How Narcissistic Women Screw Men With Sex and Control
Abuse and women are not usually considered as one and the same. But, many men are victims of sexually abusive women. Some men are physically assaulted, while others are victims of mental abuse.
Sex and healthy relationships are synonymous. However, if you're involved with an emotionally narcissistic woman, most likely the sex is just for her own self-esteem and well-being.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is described as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. This type of person is usually self-centered, egotistical, smug and fascinated with oneself. The narcissist has been described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on others, and as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal power and prestige. Narcissistic personality disorder is, usually, someone who is considered to be self-centered.
Basically narcissistic women possess three types of sexual behavior: (1) hyper-sexuality, (2) hot and cold, or (3) frigidity. Often, the same woman can alternate between all three of these behaviors.
5 Elements of Loving Relationships
Love and a fulfilling sex life consist of five elements: Vulnerability, Trust, Intimacy, Empathy, and Respect (or lack of).
Vulnerability requires someone to take a risk and expose their true self. NPD women find it impossible to be vulnerable because she's invested most of her life developing an elaborate and rigid exterior, and any damages are kept within herself.
Trust is what most of us have in a relationship. You trust that your partner will accept you, and not deliberately hurt you. But, a narcissistic woman trusts no one. She believes everyone is out for themselves and is trying to 'get one over' on her. She's out for herself, and will endeavor to justify her thoughts by 'getting one over' on you.
Intimacy in a relationship should be about and include sharing, and being physically and emotionally close.
Empathy requires the couple to be in sync with each other, and be able to experience or understand what each other needs and wants.
Respect is not given by a narcissistic woman. This woman treats her husband or boyfriend as objects or possessions. She does not consider that his feelings or needs are nearly as important as hers. In other words, she does not respect you.
Empathy is not a quality found in an emotionally abusive woman. She cares nothing about anyone's viewpoint, except than her own. She refuses to feel vulnerable, and cannot or will not tolerate emotional or psychological intimacy. However, she can tolerate some physical intimacy, as long as it does not require respect. She might engage in hyper-sexuality or avoid sex altogether.
Intimacy means sharing good qualities, as well as exposing faults and insecurities. Intimacy is not something this type of woman will never do. She will constantly push your buttons in order to keep her vulnerabilities from being exposured. And, you wind up feeling unsafe and guarded.
Why would this woman be in a relationship, if she does not trust, respect, or love you?
You are her normalcy prop. Involvement in a committed relationship or marriage provides her a “normal” appearance in the eyes of others. And, your role is to maintain her false self. For instance, “Look everyone. This man wants me, there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm normal.”
Narcissistic women cannot exist without attention. Good or bad attention; it doesn't matter. She 'likes' the idea of having a relationship, but the reality frustrates and disappoints her because you're not 'perfect' or 'good enough' for her. Many times, she will resent you, and the abuse and rage begin.
She'll play the role of a martyr to the hilt. She'll profess her love for you one moment, and cut you to shreds and shut you out of her life the next. A satisfying emotional and physical connection cannot survive with someone who does not like you, and views you as a disappointment.
It's all about control and boosting her ego.
To narcissistic women, sex is not about expressing love, lust, intimacy, passion or mutual pleasure. Narcissistic women use sex as a way to lure you into the relationship. Once she is confident that she's hooked you, sex becomes one of the tools to control you. She may lavish you with sex, or withhold sex from you.
Insatiable Sexual Performance
Sex begins with a “bang!” It will be intense and exciting – but, deceiving. The sex is a symptom of the severity of her course of action. What will seem like intense passion to you, is only her intense need to control and dominate you into submission. It's all about controlling you, not pleasing you.
A narcissistic women will lure you into a relationship with unspoken promises of passionate sex. But, the conditions of fulfilling this promise is only if you 'prove' yourself and if she 'feels' she can trust you. A psychopathic swindler promises something they have no intention of providing. But, a narcissistic woman uses seductive ploys and promises unclearly stated.
The passionate sex never materializes, and you will be required to continue proving that you are worthy of her. Nothing is ever enough for this type of woman. You'll never be 'nice' enough, 'do' enough, or be able meet any of her changing rules. And, she'll never be required to 'reward' you with sex. Sex is an obligation or favor to narcissistic women, and sex becomes infrequent and a reluctant chore.
The relationship is more like a contract. She will require you 'give' something in order to 'get' something from her. For instance, if you want to have sex, then you will have to provide her with something she wants, or behave however she needs you to appear.
A narcissistic woman always has an agenda, and does not do anything without a reason. It's a transaction, like, 'you owe me because I let you have sex with me. I did my duty, so now you will pay me in return by giving me whatever I want.'
Many men are grateful for just a bit of affection, they learn to ignore the mechanical or disinterested way their partner responds to sex. You are either an object, a human vibrator, or something to make her feel like she's still got it.
Shame and Sex
Sometimes, this type of woman increases her control by combining sex with shame. She may label you as being 'sick' or 'abnormal' for wanting sex. You may hear statements like, 'you're a pervert,' 'all you want is sex,' or 'you're a sex addict.' Shaming you for natural desires is abusive and hurtful.
The narcissistic woman has sex only when she wants it, and many times this is after she beats you down, and you no longer have an interest in being near her. If you tell her you're not in the mood, she will accuse you of infidelity, or of not loving her, and on and on.
Sex is only about what she needs at the moment. It has nothing to do with your needs. You are nothing more than an object who exists to service her whims and insecurities.
Screwed, but not enjoyed.
Narcissistic women, usually, are not good lovers. No doubt, she may have mastered many sexual techniques, but sex is an act of true intimacy. If you see sex as an expression of love, playfulness, desire and tenderness, sex with a narcissistic woman will never be enough.
Do you think your relationship is okay because the sex is great (that is, when you're lucky enough to get laid)? Think again! Is the sex really that great, or is it preventing you the ability to recognize your abuse?