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Secrets to keep from your girlfriend or boyfriend: Things that you should not tell him or her

Updated on June 21, 2013

Some things are best left unsaid and kept a secret from your boyfriend or girlfriend. These things typically revolve around your past relationships, intimate moments with an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, bad habits and other issues that can give rise to problems of trust, jealousy and insecurity with your current partner. This post discusses some of the details about your life that you should not tell your partner until your relationship has reached a phase of maturity and commitment.

It is never a good idea to talk about the precious memories of your previous relationship with your current partner.
It is never a good idea to talk about the precious memories of your previous relationship with your current partner. | Source

1) Precious memories from your relationship with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend

Your partner will instantly start feeling jealous about your ex if you share some of the precious memories from your previous relationship.

Whether it is a fond memory about hanging out with your ex at a lookout point or emotional moments you shared on a weekend trip, don't be blatant about such tender memories. Your ex will feel belittled and slightly insulted.

2) Your childhood insecurities and trauma

Every single individual faces one or the other insecurity during childhood that causes a severe drop in confidence at some point in their lives. It can be something as common as the haunting memories of being bullied or something like the anxiety about being a shy guy in school and finding it impossible to talk to girls.

Such insecurities should be kept a secret from your partner until you both reach a level of unconditional trust in your relationship. You should be totally sure that anything that you say to your partner will never be used to mock you in the future. If someone has a malicious intent, such sensitive background history can be used against you to hammer your confidence levels down.

3) Habits of your ex that you really liked

Did you like your ex's habit of keeping her room neat and organized? Did you appreciate how your ex-girlfriend could always read your mind when you were down? Were you really fond of how your ex-boyfriend always wore clothes that made him look rich and fancy?

Regardless the type of habit that you really appreciated in your ex, it is never a good idea to blurt it out to your current girlfriend or boyfriend. He or she will start worrying unnecessarily about whether your declaration of appreciation for your ex was a hint in disguise. Your current partner may also use your fondness about the ex's habit against you in an argument.

4) Keep the details of physical intimacy with your exes a secret

  • Did you have sex with your ex?
  • What was the best moment of physical intimacy you shared with your ex?

These are some questions that are likely to be thrown around when couples start getting to know each other on a personal level. Whether you want to reveal the real answer or not is a personal choice. But if you decide to tell the truth, you should skip the details of physical intimacy.

It is a good thing to be honest to your girlfriend or boyfriend. But there is a fine line between being completely honest and being stupidly honest. Talking about the minute details of physical intimacy and giving a step by step account of acts of passion between you and your ex are best avoided.

Telling your partner the intricate details of your daily arguments with your ex may backfire at you.
Telling your partner the intricate details of your daily arguments with your ex may backfire at you.

5) Details of the problems and issues in your previous relationship

All couple fight and every couple has its own problems that need to be dealt with. Here are some questions that your girlfriend or boyfriend may ask you.

  • What did you both fight about?
  • Were you wrong when you and your ex argued? What were you wrong about?
  • Did you get too jealous about your ex's chat with her friends?
  • Do you feel guilty about dumping your ex?

There is really no practical purpose of discussing the small details about your daily arguments and fights with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. If your partner keeps pestering you to open up about the point of disagreement between you and your ex, reply honestly about the core topic of argument. Don't go into elaborate explanations to describe the type and exact wordings of discussions that you had with your ex.

6) Cute, sweet and romantic names your ex called you by

Did you ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend have a special name for you? If there was one, keep it a secret from your partner. If you don't, your partner will feel slightly annoyed every time someone calls you by that name.

For example, suppose your name is Josh and your ex-girlfriend lovingly called you Joshie all the time. If you disclose this to your current partner, he or she may instantly feel bad even if one of your friend calls you Joshie.

7) Flings and one night stands should be kept a secret

Flings and one night stands should ideally be kept a secret from a partner. Such stories will unnecessarily give you a bad impression in his or her mind. Your past one night stands are the perfect example of the saying 'Some things are better left unsaid'

The only situation when you should be upfront about a fling that you had in the past is when that fling happened with a person that your partner knows. It this case, it is better to reveal what happened rather than facing an awkward situation where your partner finds it out through someone else.

8) Your harmless crush on one of your best male or female friends

Here's a situation which many guys may be able to relate to this situation. Even girls will be able to relate to such a special friend in their lives.

  • A guy has been friends with a girl since childhood. They have been best friends, but never lovers. He secretly had a crush on her but never really revealed it to her. Years went by and she started dating someone else. Even the guy moved on and he is now in a happy relationship with another girl. He remains friends with the girl who he had a crush on, and still finds her to be a pretty woman.

If you also have a best friend who you find beautiful, hot or handsome, keep your views about his or her physical appearance to yourself. The slightest of slip-ups can give rise to jealousy and suspicion in your partner's mind. Your girlfriend or boyfriend will start feeling overly possessive about you every time you talk or interact with that particular friend.

Do you really want to tell your partner about the crazy things you did while you were on an all-boys or all-girl holiday?
Do you really want to tell your partner about the crazy things you did while you were on an all-boys or all-girl holiday?

9) Crazy stuff that you did in an all-girls or all-boys vacation

Don't you think it is a bad idea to tell your girl everything you did during an all-boys trip to Bangkok? What sense does it make to tell your boyfriend every little detail about your antics during a crazy spring break?

There is no point revealing all the details of the immature and wild things you did during a vacation many years back. It will unnecessary make your partner worry every time you head off for a trip with your friends.

10) Avoid talking about your habitual flirting

All men and women have a naughty flirt hidden inside them. But this flirty side is supposed to stay dormant when they are in a relationship with someone. Remember this and never reveal your flirting habits in front of your partner.

Many girlfriends and boyfriends will consider flirting as a sign of cheating. So your flirting habits are best kept under wraps unless you want trust issues to create problems your relationship.

11) Keep it a secret if your family hates your boyfriend or girlfriend

Don't start panicking if your family does not like your girlfriend or boyfriend. Family members can often be a bit too protective about their own, which makes them look for faults in their loved ones' partners.

Keep your family's apparent dislike for your partner a secret unless you think that your relationship has reached a certain level of maturity. It makes no sense to discuss this with your partner in the early phases of your relationship.

Money matters are best kept private until your relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend becomes stable and mature. This may apply especially to couples in their late twenties.
Money matters are best kept private until your relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend becomes stable and mature. This may apply especially to couples in their late twenties.

12) Don't disclose the amount of money you have saved for a rainy day

Almost everyone has a certain amount of money kept away in a bank account or in a drawer which is meant for a rainy day. Keep this money a secret from your girlfriend or boyfriend especially if you have recently started dating.

Don't discuss your secret piggy bank with your partner unless you are in a committed and long term relationship which has a foreseeable future. Money is a funny thing because it can be the most unassuming yet the most evil thing to rip apart friendships and relationships.

13) Details of celebrity fantasies

Everyone has celebrity crushes. Guys popularly crush over Jessica Alba, Taylor Swift and Kate Upton among other famous starlets. Girls and women commonly crush over Taylor Lautner, Leonardo DiCaprio, Hugh Jackman and Harry Styles to name a few.

You can playfully talk about your celebrity crush but that should be the limit of the discussion. Keep your fantasies to yourself unless you want to make your partner insecure about his or her body image.


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    • Chatkath profile image


      7 years ago from California

      After learning the hard way I have found that so many things are truly better left unsaid. That simple! It takes a keen insight into your partners vulnerabilities but you review them thoroughly. Thanks for sharing !! Up up


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