- Gender and Relationships
Seven Hard Things To Do When Your Dating
7 hard things to do when dating
Seven Hard Things To Do When Dating:
- Be honest with yourself.
- Admit when you’re doing something wrong.
- Work on yourself.
- Tell people what you expect and want.
- Have realistic expectations.
- Forget what everyone else says or thinks.
- Don’t give up yourself to get what you want.
- Be Honest With Yourself:
To elaborate we must be honest with ourselves. If you don’t have kids and aren’t sure you want any then don’t entertain the thought of being with someone who has multiple kids or who wants lots of kids. The sooner you cut it off, the less likely you will to become unfounded in resentment for your partner or unhappy that you settled. If you want to climb the corporate ladder and be a millionaire by 30 then how compatible will you be with a person who wants to just “get-by” in life. Eventually your friends, professional and social crowds, and your interest will not be the same as hers/his. Most likely the relationship will not work. Whatever you desire, ensure that you are on the same level to desire that person/lifestyle which is only fair and will do nothing but gain respect from your partner or significant other.
- Admit when you’re doing something wrong:
If all the people you have met at the club didn’t work out, then stop going to the club to find someone. The definition of insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results. If you are a person who wants a good time guy/girl, then rock on meeting people while partying, drinking, and doing whatever. If you are an educated professional looking for someone like minded then try networking associations, organizations, and after work mixers (activities that don’t start after 10pm). If you are a doctor and want someone who has a zest for life but is still a professional then try travel clubs or American medical association gala’s or black tie affairs. If you want someone with a banging body who looks good then hang around local modeling events and fashions shows. If you have a great relationship with God and want someone who is deeply spiritual then go to spiritual events where like-minded people will be gathered. Go to the places that are conducive to what you want.
If you keep doing the same things, unsuccessfully, then change it up! If every time you meet someone you practically force yourself on them and you notice people are avoiding you then give the next person some space. Wait for reciprocal activity. If they call you all the time then call them all the time; you have a developed and established rapport. However if they call every once in a blue moon, then you are clear to be unavailable as well and you can do the same. If every time you meet someone, you sleep with them after a date or two and then they suddenly mentioned they don’t want to be in a relationship; then quit doing that. Let time tell if their actions fit their words or the person they truly are.
If you keep dating crazy people and it doesn’t work then stop it. Recognize the habits, presentation, and tendencies- kindly avoid making the same mistakes.
If you’re always available for the other person and they don’t appreciate it then change things up and gage their reaction and response.
If you like to be in control of everything and notice the only one by your controlling self is you, then quit trying to man the wheel all the time. If you have your first date and you are talking about what wife you want and who’s going to move into who’s place…………suddenly there is never a second date; then quit doing that!
- Work on yourself:
This is a question for you to answer. Go to the mirror and ask yourself am I compatible with what I want? Look at yourself inside and out. What can you improve upon and are you the whole package that you seek?.........Do you compliment someone who is the whole package? If that requires you learning a trade, skill, or educating yourself then sign up for classes. If you need to work out and improve your wardrobe to carry yourself in a similar fashion to “your match” then do it.
If you want a loving and considerate person who cares for you, are you that type of person to someone else? If you want someone caring and/or faithful; Are you caring and faithful? Don’t ask for things in other people that you don’t personify yourself.
- Tell people what you want and what you expect in action and deed:
Understand that talk is cheap so do not repeat yourself again and again. If you meet somebody who doesn’t like to go out and you keep complaining while sitting on that person’s couch then your words are pointless. However, if that person continues to offer to hang out and you happen to be “unavailable” until he asks you out to dinner at 8pm at the new Thai place……………then you happen to be “available”- got me.
- Have realistic expectations:
Write down your expectation levels and make sure they are “realistic” and in line with what’s important to you. Don’t expect to look like a 2 and get a 10-----------------unrealistic don’t you think? If you make $5 an hour, your expectation level should not be with someone who makes $50 an hour. The money is not the biggest no/no…….but it’s the lifestyle and arena that will often NOT mix in a relationship.
- Forget what everyone else says and thinks:
This rule applies when you are truly happy, in love, in a functional relationship, and the other person in your life makes sense. If you have these elements then forget what Sally, Jim, the neighbor across the street and everyone else thinks. You are in a relationship with that man/woman, and if you are satisfied and happy then forget about everyone else’s standards and expectations. Rock on!
- Don’t give up yourself to get what you want:
There was a movie that I watched a long time ago. It was based on this woman who hit her 30’s and was celebrating with her friends and crying because she was alone. She met a doctor eventually who wanted a woman who would cater to him and not be career oriented. She started making him home cooked meals (her friend was actually cooking for her and disappearing before her date arrived) and rubbing his feet when he got off of work. She even rubbed his 6th toe, yes I did say 6th toe. She let her accounts at work suffer because she could not spend time with her clients like she used to so her boss mentioned giving away some of her prime accounts to other employees. The night she was going to tell him that she might not be as “available” to be with him was the same night he was going to surprise her with a proposal. He took back his proposal because he didn’t want someone who was going to do anything but to focus on him and adore him. So there she celebrates another birthday, crying and blowing out her cake candles with close friends. The lesson is don’t change yourself into something that you are not to try and get what you think you want. It’s a waste of your time and your partner’s time. It’s only going to end with you deceiving someone else and your interaction/relationship/marriage will be based on a lie. What’s the point? Who wants to win the race just for your footage to be reviewed by the judges which will end in a disqualification?