- Gender and Relationships»
Second Marriage - A Triumph of Hope over Experience?
Weddings today are big business especially first weddings. They can take months in the planning and a fortune in funding. The venue, the food, the entertainment and of course the all important dress are carefully researched and sought and bought and all that remains is for the sun to shine down (literally) on the happy couple.
Once it is all over and reality kicks in it can become a stressful time for the young couple especially if they have not lived together previously .Habits that were once endearing can become irritating and money that was freely spent now has to pay the bills and sadly the young couple can become detached from one another and agree to live separate lives but still live under the same roof. Inevitably new attachments are formed and the marriage ends often with bitterness and disillusionment.If only all couples comtemplating marriage would think of the word WEDDING for it contains the cardinal rule for marriage - no matter how you try and spell it, the WE always comes before the I!!
When considering a second marriage other aspects come into the equation. If the first marriage ended in divorce then there may still be bitterness on the part of one partner and friends may take sides. Do not expect everyone to be happy for you. If there are children from the first marriage do not force your new partner into the role of the parent for this will be resented by both the children and the absent parent. Try to establish an amicable relationship with the former partner so that when you are both in the same company it will not be awkward.The problems or issues that niggled in the first marriage e.g sharing of bills and household chores if both partners are working should be openly discussed and agreed upon so that possible pitfalls are removed.
If one or both partners are widowed then there are different aspects to the relationship. The families of the late partners may wish to continue to be involved in the lives of the couple marrying especially if there are children or young people and this should be respected .I think it is helpful if each partner can talk about their previous spouses but resist the temptation to compare. Each person is unique and different and those differences shouuld be celebrated. Of course there will be times when a bereaved partner may appear to become withdrawn or distant especially on the anniversary of the death of the late spouse and that is when the new spouse can be supportive and understanding .
Second marriages, especially in older people can bring a deep sense of affection and companionship and usually more acceptance of any faults (perceived or real) in the partner.Mistakes made the first time round are remembered and hopefully avoided and in time in the majority of second marriages I believe that hope does triumph over experience!