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Sex Before Marriage- How Can I Abstain?

Updated on August 17, 2014

Is it possible to abstain from pre-marital intimacy as an adult?

Going further on our relationship topics, I want us to take a look at another interesting topic which will help you understand how to flee from pre-marital intimacy even as a full grown youth.

Before I forge ahead, let me warn you:

Sex is the strongest force that exist in mankind; its attraction is unquenchable, and its magnetic force has proven to be the strongest in the field of science.

Don't expect to abstain from pre-marital intimacy just by moral discipline and self-control alone; if you rely on these two alone, you will fall like an Iroko tree.

It is one thing every human enjoys, except the eunuchs who are naturally created not to feel intimate urge, aside eunuchs, every other human loves intimacy and would want to have it as often as possible.

Let me also inform you that the desire to copulate will come, in fact, it will become so intense at some point that you will be pushed to pleasure yourself if at all you have no available option to get someone to have it with, but remember- masturbation too is intimacy; it is having intimacy with oneself, and even though health experts recommends it because it doesn't expose one to contracting STDs and STIs, it also has its own side effects which we will discuss in later topics to come.

How do I abstain from pre-marital intimacy as a single grown guy?

Now, let's deal with the big question- how do I abstain from pre-marital intimacy when I am a fully grown single adult with intimate feelings?

I will answer this question in two parts, one will be for guys and the other will be for ladies.

Now, let's get started.

How do I abstain from pre-marital intimacy as a single grown man?

Like I told you earlier today, intimate urge is a very intense feeling that humans can't resist on their own.

In order to abstain from pre-marital intimacy as a grown potent man, kindly follow these steps:

1. Get busy- an idle mind is the devil's easiest tool. So try and be busy with life issues- job, career, academics, church, hobby, etc.

If you would agree with me, whenever you're busy trying to solve a certain life problem or challenge, you hardly feel hungry or excited to merry. Same way, your sex organs and glands respond to your mood, and whenever they sense that you're occupied and worried, they automatically shut off their signal like a solenoid valve does in fluid flow, making it difficult or impossible for you to feel like having intimacy.

But when you are idle, you think of ways to get busy, that's natural for all human, and in the absence of nothing else to get busy with, sex comes to mind and hence the temptation and urge.

2. Love yourself and life- if you cherish your life and know that you have a great future, you will guard your life with jealousy, and you will be so conscious of indulging in a one minute enjoyment that will expose you to STDs and STIs.

3. Develop love for financial growth and savings- if you develop a habit and consciousness to become financially afloat as a guy, you will love to save and will despise anything that will cause you to spend unnecessarily, of which one of them is getting a someone to have intimacy with, whether as a girlfriend or as a love peddler.

Take it or leave it, as a single guy, you can't get sex without spending in one way or the other in today world where women have monetized their bodies and emotions, except you are a star, especially a music or movie star, then you can get free lap dance from some loose women who get freaked by celebrity life.

4. Love God- this is the most important step to take if you want to abstain from pre-marital intimacy as a single guy.

If you develop love for God by constantly studying and obeying His words as written in the Holy Bible, believe me, you will develop fear for pre-marital intimacy and everything indulgence.

This won't be easy to practice but if you commit your mind, time and self to it, over time it will become a part of you.

5. Avoid alcohol- alcohol activates your wild life. Alcohol activates your intimate organs. Alcohol shuts off your self-control sense. Alcohol makes you vulnerable to wayward attitude. So if you want to flee from pre-marital intimacy, then you must flee from alcohol and wild parties.

How can I abstain from pre-marital intimacy as a single woman?

Now, let's look at how you can abstain from pre-marital intimacy as a matured single lady.

1. Get busy- like I said earlier, idleness creates room for devil to operate, so get busy.

2. Don't depend on men- if you develop this mentality that men should take care of your daily upkeep- hairdo, clothing, makeup, outing, ice cream, suya, gum, will most likely fall into the arms of an amorous man someday somehow.

So start now to develop an independent woman mentality; struggle to make your own money, develop a handwork, develop your God given talent, your skills, and start up something that will be generating money for you, which you will be using to take care of your daily upkeep without depending on guys.

3. Don't date for money- if you have the mentality that any guy you would date must have enough money to be able to take care of your financial upkeep, then you will sure end up having multiple sex partners before you get married.

If you must date a guy, date him because you cherish his personality and enjoy his company. Date him because you see a future in him and would love to work together with him to develop and build that enviable future, and not because you need money, you need shoes, you need someone to be taking you out or because you need someone that will be carrying you at the passenger side of his car.

4. Avoid alcohol- alcohol makes you vulnerable to wayward behavior and intimate abuse, so by all means flee from alcohol.

5. Love God- read up what I said on this topic when talking about how guys can flee from pre-marital intimacy.

Thank you, we will continue shortly, stay with me and be a regular visitor and reader for more juicy topics.

Do you think it is possible to abstain from pre-marital intimacy as an adult?

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    • accofranco profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from L Island


    • dashingscorpio profile image


      4 years ago


      Ecclesiastes 7:20 (KJV) illustrates no one is going to be sin free while living on this planet.

      "For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not."

      Bearing that in mind I believe each of us "cherry picks" which sins are acceptable to (ourselves). Someone who is adamant about not having pre-marital sexual intercourse is most likely going to allow themselves the option of masturbation to help stem off the desire/temptation to fornicate.

      In their eyes it's "the lessor of two evils". :)

    • accofranco profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from L Island

      @dashingscorpio, you made a good point but then, if one is abstaining from sex because of Godly reasons, I think the person ought to also abstain from masturbation. Thanks for the great contribution.

      @SparrowMinistries, I quite understand your point but my suggestion is for single unmarried dating couples and not for married couples. All the same, I have learnt something from your contribution, thanks so much for stopping by, I really appreciate.

    • profile image


      4 years ago


      You clearly have given this a lot of thought. I would caution advising young men to trade their lust for women for lust for money. A man in bondage to money makes a terrible husband and father. Our first defense is always the Word of God. Second, avoid situations where sex can easily happen, and third, join or create an accountability partner or group. You are right about that urge being stronger than we are and the importance of abstaining. Reducing God's daughters to objects that are going to cost you money is going to decrease respect for them. Remember, she is your King's princess daughter. Treat her right because her Daddy won't tolerate anything else. Stay in the Word and in prayer. You have the potential for a great ministry here.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      4 years ago

      I believe it's not as difficult to abstain from pre-marital sex if one only dates those who share their same values. Unfortunately a lot of people are attracted to those who do NOT share their same values or beliefs.

      Secondly most people do not consider masturbation to be equivalent to having sexual intercourse. The vast majority of people who have never had intercourse but have masturbated consider themselves to be virgins.

      In fact according to scientific studies it is very common for babies to masturbate. Masturbation is probably what helps a lot of people who want to abstain from sex keep their promise. It's a release valve for them. In fact I've heard of couples who did everything aside from having intercourse including pleasing one another orally and manually.

      I suppose it comes down to how one defines the word "virgin" and (their) meaning of abstaining from sexual intercourse. However in the end the most important thing is to date those who are in agreement with you.


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