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Romantic Love vs Relationship Love - The Lasting Love

Updated on January 12, 2015
Johan Smulders profile image

Studied at South African Bible College, UNISA and Abilene Christian University. Preaches and teaches in East London and Swaziland.

What is Love?

Falling in love is a wonderful feeling. It changes your life because it attacks your emotions. Passion rules in your mind, body and soul. Common sense disappears in a cloud of feeling. You see the world and especially the object of your love through brightly colored glasses.

The only trouble is that this love is often only temporary. The same two people who were madly in love today can tomorrow hate each other with the same strong feelings. Betrayed trust, a moment of stupidity, an unkind word, a time of careless neglect, or just time itself can destroy those feelings. Such is the reality of romantic love. It is fragile and needy. Anyone who has been in and out of love can testify to this reality. That does not mean in any way that it is not powerful! The trouble is however that is is based on emotions and emotions change

Now a couple has moved on due to any of a variety of reasons and because of this the feelings have also changed. Geographic or emotional distance or a single event may have destroyed those feeling.. Lingering somewhere in the memory is the question; “what if” this or that had happened or perhaps never happened? Questions often asked but seldom answered. Often the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence and so the fence is crossed.

Perhaps a new “love affair” has replaced the lost one. Disproving the myth that one can only love one person in a lifetime. With it comes the knowledge following behind, but often ignored, that this new love may also one day be relegated to history. Some people may even have a collection of these "broken hearts" or "lost love" experiences stored in the soul and memory.

So what is the answer to this obvious dilemma? Relationship love has to take over from its fickle cousin romantic love. This love is based less on emotional ecstasy and more on common interests and shared pleasures.

The enemy to this new and better love is time. In the busy world that we live in, we often spend more time “making a living” than “living a life”. It is not that we do not care; it is simply that we do not put in the time to show our love. We rush this way and that in the rat race of daily existence and miss out of the greatest gift that we can experience and also give.

In the psyche of every human is the need to be loved. Unfortunately when given the opportunity to experience and share in that experience, we simply let the opportunity slip by. Like any other facet of life we have to “put in the time”. Love to be felt must be experienced. While romantic love can exist on a time of silent being together and looking into each other’s eyes, relationship love needs communication.It is developed and strengthened in struggling together through the valleys and climbing the mountains of life.

Communication goes far beyond what is said. The cliché, “don’t tell me that you love me, show me,” is so very true. That means taking the time to be there for each other. It means being involved in the life of the other person and sometimes even giving a person some space. It means putting an effort into really listening and sharing. It means giving rather than wanting.

In the “fast food” culture in which we live, we cannot pop in occasionally for a snack and expect to enjoy a great meal. We have to spend time in the kitchen preparing for the feast that relationship love can provide. This takes time, thought and effort, luxuries we afford our work but seldom our relationships. In the rush for economic survival we find our most important gift, the gift of love, falling by the wayside. In practical terms it means re-evaluating our priorities, listening to each other and then making the difficult choices that are needed.

Many people in their hearts long for this kind of love but few made the decision to do anything about it.Sometimes it needs a bit of serious thinking and even some help from a trained counselor or a good book on the subject.

For you and me it remains a choice that we can make! Choose Love! If you do the reward will be worth the effort.


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    • Johan Smulders profile image

      Johan Smulders 4 years ago from East London, South Africa

      Don't know Martie Coetser, give me more info.

    • Johan Smulders profile image

      Johan Smulders 4 years ago from East London, South Africa

      Thanks for the very kind comments.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Well Johan as a writer, a humanitarian, a profound thinker and an esteemed colleague you certainly make love a better place to be and once found - a good thing to keep - so nice to meet you and I will post and link your lovely words and sentiments to my FB page for all to see and read.

      Sending warm wishes to you from Colin and his cats at lake erie time ontario canada 3:55pm

      and do you know Martie Coetser - she is from South Africa?

    • Johan Smulders profile image

      Johan Smulders 4 years ago from East London, South Africa

      What a wonderful gift or perhaps rather a reward!

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 4 years ago

      Johan Smulders, Interesting and thought provoking article on love. I am so thankful to be Blessed with the Love that lasts...

      Thank You for sharing, Peace & Blessings!

    • Johan Smulders profile image

      Johan Smulders 5 years ago from East London, South Africa

      Hard to find but I have been blessed!

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 5 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Relationships come with a price, and that is the great investment of constant time. Yet, the right relationship is so worth it.

    • Johan Smulders profile image

      Johan Smulders 5 years ago from East London, South Africa

      Thanks for the comments!

    • Leptirela profile image

      Leptirela 5 years ago from I don't know half the time


      I love it.

      awesome & Vote up

    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 5 years ago

      "..spend time preparing the feast." Well said. An awesome hub!