- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Giving Sex, Love: two sides of the same coin
Sometime seeing such issues clearly isn't very satisfying
If there was ever a topic to divide the sexes it would be the priority between the emotional connection of Love and the physical need for release that Sex provides. Most men are easily led into relationships just so long as they don't get fed sexually until after the matrimony. That may not be how they like it but it works the best. Guys are not taught by their fathers to be emotional because masculine males don't let that kind of thing show. Thus it usually surprises men when they find that their sexual urge for someone actually comes with an emotional commitment pending as they have a hard time telling the difference between demonstrations of need and the emotion needed in order to get what they need.
Women on the other hand need to feel loved before they are usually willing to give sex unless they have degraded their self worth enough to accept any token that might be close to love. In the former case so deep is this belief that a woman considers that she is as good as married to a man she has slept with. In her mind she committed herself a long time before the bedroom ever came in view. The later is kind of sad but considering the general psychology of men it is kind of understandable.
Can they be mutually exclusive? Heck yeah. There are as many types of love as there are cards in a standard poker deck, maybe more. There are also more types of sexual encounters then people here willing to comment on the matter. Any S&M club, brothel or high school for that matter will convince you of that.
Should they be mutually inclusive? I think so. Anything short of love given and sealed by physical union doesn't last. There needs to be an emotional commitment on both sides that has to be worked on at both ends of the relationship so that there is something there after the sexual curiosity is satisfied.
Likewise there needs to be good sex that goes with love in a relationship. There needs to be a willingness on both sides of the relationship to explore the various ways that physical love can be expressed that will keep the couple in a unity which makes communication easier and more consistent.
Most of the details in how these two concepts are reconciled between man and woman are really too personal for most people to care to talk about because they feel like betrayals of confidences with those they love.
The sad thing is that sometimes it seems that men and women get so tired of trying to make it work and not succeeding that they resort to relationships within their own sex because women know instinctively what other women need and Men have the same kind of understanding of what their own gender requires. Realistically in relationships I have observed that men usually give what they need and women do much the same thing. Both are afraid to give the other what they want least they be taken advantage of though I often feel that women end up on the wrong side of that exchange and have more to lose.
More grievous still is the current attitude that is politically correct due to infidelity and misunderstandings between the sexes. I hear a lot of women saying, "Who needs men." I have also heard a lot of men saying, "Who needs marriage, who’s up for Vegas?"
This may not be how it is supposed to be from a theological stand point but with most Christian, Jewish, and Islamic orthodox sects treating this subject like it was a nuclear isotope and spouting doctrine and scripture rather then understanding it is often too understandable why people who don't like the stigma of having to go to a relationship counselor try to figure this thing out without guidance.
So sex and love seem to be doomed for the present to be connected in romantic debate even if the genders can't always agree on which is more important in what order. It isn't an insurmountable problem. But it is a life problem for the ages.