About Not Liking a New Dish
Just the facts, ma'am
just like the late, great Jack "Joe Friday" Webb said numerous times on his hit show, "Dragnet," and that is all that I am doing right now, getting the facts.
Fact: you and your wife are no longer newlyweds. You have been married over six years and combined with the year or so that you dated, you know your wife really well.
Fact: your loving, adoring wife is one of those special wives who loves to live in the kitchen. She loves to cook. Shoot, she would sleep in the kitchen if she had a bed in there. Her love of cooking goes to deeply that each Thanksgivong and Christmas when your relatives dine at your home, she is not seen at the table for working in the kitchen during the meal just to make sure that you and your relatives are happy with her culinary delights.
Fact: then one evening at dinner "that" rare, unusual moment happens to you concerning your loving wife's cooking talents. You know when you take the first few bites of this new dish that she served you with such a sweet smile, that something is wrong. You hate feeling this dad especially at the dining table with your sweet wife adoring you from across the table.
Fact: you tried to eat one of her new dishes, but the more you consume, the more nauseated you become. You secretly pray that God will take this sickness away from you so you will not answer "that" question from your wife that you are so sure that it is coming you could have won a million bucks if you had bet on her asking this question or not.
"Hunn-eeeee, how did you like my new dish?" the sweet wife asks you with a glowing anticipation in her eyes and sweet voice.
What do you do? How can you tell her that you are so sick that you may have to crawl to the bathroom to rid yourself of this whatever she called it and get it out of your digestive system. You had rather fight a gang of Hell's Angels than tell her about her dish not tasting well (although she is eating it).
for you is read the following advice and make up your mind on how you will answer your sweet, loving wife's innocent question. You best hurry for she is waiting.
Wrong Ways to Complain to Your Wife About Her Cooking:
- "This stuff whatever it is, tastes like road kill!"
- "Hunn-eee, did you get this dish out of that dumpster behind that fast food restaurant?"
- "My goodness! My old girlfriend was not a cook, but she would not have made this mess!"
- "This is a joke, right?"
- "I know that it is tough for you to stay at home, but that was your choice, but did you have to almost kill me for entertainment?"
- "Hunn-eee, why are you punishing me?"
Ways Guaranteed to Hurt Your Wife When You Complain About Her Cooking:
- "This is it! Go get the mouthwash!"
- "My mouth has that taste from a land fill from eating this trash!"
- "Did 'Junior' our pet Cocker Spaniel cook this?"
- "I now wish that I was eating my mother's cooking." (this one will hurt her when you are eating a good dish)
- "You are not the woman that I married! This food must have rat poison in it!"
- "If you wanted me out of the way, I would have given you a divorce."
Correct Ways to Tell Your Wife That Her New Dish Was Not Good:
- "Sweet flower of womanhood, I am so sorry, but I want to be honest. This dish did not taste good, but that is not your fault--it must be one of the ingredients gone bad."
- "Why am I pale and sweating? Well, sweetie, Dave and I had lunch at that new Yugoslavian restaurant that opened last week and well, something in that goulash did not agree with me." Note: this is not a lie either.
- "Please forgive me, sweet, hot wife of mine, but this dish kinda went down the wrong way. Tell you what. You get ready, but don't change--you look ravishing in that red dress and I will take you to that vry expensive restaurant in the next town."
- "I am so sorry, sweet baby, but I am not used to this type of dish. But that is all my fault for not telling you this when we were dating. Why don't you tell me what is in it and we can talk about it."
- "(Start weeping), I need to be beat with a piece of lumber with barbwire attached. My stomach is upset from my boss' terrible yelling this afternoon (not a lie) and my belly was still tied in knots when I ate your new dish that you worked so hard to prepare. Why don't I take us on a two-week cruise to your favorite place on earth?"
Now guys who have been married over six years, you are ready when "that" moment arrives from your sweet wife who is obsessed by cooking.
Good night, Tunica, Mississippi (where several cajun dishes are served. Just saying).
© 2017 Kenneth Avery