ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Weddings & Wedding Planning

SERIOUS HUB: Men, Do NOT Say These Things to The Bridal Couple at Their Reception

Updated on April 26, 2014

Cutting the cake--what a sensitive moment

Source

More bridal reception scenes

The lovely bridal couple ready to have a great life.
The lovely bridal couple ready to have a great life. | Source
This bride is now wondering what in the world was I thinking when I said I do to that drunk man in there showing his butt.
This bride is now wondering what in the world was I thinking when I said I do to that drunk man in there showing his butt. | Source
Pretty bride throws her pretty bouquet "up for grabs" for the single ladies.
Pretty bride throws her pretty bouquet "up for grabs" for the single ladies. | Source
What a roaring good time these friends and family of the bridal couple are having at their reception.
What a roaring good time these friends and family of the bridal couple are having at their reception. | Source
What fun to get tipsy and pick up your bride like she is a rag doll.
What fun to get tipsy and pick up your bride like she is a rag doll. | Source

Well, here you are

at your best friend's wedding day. You and the groom were frat brothers and you became friends with his girlfriend seemingly over-night because she was just so nice.

And there you three were just out of college--sharing an apartment, looking for work, and finally, you found a good job working for Home Depot. Then your best friend and frat brother found a great job at AT&T and you both were doing great.

Not long from then, your frat brother's fiancé found herself a job at a local Food Lion, a huge grocery store that is of national-notoriety. She was hired to start as a cashier. Oh how happy she was to have a weekly paycheck.

And oh how happy you and her fiancé and you were at having money and a place to live, but then he moved in: The clumsy elephant in the room. You three saw him right-off, but simply ignored him.

The more you three ignored him, the bigger he got until you three living in that small apartment got pretty thin and hard to breathe. But you all were sensitive to each other's needs and never said a word about "that" someone who had to move.

We all knew who it was. You. The good old reliable buddy, buddy. The best friend, frat brother, and friend to the frat brother's fiancé. Both of them looked at each other with eyes twinkling like stars on an Alabama summer night as you said, "Well, I guess I will be the one moving out," and no sooner than you said those words, these two handed you the two suitcases with all of your things and said, "Good-bye, old buddy and thanks," as you slowly walked down those sixteen flights of stairs due to the elevator being broken-down.


It's now years later

two to be exact. And one day when you came home from work, your frat buddy and half of the twosome who nearly-cheered as you moved from the apartment you, him, and his fiancé were living, called you to invite you to attend their wedding and wedding reception to follow in the Moose Lodge just outside of your hometown.

Funny. Your frat brother or his fiancé never bothered to call you in the prior two years to see if you were okay emotionally after they almost kicked you out of the apartment. No. You just "toughed it out," and now look. Wow. You are going to attend their wedding and forthcoming reception.

How nice is this, huh?

But let me warn you, my broken-hearted, emotionally-abused buddy of the groom and bride, you are going to have to fight a tough temptation when you arrive at the wedding reception.

A temptation to say all of the nasty things you have been keeping in your heart due to how much you resent them for not moving when it was your apartment to begin with. Your good old frat brother never mentioned this interesting fact when he and his fiancé all but pushed you out in the cold. No sir.

But that was two years ago. This is now. A new day for you and your frat brother and wife.

Attention Male Friends of The Bridal Couple:
Your two friends have just become man and wife. They have been under a mountain of stress like you wouldn't believe. And now a huge part of making the bridal couple happy falls on . . .
YOU!


Because in thick and thin, there you were for them when they were single. Now that they are married and about to start their new lives together . . .


Please. I beg of you. Do Not say Any of the cheap, vulgar things listed in this hub. Refrain from saying them as a personal favor to me. Deal?

"Thank you,"

Kenneth

And you will not

say any of the things listed below prior to, during and after their wedding and reception:

  1. "What a catch you made, "Cassy." "But then again, your standards were pretty lax for a boyfriend and husband--as long as he was living and breathing, he was your type of guy."
  2. "Did you ever tell "Jim boy," what you were before you started work at the Food Lion?" "Well do not worry. I won't tell him about your nights spent as this town's highest-paid street walker."
  3. "Is that your real breasts or did 'Jim boy,' go in debt for them?"
  4. "Cassy, 'Jim boy,' confided in me that he was worried about satisfying you in bed and I told him not to worry. If the entire college football team in the next town couldn't do it, neither could he."
  5. "Nice reception, 'Jim boy.'" "Did you sell-off your blood by the pint to swing this room in the recreation center?"
  6. "Say, 'Cassy,' are those folks at that table over there your parents, or am I in a funeral home?"
  7. "Hey, guys in the audience. Before I toast the lovely couple, I want to ask you, does 'Cassy,' look familiar?" "She should. She is last month's centerfold in Hustler!"
  8. "No, 'Jim boy,' 'Cassy,' is not a lesbian as you ask me two years ago."
  9. "So, 'Cassy,' explain the female pin-up you had in your bedroom in the apartment you and 'Jim boy' kicked me out of two years ago."
  10. 'Jim boy,' sure likes his women smart. Yes, sir." "'Cassy,' here is a real 'math whiz.' she can count all the way up to 100 and it only took her nine years of college to do that."
  11. "Am I drunk?" "No, 'Cassy,' looking at you just makes me feel that way."
  12. "Last week there was some trouble at our local livestock auction facilities about five miles out of town." "The auctioneer was about to sell a herd of cows and said over the public address system, "I need all cows up here now," and 'Cassy' nearly broke a leg running to get there."

I wish you the best, my down-trodden man who was used by 'Jim boy' and 'Cassy."

But if you fail and say any or all of these things . . .call me. I have a complete list of aliases you can use in your new life in South America.

Lovely bride tosses her bouquet

Source

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Sparklea,

      You are a sweet girl for saying such nice things about me. I shall never be able to repay you. I appreciate you for all of your super-comment.

      I am so glad that you liked this. But to me, your hubs and writing are far better.

      I will keep in mind what you and everyone said of this hub for future referenced.

      Sparklea, God bless you and have a peaceful night or day.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, FlourishAnyway,

      You are so wise. I will have to agree with you. Being able to tame the tongue is a wonderful thing to be able to do--especially at a serious event as a wedding.

      Thanks for the advice and great comment. I appreciate you very much.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Bk42author,

      You mean I cannot say to the bride, "say, you have packed on a few pounds," and walk off? Just kidding. I would never do that for I do not get invited to that many weddings.

      I am invited to my pastor's oldest daughter's wedding in June and I asked her what part I would play in her ceremony?

      She replied in her 20ish tone, "Oh, you just show-up, sit down, and be quiet." She and I have joked with each other for years and I am proud for her.

      Thanks for your nice comment. I will use the "you look beautiful" line you mentioned. Thanks.

    • Sparklea profile image

      Sparklea 4 years ago from Upstate New York

      Hi Kenneth! loved this! What a great story, and I LOVE the way it flowed so smoothly. Voted up, useful, funny and interesting. The accompanying pictures were fantastic! What you shared, I believe, is really a common occurrence in weddings. I have seen a lot of hilarious wedding movies. I could feel your emotion throughout, especially with you being kicked out of 'your' apartment and them not contacting you for two years...and your list of what not to do were things I would never even think of! Tremendous hub, and something we all share because who does not go to a wedding? God bless and thank you for the entertainment! Sparklea PS: I am now following you and sent you a fan mail. :)

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 4 years ago from USA

      If you can't say something positive -- especially on their specially day -- it's best to keep mum.

    • Bk42author profile image

      Brenda Thornlow 4 years ago from New York

      Great advice! Like my girlfriends say...the only thing you should say to a bride on her wedding day is "you look beautiful!" Voted up!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)