- Gender and Relationships»
There are many reasons that couples may choose to sleep in separate beds. Often one is a light sleeper, snoring can be an issue or even choosing to fall asleep with the television on can cause your partner a sleepless night. Being an idealist I am I’m always hoping that there are simple reasons for the separate sleeping arrangements.
Although this can be a sign that the marriage is in trouble and a divorce is upcoming. However, some stay in the loveless relationship for year upon year. The couple stays together for less than loving reasons. Some couples are no longer intimate. The numbers of divorces that take place are sad and shocking but, staying together and living without love is just as horrifying.
I see husbands and wives that don’t celebrate one another’s birthdays or cry on each others shoulders. They have become bitter and unpleasant with one another. I am certain that Sexless marriages that are mutually agreed upon by both parties are in existence, but, I have not discovered a happy by both scenario yet.
Some marriages remain intact at least with the courts for financial reasons. The separate bed scenario began eight years ago for one man that gave me his story. He works countless hours holding down four professions in order to avoid his nagging wife. He had married a much older woman when he was very young. She already had children and told him she didn’t want more. He claims that she lost interest in sex nearly seven years ago. He has had numerous affairs but, she puts a kibosh on them when she catches on. Due to his hard work avoiding her he has acquired quite a large nest egg and in not interested in dividing it in half. I asked the man how much money her could spare and still be happy or if he was just hoping to out live her. However, who am I to judge, and by the way money is what some people perceive as happiness. All I can do is hope they both will find Love and happiness.
From this couple that never misses a beat in their parenting one would never guess of marital turbulence . The female moved out of the bedroom years ago to take up sleeping on the couch. Since then she also has engaged in countless affairs. She claims that her husband is a negative person and she has lost all attraction to him. She plans to remain married to him until their only child graduates from high school. I feel badly for him thinking that it must chastise his manhood to feel that his wife has no desire to have sex with him. However, I feel completely sickened that her husband demands obligatory sex from her once weekly. When her son has his degree she is uncertain what course she will take. He however, states that he fears her divorcing him.
A homosexual man spoke to me telling me that he stopped having sex with his wife nearly twenty years ago. It is understandable why he isn’t attracted to her or that the marriage ever took place. She turned to religion where she places a lot of judgment and blame onto him. He remains married to her because she is ill and wants her to be entitled to his health benefits. After all this time they are planning to live in separate homes and it is hopeful that this will allow both of them to move closer to love and happiness.
What looked to me to be a perfect life for a couple that entertained often is now in a shocking divorce. The man tells me that he and his wife had not had a sexual relationship for the past seven years and yet he had never cheated on her. He said they merely lived as roommates and although he didn’t like the idea of being celibate he made the best of it.
I also knew a girl in her twenty's that knowingly married a man that had a nearly non existent sex drive. It sounded as though in the relationship that existed a few years before the wedding that the sexual encounters could be counted on fingers. She complained about the issue that made her feel undesirable but went through with the wedding anyway.
Marriages can be turned around. sometimes all you have to do to receive is offer what you want to receive. Offer love, kindness, and acceptance to the person you vowed to God to love all your life and see if you receive it in return. Start dating them again. Make them dinner or take them out to dinner. Write a letter telling them all the things you appreciate about them. Often you will need the help of a good marriage councilor. If you loved someone once you are very likely to be able to fall back in love with them. But, before this happens you will have to vow again to make it your mission to have a loving relationship. Most importantly you will need to give up your stubbornness.
I'm a hopeless romantic, I still love the happy stories that provide me with hope that marriages can be a wonderful experiences where you can find Gods greatest gift, Love.