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Seven Reasons Why You Should Never Date a Divorced Man

Updated on April 3, 2015

The Obvious Fact Of Divorced Dating

When it comes to dating, we all know what a struggle it is to find that perfect partner. But at some point, you meet someone that you like. You have all the necessary equipments to take you through the dating stage. All the check boxes are ticked, except for one – he is a divorcee.

Most people who date a divorced man ALWAYS ignore the basic facts and think that just because you've “fallen in love” everything will be all sunshine and rainbows.

The truth is dating a divorced man is not a picnic. It may feel right and your emotions may all be in the right places but in the long run you will be disappointed, hurt and in some extreme cases, you will suffer from severe depression.

Countless studies by many researchers, relationship experts and other professionals have concluded that if you date a divorced man, you have less than 1% of maintaining a long term solid relationship. That means 99% of people who date divorced men never make it to the finish line and here’s why.

This paper signifies why it would be madness for you to venture into torn waters.
This paper signifies why it would be madness for you to venture into torn waters. | Source

His children decide how far your relationship goes.

The majority of divorced men are athers. That means, no matter how pretty, smart, intelligent and perfect you are, his children will always be first in his life, especially if they are under 18 years old. You will constantly battle to be the pride and centre of his universe.

When you are in the infant stages of dating, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but gradually this will become more and more apparent. When you first started dating, he was available at your fingertips, even on Monday morning for a date. But as you go down the line, suddenly Tiffany needs a new pair of shoes, so he has to go shopping with her, Johnny needs a ride to soccer practice, Jane got sick so have to take her to hospital etc. You will eventually have to struggle to even have a phone conversation with him.

Worse off, if you don’t get along with the kids, you will feel neglected, unloved, you will begin to slowly resent him for always putting his children first. Even if you do get along with the kids, the kids will always circle your relationship. That romantic getaway you planned, you will find yourself bringing the kids along. Suddenly the only time you spend together is when the kids are around.

When they are not around, he’s either busy with his work or something else takes precedence over you. Depending on the strength of your character, most women never survive the “kids always there” syndrome, especially if you have no children of your own. If you do have kids, chances are you’re doing the same too and your children are also more important to you than him.

There's no room for you in this picture. It's HER daddy and she's his and not yours.
There's no room for you in this picture. It's HER daddy and she's his and not yours. | Source

The Ex wife is a make or break hammer for your relationship

This is the main factor that will most likely break your relationship. Most divorced men are never truly rid of the ex wives. Remember, she shared her life with him. They most likely have joints assets and even after the divorce, they are still connected in some sort of realm. They share custody of children and so chances are they communicate regularly, whether the divorce ended bitterly or smoothly.

At first this may seem okay to you but gradually you will get frustrated with their constant communication, even after he tells you they are only discussing the children. You will become paranoid and every time she texts, emails or calls, your veins will pop out of your brain. There will be occasions where they have to attend together such as birthdays for the kids, communions (if they are catholic), children's events like soccer game, competitions, weddings and to some extent family holidays.

She may not be sharing a bed with him, but she still shares his life which means no matter how much you want it to just be two of you, it will always be three of you, regardless of whether she is in good or bad terms with him.

You will always have to deal with the ex wife at some point. After all, she still has influence over him and can disrupt your dating any time.
You will always have to deal with the ex wife at some point. After all, she still has influence over him and can disrupt your dating any time. | Source

His Friends are Piranhas and Coyotes ready to rip you apart

It is very likely that while your divorced man was married, he and his then wife had mutual friends. After their divorce, those mutual friends tend to choose one of the divorcees, which is most likely the wife.

So when your divorced partner introduces you to them, they will not welcome you in their circle. They will smile and say hello to you but that’s it. They will not friend you on Facebook, they won't follow you on Twitter or even bother to get to know you.

Every time your man tries to invite them for a coffee, the will find every excuse in the book not to come and if they do come, you will feel their coldness towards you. To them, you are a spare wheel, a distraction, an amusement toy for their friend.


You're not welcome in this circle. Your just someone they occasional pretend to ask your man about just so they make him feel like he's still one of them.
You're not welcome in this circle. Your just someone they occasional pretend to ask your man about just so they make him feel like he's still one of them. | Source

You will always be "The Other Woman"

The Other Woman – That is your name when you date a divorced man. You will always feel like an intruder in his family. Even if you met him after he divorced, in the eyes of everyone around you, you are the other woman. His kids will see you as proof that their parents will never reconcile. His friends will find it hard to associate you as his new partner. They will always call you “that girl he’s dating.”

Your friends will associate you with “that divorced man she’s dating.” You constantly have to prove that you’re not just another woman. You’re his woman and are here to stay. Sadly most people will label an expiry date for your relationship and sad to say they’re usually right.

You will most likely never become his bride.

Forget “I do” – If you are the kind of girl that someday wants to get married, then you won't achieve that by dating a divorced man. Unless he is a marriage-a-holic, most divorced men will never attempt to say “I do” ever again. This is because when they were married to their wife, they thought the world was their oyster.

When it ended, the devastating impact is so permanent that the belief of marriage flies out the window. Marriage is a joke to them and for them to attempt that again is like suicide. Unless you pressure him into saying “I do,” he will never propose to you willingly. Your level of relationship will end at just “girlfriend or partner.”

This is what your life will be. Always sad on one end and the highest title you'll ever achieve is "the girlfriend."
This is what your life will be. Always sad on one end and the highest title you'll ever achieve is "the girlfriend." | Source

Meet the Family

If you are fortunate enough to meet his family or he meets your family, then there is some hope to this relationship, but studies have shown that people in relationships with divorced men hardly ever meet his family, neither does he meet your family.This is mainly because both of you are terrified of the family reaction.

In your case as the one dating the man, chances are your parents will not be very thrilled that their potential son-in-law already has kids and has done the marriage thing. Most parents want a single in law with no baggage so they can be the original grandparents.

As for his parents, they will not be thrilled either that they have to share their grand parenthood with other people. It is also very rare that your families will get together, unless you’re both from the same neighborhood and both families are familiar with both of you.

The Race Factor

Dating someone who is a different race to you is always a challenge. It’s a bigger challenge if he is divorced. Though love may be the binding factor for the both you, other factors will forever separate you.

For instance, you’re likely to have different taste in food, different tastes in hobbies, different perspective of life. The people around you will most likely be uncomfortable around the both of you. Your family members will not make an effort to be around you. One of you will always be the underdog.

There’s also a greater chance that you won’t bond with his children. When you go out, the look in people’s faces when they see both of you will be intimidating. Some couples may put on a brave face and say “I don’t care what people think” but deep down you do. When you go to a restaurant, waiters treat you differently. When you go to the movies, the attendants treat you differently. That race barrier will always hang over people’s heads. It may not initially affect you, but in the long run it always does.


This smile will be short lived as uniting two families from different cultural backgrounds is harder than building a city!
This smile will be short lived as uniting two families from different cultural backgrounds is harder than building a city! | Source

Conclusion

My advice to you regarding dating a divorced man is... Don’t! Save yourself the heartache and misery that comes with it.

In the long run it’s not worth it, especially if your divorced man was married for a long time (20 years plus.) Forget the love factor. Love is an illusion and no amount of it will sustain a relationship that’s founded on broken ground.

For reasons why you shouldn't date a divorced woman, please go here.

Would you date a divorced man?

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Learn from other people's experiences with divorced dating

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    • snowchow profile image

      snowchow 4 weeks ago

      I think divorced men can date again. Everyone is equal, whether you're divorced or not. If anyone wants to look for a date and only lacks a chance, join us.

      luxurydatingapp.org

    • profile image

      glory 5 months ago

      i don't understand single dads...like if you know you will never put your girlfreind in the same level of priority as your kid then ...WHY TRYING TO BE IN Z RELZTIONSHIP?ugh! waist of time!

      a'm dating a single dad and a divorced one an dif he ain't gonna marry well,bye! all mine dating profil still up smh!

    • Augusta Vradica profile image

      Augusta Vradica 8 months ago

      Umm.. How should I put it.. Well I know this guy online who is from UK for quite a long time and we have been friends for 5 years almost until now we fell into special relationship that we call "love" for each other don't have any other intimate relationship and now when I asked to take forward our relationship to official I came across a dark truth that is he is "divorced" he never mentioned that fact when I asked why? He said he never thought that our friendship will someday turn into love. He came to India quite sometimes but we never met as because we both were busy with our life. And now I came to know the fact that he is divorced I asked him how long from that I came to know it didn't even last an year. He was married at 29 and is divorced for 2 years almost and doesn't have kids he said. And me here madly in love with this guy doesn't even care the fact that he is divorced. From my perspective keeping apart lovelife but as a human I thought he deserves a chance to start a fresh life forgetting about the past what has happened we can start on a new life like nothing happened. But when it comes to him he is kinda hurt for what his ex wife did like cheating on him for other man and still he is fighting his best to move on. But now when I ask to take forward he doesn't seem to want it he says he loves me a lot but he doesn't want to ruin my life as his involving me to his messed up life. He asks me to find another man who is fresh doesn't have a past like him who I can live my life happily but the more he says that I feel like he needs me more. I can understand that he doesn't want to screw my life but wants me happy but my heart doesn't want to get away like that it hurts me a lot to see him hurt. I don't know what should I do I am just in so much delimma that I don't understand should I follow my heart who is madly in love with him or my mind who says to console him and follow what he says. Me being an Indian I know our culture is different and he loves me a lot to care not to screw my life but I want him to have a fresh start with him and make him forget that something like this ever happened. Please help me I am trying my best to pretend everything is alright but its not seriously I am hurt like hell and seeing him hurt makes it more difficult. I know it's stupid to ask for online relationship like us but his words and his eyes tells the truth that he is hurt.

    • profile image

      Steve 9 months ago

      This article is the reason guys have to worry. Like others said, every divorced man has an equally divorced woman. 75% of the divorces are initiated by women. If the article mentioned "reasons to not date a divorced woman" it would be labeled sexist. I am a guy who married a divorced woman with kids, helped raise those kids from 4 and 6 to 25 and 27, and my wife walked out the door. Gastric bypass surgery and a wig turned my heavy wife into a skinny woman with long dark hair. She thinks it is the 1980's again. Meanwhile I am left with divorce fees, spousal support, and splitting of assets. Nice!! I look forward to the reasons of NOT marrying a divorced woman.....wait....probably will never happen. Totally fair

    • profile image

      Larissa123 18 months ago

      If you are a single childless woman you do not need to waste your energy dating a divorced dad. I feel sorry for many of these nice guys who get divorced because the wife cheated BUT feeling pitty isn't a good enough reason to subject myself to all that backage. Every time I dated a divorced guy I made 95% of the accommodations and compromises. More importantly divorced men just don't have the same wants as I do. Getting married again and having a child is not negotiatiable. Many divorced men are hesitant to do either. I've even had them lie about their intentions and if they were open to having another child. Many just want a live in girlfriend. I'm not going to settle for dealing with all their baggage and not getting what I want. So the next time a divorced dad tries to convince me I should give him a chance it's no way! It's not worth the risks to me.

    • profile image

      Ava 18 months ago

      I've been married to a divorced man with kids for years. Why it works? The kids don't come first, nor do they expect to. I didn't come first in my parents 35+ year marriage (till my mothers death). Stop this child centric nonsense if you expect to move on folks. Who will love and comfort you as you get old? Your kids?? Or will you have shown them the values of putting your spouse first and having a life and family of their own?

    • profile image

      Jillian 18 months ago

      You're generalizing a bit too much. It's not fair to judge everyone the same when people divorce for different reasons and it's not always in the same terms, amongst other factors of course, such as age (including the children's in case they have them), the time they've been divorced, values, costumes (sometimes depending on their nationality or just the way they were raised), even personality because we're not all the same so we all deal with things in our own way and even this depends a lot on many other things that define the situation. So as you can see, things can vary a lot.

      There's also another thing that caught my attention here... I see where you're coming from when you mention one would have to come to terms with the fact that the ex will always be around; I agree, this is especially true and it will never change especially if they have children together, but to those women out there who are dating a divorced man and are struggling in their relationship, ask yourself if it's because of your own insecurities and because you haven't accepted your partner along with his life, his reality, or if it's because he is not doing his part by giving you your place because despite having an ex-wife, it is possible to rebuild your life. If it's your own insecurities or not being able to fully accept his situation, work on it; if it's him not giving you your place, talk about it with him and reconsider things if necessary.

    • profile image

      Mae 19 months ago

      I am dating a man with a teenage daughter and a woman who he has not yet divorced. It is hard on me emotionally. I have thought about the fact that children are a priority in this situation and maybe always even if they are an adult. I don't think that it has to be this way. I think that a love/ mate is first because they are part of you in a way that children will never be because it is someone that you choose and you will be with for the rest of your life perhaps sharing every thing including your most sacred self. And guess what? The children are also first. But in a different way. It's just a different type of relationship. I want my bf and potential partner to be able to do both. Be a dad and a mate. To do that involves conscious love. Lots to be said around this issue. Now, because I need more of him and he and I can not live together right now I have to wait and hold off on getting what I want ultimately. This is the hard part for me. . . the waiting. And there is truth in the original post. It's not easy for me to have the mother of his child soooo involved and talking to him all the time. Time will tell.

    • profile image

      Cougars last stand 2 years ago

      Woman in America are gross. Me me me.

      No wonder so many men are opting out of the white whale wedding. Who wants a psychopathic wife thrashing you within inches of your life daily. Guys stay single and realize. This relationship stuff is what nightmares are made of. Yes even the ones that make it married for life are miserable. Sad but true.

      Your given one life. It's all about making good choices, and in the USA, your average woman is really only out for her self interest.

    • profile image

      Marcos 2 years ago

      Every woman that commented on this that avoided the divorcee and finally found love with that single guy. Statistically, you're the next divorcee. So when your fat n sassy with 2 kids and freshly divorced with no prospects.

      Don't forget that taste in your mouth. Yeah that irony.

    • profile image

      Dave 2 years ago

      Divorced dads got it made. They've been thru the minefields so to speak. It's not their first rodeo, and they know the "red flags" to watch for. Woman do not like this. They want it their way or the highway. Word to the wise. Run. Run as fast as you can. You can't catch me in the divorced man.

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 2 years ago from Tasmania

      If a woman wants a "real" man, one who is strong and protective, yet subjective, gentle and obedient; one who is "pure" with his intentions, yet willing to be sexually manipulated; one who is dominant yet willing to submit himself to a woman who has had her fling(s) through her earlier years and now wants to "settle down;" Well, excuse me but....... aren't you looking for such a confusing set of attributes that are all in your dreams, so unlikely, if impossible to find in reality?

      Many men I know, through doing Men's Group work, are really working on themselves and delving into their lives to find answers.... and they are becoming really fantastic individuals, able to communicate and "intimate" with their partners like never before.

      I suggest that when women are able and willing to do similar in-searching, with honesty and intelligence, then they will find a partner of distinction and cease to be afraid of men in their lives.

      Search your own depths first.

    • profile image

      Nivea 2 years ago

      Just about to throw in the towel after dating a divorced guy. I am not sure if the problem was with him as a person or the divorce and it's damage. I came to the conclusion he could never love me because I always felt like he was pushing me away or avoiding true intimacy with me. He was the second one I dated and while the first one did love me, I was his rebound I guess. I don't think I'd find many men in my age group that haven't been married, but I'm definitely gun shy about experiencing this again.

    • profile image

      DML 2 years ago

      I happen to see this while surfing the web and right on! I am not surprised to see all the divorced parents attacking and making excuses. I am 44 and never married and when I did online dating I was mostly contacted by divorced dads, though my profile stated childless men only. I like kids, I just do not want to deal with being a stepmother. I do not want to deal with things like drama or financial. Yes I would rather be single than deal with them. I would slightly disagree about the divorced guys though. While it is not my preference, I would consider a divorced man who had a brief marriage, no kids and no attachment to his ex.

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      divorced man is more experienced than single man, he is a player the real person who controls the marriage

    • profile image

      Punk'd 2 years ago

      I completely agree with this article. When I met my bf, he didn't have the balls to tell me he's divorced with a kid. He later said that information wasn't relevant. Once I fell for him he came out with the truth. Initially I thought let's give it a shot, how hard can it be, biggest mistake ever! He said he can prioritize and his ex wife or kid can't veto his current gf, but they didn't need to because he was himself at their beck n call. He planned for marriage and said he may be open to kids. He met his family and I met his and things seemed to be looking up. One year later, he told me he got into a second marriage just for convenience of some business deal and in our second year now he has yet to finalize that divorce. Now he did a 180 on his stance on marriage and kids, doesn't want either anymore. Even tho I love him, I have no respect left for his character and regardless of the good times out and great sex, I find myself resenting him each passing day.

    • profile image

      Jonathan 2 years ago

      Wow, baggage much? Sounds like the author fell in love with a divorced dad who was a POS, treated her like crap & had ZERO intentions of marrying her & now, because of that, she decided to be some type of advocate against divorced men. Your article definitely touches on several of the emotions that any woman would eventually experience while dating a divorced dad but for you to insinuate that every divorced guy is the way you've portrayed us to be is ridiculous & only makes you sound ignorant.

      Also, how about backing up your 1% success rate "statistic", pretty sure you got that from an issue of your "Damaged Goods" magazine b/c that's WAY off. You go on to say love is an illusion...once again, words of a damaged pessimist.

      If you don't open up your heart & take chances then you'll never know what could've been. Love is give & take...sure dating a divorced dad isn't easy by any means but believe me, if the guy loves you then he shares that pain with you. It's not easy for either party but love never is.

      I could continue with just how screwed up your article is but unfortunately it will do NO good b/c if any woman takes ANY advice from this article then what they have must not be real love anyways.

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 2 years ago from Tasmania

      "Why would it take 2 years to see a woman is selfish you can see in 5 minutes. If you are with her for 2 years you like being a victim and some one will might feel sorry for you! But because you are a man, you will be expected to pick yourself up by your own bootlaces and stop whinging about her."

      flymetothemoon, can you see how this paragraph, (which I have lifted from your post and slightly modified,) paints an equally biased picture against women and for men?

      Some of it I have written in the light of several years dealing with men in men's groups, where I have observed a man leaning over backwards trying to meet the needs/demands of the mother of his children. He gives in to inevitability very often. He tries to discuss, bargain, negotiate the path to a new beginning, hoping that his wife will drop or modify her outlandish claims and demands..... only to be spat upon, thrown into the gutter of divorce proceedings, and even cast out by both sets of grand parents. Even his own family point accusation at him. He is left high and dry, with few if any of the old friendships left that he would have enjoyed as a married man in a partnership. He is left alone, without a partner, without a friend, a wife, the mother of his kids, his self respect, his hopes, ..... everything that has meant the world to him. And behind the scenes, often it is friends of the woman who are backing her up and goading her into battle.

      It is NOT always the fault of the man, flymetothemoon. Yet how rarely can the woman do some down-to-earth, honest self-appraisal and re-meet with the man on a level playing field? How often it it likely that she will give consideration to the possibility SHE is some how at fault, and that, given the right attitude, she might help to rectify the situation and start again? Sometimes, yes..... but rarely I suggest.

    • profile image

      flymetothemoon 2 years ago

      I cant believe what Im reading............. For all the people saying that divorce made them selfish & mean Divorce didnt make them selfish & mean their divorced because they were selfish & mean to begin with! If a divorced man is being selfsh mean & not committing to you it isnt because he's divorced its because he was always an A-hole! Thats why he's divorced to begin with! If a divorced man is jumping every time hs ex wife calls its an act its called over compensating (meaning he just wants to hurt your feelings), if he jumped for his wife when they were married he would'nt be divorced to begin with! When you leave him he will go back to abusing his wife & anyone dumb enough to let him abuse them! ll f a sudden he wont be jumping for her any more! All of this is just common sense! And, this goes both ways for men & woman selfish mean people shouldnt get married & have kids end of story! Single dads belong with single moms! If a guy/woman with kids is dating a woman/man with no children thats a red flag he/she belongs with a single mother/father! Why would it take 2 years to see a man is selfish you can see in 5 minutes if your with him for 2 years you like being a victim but no one will ever feel sorry for you!

      ..

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 2 years ago from Tasmania

      How anyone could think that all divorced men fit into one mold; or that all men might be untrustworthy; or that all women can be trusted; or that it's always the fault of the guy that a marriage breaks up..... generalisations are just that and they ignore individual circumstances. Not a fair and honest discussion, in my view.

    • NonCopyBook profile image

      Nicholas Daly 2 years ago from NSW Australia

      Brutal! Haha.. It is seven reasons rather than something prescribed in each case, so some things to think about, and as others have observed there's likely to be reasons to date divorced men (there are countless bad men who have never been divorced too).

    • profile image

      2 years ago

      Great article...hit it on the nose.

    • profile image

      SimplyFancy 2 years ago

      I thought I was alone in my desperate attempt at saving women from this nonsense. I could have mistaken this well-written, hubpages masterpiece, as a glimpse into my personal diary. It's true ladies. It's all true!!! If I could go back 6 years, I would have left it as a high quality booty call with a few extra benefits. THATS IT! Even the simple things I used to enjoy are gone. I'd rather be alone and 20 pounds heavier!

    • profile image

      Larissa 2 years ago

      I think divorced men are great for divorced women who have kids but as a 33 year old woman never married and never had kids it is not right for me. First of all they are demanding and 2nd of all if their ex did them wrong especially they are less likely to commit to marriage and have a child with you. That's selfish to ask me to deal with all the baggage and not make one sacrifice for me! I would rather date a guy who had a kid out of wedlock because they are more willing to want marriage with me and other kids becuase they never experienced it. And another thing is yes your kids come first but you don't have to rub it in our faces and treat us like dirt. You can find a balance to make everyone happy but many are too lazy to try.

    • profile image

      Larissa 2 years ago

      I've never been married or had kids and I'm 33. A lot of divorced dads want to date me. I was willing to deal with their baggage but many of them don't want another child or marriage. They just want a hot girlfriend who help stake care. Of their kids and. Has sex with them. I'm sorry but dealing with their baggage is bad enough...and then I don't see to get anything I want....I'm supposed to make all these sacrifices for them and their kids but they don't want to make any for me. Many were dishonest about not wanting another child. I have a house, career and I work out to stay in shape. I don't deserve to be treated like this and I'm done giving them a chance. I'd rather date guys that had 1 kid out of wedlock at least they want to get married and many welcome the chance to have a child to raise as a family.

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      It is always the man fault 2 years ago

      This article is full of crap. It screams as if it is always the man fault. I am divorced man and my experience was nothing but a nightmare. My Ex cheated on me and accused my of domestic violence to get alimony. During the entire process I was fighting to keep my good name but the police, the court and everyone was involved was taking her side. I was unfairly treated and almost lost everything. And now I am labeled a divorced man who is looked down by other. It is getting harder and harder to start another relationship and have a life again because of people like the author of this article, not to mention the lack ability to trust someone else ever again.

    • profile image

      laterz 2 years ago

      I agree with this article and only wish I would of listened to my mother when she told me a divorced man wasn't for me. I fell in love and hated that my mother wasn't happy for me meeting someone who wasn't a drug addict for once and someone who I don't have to support and help me out instead. Well here I am a year later after being engaged and he burly got rid of his ex wife's wedding gown a month ago. He holds on to too many pictures and jumps the minute she says so yet when I say something about it he rite away tells me I don't compare to his child. His child is the most unruly child. Getting in trouble in school daily for threatening teachers and kids and he doesn't discipline at all. I do everything for this lil retard who doesn't know what hygienie is. I wash his uniform for school because the ex sends him to school dirty and kids bully him. He is unwanted at school and I can't set any rules at home. He eats off the couch all day with pancake syrup dripping all over the couch in the mornings and I'm not allowed to say anything. I really hate my life for I moved out and left a good job to be with him but now I'm far away from a decent job and he doesn't care to move out the old house with old memories because it's for his kid. He doesn't care to acknowledge my dreams for our future so at this point I'm either hanging my self in the tree out side soon or something of that sort

    • profile image

      Dawn 2 years ago

      I absolutely agree with this article. I am one of those who ended up with severe depression and so emotionally damaged cannot ever imagine being in another relationship. This was 5 years ago after an 8 year relationship with a single father with 2 teenage daughters. I only wish I had read such wise advice prior to immersing myself into such a horrible mess. And no, you first wives commenting in this forum, children need to be looked after & cherished, however they should not be number one in any marriage whether it be first, second or beyond. Put the relationship first & everything might fall into place.

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      Struggling with him now 2 years ago

      Everything you said is completely true. At first, you will trick yourself into thinking you can handle all the "baggage." These men are so messed up from the divorce, even if they are the one's who wanted it, that they can't possibly ever give a single childless woman a full time commitment. I am an educated woman and tried to make it work in so many different ways, but in the end, you will always want to feel special and will never be his #1.

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 2 years ago from Canada

      Aneegma, you make some good points. I am married to a divorced man, and we have had to work through A LOT of struggles to get to a better place. You paint a pretty true picture of what it is like, and I think women need to be aware of what they are getting into. I think it can work for some of us, but it does take a lot of work. And the factors you mention can also make the relationship very shaky, too. Take care.

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      Chris H. 2 years ago

      Isn't this true of women, also? Probably even more so because the majority of the time the kids reside with the mom.

      It sounds like your position is based upon being single, available and unwed - and in a relationship with a divorced dad. Isn't that your choice? You may have not known these facts when you hooked up, but most people who are committed to raising a family understand the dynamics involved.

      Maybe your post should qualify your circumstances a little better.

      Fwiw, I married a woman who fit the male description perfectly. As a single eligible man in my early 30's I let love get in the way of a lack of experience and good judgment. My marriage lasted 6 mos. My relationship with the woman continues to this day due to our child.

      The first step in avoiding a trap is to know of its existence.

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      Divorced woman dating a divorced man 3 years ago

      This is the biggest piece of dribble I've read in a while.

      If you can't handle being second to someone's kids; you're the one with issues- not them. Get over yourself.

      And guess what, many men marry for a second time and it doesn't make them "marriage-a-holics. You're delusional and whiny.

      I sincerely hope people don't take this article too seriously. They'll miss out on great men if they do.

      I'm the happiest I've ever been with someone right now, and he's a divorced man.

      Divorced men are not damaged goods.

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      Paigethompson76@yahoo.com 3 years ago

      I have been happily married to a divorced man with a 10 year old daughter for a year now :) we have been together for a long time! We have a 2 year old and another on the way!

      I can see where some one want to bi pass a person with kids, because yes there is tons of baggage and you often have to be the better person in situations when it comes to the ex wife! But for us it has worked even before the kids we had together! His daughter goes in phases of hatred towards me but ultimately I know she loves me and she knows I will always love her as my own.

      We met each others families right away, and I even go to his families baby showers and bridal showers and anything I am invited too! My family and his family actually like each other very very much!! And I can count on his mom and his sister for anything!

      You sound a little bitter to me because everything isn't that horrible not if you have a good man, a lot of the time people in the divorced mans life will like you if they see you are making him happy. Maybe not the mutual friends between him and his ex wife but hey the same would go if he had an ex girlfriend so deal with it if you care, everyone has baggage some is just different then others and some "baggage" like and ex wife and kids you will have to see and deal with all the time! I will say being in this situation is definitely not for everyone but when you love some one enough and they love you and trust you back just the same you can get through anything together!

      Also kids coming first is life lol people who are married with there own kids together only end up putting there kids first over there spouse it's life! Kids need the attention and maybe you should just change your thinking to "what a great dad he is" because really that's how I feel about my husband and my stepdaughter and our kids always come first in my life too... My step daughter came first over her dad before she even became my step daughter officially! Which is part of the reason my husband fell in love with me! Well anyway I hope you find some one! But remember even if they have never been married before they are going to have some kind of past you may have to get through marriage and relationships all take work but are ultimately worth it!

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      Alan 3 years ago from Tasmania

      As a man who has never married, I have however been attending various men's groups over the past 25 years and listened to many tales of woe.

      My conclusion is that many men in "difficult" relationships are doing their utmost to resolve the situation. Often I see men working hard to delve into their innermost motivations, trying to adjust their own way of thinking and seeing things. They bend over backwards to try saving the marriage. They want to do the right thing for their kids, first and foremost. They want to keep the family together..... yet they are the one to get trodden on and pushed out into the cold world of loneliness. The guy is so often the partner that gets landed with alimony for many years until the kids are old enough to fend for themselves.

      Conversely, I have heard stories of the wife not being able to reach into HER self in order to sort her own baggage out. She simply refuses to ever visit the idea that her own expectations, her own attitude, might need at least a slight revision.

      So, I can see where Raine Law Yuen is coming from. Equal rights, equal responsibility I suggest.

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      Onesizefitsallmaybe 3 years ago

      I don't have history of divorces, but I had a few ex-boyfriends who were married previously. I did date both single and divorced men. I preferred the divorced men. They knew how to treat me well, but the time they were upset. When I shown similar behavior to their ex-wife, they turned into a different men for a few minutes. When they got over with their bad delusional state, they were apologetic.

      Overall, divorced men aren't the same. They are those men who learned from their mistakes, or do the same mistakes and expect different result. Meaning, you change your attitude and be sensible for your significant the other.

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      Raine Law Yuen 3 years ago from Cape Town

      Gosh this must be one of the longest responses to a hub page article. You have a way of saying things that people feel deep within but don't always know how to voice. It goes to show how many of us have 'gone there bought the t shirt' I think people don't change - They change relationships hoping to change their circumstances but fail to realize that they are running away from themselves and need to heal what is broken first before repeating the same cycle.

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      Robert 3 years ago

      Why dose the man has to be bashed and trashed all the time, don't let him up keep kicking him while he's down. So untrue of what half if you have to say.

      I have been through one of the most ugliest Deceitful divorces, and one fine day totally out of the blue I meet this wonderful beautiful woman on my own no date services no online thing next thing you know what dating. Now she's totally my significant other an Angel I call her second to none. My children love her and she loves them there is no one first there's no one second we all love each other the same. You want to call her the other woman that's fine by me because she's everything my first wife wasn't,a mother a wife a lover a friend. She's beautiful and talented, intelligent and elegant oh yeah did I say beautiful/goddess gorgeous..

      So for those who want to not give the man a second chance just always remember love is lovelier the second time around...

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      FoTo50 3 years ago

      Classifying patterns in life and interpreting them for own suiting is maybe on first sight narrow minded but looking closer only human. Who wants to throw the first stone?

      Beeing one of those "divorced men" myself, I see things maybe little different.

      Wether it was a "friendly" divorce (like in my case) or not, I do not think any man or woman gained for this originally. Things happen in life ... and so different are the results ... and so different is to see how future would work (or not).

      For my part I don't want to think this was the end and I'm looking ahead. Love is NOT just an illusion!!!

      And never try to "number" priority between love and kids, this simply doesn't match. You also would never compare apples with pears.

      My ex? I would not have married her if I would not think, this is it. Whatever things may happen, it not always works how u think. But this does not mean, that the feelings never have existed. Of course, due to kids, I always will need to get in touch with her once in a while.

      I not want to get pushed into the corner of a "no go" without any fault. Men can be nice, they can be assholes. But same counts for women. It is good we all are individuals and we should be judged that way.

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      bringthenoise 3 years ago

      I guess I have a different perspective than many of you. I dated divorced men. When my daughter and niece were quite young, we became like family with this one "divorcee's" kids. Things didn't work out with me and their dad, the "divorced" guy. So I made friends with their mom and she turned out to be pretty cool, and we still get together sometimes! We even spent a week together with all of our kids in one of her dad's condos at the beach. I mean, people are people. You can't judge by what happened with 2 guys out of billions of people, what will happen with every guy. That's just not fair. I mean, I would date a divorced guy again. I'm much older, all of our kids are practically grown now, so who cares? lol If you get lemons with one or two divorced guys, make some lemonade and get the heck over it. Life is entirely too short. And don't forget, it's entirely up to you if you allow yourself to be used by a user type. No one held a gun to your head forcing you to spend a single minute with a person who obviously used you. When you see that's what you're dealing with, END IT and move forward. Don't linger in a relationship with a bad person, whether they're a divorcee or not, that's unwise.

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      angela 3 years ago

      Kuddos to those who have found divorced men with and without kids who can make the new love an equal part of his life without sacrificing his children.

      I never again date a divorced man with or without kids because i was on the bad end of the stick twice.

      I put up with the father trying to date and hide me from kids and ex, i put up with him saying he doesn't have anytime to spend with me but yet he had time for sex at my place when the child was at school, i put up with him saying he doesn't want to upset the ex, i put up with him saying he never had any money to take me out while i paid for everything and i was a dumb ass to help pay for things his kid needed and i put up with broken promises and the ex spending nights at his place because by the time him and the ex handled the situation it was to late for her to go home and lastly race played a big part with the white divorced male he said he didn't want the bad influences of black women around his kids but yet i was good enough to sleep with, help take of his kid and get money from while i was supposed to ignore my own child. The black divorced dad i had the same issues as i had with the white one except race.

      Both relationships lasted a year and a half i chalk it up to a lesson learned but i would never date a divorced man with or without kids.

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      Annie37 3 years ago

      I have been in a 5 year relationship with a man with a teenage daughter that has lived with him full time since three months after we got together. by then, I was hooked and 'in love' and I naively thought I could handle the challenge of 1) his ex and her family meddling and 2) the fact he had to care for his teen daughter full time (age 14 now 19). I have to say I don't regret the relationship because it's been very maturing for ME - I think it's the first mature relationship ive really been in. What someone said before about guys after age 35 without kids or responsibilities the 'peter pans' out there is totally true - there is a reason a lot of them are still single. In my 'quest' for love, I've dated these guys before this relationship, and a lot of them had 'baggage' in their own way: bad irresponsible money handling; porn addictions; way too many expensive hobbies; a lot of single 35plus guys out there im sure are more selfish than any involved dad on this post.

      I related with a lot of the comments, especially the women who've been there. The post I read about the man's teen daughter sitting next to him on the couch, snuggling under the blanket while she sits on a separate couch by herself - YES - that happened to me too! And he would say 'i was being selfish' etc so it's nice to read that my feelings of being last place, rejected, not important are shared by others.

      It's very isolating and sad to date a married man, in my experience and at this point I think I regret the WASTED TIME above anything else (with him age 31-36). I could have left earlier on after so many red flags reared their ugly head, but I was 'in love' and had 'hope' that things would get better as his kid grew up.

      Well, I was WRONG and I'm fed up and ready to move on. She 1) refuses to finish highschool and 2) refuses to get a part time job, 3) refuses to get her driver's licenses (why would anyone if 'daddy' was a permanent chauffeur), she 4) refuses to do chores, not even her own laundry...

      so MY POINT IS I think it's ok to date a guy with a serious ex and kid(s) but how successful it will be for all involved truly DEPENDS ON THE KIDS - he obviously raised a spoiled, lazy, self entitled brat who I think likes the fact I'm the outsider looking in and that her daddy buckles for her every need (because she refuses to grow up).

      I think our love and history could have made it work if it weren't for the character and personality of his daughter and what he allows his 'princess' to get away with. She likes me on the outside looking in an I realize I've been a fool waiting for her to grow up, having blind foolish faith.

      I just want to say THANKS to the other single, successful, professional, independent, 35plus women on this site who shared their horror stories of being neglected and used basically.... it gives me hope too that if I leave now, I may just still have enough time to start all over and meet someone new - probably without kids.

      If the guy did have kids, I wouldn't date him if he spoiled them (out of daddy guilt no doubt) and allowed them to be so self entitled. If the guy made me an equal priority and had ENOUGH LOVE AND RESOURCES TO SHARE WITH HIS KIDS AND ME I would date him.

      I think it's the divorced dads that can be the most selfish, because they think their needs and life are more important than my life and my hopes and dreams.

      I still believe I'll fall in love and build a life with someone new. I just won't ignore FLAMING RED FLAGS next time, and I'll just get out if the guy and his kids are really selfish where I'm just seen as an outsider with extra money and resources and my own place, and hey 'what can she do for us' -- trust me, I did LOTS (helped pay bills, bought groceries, gave the kid and her friends rides all over town). I really really tried to be 'her friend' and get along and fit in. but like someone said, it's like the 'squeeze you into their already cluttered life' -- and it does hurt to never be a major priority. and it does feel like I'm cheating myself out of a 'normal life' with the stages HE GOT TO ENJOY WITH THE BABY MAMA in their beginning - a period we never got to have, and yes, I feel cheated and let down.

      I THINK IT TRULY DEPENDS ON THE GUY AND THEIR KIDS

      Thanks for your help :)

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      Divorced woman speaking 3 years ago

      Wow I do have to say this article is pretty far fetched and every woman on here that is trying to " warn" other women about dating divorced men need to just shut up. Just because you had a horrible experience doesn't mean they will. I married my high school sweetheart and we had a child together and then two years later divorced. It was really hard. We both knew we just weren't right for each other and had been hurt by the other in one way or another so we called it quits. I think the hardest parts were having to explain to family, friends, and our child what was happening and for ourselves to learn how to cope with our " new" lives as single parents. I personally struggled with feelings of not being good enough for someone to love me again especially considering the " baggage" I would be bringing into the new relationship. It was scary and I know both my ex husband and I worried about our new partners and how they would feel about a child being in th picture and an ex that we would always be in touch with. This article makes it seem like divorced people don't consider others feelings which isn't true at all. As far as our child, yes she will always come first because she is a CHILD duh. Wouldn't you want your child or children to come first if you had some!!? That's a selfish thing to complain about. I do understand people not wanting to date divorced people or people with children already and there is nothing wrong with that so no one needs to bash them. I'm proud of the fact that they can even acknowledge that they can't handle that kind of relationship and it's better for them to know that in the end so they don't hurt someone or themselves by trying it out. Last, all the people that said never date a divorced man need to just stop. My ex and I keep in touch sure because of our child who lives with me 90% of the time but other than that we don't bother each other and I would never try to disrupt his relationship because I don't want him to do that to mine! we have respect for one another. I am very happy for him that he met someone and he's happy for me and my new husband that I also have a child with. We actually have our phones set up so that anytime him and I text it gets sent in a group text that goes to both his girlfriend and my husband. We all like it that way because everyone feels more at eases and it helps keep everyone on the same page. I know not every divorce relationship is as smooth as mine, but you can't knock everyone just because you had a bad experience. His girlfriend and I do talk too when we all get together for birthday parties and I think she is very sweet and I actually had a private talk with her about just making sure she speaks up if she ever feels uncomfortable with anything and also for me to make sure she will be a good role model when she's around my daughter. I like that we can communicate it makes it easier for everyone.

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      Divorced woman speaking 3 years ago

      Wow I do have to say this article is pretty far fetched and every woman on here that is trying to " warn" other women about dating divorced men need to just shut up. Just because you had a horrible experience doesn't mean they will. I married my high school sweetheart and we had a child together and then two years later divorced. It was really hard. We both knew we just weren't right for each other and had been hurt by the other in one way or another so we called it quits. I think the hardest parts were having to explain to family, friends, and our child what was happening and for ourselves to learn how to cope with our " new" lives as single parents. I personally struggled with feelings of not being good enough for someone to love me again especially considering the " baggage" I would be bringing into the new relationship. It was scary and I know both my ex husband and I worried about our new partners and how they would feel about a child being in th picture and an ex that we would always be in touch with. This article makes it seem like divorced people don't consider others feelings which isn't true at all. As far as our child, yes she will always come first because she is a CHILD duh. Wouldn't you want your child or children to come first if you had some!!? That's a selfish thing to complain about. I do understand people not wanting to date divorced people or people with children already and there is nothing wrong with that so no one needs to bash them. I'm proud of the fact that they can even acknowledge that they can't handle that kind of relationship and it's better for them to know that in the end so they don't hurt someone or themselves by trying it out. Last, all the people that said never date a divorced man need to just stop. My ex and I keep in touch sure because of our child who lives with me 90% of the time but other than that we don't bother each other and I would never try to disrupt his relationship because I don't want him to do that to mine! we have respect for one another. I am very happy for him that he met someone and he's happy for me and my new husband that I also have a child with. We actually have our phones set up so that anytime him and I text it gets sent in a group text that goes to both his girlfriend and my husband. We all like it that way because everyone feels more at eases and it helps keep everyone on the same page. I know not every divorce relationship is as smooth as mine, but you can't knock everyone just because you had a bad experience. His girlfriend and I do talk too when we all get together for birthday parties and I think she is very sweet and I actually had a private talk with her about just making sure she speaks up if she ever feels uncomfortable with anything and also for me to make sure she will be a good role model when she's around my daughter. I like that we can communicate it makes it easier for everyone.

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      brian 3 years ago

      As a divorced man, this is complete drivel

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      N8 3 years ago

      Blanket statements. Dangerous and poor form for a writer. Maybe give yourself a disclaimer, but even then you're setting yourself up by generalizing. Especially considering you barely look like you're halfway through your 20's. It's one thing to be edgy. It's another not to think things through. Writers write what they know. I see this is an old article. I hope you've evolved.

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      Disillusioned 3 years ago from Kerala, India

      Very good analysis.

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      Divorced Mom 3 years ago

      Its RARE that a never-married, no-kids status female is truly a good "fit" & compliment for a divorced man with kids. If the woman is over 35, despite no kids & never married, and wants a good mate, she will have to open her mind & broaden her horizons to consider dating divorced men. At leadt half the time, individual dependent, a divorced man has a good consideration of a rightful "commitment", treating a woman well and living with a woman, depending on the condition of his past marriage and his position in it. Typically, a younger never married female with no kids is better off to date men of same status. Although, there are couples that are the special exception to that. A divorced man dating a divorced woman, both with kids, can understand eachothers position & prior obligations, and have a well matched understanding for one another. The best approach is to be each other's best friend, top cheerleader and to mutually agree that the full spectrum health & best interests of the children of both parties, is equally important, and to support one another in raising the kids. It can be a sweet relationship. I know, because I am in one like that. When you love someone, you will also love & favor their children. It is possible to have a happy & positive, or at least a tolerable relationship with his kids, depending on how they have been raised, & their personalities. You will have a special compassion for children, like his & yours, from divorced homes, which helps in cohesion of the new couple & all the kids. Also, its possible for a divorced man or woman to put a new spouse in first place at a remarriage - no one should expect it in dating, or before marriage vows. Children will grow up and leave home. While kids are little & still at home, both parties of the couple, should make all the children priority, positively invest in all the kids (appropriately for your role as parent or Dads girlfriend or Moms boyfriend) and support one another in that endeavor. This article is wholly negative and lacks a regard for individual & couple differences, and also a mention of "who" is a good match for a divorced man. Everyone needs a secure love relationship with hope of a solid positive future .... even the divorced men & women out there.

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      The generalist 3 years ago

      To match the generalization of this article I am writing one here about single men 30+.

      Never date a single man 30+ with no kids.

      They all have commitment issues.

      They are all just shopping around for the next best thing and will never be satisfied.

      They are using woman for one thing and will move on when bored.

      Ask your self why has no woman wanted to marry or have kids with this guy yet?

      One dating someone of a different race, the author must live in the back waters of the south. Who cares what others think, I say screw all racist bigots. This includes family on both sides.

      "You may have different tastes in food" bahaha. So same race couples don't have different tastes? Sure I'm white and all my white girl dates love boiled potatoes.

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      Author

      Merida Craze 3 years ago

      Cheers Nell I'm glad you see the light at the end of the tunnel too! Thank you!

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      Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

      To be honest I have always been a bit wary of going out with a divorced guy, and you have totally got it right here, there are so many factors involved, I always think the main one is that if he is divorced, why? what's wrong with him? lol! great advice aneegma, nell

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      Alan 3 years ago from Tasmania

      Michael, I feel for you and agree that it's not always the guy who is at fault.

      Have the courage to move forward in life, full knowing that you are worthy man, that you have lots of love and integrity to offer.... and that doors will now open to you that could not have happened otherwise.

      Wishing you a fair wind and clear horizons.

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      Michael den Dulk 3 years ago

      Talking from a man's point of view. My wife suddenly asked me for a divorce last week. We have been together for 7 years and married for nearly 2. I was completely blindsided, have always done all I could to give my wife the world, but I am away abroad for my job quite frequently and during one of these periods she has met another who has talked her into divorcing me.

      We were talking about having children and it seems this 'snake' has convinced her it would be better not to go down that route with somebody who is away so often, even though I have said if we had children, I would do everything in my power to find a new job and be there for them. I have never left my wife wanting for anything and she acknowledges that, even saying she still has feelings for me, but not as much as for this other man.

      The article makes it sound men like me are a hopeless cases and not deserving of a second chance and I just can't agree to that. Not all men are the bad eggs in a relationship.

      Luckily we didn't have children yet, so that is not a concern, but if I meet another woman down the line I have feelings for, she WILL meet my family and I WILL happily meet hers. My soon-to-be-ex has made her choice and I won't let her haunt me the rest of my life. She can get on with hers, I'll get on with mine. Just have to get the divorce pushed through now.

      I'm only 33 and I certainly hope I won't end up by myself for the rest of my life because a woman I married suddenly decided the grass is greener on the other side of the road...

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      Kathleen Cochran 3 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      My son is a divorced man, and some woman out there will be a lucky lady to end up with him. Sometimes the divorce is not the man's fault. And fatherhood by a man who doesn't just walk away from his kids is an admirable trait in a man. This hub represents the kind of generalization that is unfair to people who have done nothing worse than end up unlucky in love once.

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      Shyron E Shenko 3 years ago from Texas

      My husband was a divorced man and when we met I met his ex-wife and she was a good person and we became friends. I love his kids and believe they love me and mine love him and consider him their father, but I can’t say that you are wrong on this, I believe that we were meant to be together.

      Blessings!

      Shyron

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      Alan 3 years ago from Tasmania

      As a never-married, never-partnered person, may I offer one thought which might help: the more women and men that, individually, look into themselves for the answers to their likes and dislikes, the more they will be able to treat the "other person" fairly.

      That old saying, "do unto others....." rings true for me.

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      SandyCastle 3 years ago

      Some women make bad step-mothers and see the kids as competition. The kids suffer enough from divorce they don't need a new step-mom looking at them resentfully. It is difficult I think for a woman to step into that role unless she is super self-confident and can treat the children with kindness and not see them as a threat.

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      Pete 3 years ago

      I stumbled on this article while doing some relationship related research, and I will admit that I took offense as a divorced man with kids. I was with my ex for nine years, married for seven, before I found out she had been cheating on me, and had no intentions of stopping. I have been divorced for almost two years now, but have only tried a relationship once, that did not work out. But having said that, I did include my girlfriend in family activities with my kids. Yes, my ex and I talk (mostly text) because we have kids together and she lives out of town now. So if I want to call or Skype with my kids, I have to contact her first. Not to mention all those parental decisions like doctors, school, visitation plans, birthdays, etc.

      I have never told a potential date "my kids come first", instead I tell them that I am part of a package deal that includes young children that I have for a weekend once a month.

      Yes, we sometimes come with children, always some some degree of baggage, and sometimes a lot of experience in pain and mistrust. But we can also come with a lot of experience on what it takes to make a relationship work, the ups and the downs and everything in between. And we are willing to put in the work to do it all over again with the right person, if they are willing to give us a chance.

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      Brian 3 years ago

      After you or someone close to you goes through a divorce I would venture to guess that your tune will change. Divorced people do have more baggage then your typical single happy go lucky 20 something but then again we all accumulate more baggage as we age. It is called wisdom. I would have to ask as a fellow blogger where in the world did you get the scientific data that states "1% of maintaining a long term solid relationship." If you are going to quote a study at least put a reference to it because some unlucky soul will read what you read and actually believe it.

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      Don't date me... 3 years ago

      I'm one of the divorced guys that this is talking about. I just happened by on this site while researching if re-marriage is right for the Christian father. This logic would apply to all male or females with children- think about it. It also applies to any person that broke up from a serious relationship. Really? please people use your head- this is elitism/ a false expectation of perfection. Yah sure, keep looking for that guy :)

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      32divorced 3 years ago

      I'm about to be a divorced man. My wife cheated on me with three other men in a span of nine months. I still feel like I was a good husband, not perfect. I also feel I could be a good husband again. So, yes, you could see why reading something like this is offensive.

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      danbern76 3 years ago

      As a divorced man with children, I agree with only two things you wrote. My kids will always be number one, they never did anything to deserve otherwise. Secondly yes I am in constant communication with my ex wife, not by choice but necessity due to the fact that we have kids together. However I date a wonderful woman who I make every effort to make sure that she knows how important of a role she plays in my life. I also set aside time away from the kids to spend with her. To give reasons not to date a divorced man is a close minded point of view bordering on bigotry. Stereotypes do not apply to every member of a group.

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      Tish 3 years ago

      ****I posted this on your other thread, but felt it was better suited here.***

      ________________________________

      Wow. Generalization much?

      While I have a counter-argument for every one of your "deal breakers", what I can say that as a DIVORCED MOM, I would NEVER date a man who's NOT been married nor had children.

      Why?

      Despite the "princess fantasy" of "first-timeness" (which to me reads extremely immature and has nary a damn thing to do with love or intimacy), there are indeed women who appreciate the maturity, and ability to be with a partner who's at least had to consider something or someone other than his XBox 360, C-500 Benz, or Golden Retriever.

      Now, while I can concede that for SOME women (primary young, or never married), dating a divorced man can be "challenging", I think it's a bit over the top to assume that dating a once- married man is an instant deal-breaker for a lady's romantic future.

      So, for those ladies who think dating married men is a no-no: Stop dating them! Please.

      Go chase after the paucity of never-married 35+ year old men without kids, who've never gave a damn about anyone other then themselves.

      BTW, I can give you about 70 reasons why I'd advice women to be leery dating a man over 35 who's never been married or had kids...

      You're basically dating "Peter Pan"

      ...who's usually emotionally unavailable

      ...who's probably paid for a shit-load of abortions (don't get it twisted ladies, just because he has no kids, doesn't mean he hasn't made any)

      AND...

      ..who will most likely NEVER COMMIT TO YOU.

      Many ladies I know (myself included) who dated a divorced man got...A MAN. Not a little boy masquerading as one.

      Now, are there some once-married men who are a hot mess? Oh hell yes! These are the ones who are usually quick to jump into a new marriage, and play "Jedi-mind-games." The truth, he never should have been married in the first place. But those men, are the minority.

      I am not trying to hijack your hub, and I apologize if my tone is curt. Yet, I do believe that if I were a divorced dad reading this, I'd basically hang up my hat and assume that I'm damaged goods and go live in a bunker.

      Peace and blessings

      Tish Comment...

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      kelly 3 years ago

      i dated a divorced man i could see why she left him lucky for me i cancelled our wedding and left him like her hes was crazy abusive nasty mentally deranged best thing i ever did ive never been happier

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      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

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      rob 3 years ago

      Never date a divorced mom or single mother. They will always make you out to be like their ex. And unlike men's ex women there child's father is jealous and will make or attempt physical threats. Most of the time their children live with them unlike divorced men, so you NEVER have time with them. All she will do is bitch about her ex and child support. Dating a divorced man 1000 times more simple than a divorced women or single mother.

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      Madison 3 years ago

      Idk if I believe all that about dating interracially my ex husband was white and we never experienced any of that and his family is closer to me than my own. I'm divorced with a daughter and I'm dating a divorced man with no children and he is not the same race as me and he is amazing and we haven't experienced any weirdness from others.

    • Sue Frohman profile image

      Sue Frohman 3 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

      This article is a little hateful and pessimistic. Marriages breaking up does not make you trash, sometimes you have to roll with life's punches and still get out there to pursue happiness. I am on Match and reBunch, two sites that seem to respect that people can be divorced parents but still deserve their shot at a happy family life.

      Men that are dedicated fathers and still want a wonderful woman to be an important part of their life should be commended, imo.

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      Eleuterio Martinez 3 years ago

      Wow... this is some really bad BS. I love my daughter and stuff like this always makes me cringe. IF a male writer were to write this about dating a female divorcee the power of zeus would strike him down. Anyway. yeah.

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      Sunshine 3 years ago

      I couldn't agree more with this article! Yesss people are going to write that being jealous and insecure about the children and ex is childish and immature, however they have never been in 'the other woman's' shoes, so they could never understand her anxieties.

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      existenz65 3 years ago

      I was dating a man who is in the process of divorcing his second wife. I had a discussion with him before we dated that I would not be the "other woman" or wait forever for his divorce to be "close to the end" to be finalized. All these divorced people here trying to sell their "grey" areas are full of it. Stop being selfish and leave single people alone. We should not have to be involved in your baggage filled lives as you get your selves together. Date other divorcees. Inflict each other with your silliness. Hopefully there will be a website for Divorcees to meet and have relationships.

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      Sue 3 years ago

      I have been divorced for over 11 years. It was a very acrimonious break up and I have worked hard since and concentrated on my children who have now grown and flown the nest. Their father had no interest in maintaining contact with them.

      I had not been in another relationship since, but a few months ago I met and was pursued by a man who is separated and going through divorce. We had the conversation about his situation but he was adamant that his marriage had died over 2 years ago and he had moved out of the matrimonial home a year before we met.

      I eventually took the plunge and was completely swept off my feet for a month. He seemed so into me that I was completely taken in and for the first time felt I could trust a man again. He then suddenly dumped me by phone , saying that things would not progress any further for him and he did not want my feelings to grow as he would end up hurting me. I am bewildered and hurt anyway as he was so cold and distant at the end. I am mystified as to why he literally changed so much overnight!

      I have respected his decision without question and cut off contact despite his insistence that we stay as friends. He then contacted me two weeks after his telephone call, needing a favour. His text was all about his requirements, without so much as asking how I was or how I was doing. I declined to go along with what he wanted and I have heard nothing since.

      I am not conceited enough to think that he had no right to dump me but it was he who was so insistent that we were so good together, wanting to be exclusive, a couple and an item. He took me to meet his family and his friends, then he did not want to see me any more.

      This has not helped my self confidence and to be honest I don't know that I will ever bother again!

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      Divorced guy 3 years ago

      This article is BS! Seriously the worst BS I have read on the internet.

      With over half of first time marriages failing you are going to find it hard to find a man. And think about the ones that have never married, there is probably a very good reason why no one has married them yet!

      If you are into the guy and he is into you the other stuff shouldn't matter and if it does then he is better off without you anyway.

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      Girlfriend of a divorced man 3 years ago

      Wow, what a primitive, shallow article full of cynicism and silly black/white conclusions!

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      Angie 3 years ago

      As someone who dated a divorced dad of two for over 5 years at one point, I will weigh in on something that seems kind of skipped over. See, most people want the "normal" flow of a relationship. You meet someone, it's new and exciting, you go out on dates, you fall in love, you make love.. eventually, someone gets someone else's key. Then one of you realizes you haven't been to your own place in a number of weeks, and you're living together. If it's a good relationship, it'll eventually make the progression into proposals and rings and a wedding. You'll look into moving into better space, and travel a bit, and enjoy each other. Then one day you decide to finally have those kids you had talked about. Kids are a strain on any relationship- as they grow, there are different parenting methods, discipline, etc. Everyone gets tired and cranky at points, and marriage is something you have to work at and make time for. You have to work your marriage around and find special time with each other in the midst of kids and life. What helps, though, is that you had all the 'good old days' to remember, and help strengthen you in the bad times. Your foundation is solid.

      Now, let's pretend this man got divorced from this woman that he did all of the "right" things with. They couldn't make it work. Enter his new girlfriends. Guess where they start? Right in the middle. They don't get to stay over at his place for weeks on end in honeymoon-phase bliss, or see him whenever they want, or wonder what their kids would look like. This is a man, no matter how sweet and caring he is, who has done it all before already. He's the man who has already proposed to and bought a ring for someone. He's a man who has already thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with someone else. He is a man who has children- you don't get to stay in the honeymoon phase very long. You're suddenly another adult in a household where, even if the kids like you, you're still an outsider. Even if he loves you and dotes on you, he was still in a delivery room with someone else. He still took care of his pregnant wife, and experienced the joy of becoming a first time dad and seeing the miracle of what he could help make when the baby comes out. He's already changed diapers and stayed up all night with the feedings. He's already installed the carseats and bought the more "practical" car, and went to the first dance recital/soccer game. Even if he is the sweetest man on earth, you're still going to miss out on the best parts of him as someone who dates him after he's already done it all. Even going as far as getting a new house together, [as we did,] isn't as exciting for him as it is for you- he's already done it. Even if he's open to having more kids, and loving them, and being there for you- you're still pretty much alone in the newness of the journey, while he spends his time thinking back to the first time he did everything, even if he isn't doing it in a bad way. And yes, his ex-wife. Most of them don't get along with the new girlfriends for a variety of reasons. Even if they do, though, having kids around that look like her just remind you that he's already lived an entire life without you, and it feels... more empty. It feels more empty when you share a life with someone who has already lived the same life without you- with someone else.

      It could just be me, but I found myself wondering if it was as good for him the second time around, or if he preferred the original.

      It's tough. It takes a strong woman to go through all of that and not care. It takes a tough-as-nails woman to keep doing it.

      I loved him, but I felt like I was cheating myself out of life when I dated my divorced man with kids.

      I hope some of you find more happiness with your divorced men, if you choose to go through with it.

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      TechFats 3 years ago

      This article is fairly silly. Does the author not understand that most people who get married will eventually divorce? Don't dispair fellow divorced guys, if you think available women will actually takes this to heart, you'll still have the vast majority of the available adult female population, who-you guessed it-are divorced as well. Divorce is the logical and, as it happens, most frequent conclusion of marriages. The number one cause of divorce? Marriage.

    • Caprica6 profile image

      Caprica6 3 years ago from Corner Brook

      I find this article a little harsh, it really sounds like it's written by a bitter lady who had her heart split in two by a divorced man. You cannot say that all divorced men are like that, that's being a little bias. I am in love with a divorced man, and not to toot my own horn but I think (actually know) that I am the best thing that ever happened to him.

      He never had kids so I didn't have to worry about him always having contact with her, however, I have a child of my own and he has to deal with me communicating constantly with my child's father. I think him being divorced helped him be strong in that sense.

      This article could not be more wrong than everything this actually states. Both our families love the other person, we're planning our future which includes a soon marriage, and we're already talking kids.

      Maybe the divorced guy you dated was pretty fresh out of the relationship, maybe you were the "other woman" and the reason they got divorced in the first place. I truly think this was a terrible article, especially to those who have fallen madly in love with a divorced man, you cannot be bias against all! I'm sure there are some divorced men out there that just aren't compatible with you but there is also going to be single ones out there that are going to be terrible too. You can't blame him, you can't blame yourself, sometimes you're just not compatible.

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      TheDivorcedGuy 3 years ago

      You can have seven reasons or 100 reasons why you wouldn't date a divorced man. Personally I don't give a sh*t. We all have our reasons for not dating 'x' person because of 'y'. But whatever, you're only limiting yourself with reasons not to date a potential person. It's not the divorced man's problem because, just like anybody else, there's always someone out there who will find them interesting, attractive and a good catch. It's your problem. So hey, keep hating on divorced men all you want and by all means, avoid us. It just makes my job easier to separate a good woman from a shallow and judgmental one.

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      Netreader 3 years ago

      What garbage this is!!!

      I know many who are divorced with children and are thriving because they didn't carry the baggage of negativity from their first marriage into their second. They also get along with the step children and the step children were accepting of the "date" from the start.

      I also couldn't relate to this, because I didn't have any of these symptoms in my after divorced relationship with kids!! Imagine that! Lol

      Such a negative article

      Might be from some jilted ex spouse who can't understand how their ex has moved on and is happier now.

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      Les 3 years ago

      Lets not forget that for every divorced man, there is a divorced woman. Should we not date those too? Are you gonna write an article on that? I got divorced at a young age (24) and yeah, it was no picnic, nor was it my choice. I did everything I could to save the marriage. The only reason it ended was because she decided that she was bored and wanted to be free and have her late-bloomer party phase. Sorry if that makes me "undateable"... My girlfriend may beg to differ. Thankfully, I have no kids, no communication with the ex... Basically no baggage.

      What I will say is that you might want to think twice before writing such a generalizing article. Heck, odds are still against the fact that your first marriage will be your only marriage. If you do get divorced, I hope you read over this and eat your words. Of course, I am sure you will blame him for your troubles.

    • bringthenoise profile image

      bringthenoise 3 years ago

      Hmm... okay... I love my "stepkids" (I call them.) In fact, things didn't work out with their dad but me and the kids are still tight to this day. Their mom turned out to be a pretty good friend of mine. And as for my own "ex husband" he doesn't go shoe shopping with our kid, what dad does? He does make time with our daughter, sometimes with his new family and sometimes just him with our kid. And his wife is a caring person who goes out of her way to connect with my daughter. Our lives aren't perfect but I don't see how our child interferes with his life any more than she would if he were still married to me. Kids need and spend some time with their parents if they're divorced or not divorced. It's simple as that.

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      thegucc2000 3 years ago

      This has got to be the dumbest article I have ever read. The race issue first..I'm black..divorced.. Two kids..my girlfriend is very white with no kids. The generalizations you are making are your obviously bad experience with a divorced man ! There are still people out here who aren't wounded so bad they know how to love accordingly. I had a divorce..wasn't pretty and I would still re marry and I definitely don't have bitter man issues behind the ex or the divorce.hell I actually got the shaft...that still doesn't change the fact that I will still love my new woman with the same vigor I have before. A woman who runs from kids isn't grown or mature enough to handle life situations anyway. Who in the hell has ever met a man or woman in a perfect situation??why?I'll tell you. They don't exist...everybody has to adjust their lives according to whom you decide to date...period! How many lives were saved by this ridiculous article? To those it helped kudos to you..but you're probably as shallow minded as it's author. Later;)

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      Alan 3 years ago from Tasmania

      Yes Bob, it's wonderful and inspiring to hear of good-news stories. All power to Niki and her "Extended Families."

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      bob 3 years ago

      with a great demeanor like that it is amazing this woman is still single

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      NIki 3 years ago

      Every relationship is different. This day and time almost anyone you are dating is divorced and has children. I have children and I'm divorced. My ex and I get along and I get along great with his wife. I don't see her as the "other woman". I see her as someone who shares in taking care of my kid when he isn't with me. She is very kind and he loves her. I'm not a jealous person so I guess that's why this works? I'm also dating a divorced man and I love the way he is with his kids! He puts them first and I wouldn't respect him if he didn't. I'm not intimidated by his ex in the least. She is still a part of his life because they do have children, just as I have to discuss things and issues with my ex. I know he loves me and I'm very confident in who I am as a woman and a mother. If you are jealous of someone's ex and their kids, then you need to get some counseling because those are insecurity issues and you will not be successful in any relationship, whether divorced or not.

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      Zara5310 3 years ago

      So, I guess it's safe to assume that your advice about dating a divorced man would equally apply to dating a divorced woman as well? Afterall, all the issues that you listed as reasons not to date a divorced man would equally apply for dating a divorced woman.

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      Divorced Father 3 years ago

      I was wondering if we could get a roster of the people who like this article? So I can completely ignore them from now on. Never in my life have I heard of such bias crap. Honestly think it over if he willing to place you before his own flesh and blood how long before you get replaced? Then comes the ex. She is an ex for a reason....... Do you honestly think anyone in there right mind would deal with the issues of getting divorced just to hook back up with her. Then comes child support if he is not paying it is that really what you want in your life. Someone who will create responsibility then run from it? I swear this sounds like it was written by some spoiled 20 year old pretending to be all grown up.

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      his former *abused* spouse 3 years ago

      Oh contraire.... all u have to do is find a charming narcissistic sociopathic divorced man. Oh the poor thing. Your love will FINALLY save him from his controlling shrew ex wife who just couldn't love him "correctly" yes. They were just so incompatible. And no worries about the kids as he will promptly DISCARD them (After all its ALL ABOUT HIM and HIS NEEDS right?) So he will ignore his ex his childrens and all obligations to them. Birthdays graduations holidays? .no worries. He won't be attending them or spending his precious resources on gifts or his children's needs. He'll just be soooo into YOU. Oh thank god he found you. Lol... SIDENITE: the wives file for dv 75% of the time because their douchbag narcissistic husbands abuse manipulate lie to and gaslight them like crazy!!! And after playing doormat and narc supply for years (18!!) i for one was forced to save MY life and file for divorce. He replaced me in 9(!) days. He never contacts or provides for our teen daughters.

      So don't worry about the warnings in

      this article just find yourself a "charming" narcissist like that naïve bartender did... lol

    • profile image

      John 3 years ago

      Whoever wrote this article is a racist. Yes different races have different traditions, tastes, etc. but so do people of the same race. What about a divorced woman? Your spin on the article would be completely different. When men get divorced, they too can be the victims of infidelity, greed, and mid life crisis wives. Yes it does happen and you just don't pack everyone into one category.

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      ANgelo 3 years ago

      This article is very general. I feel nothing for my ex so that is not even a factor for my girlfriend. My ex and I have a constructive and polite relationship and my ex and new girlfriend get along well. My friends and hers are glad we are happy and hope we both find new love. Dating a divorced man that is well adjusted is better than a swinging single. We know what we want which is a stable loving and long lasting relationship.

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      never again 3 years ago

      I will stand by belief that I will NEVER become involved with a lady with children. It was a horrible experience and I always came off 3rd best. 3 girls first, financially powerful manipulating ex husband second, wasted 2 years of my life and I remain unconvinced that I am a better person for the experience. Ultimately its my fault that allowed this to happen. Never again and Im perfectly fine by that. I have too much going on nowadays and Im in all honesty not intetested in marriage or kids anymore.

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      w.sanchez 3 years ago

      whoever wrote this probably has had bad luck with dating, relationships are what you make them no matter if they were divorced single etc.

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      The Real Answer 3 years ago

      Well with so many Gay And Bi Women out there these days that certainly makes it very difficult for us Straight Guys trying to meet a good woman now anyway.

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      Alan 3 years ago from Tasmania

      Just a thought, Cyndi, his mother might well have been part of the problem in him becoming what you call "mamma's boy."

      The woman has to take at least half of the responsibility in learning to communicate with her man in order to make a partnership work. If she can't do this, for any reason, and then ends up being sole parent to a young man, then she needs to find a collection of trusted men who can mentor the young man into becoming an adult man. She cannot do the job herself as a woman.

      In the same way, a father as sole parent surely needs to engage the trusted women around him to mentor his daughter.

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      Cyndi 3 years ago

      Also, lets not lump all divorced men into one category, there are some good ones left out there. I would prefer a divorced men with kids because he knows where I am coming from and he knows where I am coming from.

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      Cyndi 3 years ago

      I am a divorced woman and this is a load of crap. First of all, lets stop putting all the blame on the woman. I am a damn good women but left because my ex husband was a mama's boy who put the needs of his parents, siblings and friends before me and his Autistic son. I couldn't care less if the man has been married and has kids, the kids come first and if you are not mature enough to deal with that, date men who are single without kids and ex wives. I have to admit that my ex has dated other women during the divorce and those women were not keepers at all, they could not understand why he was paying child support or why he needed to come to NYC where I am from to see his son. I am from NYC and he is from Wyoming, we met when he was working in NYC and living at the time. I am not the type who will stay quiet when someone wants to question his relationship with his son and the finances behind having a son with special needs. It was always my job to set the record straight with these women. I would tell him that he is the one who needs to set the record straight and that it should not be me. I am a Bronx girl, dress well, keep myself in shape and keep up my appearance and the woman he dated was jealous, hey if he was such a catch would you think I would have stayed with him in the first place? It took years to get him to see how hard it was for me and now he is the best dad to our son. It goes both ways, I am not the easiest to get along with but my son comes first and that goes for any relationship I get into as well as who he dates, especially when you have a child with special needs.

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      Very Seriously Speaking 3 years ago

      The best way to go nowadays is to just date one another instead of getting married, and once you get married which can cause many problems as well.

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      ErikwithaK 3 years ago

      What a crock. I didn't finish this POS, as it's just another hatchet job on men, but I'm wondering; should one date a divorced woman? And seeing that there are just as many divorced women out there as men, where are women supposed to find a never married when they're in their 30s, 40s, 50s? And would you want to date a never married, say, 45 year old? Talk about red flags.

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      Happy 3 years ago

      Such a dumb post. There are men who married a bad apple unknowingly and wound up divorced. I'm one and have now been happily married for 6 years.

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      Zeratul 3 years ago

      What about dating a twice divorced woman, with kids grown and small?

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      Smh. 3 years ago

      Wow. Such bullshit. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a divorced man. I met his family and daughter very early on in the relationship. He treats me like a Queen, his friends are awesome and like me. I don't care that him and his ex talk... they have child together, hello!?!?! It sounds like a bitter, scorned woman wrote this. Don't blame a whole mass of people on the actions of one. Get a life and stop dating douche bags and maybe you wouldn't be so darn mean.