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Giving Sex, Love: two sides of the same coin

Updated on March 21, 2012

Sometime seeing such issues clearly isn't very satisfying

If there was ever a topic to divide the sexes it would be the priority between the emotional connection of Love and the physical need for release that Sex provides. Most men are easily led into relationships just so long as they don't get fed sexually until after the matrimony. That may not be how they like it but it works the best. Guys are not taught by their fathers to be emotional because masculine males don't let that kind of thing show. Thus it usually surprises men when they find that their sexual urge for someone actually comes with an emotional commitment pending as they have a hard time telling the difference between demonstrations of need and the emotion needed in order to get what they need.

Women on the other hand need to feel loved before they are usually willing to give sex unless they have degraded their self worth enough to accept any token that might be close to love. In the former case so deep is this belief that a woman considers that she is as good as married to a man she has slept with. In her mind she committed herself a long time before the bedroom ever came in view. The later is kind of sad but considering the general psychology of men it is kind of understandable.

Can they be mutually exclusive? Heck yeah. There are as many types of love as there are cards in a standard poker deck, maybe more. There are also more types of sexual encounters then people here willing to comment on the matter. Any S&M club, brothel or high school for that matter will convince you of that.

Should they be mutually inclusive? I think so. Anything short of love given and sealed by physical union doesn't last. There needs to be an emotional commitment on both sides that has to be worked on at both ends of the relationship so that there is something there after the sexual curiosity is satisfied.

Likewise there needs to be good sex that goes with love in a relationship. There needs to be a willingness on both sides of the relationship to explore the various ways that physical love can be expressed that will keep the couple in a unity which makes communication easier and more consistent.

Most of the details in how these two concepts are reconciled between man and woman are really too personal for most people to care to talk about because they feel like betrayals of confidences with those they love.

The sad thing is that sometimes it seems that men and women get so tired of trying to make it work and not succeeding that they resort to relationships within their own sex because women know instinctively what other women need and Men have the same kind of understanding of what their own gender requires. Realistically in relationships I have observed that men usually give what they need and women do much the same thing. Both are afraid to give the other what they want least they be taken advantage of though I often feel that women end up on the wrong side of that exchange and have more to lose.

More grievous still is the current attitude that is politically correct due to infidelity and misunderstandings between the sexes. I hear a lot of women saying, "Who needs men." I have also heard a lot of men saying, "Who needs marriage, who’s up for Vegas?"

This may not be how it is supposed to be from a theological stand point but with most Christian, Jewish, and Islamic orthodox sects treating this subject like it was a nuclear isotope and spouting doctrine and scripture rather then understanding it is often too understandable why people who don't like the stigma of having to go to a relationship counselor try to figure this thing out without guidance. 

So sex and love seem to be doomed for the present to be connected in romantic debate even if the genders can't always agree on which is more important in what order. It isn't an insurmountable problem. But it is a life problem for the ages.


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    • chamilj profile image


      7 years ago from Sri Lanka

      I personally believe sex has important influence towards love.

    • arb profile image


      7 years ago from oregon

      Perhaps, the ultimate is simply love, and the place, the fruit.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      it is to that concept I dedicated this work. And though I expressed it differently it agrees with you as I do as well to a point. The ultimate in the development in both genders is where they create a place together where they are both happy together. That takes work but is the next step.

    • arb profile image


      7 years ago from oregon

      I read once that women give sex to get love and that men give love to get sex. I tend to agree with much within that statement, however, if it is so, it is because we measure what something is to someone else by what it is to us. They are different to men and women, not wrong, just different. Women connect in a different place than men. Where we come from in order to connect is pre ordained. What really matters is our want to connect. Going to her place is as necessary as she coming to mine. I have learned to enjoy myself at her place, but, I connect better atmine. I'm sure the same is true for her. When we aren't at each others place we spend time in the garden. We plant flowers there. Each is different, but, together they are a garden.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Unfortunately I have found that it is hard not to hurt or get irritated with those I love the most. I just have to remind myself how much of my attitude comes from me.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image


      8 years ago

      Yes it is a problem. Unfortunately it seems both sexes male and female have to be really strong and hold off w/ having sex to get what they want, marriage- stability and consistent sex and emotional support or enjoyment.

      "Likewise there needs to be good sex that goes with love in a relationship. There needs to be a willingness on both sides of the relationship to explore the various ways that physical love can be expressed that will keep the couple in a unity which makes communication easier and more consistent."

      I agree, not only do we need to find a partner in marriage, but make sure they are willing to work on pleasing each other. One hub I think said that one married couple took 7 yrs to finally get sex right. That sounds absurd to me.

      Good luck to us people who want fidelity, marriage, lasting love......hard to find in today's world but can be done right?


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