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Separate Beds

Updated on June 25, 2012

Sexless Marriages

There are many reasons that couples may choose to sleep in separate beds. Often one is a light sleeper, snoring can be an issue or even choosing to fall asleep with the television on can cause your partner a sleepless night. Being an idealist I am I’m always hoping that there are simple reasons for the separate sleeping arrangements.

Although this can be a sign that the marriage is in trouble and a divorce is upcoming. However, some stay in the loveless relationship for year upon year. The couple stays together for less than loving reasons. Some couples are no longer intimate. The numbers of divorces that take place are sad and shocking but, staying together and living without love is just as horrifying.

I see husbands and wives that don’t celebrate one another’s birthdays or cry on each others shoulders. They have become bitter and unpleasant with one another. I am certain that Sexless marriages that are mutually agreed upon by both parties are in existence, but, I have not discovered a happy by both scenario yet.

Some marriages remain intact at least with the courts for financial reasons. The separate bed scenario began eight years ago for one man that gave me his story. He works countless hours holding down four professions in order to avoid his nagging wife. He had married a much older woman when he was very young. She already had children and told him she didn’t want more. He claims that she lost interest in sex nearly seven years ago. He has had numerous affairs but, she puts a kibosh on them when she catches on. Due to his hard work avoiding her he has acquired quite a large nest egg and in not interested in dividing it in half. I asked the man how much money her could spare and still be happy or if he was just hoping to out live her. However, who am I to judge, and by the way money is what some people perceive as happiness. All I can do is hope they both will find Love and happiness.

From this couple that never misses a beat in their parenting one would never guess of marital turbulence . The female moved out of the bedroom years ago to take up sleeping on the couch. Since then she also has engaged in countless affairs. She claims that her husband is a negative person and she has lost all attraction to him. She plans to remain married to him until their only child graduates from high school. I feel badly for him thinking that it must chastise his manhood to feel that his wife has no desire to have sex with him. However, I feel completely sickened that her husband demands obligatory sex from her once weekly. When her son has his degree she is uncertain what course she will take. He however, states that he fears her divorcing him.

A homosexual man spoke to me telling me that he stopped having sex with his wife nearly twenty years ago. It is understandable why he isn’t attracted to her or that the marriage ever took place. She turned to religion where she places a lot of judgment and blame onto him. He remains married to her because she is ill and wants her to be entitled to his health benefits. After all this time they are planning to live in separate homes and it is hopeful that this will allow both of them to move closer to love and happiness.

What looked to me to be a perfect life for a couple that entertained often is now in a shocking divorce. The man tells me that he and his wife had not had a sexual relationship for the past seven years and yet he had never cheated on her. He said they merely lived as roommates and although he didn’t like the idea of being celibate he made the best of it.

I also knew a girl in her twenty's that knowingly married a man that had a nearly non existent sex drive. It sounded as though in the relationship that existed a few years before the wedding that the sexual encounters could be counted on fingers. She complained about the issue that made her feel undesirable but went through with the wedding anyway.

Marriages can be turned around. sometimes all you have to do to receive is offer what you want to receive. Offer love, kindness, and acceptance to the person you vowed to God to love all your life and see if you receive it in return. Start dating them again. Make them dinner or take them out to dinner. Write a letter telling them all the things you appreciate about them. Often you will need the help of a good marriage councilor. If you loved someone once you are very likely to be able to fall back in love with them. But, before this happens you will have to vow again to make it your mission to have a loving relationship. Most importantly you will need to give up your stubbornness.

I'm a hopeless romantic, I still love the happy stories that provide me with hope that marriages can be a wonderful experiences where you can find Gods greatest gift, Love.

Why do you sleep in seperate beds from you spouce?

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    • joedolphin88 profile image

      Joe 3 years ago from north miami FL

      Wow I love tv in the 50's so censored and protected. Remembering back to Nick at nite right now. hope you'll check out my tech article on a company called CellAllure they have a phone called the Lite S that is very impressive. To think we have beds together and smartphones on tv now. I really enjoyed the quirky hub

    • SallyTX profile image

      Sally Branche 3 years ago from Only In Texas!

      You know, the older I get the more I just want my privacy and space. If I am ever in a relationship again, I will want my own room! That has nothing to do with sex or intimacy and everything to do with just being able to wind down and relax completely without someone pulling off the covers, snoring, complaining about the light being on for reading and so on.

      Interesting topic! Voted up and useful! ;D

    • trusouldj profile image

      trusouldj 3 years ago from Indiana

      Fascinating hub.

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      I've seen this happen to a few couples.

      An awesome Hub Angela....sharing.

      Yours Sincerely,

      Romeo's Quill

    • Joyette  Fabien profile image

      Joyette Fabien 4 years ago from Dominica

      Great discussion, Angela! Rated interesting.

      The issue of separate beds is a sad but most prevalent reality. It speaks to the attitude that modern society has towards love, relationships and marriage. Marriage ought not to be perceived as a business or convenience relationship. From a biblical stanpoint we are called to be united as one flesh and that just can't be if spouses occupy separate beds whatever their reason might be. As for me, I rather cuddle my spouse than a pillow anytime.

    • gjcody profile image

      gjcody 4 years ago

      I have to confess ..Lucy and Desi actually got my attention. I thought it was going to be about the movies and seprate beds ...but good article. I found it very interesting.

      I suppose people grow apart as they get older and sometimes this means separate beds too ... for many reasons.

      Thanks for sharing ...my best to your success and health!

    • adjustablebeds profile image

      adjustablebeds 4 years ago

      I agree with WhydThatHappen, this particular Hub has a lot of insightful information, but it seems to neglect the other side of the situation. Happily married spouses may opt for separate beds for a variety of reasons.

    • profile image

      ignugent17 4 years ago

      I love happy stories too and I enjoyed reading your hub.

      Have a good day! :-)

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 5 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      Angela, this is a great Hub! The many short items about various experiences added a lot to it. Your advice is right on target too.

    • michememe profile image

      Miche Wro 5 years ago

      "Marriages can be turned around. sometimes all you have to do to receive is offer what you want to receive."

      Angela, I believe in this statement, not only for marriages but relationships. It has taken me a long time to realize you give what you want back in return. Great article.

    • profile image

      KDuBarry03 5 years ago

      So many scenarios can happen because of a sexless marriage...I've seen many of my older friends go through somethings like this and, to be quite honest, it was a domino effect. Even though talking about sex is still a "taboo" thing to discuss about for some, it is definitely something to keep prevalent in your relationship to keep it maintainable.

      Great Hub!

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 5 years ago from Northern California, USA

      I agree with you when you say, "If you loved someone once you are very likely to be able to fall back in love with them." I think it is true, however it would only work if both partners want to make it work. Great hub about why people sleep in separate beds.

    • klanguedoc profile image

      Kevin Languedoc 5 years ago from Canada

      People stay together for different reasons. It is hard to fathom their reasons why, but for them it works, sort of. Human nature is very strange and far outweighs the imagination.

    • The-Quietwarrior profile image

      The-Quietwarrior 5 years ago

      Very interesting. Enjoyed it.

    • profile image

      whowas 5 years ago

      Very interesting hub and it has clearly inspired a lot of interest judging by how far I just had to scroll down to find the comments box! Seems the situation may be more widespread than I had imagined.

      I wonder, do you know if anyone has conducted any official and broad research into this subject? It seems that it might be an issue for many and so some wider understanding might be of use.

      Your hub is excellent, intelligently and sensitively written. Of course. :)

    • dndswordsmith profile image

      Nique 5 years ago from Philadelphia County PA

      I enjoy snuggling with my hubby too much to sleep in separate beds. I enjoyed your article. It was very, very interesting.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
      Author

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      eHealer: Thank you ! What a great compliment!

      Collisa: I totally agree with today's expectations of marriage as well as if both parties work on marriage it can be saved. Also marriage is like a roller coaster definite highs and lows. My marriage was a lot of wok and most of the time the work paid off. However, when I was the only one going to marriage counseling in the end it was futile.

    • Collisa profile image

      Columba Smith 5 years ago from California

      I love your hopeful words at the end. I believe any marriage can be saved if only both people are willing to make it work. Sadly, in many cases one person refuses, causing divorce.

      Our culture has become very confused regarding marriage, promoting ridiculous expectations of constant emotional "highs." The best marriages endure through the ups and downs, regardless of how each person feels. Feelings come and go, but love can endure.

      All this from a divorcee! ; )

    • eHealer profile image

      Deborah 5 years ago from Las Vegas

      Angela, You really have a gift for writing. You contribute interesting hubs that make you think, and that's a real plus. Thanks!

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Minnetonka Twin Yes I agree if we can teach our children one important thing it would be the greatest gift love!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

      I think we have come too far to stay together for the kids. I don't think this decision is good for the kids or the parents who are living a loveless marriage. It has to spill into the children's lives and their parents are role-modeling a lie. Great hub.

    • Ely Maverick profile image

      Ely Maverick 5 years ago from The Beautiful Archipelago of the Philippines

      I snore a lot, so is, my wife. We cannot control it, so, she prefer a separate bed. Sex? Nah! Don't get me wrong. Touching and kissing will sill be part of it. The libido is there, but the drive is not same as when we are freshly married or the next 20 years.

      Priorities have been shifted to child-rearing and keeping the budget in balance, and a lot more than that.

    • beaddve1800 profile image

      beaddve1800 5 years ago from Toronto

      There is another reason, body heat. Especially in summer time, body heat is hard to control while sleeping together. I hadno clue how to solve this issue, and the only way was to separate bed.

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett Caulton 5 years ago from Thailand

      There are many reasons for separate beds, not only the ones here. For some, it can work in a happy marriage too. After all, just because you sleep in separate beds, doesn't mean all intimacy ceases. However, this was an interesting read and some sad relationships ... if you are unhappy, you shouldn't just let it lie.

      Sharing, up and interesting.

    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      My wife , and I are happy. We have been married forty years. We sleep in separate beds because we both get up out of bed a lot. It is just more convenient. GBY. Great hub.

    • CriticalMessage profile image

      Murphy 5 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Oh, I will always be around Angela.. Stealth like, keeping low and slow, working for Santa as the Chief Information Officer (a.k.a. Brains of the Outfit, Developer/Keeper of 'The List') that he needs in place because he is always out Ho Ho Ho'in all the time... Me and the other elves are keeping a very close eye on you Angela, for the not so obvious reasons... Your being pretty does not blind us from seeing you when you are naughty.. Just opposite, we actually watch you much more intently when you are naughty, because you are pretty. *grins* Yes, I will always be around... Watching. *smiles*

    • Angela Brummer profile image
      Author

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Pamela N Red: I also can not live a façade.

      CritticleMessage: So nice to see you! I can't imagine it either except for good reason. At least the sexless marriage maybe separate beds for good reason!

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      My husband and I sleep together and are happy. My husband's brother and his wife? don't sleep in the same room. Their arrangement is a strange one. They divorced a few years a go and he left her the house. After a few months he came back and they seemed to be getting a long but then eventually she kicked him out of their bedroom and he now sleeps in another room. They have big house so they can avoid each other most of the time. They stay together because of the finances and kids. I couldn't live that way.

    • CriticalMessage profile image

      Murphy 5 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      I could not answer your question as asked due to none of the answers reflecting my condition... Yet when I was married?... The sleeping arrangement was never an issue... We both had always looked forward to going to bed together... *grins*... And although I understand and respect personal preferences based on personal situations... I just can not ever seeing myself being comfortable with adopting such an arrangement for any reason.. And yes, I call it an arrangement... Because it certainly is no marriage... A nice little Hub here Angela.. Kudos with votes up as deserved appreciation of/for your efforts... *smiles*

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      J. Frank Dunkin:Yes this is an important topic. Of course everyone can live their own life. It just makes me sad to watch a marriage die!

      John Sarkis: The bradies yes the shared bed explains the kids. LOL or at least their interest in making children since they were from separate marriages. Thank you so much for your comment!

    • John Sarkis profile image

      John Sarkis 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Excellent hub Angela! I heard Carol and Mike Brady were the first two TV couples to ever sleep in the same bed, not sure if this is true or not? Yes, all these kids running around...makes you wonder how they conceived them....LOL

      Great hub

      John

    • J. Frank Dunkin profile image

      Joseph Franklin Dunkin Jr 5 years ago from Foley, Alabama

      Interesting article, Angela - wow, you sure received a ton of comments, proving what an important issue this is for couples.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      drbj: Never go to bed angry with your significant other

      IsadorasThought :Thank YOU!

      prasetio30 : Thank you and I will share for you also!

      DDE: I agree! Like I said I would hope it was for some reason other than the couples I mentioned.

      Vinaya Ghimire: Thank you!

      jhamann: I am so happy for you! Yes the stuck in unhappiness what exactly what I was questioning?

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 5 years ago from Reno NV

      I enjoyed reading your hub, I am happy in my marriage, but I think a lot about the situations you described above and how many people feel trapped in bad relationships. Jamie

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Interesting peek into a conjugal life.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Life changes fro one or both couples and if they still love each other there shouldn't be a problem sleeping in separate beds

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Very inspiring hub. Unfortunately, I am single guy until now and I can't share a personal experience about this topic. I sleep alone as well...hahaha. But I learn about "separate beds" from you, my friend. It's useful for me one day. Voted up and shared :-)

      Prasetio

    • IsadorasThought profile image

      IsadorasThought 5 years ago

      Interesting article, thank you for sharing.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      The world needs more hopeless romantics like yourself, Angela. Although this Jone Rivers quote may have merit: * "Never go to bed angry with your significant other. Make sure he stays up until he agrees to buy you a big ring."

    • Angela Brummer profile image
      Author

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      bettperry: Thank you!

    • bethperry profile image

      Beth Perry 5 years ago from Tennesee

      Angela, I am tickled to read a hub by another hopeless romantic! My husband works nights but gets right in bed beside me once he gets home, and I'm delighted to have him all night long on his days off.

      Great hub, voting up.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
      Author

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      A M Werner: Different work schedule would make sleeping to gather a difficult task. But, you love one another so then you work things out! Much unlike the people that I mentioned in the article.

    • A M Werner profile image

      Allen Werner 5 years ago from West Allis

      Interesting. My wife and I have always had a great relationship but we actually had separate bedrooms at for a few months because of my work schedule. I was working third shift and she had a daycare in the house. The way I want the color of the room and the curtains and everything was much different from what she wanted. She had a room where she did all the beautiful things she wanted to it, and I had a room where I made it as dark and quiet as I could. It never effected our marriage, and in time we worked ourselves through the challenges, compromised on somethings and eventually were back in the same bed together. Counting on what shift I am working, it seems we still don't have the kind of schedule to sleep at the same time. Thank the Lord it has never prevented us from being close. Peace

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Anjili: I completely agree with you!

    • Anjili profile image

      Anjili 5 years ago from planet earth, a humanoid

      Separate beds for married couples are a recipe for divorce. This is all in the light of why couples get married in the first place. It will soon be separate houses. You either love me or you don't. I would feel better parting company instead of living in pretense, a simulated semblance of matrimony.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Winsome: Great comment. Thank you!

    • Winsome profile image

      Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      Hi Angela, I enjoyed the comments and the article--I am a hopeless romantic and snuggler as well. I saw the movie "Seeking A Friend for the End of the World" and a truck driver that gives the two leads a ride says: "I think all that really matters is who you crawl in bed next to at night--I wonder why it took me so long to figure that out."

      Although having company on dates is fun, what I really miss is a romance with someone completely dear to me, to absent mindedly reach for her hand as I'm walking or the feeling when she calls up when she hears something funny or touching just to share the moment. That kind of relationship would never even conceive of separate beds. =:)

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      kj force: Great comment, thank you for reading.

      b. Malin: This is great to hear! And agreed that marriages require upkeep as does anything important.

      haggard50: Yes I do believe that is worse.

      Paul Kuehn: I definitely agree with your comment. I will also be sharing for you!

      Beachlife: This can be the case. Thanks for your important point of view.

      rajan jolly: Definitely accepting on another's shortcoming is crucial to a happy union. I will be sharing for you also.

      anglnwu: I am with you on the snuggling. Thank you for reading.

      one2get2no: You make some great point, there are many reasons that people might not share a bed. I love the commercial where the kids open a van parked in the garage and open the door, the mothers hair a mess, and ask what are you two doing in here. LOL

      CyberShelley: I guess I snore also! So I am probably not easy to sleep with! It sounds like you have a great relationship!

    • CyberShelley profile image

      Shelley Watson 5 years ago

      Interesting and sad, some peoples lives. Sometimes when my husband snores so loudly it seems as though he will raise the roof, I wish I were somewhere else that's quiet, especially true at 3 am. However wouldn't dream of actually getting up and going to the guest room, the quiet may be too loud. ha ha! Voted up and interesting.

    • one2get2no profile image

      Philip Cooper 5 years ago from Olney

      Interesting hub, however I don't believe that separate beds always indicates a problem in a marriage or indeed is essential for a healthy sex relationship. I snore quite badly and my wife likes to fall asleep with the telly on so we have separate beds. However we still manage to have sex 3 or 4 times a week and not always in the bedroom. There are many interesting places in the house where the kids don't know what you are up to.

    • anglnwu profile image

      anglnwu 5 years ago

      Interesting read with different marital scenarios. I heard that in the 50s, it's common to have separate beds. For me, I love to snuggle so separte bed is out. Thanks for sharing.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Angela, an interesting hub. I have been married to the same woman for 30 years and still in love, maybe more than before. For love to survive in a marriage takes some adjustments and overlooking the shortcomings of one another. After all no one is perfect.

      Voted up and interesting. Shared.

    • profile image

      Beachlife 5 years ago

      I have read the many people tend to sleep better when sleeping by themselves. i know i personally love my space when i sleep mostly because i'm told i'm all over the place at night. great hub

    • Paul Kuehn profile image

      Paul Richard Kuehn 5 years ago from Udorn City, Thailand

      Based on personal experiences, I feel that most sexless marriages are doomed to failure and ultimately divorce unless either the man or woman is a martyr and willing to sacrifice sex for the sake of children or financial concerns of well-being. Voted up as interesting and useful and sharing.

    • haggard50 profile image

      haggard50 5 years ago from Florida

      One of my many mantras is "there are worse things than being alone". One of those things is being in a loveless marriage. Separate beds make for separate lives. Of course there are exceptions to every rule.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      A Sad, but very Truthful Hub, Angela. Marriages (even the best of them) go through so many different Stages. Lover Man and I are going on our 24th Anniversary in a few days...We've actually been together 26 years...and Both of us can't believe we've know each other that long. We shared a lot a Long the way, and still Enjoy each other's company, and Always, Always, TALK, and sleep Together.

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      Angela Brummer...Very interesting hub...well written...and just accepting without question in a relationship is unfair to both...realizing there are many different ways people live and look at marriage..health reasons my prevent sharing the same bed or room..working various weird shifts can take a toll also...I know because for years my husband and I had this situation..we are now both retired and together happily for 50 years..different strokes for different folks....

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Dorian Bodnariuc: I totally agree. Thank you so much for reading this!

    • Dorian Bodnariuc profile image

      Dorian Bodnariuc 5 years ago from Kanata, Ontario, Canada

      Great stories, Angela. These stories speak about fear of change, but some of them talk about kindness and selflessness. The man who accepts to live with his ill wife to help her is a great example.

      Anyway, religion tells us that love is the answer.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      sarahcherbert: Certainly and thank you for the comment.

      ChristiWrites: Of couse that is why snoring is in the opening paragraph and in the poles.

      Trinity M: Thank you for your comment!

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      lovedoctor926: Thank you so much!

    • Trinity M profile image

      Trinity M 5 years ago

      Wow Angela what an interesting topic. I consider myself very lucky as I am married, and have been for 11 years, to my soul mate. We sleep, eat, walk, work and do everything together and if we spend any time apart we get grumpy because we miss each other so much. I am truly blessed and like you an incurable romantic who wishes happiness for everyone. Thanks for such an interesting hub.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      Voted up interesting. very well-written too.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Andrea-Berrios: Thanks for your good comment!

    • Andrea-Berrios profile image

      Andrea-Berrios 5 years ago from Greenville, South Carolina

      I know that separate beds was very common back in time. My grandparents told me this was something very normal. I really don't know how can a marriage last like this, but whatever makes them happy! :)

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      I don't think there is anything wrong with separate beds. Although a couple sleeps apart they can still have sex. They may prefer to sleep alone (for example if one partner snores). Interesting read Angela.

    • sarahcherbert profile image

      Sarah Crandall Herbert 5 years ago from Grass Valley, California

      It is interesting how family's operate. Personally, I enjoy sharing a room with my husband. However, we are still young. I have seen many many older couples who have health issues who opt to have their own rooms so that they both can get some sleep. I can understand that.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      kittythedreamer: Kitty I totally agree with all that you have said!

      breakfastpop: Yes it would cause more distance!

    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Nicole Canfield 5 years ago from the Ether

      I couldn't imagine sleeping in a separate bed from my husband. When he's away on trips, I can't sleep without him there! I also couldn't imagine not having sex with my husband either. I think to have a healthy marriage includes having intimacy, both physical and emotional. And if one area is lacking, generally another area will lack as well. However, if one person is sick/terminally ill and the other is with them, they should be with them to the end...no cheating, as it was in their vows to remain faithful till the end. But that in my opinion is the only excuse. Just my thoughts! Blessings!

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 5 years ago

      I do know couples who sleep in separate beds. The practice hasn't done anything but push them apart in every way.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      teaches12345 : Cute response

      dwachira: Thank you and I will be certain to share for you also.

      BeyondMax: Thank you for your comment.

      myownlife: Yes I am also happy to see so many happy couples.

      Sunshine625: Thank you for your contribution.

      dghbrh: Well put and I believe you understood what I was trying to convey.

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 5 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      Angela...gr8 hub...voted up and shared.....nice research and thinking. this is another very time relevant topic. Many couples are like this which i know and they are neither happy not content with life and world. Because what is important is that the positive feeling if not there then nothing in this world can make us happy. some mutual decision and healthy relationship may differ but that may be very rare. Understanding is the most important thing for a healthy and mature marital relationship. good work:-)

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Since when does a happily married couple require a bed for sex? There is nothing wrong with separate beds. Beds don't define a relationship. A good night sleep is vital so that these happily married couples don't bite each others head off during their waking hours when they are loving each other and seeking unique places for sex, besides a boring old bed. Unless they don't want sex...it's all good and their choice. I'm not a shrink, just sharing my 2 cents.

    • myownlife profile image

      myownlife 5 years ago from london

      Great research,and end of the article voting shows more than 67% couple seem happily married and together.

      Great job

    • BeyondMax profile image

      BeyondMax 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      That was an interesting observation. I never though about it, it seems so odd to me when the couple is sleeping separately... Even if there are reasons like you mentioned here, it is still quite off, at least what I feel. Great hub!

    • dwachira profile image

      [ Danson Wachira ] 5 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      I know sometimes circumstances in relationship issues can lead to sleeping in separate beds, but what i know is talking to each other can solve a lot of problems. Great hub Angela Brummer, voted up and shared.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      I knew a couple who slept in separate twin beds. They had an agreeable marriage and didn't really seem to suffer from the space between them. It helped them each to get a good nights sleep. I think I would have just bought a king sized bed instead.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Mhatter99: Sleepen' double in single bed! Good realtionship!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Not only do we share the same bed it took us 5 years to move up to a queen, which we did to keep her mother happy

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Yes I will look into that! Sounds like great advice!

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      Howie Watts 5 years ago

      Another great hub Angela. I can't imagine not being able to go to bed or wake up without the love of my life by my side, although some of the stories you shared had some valid reasons other than a troubled marriage. My wife and I recently attended a marriage seminar called "How to laugh your way to a better marriage" presented by Mark Gungor. We didn't attend because we needed to, we attended because we wanted to and because we love each other so much we want to do anything in our power to continue on that track. There is the secret. Never quit trying to find ways to make it better even if you think it is the best it can be. Guys go one step further than Angelas suggestion above to start dating her again...never stop dating her to begin with :-) If you have, by all means start again. Sorry, I'm rambling lol. Anyway...the seminar was awesome, very funny, and a lot of great information and ideas. I would highly recommend it to people with great marriages and to those who are struggling. It is available on DVD. Angela you may want to put an add for the book and or DVD here on this hub. It would be a good fit. I think it is available through ebay. Keep writing!!!! :-)

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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Jean Bakula: Good points. Thanks for you comments!

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      Jean Bakula 5 years ago from New Jersey

      Once people get older sometimes their health issues can interfere with their own and their spouses sleep. I love my husband, but often leave the room if I think I'm bothering him. In this economy, many people are staying together because they can't afford to separate. I think people have sex later in life than in prior generations, but hormone changes and surgeries and many things like that make it uncomfortable and embarrasing, not the romantic delighful romp is was 40 years ago. It's not that a marriage turns loveless, but you need to be realistic that people change, in health, interests, their friends die and move away when they retire, and sometimes so do their kids. So older people are faced with many other problems that have nothing at all to do with love or sex. Though if they let themselves get too bogged down in them, it will affect their closeness. I think it's important to stay mentally stimulated, so you keep trying new interests. My parents and many of my friends stopped sleeping together by the time they were in their 30's. I don't like to talk about people's sex lives if I work with them either, what do I care?

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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Cheeky Girl: Thank you for your nice comment. Yes it is important for people to explore their relationships!

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      Cassandra Mantis 5 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      What a tragic reel of marital mis-matches. But not all relationships have to end in such human misery. Plenty of scope for learning and improving there. People have to be honest about their circumstances.

      If none of those people were married and just in relationships with each other, what would each of these person's choices be? What options woould be open for them?

      I know people who have good marriages too. Marriage means sacrificing some things, for the sake of other things. And if the person loves their partner and puts that person first, that is a major plus for that relationship.

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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      screaming: Thank you! I love hearing about all the happy relationships.

      fpherj48:Sex used to hurt or deprive another was my statement. Sorry if I made it sound like yours! Sorry!

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      screaming 5 years ago

      Being happily married for 32 years, I couldn't imagine separate beds. I don't care how much snoring goes on! lol Each is own I guess? So long as separate beds doesn't mean one partner sleeping with the dogs or cats and the other alone! lol...Enjoyed reading your hub! voted up.

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      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Angela, thanks for the response, however, I'm 100% sure I did not say anything about this situation being "used to hurt or deprive another." Maybe that was a typo on your part? And again, I might live on another planet, but the people I know, do not "share" their bedroom highlights with me or in mixed circles. Has this become a popular mode of discussion these days? If so, that's as sad as anything I've heard lately.

      Are people running out of interesting and intelligent things to discuss?

      If a fellow employee ever whined or complained to me about his frigid wife, after I recovered from the shock and disgust, I would say, "And your problem of not getting any from your wife is supposed to mean WHAT, to me? please, cease with the sob story." How very disrespectful to his wife and what a thing to admit. See a shrink, buddy. I'm not Dr. Ruth.

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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      kelleyward: I will return the share! Thank you!

      AudreyHowitt: I am a snugler also!

      DrMark1961: Burr is correct.

      fpherj48 ; I appreciate your honesty. I think we know differnat elderly couples. I am just kidding. But, I do understand your question. Sex does not equal love but, as you said it also can be something used to hurt another or deprive another. Thank you again!

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      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Angela......I understand and appreciate the concept of your hub and you have written it quite well. There is also a lot of truth to what you write about here.

      I have to say though, it's my hope that not too many of those who read your hub, answer your questionaire. The question is extremely personal and IMO, should be a private matter between a man and woman. Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashioned and maybe even rigid in my beliefs.

      The love (sex) life of any couple is and should be something that others are not privy to. If there is an issue, there are professionals for this.

      Regardless of a couple's sleeping arrangement......and/or frequency of sex or lack thereof......if neither sees a problem and they have amicably agreed, it begins and ends with them and no one else.

      Finally, I sincerely hope that you are not referring to a sexless marriage as equal to a "loveless" marriage.......because certainly, elderly couples who have chosen not to have sex for their own private reasons......have enormous love for one another. The same would apply to a couple where one partner is ill or incapacitated

      SEX of course, enhances and strengthens a bond of love....but it most surely does not define it......

      Please understand my intent here......Wishing you peace.

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      Dr Mark 5 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

      Great hub Angela. It made me think of the other alternative, the double bed but with both partners turning their backs. BRRRR!

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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      I love having my space but love to feel my hubby close to me as well--I can't imagine sleeping in separate beds

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      kelleyward 5 years ago

      Angela this is a well written sad but true hub. Thankfully I share a happy marriage with my loving husband but I know many people who don't. Voting this up and sharing.

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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Sueswan: You are correct it kind of upsets me that people just leave something as important as a marriage broken.

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      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Angela,

      I have never been married. I know people who are married in name only. One man I use to work with would always complain about his situation to anyone that would listen. At first the rest of us in the office felt sorry for him. Instead of doing something about the situation he continued to play the victim. He is still with his wife and nothing has changed. He tried to get his wife to go to couple's counselling but she refused. If that was me, my bags would be packed.

      Voted up and awesome

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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      DaughterofMaat: I am so glad you stopped to read this! I agree about the man that loved his wife. So much that I have started seeing him! :)

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      Melissa Flagg OSC 5 years ago from Rural Central Florida

      My ex-husbands parents slept in separate beds, and I honestly hav eno idea why. I figured it was because they didn't get along, and she didn't want to be around him. This was a sad read, but enlightening to say the least. My only problem sleeping in the same bed with my hubby is that he's wicked comfy and I always over sleep because of it! Voted up and shared, more people need to read this. That poor celibate man... how much he must love his wife to not cheat on her!

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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Thanks for sharing this Whydthathappen!

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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      writer20 & WhydThatHappen: Thank you for your comments.

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      Joyce Haragsim 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

      You've have a very good hub here that I enjoyed reading. In the 50's separate beds was the normal.

      Voted up and interestingly awesome.