- Gender and Relationships
Saying 'No' To A Good Friend
A real friend helps you in time of need.Maybe, but there are times when a real friend just cannot help and so needs to say ‘no’. We have been ‘programmed’ to believe that a good friend should always be there, willing to help, no matter what. I strongly disagree, because it is not always possible, and when the friend is not always able to be there or to help, does it mean that person is not a ‘true’ friend?
No one likes hearing the word ‘no’, as it seems very negative. Saying ‘NO’ is a right we all have and we do not exercise it often enough. It is one of the most liberating things we can do for ourselves even when a good/best friend is involved. You CANNOT always be there for your friends because you have to be there for another friend – YOU! You should be your best friend, so why should you put yourself out, or miss an opportunity that is important to you, because you are afraid to disappoint your friend by saying no. A good friend should understand this, especially if you are usually there for him/her. How do you say ‘no’ to a friend who is so dear to you without the fear of hurting that friend?
Your friend might have asked you to do something and you are incapable of doing it. Explain the reason for your incapability. It may be that you have other commitments, or it may be something that you do not feel comfortable doing. Say that you would love to help and how bad you feel for not being able to. Then explain your reasons and if possible, assure your friend that you will surely make it up to him/her. Maybe you can see if there is a part of the favor that you could do to help your friend. Try to help the person see your side and understand your particular situation.
Saying ‘no’ can sometimes put a strain on a friendship, but sometimes there is no way around it. You have to do what is best for you. A good friend will understand that if you cannot do something, it is because you cannot, and although may feel hurt, be respectful of your feelings. Remember, when someone else says ‘no’ to your request that you give the same understanding and respect back, as it may have been a tough decision for them to say ‘no’.
A good friend is one who understands the meaning of ‘no’ and respects you for it.
Do you agree with me, my friends?