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Your Attitude is The Most Important Factor in Whether or Not You'll Have a Satisfying sex life

Updated on January 12, 2017

Is He Only Interested in Sex

A good marriage is best friends with passion. Without the passion, you just have a friendship. For some, being companions is sufficient. But for most, it is not. One of the major casualties of the harried pace of modern marriage is the loss of sexual intimacy.

Common misunderstanding is that marriage exists for the purpose of legitimizing sexual relations. The stories that couples tell me about their sexual difficulties vary, but most of them go something like this: He wants more sex and she doesn’t. He says he needs sex to feel close and she doesn’t see why her snuggling, cuddling and stuff she does around the house doesn’t do it for him. She says she needs to feel close first to have sex and he doesn’t see why sex doesn’t help her to feel close.

This is what a man has to say about his partner. "There is almost no physical intimacy in my marriage and I miss the sexual activity I thought I would have when I got married. I find myself resenting my wife and feeling frustrated because I did not get married to see how long I could go without sex."

Marriage should never be equalized with sex because sex is not the primary purpose of marriage. In consideration of family life there is an unfortunate tendency to overemphasis the role of sex. This does not mean that sex is not important in building a happy home. It is an integral part of family life and ideal marital adjustment includes proper and satisfactory provision for sexual expression between #husband and #wife. Sexual expression represents the culmination of all the desirable features of the family situation – the ultimate in #marital happiness. It means infinitely more than the gratification of erotic urges.

You need to listen. A woman needs you to listen to her dreams, her concerns, the way a day has made her feel and the aftermath of her successes and failures. Listening to your wife is one way of showing her that she is not just a reflection glanced upon at the end of each day. It is a way of communicating to her that you know she is complete and important and of worth.

Some husbands have wrong approach to the issue of sex. Read about what some wives have to say about their husbands’ attitude to sex. “My husband loves sex. I try to satisfy him often, but I don’t enjoy it because I feel he doesn’t love me. When he returns from his office I want to talk to him. I want to tell him about my day, and I want to hear about his. But he shows no interest in what I have been doing or how I am feeling. He ignores me, and then when we get into bed, he wants me to feel sexy. I give him sex, but my heart is never in it because I know he doesn’t care about me. He just enjoys using my body to satisfy himself. He is through in a few minutes and immediately falls asleep. He doesn’t care whether I enjoy it or not. I have never met a more selfish person. I am not a wife who hates sex; I am a wife desperately pleading for emotional love.” He is more in love with his business than with his wife. A #woman wants to fall asleep each night besides a loving husband she can trust and depend on.

Another woman had this to say about her husband. “I was thinking seriously of leaving Austin and had told him so. Our marriage had been empty for a long time. I had given up. For years, I had complained to Austin that I needed his love, but he never responded. I loved the children, and I knew they loved me, but I felt nothing coming from my husband. I tried to be a good wife, I kept home. I did all things I thought a good wife should do. I had sex with him because I knew that was important to him, but I felt no love coming from him. I felt like he stopped dating me after we got married and simply took me for granted. I felt used and unappreciated.

“Whenever I talked to Austin about my feelings, he would laugh at me and say we had as good a marriage as anybody else in the community. He didn’t understand why I was so unhappy. He would remind me we had a nice house and a new car, that I was free to eat whatever I liked, and that I should be happy instead of complaining all the time. He didn’t even try to understand my feelings. I felt totally rejected.

“Without fail, I asked him about his day, but he seldom asked about mine, they were dismissed or disparaged. He could go out in the evening without having to account for his time or tell me where he was going. If I wanted to go out, I had to notify him ahead of time, and tell him where I was going and when he expected me to return. I perform the mundane duties of a wife but didn’t have the status of one.”

Men like Austin should understand that marriage is not only a physical but also a mental and spiritual #relationship. Marriage requires the full and willing participation of the couple. Sex within marriage relationship was given by God for several reasons, the most obvious of which is procreation. But the other aspects are important also – the release of sexual tension, expression of deep love and #oneness, and mutual enjoyment of the physical pleasures of sexual intercourse. Sex can and should be enjoyed by husband and wife.

Sex is not the reason for true love between husband and wife; it is the product of true love. This is what Austin had failed to comprehend. The couples who are happy and who have arrived at an ideal adjustment within the bond of matrimony never think of sexual expression as a duty or obligation to be endured as the first wife. They consider it, instead as the highest privilege of married life and the loftiest means of expressing their enduring love for each other.

It is unfortunate that some religious clerics have advocated that sex is unholy. This philosophy tends to degrade the most sacred component of marriage, and to introduce attitudes of pseudo-chastity, which are contrary to the divinely implanted reactions. It tends to deprive husband and wife of the ecstasy of the complete possession of each other. Unfortunately some of the same inhibitions that have plagued women through ages are still with us today. But when women remember that sex was created by God and is a wonderful expression of love in marriage then they can begin to experience the fulfillment of the physical side of #marriage. In God’s plan both the husband and wife have not only the obligation but the privilege of providing sexual pleasure for the other as found in 1 Corinthians7:3&4.

There need be no misunderstanding regarding the proper place of sexual expression between husband and wife. A couple may be poor in worldly possessions but exceedingly wealthy in the joys and satisfactions that come to them because of harmonious blending that has brought about a complete union of their lives, spiritually, mentally, and physically. They may not possess the luxuries of life, but they can enjoy that most profound happiness of which human beings are capable.

A perfect sexual adjustment is dependent upon a perfect adjustment in the other phases of family life. Tension or lack of harmonies have the effect of reducing the complete enjoyment of sexual expression. The sexual function is therefore an important part of marriage but does not exist apart from the other elements of marital harmony. Sexual expressions are of such an intimate nature that they require the best that each partner has to offer.

First consideration will be given to the attitude of the husband toward sexual expression. In Ephesians 5:28, Paul said, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” A responsibility rest upon the husband, even more than upon the wife; to make sure that his expression of affection are fundamentally unselfish in nature unlike is the case with many men. The husband is not entitled to make demands upon his wife. Rather, he will find his greatest joy in pursuing a course of action that brings happiness to her.

The physical expression of conjugal love is simpler for the husband than for a wife. This throws a greater responsibility onto the husband as he introduces his bride into this delicate and intimate of human relations. If he leads gently and understandingly, they will share equally the abundant rewards of married life. If he permits personal interests to come to the fore and becomes impatient with the complexities of his wife’s sexual responses, he may be blamed for his wife’s developing an attitude which may make it difficult for her to express a full measure of satisfaction.

A wife’s ability to enjoy the complete physical expression of love is intimately tied in with her concepts of security both physical and emotional. By her very nature she craves the assurances that come from being wooed and from hearing her husband express his undivided love for her. Thus the climax of physical expression of love is the product of this gradually developing awareness of being wanted and being secure.

With respect to final success in the intimate relations between husband and wife, wife’s influence is properly considered to be a more important factor than that of her husband. The husband carries the greatest responsibility in terms of providing protection and security. But in the matter of the delicate relation between husband and wife, the wife holds within her power the ability to bring out the best there is in her husband, or, if she permits selfishness to have its way, to stifle, discourage, and repulse him until every fundamental appreciation for his home varnishes.

The occasions of sexual expression should be arranged so as to provide the most pleasant surrounding. There should be atmosphere of leisure, of quietness, and of freedom from surprise should be arranged. There are no rules that apply to all couples as it concern sexual expressions. There is wide individual variation in matters of sexual impulses. Therefore, each couple has to work out their own adjustment to the physical expressions of love, in harmony with their personal preferences. Even after a couple has attained a perfect method, it is exciting to employ innovative modifications of technique.

The complete expression of conjugal love involves a considerable expenditure of nervous energy. This expression, therefore, should not be undertaken when either the husband or the wife is excessively wary, especially if the wariness is nervous in nature. This is why a tired wife after a drudgery housekeeping duties cannot be at her best in lovemaking.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      There's a couple very interesting statements here!

      “My husband loves sex. I try to satisfy him often, but I don’t enjoy it because I feel (he doesn’t love me)...."

      "I give him sex, but my heart is never in it because (I know he doesn’t care about me). He just enjoys (using my body) to satisfy himself."

      The one thing all of these statements have in common is a victim mentality. Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse!

      Too many people seem to forget that (they) chose their mate!

      If you go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a "better shopper"!

      Generally speaking people don't change unless they're unhappy with the result they're getting. If someone believes you are worth the effort they will make the effort. In both of the statements these women made they have reached the conclusion (they married men who do not love them).

      The number one cause for divorce in my opinion is "choosing the wrong mate" for one's self. This happens when people don't take the time to do some serious introspective thinking to figure out who they are, what they want, and need in mate before they select one.

      Oftentimes this leads them to trying to "change" their mate into the kind of person they (really) want. Few people are looking for someone to "change" them. Such attempts usually lead to disappointment and frustration on our part as well as resentment on the part of our mate. One is better off taking the time to find someone who (already is) the kind of person they want to be with.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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