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Think Before You Have Sex Outside of Marriage

Updated on January 26, 2021
DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

Pastoral Counselor ordained Elder/Minister Ambassador at Alpha 7 Ministries M.A.Christian Clinical Counseling Certified in Creation Therapy

True Love Endures Forever!

Think Before You Have Sex Outside Of Marriage!

Marriage is so much more than just an idea! A high-quality satisfying marriage requires love, commitment and good open communication! Make it a point to understand what your spouse is relaying to you. Repeat back to them what they are saying if you are not sure what they mean. You can either build or tear down with your words. Take the time to listen and understand one another. This does not mean that you will always agree. The goal is to understand where they are coming from and what their perspective is and how do you continue to go forward together! Marriage is about continually refining and improving your relationship!

Build healthy boundaries

It is important to build good healthy secure marriage boundaries! Pray for and with your spouse. Be careful from whom you seek counsel. Many marriages have failed due to poor communication and unwise counsel. When seeking an objective opinion or wise counsel to resolve conflict it is important that you present the facts… or distinguish that this is how you feel! It is important for each of you to take responsibility for your part in the marriage. Marriage was designed by God to be the ultimate partnership of love between one man and one woman! “HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!”

Whoever you join yourself together with becomes a part of you more than you might know. Please don't just give yourself to just anyone. If you have had multiple partners take some time and allow the Lord to heal and restore you before rushing into another relationship. Take some time to recollect yourself and think on a deeper level as to what you really want out of a relationship. Don't date just to date. It is easier to continue to just change partners rather than develop a deep monogamous lasting relationship. Many instead opt to maintain a surface, superficial relationship. This usually leaves one unsatisfied and never really allows true intimacy to develop… STOP GIVING YOURSELF AWAY! GOD CAN refresh and renew you!

Stop giving parts of yourself away

Be careful and selective who you join yourself together with. A man deposits his DNA into the woman that can possibly linger for a lifetime! You actually bond together… There really is nothing casual at all about sex! Many don’t consider what is really happening beyond just getting their sexual needs satisfied. A surge of oxytocin from the brain makes a woman want to have sex and bond. A surge of testosterone from the brain makes a man want to have sex but possibly be done with you once its over! Again, Stop giving away parts of yourself and begin to respect yourself! Save yourself until you want to make a total commitment! (Please be sure to see video below!)

Spend quality time in the Word of God discovering firsthand what He has said about marriage. I personally am in favor of God’s Design for Marriage! It really can work! Your spouse should become your best lifetime friend!

Many today engage in physical and or emotional affairs… This does not have to be! Many do not think about how hazardous this is for their marriage. Open marriages breed insecurity! Infidelity is very dangerous in marriage. It bonds you with someone other than your spouse. This actually weakens your marital bond. It also fosters an unhealthy unstable marriage environment of doubt, distrust and insecurity…

Learn to be sensitive to one another's needs

Due to the fact that the societal expectation for marriage has substantially lowered the moral standards, this now renders infidelity as more acceptable! Make it a priority to tenderly and sincerely fulfill one another’s physical needs so there is no need to go outside of your marriage to just have sex! You are not only cheating your spouse, your so called lover, but yourself as well! Someone will be hurt. Affairs are rampart today but can be avoided when you are sensitive to one another’s needs. You also honor The Lord and the vows you made when your remain faithful!

Continue to flame the embers of love in your marriage! Rekindle the initial attraction or build a new one! Set aside some time and openly discuss ways to improve your communication, deepen your intimacy, build transparency. Enhance your love making rather than look outside of your marriage to get your physical needs met. Pray and ask the Lord to help You. He knows exactly what you both need. Now each time you come together and give of yourself to one another you reinforce a healthy marital bond! So please “Think Before Sex Outside of Marriage!”

Embrace loyalty

Previously married partners or unmarried sexual partners have a tendency to fall back into sexual relationships because they have bonded before. They are familiar with one another and have connected physically and often have unfinished issues between them. This is also why it is important to think before you give yourself to someone other than your spouse, because they become a part of you! Momentarily they so often set aside their differences to just have sex. However the commitment is no longer there. As adults you can always choose to do whatever you want but remember there are always consequences for those choices!

If you are single and seeking to marry it is important to know that once you have become physically intimate outside of marriage it will be harder to be objective. It is quite common today but so is divorce! For many it doesn’t matter because after all we are adults… Not really realizing that it can cause inner conflict as you prematurely bond without being committed to one another… There is a magnetic sexual attraction that occurs that often will yield you powerless. This should not be.

Remember what I said earlier about bonding. I suggest putting off the physical relationship until you have married and have truly committed to one another… If things don’t work out you have not given more of yourself away. This also exercises discipline! Self control is an honorable virtue! First really take this time to get to know one another better before you plunge into another relationship… Instead make a conscious effort to rise to a higher level relationship. Consider waiting and take the time to build a physically satisfying physical relationship once you have made your vows! Remember your body is a temple...

If you are single

Since you are single you are in a good position because you can look forward to finding a spouse that you are compatible with. Don't just settle for anyone out of loneliness! Set and hold to some standards. You no longer have to compromise yourself. Find healthier ways to fill your void! While you are waiting and anticipating that right someone, present your requests to The Lord! He has promised to meet your needs! Many do not think about asking the Lord for help. They however forget that He is Omniscient. After all He made us! He can help you exercise self-control.

You cannot change anything that has happened but you can move forward! Work on strengthening and improving yourself... In the meantime begin to release any guilt or shame as you embrace self-control. You will be better equipped to enter a new relationship fresh and with less baggage! You must be realistic and be wiling to grow along with this spouse you desire. Spend time with The Lord and allow Him to guide you in this area as well Stay open to His leading and be patient! "And my GOD WILL meet ALL your needs according to HIS glorious riches in CHRIST JESUS" Philippians 4.

Right now you want to make sure that you find out more about this person that you think you want to commit to! You both need to share many facets of your lives with one another... Actually you should do this before you give yourself to someone anyway. It can be devastating when you find yourself committed to someone who is not committed to you. Too many become unequally yoked! This does not have to be. Too often they hastily marry and find out after the fact that they are not on the same page about most things and share very few of the same values…

This could prevent a lot of divorces if you posed certain questions before you say “I DO!" Don’t just hold out on sex to entrap someone… This is a part of divorce proofing your marriage and building a firmer foundation. A high quality marriage is built on much more than just physical attraction! After all you will have the rest of your life to learn how to physically enjoy one another… Your lovemaking will progressively reflect the extent of your desire ro mutually satisfy one another... Once married and you experience "bone of my bone..." together you can have spectacular physical intimacy together as you freely give yourself to one another! No shame...WOW! You also honor your marriage vows!

Take time out for a Spiritual Cleansing

You will need to take some time and have a “spiritual cleansing” if you have been physical outside of marriage!” Together out of respect for the Lord seek His face and ask Him to bestow His Blessings upon your marriage! Start anew! “Having sex outside of marriage is like fire outside of the fireplace! It can burn your house down! "But if we walk in The LIGHT, as HE is in The LIGHT, we have FELLOWSHIP with one another, and The BLOOD of JESUS HIS SON PURIFIES us from ALL sin..." I JOHN 1. There is WONDER working POWER in The BLOOD of JESUS! He CAN transform your life and BLESS your marriage! When you are married it's different you have entered a covenant agreement! It is important to honor your vows!! The WORD teaches us that the “Marriage Bed is undefiled!” HEBREWS 13. So freshen up, take a bath or shower and ENJOY one another! Marriage is honorable in the eyes of The LORD!

Sin is rampart throughout this world. It also separates us from God! As we grow in His Grace we should sin less.... The world says it doesn’t matter if you are married or not? You can choose to marry whomever you want; male or female? But this also sets you outside of the will of the Lord. If you read the Word you see that God does not sanction same sex relationships. Those of us who believe in “Marriage God’s Way” are becoming fewer and fewer. The world is desensitizing many more to God’s Design for Marriage and seducing them to compromise in order to be accepted. It is important to know that the spiritual warfare wants to continually separate us all from God our Creator & Maker and His purpose He created each of us for! Marriage between man and woman is considered to be “Holy Matrimony” in the eyes of God! To many marriage is no longer sacred or holy.

Getting married again?

Now look! Think about it! It is not by coincidence that marriages and families are breaking up left and right! Splitting and splitting again and again… There has been a significant shift in values... As I mentioned earlier currently an excess of 55% of marriages end in divorce! What’s the problem? Many are bailing out because they want to try something different… Many have married without really getting to know the person they have married! Please do not get involved with someone on the rebound! The statistics are even higher for second and third marriages! No wonder the world at large is experiencing so many natural catastrophes and economic trade devastation this world is going backwards…

Affairs are a No! No!

Having affairs has become glamorized and many are continually lowering their standards and have been seduced and don’t even know it! Having sex is no big deal... Hollywood has now become the standard model for marriage for many. For many its all about the ceremony. Affairs area No! No! It is possible that you are considered old fashioned and somewhat narrow minded when you do not go with the current flow! There is nothing prudish or outdated about loyalty & commitment! Be committed to what you know is right even if it means for a season you must stand alone. Work on becoming the best you! Giving yourself to someone is a precious gift!

What's been happening?

The residuals of the last Recession remains as a lingering indication that the world is going backwards! Yes we have been there before! All the signs became apparent again! The United States of America was even "SHUT DOWN!" WOW! New era same relational and political dynamics! Many are restless, tired, lonely, depressed, dissatisfied, discontented, empty, angry and seeking fulfillment in life! Looking in all the wrong places…What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, There is nothing new under the sun...” Ecclesiastes 1.

We can learn a lot from The Word of God! Right before the flood everyone was doing what was “right in their own eyes!” They too did not want to do things God’s Way! You listen to the news and everyone else so please take some time and personally ponder upon what God says about marriage! After all He is The Creator of marriage! He also created us! So why not check out His Word! Don’ just take second hand information when making such serious decisions! Here you can discover who really is the true source of life and living! Believe it or not God is The Creator of man and woman and I think He knows what is best for us! He sees way down the road! God is amazing! As a matter of fact He sees everyone, everything, everywhere past, present and future!

Build healthy personal boundaries and respect your marriage vows as well as the marriages of others! If you are not sure please don’t make the commitment… If you are married, it is not too late to make it a point to nurture and water your marriage with love, caring, peace, commitment, tenderness, loyalty, fun, respect, understanding and yes excitement! When you sincerely pray together, embrace godly principles you can stay together! Invite God into the center of your Marriage! Together you can give your marriage an overhaul if needed! You have the POWER together to design and write your own script, then proceed to make it happen… "Happily ever after is a choice!" You can’t help but see that way too many marriages are in trouble! Too many marriages and families are breaking up… Make your marriage a top priority! “What GOD has joined together let NO man (or woman) put asunder…” So please; THINK Before Sex Outside of Marriage!

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